Welcome back UpperEastSiders, Gossip Girl returns with Chuck as queeny as ever, Blair lacking luster, and Jenny whipping up pharmy couture.

I can see Serena’s tights through her knitwear.  Has the Gossip Girl wardrobe department cut back on the Spanx budget?  The chemistry between Nate and Serena creates some much needed fire.  As two equally attractive people, their union rebalances the Gossip Girl universe.

Damn, the UES drug dealers truly provide top shelf service.  Darling, I’d like a side order of cookies with my Dolls too.  Foolish Lilly should have been suspicious at the mention of the word “cookie” since Jenny hasn’t actually consumed food since early 2008.

Channeling Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina, Blair peaked pouting it up in a faux fur Russian hat, black silk romper, elbow length gloves, and knee-high fur trimmed boots.  Sadly, she took a sharp plunge style-wise when she inadvertently aged herself fifty years in that Barbara Walters sequin cocktail jacket and earrings unironically resurrected from 1989.

One of the many problems with this show is that it lacks overarching story lines which support a cohesive season.  Everybody makes up and breaks up within an episode or two so I’m never very invested in their mini-dramas.  And seriously, who goes to this many parties?  Every single week with the fucking galas, enough already.

I stick around for perfectly delivered lines like, “Way of the clog, an ugly wooden shoe that tried to make a statement then disappeared.”

Chance encounters with witty writing never lift Gossip Girl above mediocrity. Why bother with pesky writing when you can rely on the bewitching enchantment of Serena’s weave and rack?