10.   Beverly Hills 90210, Season 3

We all know that like many shows Beverly Hills, 90210 stuck around long after its expiration date, but that does not diminish the pure back stabbing joy of season three.  While Brenda and Donna eat brains, fake French accents, and narrowly escape dabbling in porn, Kelly and Dylan heat things up back in L.A.  I can already hear Sadie B. Hawkins “Damn, I Wish I was Your Lover” swelling in the background.

9.   The Comeback

Fuck Friends, this is Lisa Kudrow at her very best.  At times squeamishly uncomfortable, this show hits a pitch perfect tone that feels totally authentic.  Look for early performances from Malin Akerman, Laura Silverman (Sarah Silverman‘s sister), and Kellan Lutz.  Brought to you by Michael Patrick King of SATC fame.

8. That 70′s Show, Seasons 1-4

This show is a stoner’s delight.  Seasons 1-4 maintain consistent laughs with enjoyable fashion and Ashton Kutcher before his ego made him unattractive.  Pull out the bong, gather your friends, and revisit this hilarious series.  Don’t bother with seasons 5+, it’ll just make you wonder how they managed to fuck up such a good thing.

7.   The L Word

To really enjoy a show I need some juicy women characters, and The L Word is in no short supply of strong female leads.  Jennifer Beals of Flashdance nostalgia anchors the show with gravitas; while the poor man’s Jennifer Connelly, Mia Kirshner, brings a certain goth Lolita charm.  Good fashion, great hair, and with all the girl on girl action you might even be able to get your boyfriend on board.

6.  True Blood

I won’t bore you by recapitulating the heaps of praise already ladled on this show, but if you are staying away because you are over the vampire thing, you are really missing out.  True Blood’s heady mood stanks like a Louisiana swamp, think Anne Rice + Twin Peaks + Cheers + a healthy dose of homoeroticism thrown in for good measure.  Don’t worry, after the first or second episode you’ll forget about that huge fucking gap in Paquin’s teeth.

5.  Mad Men

Painstaking research and attention to detail goes into making this show as historically accurate as possible.  No sloppy anachronisms here.  The award-winning costume designers bring bold fashion, raising the stakes each episode.  I don’t know if I love Don Draper or hate him, but I do know I would kill to raid Betty’s closet.

4.  Freaks and Geeks

As far as I’m concerned this is where James Franco, Seth Rogen, and Jason Segel got their start, and they aren’t even the best part of this show. Gets the feeling of early 80′s Detroit just right, and is probably the most accurate depiction of high school of all the high school series.

3.  My So-Called Life

Jordan fucking Catalano bitches!  Jared Leto justifies his increasingly irrelevant existence by having served as Jordan fucking Catalano.  Trust me, this was his peak.  Beyond that muffin, Claire Danes does good work here, as does A.J. Langer as Rayanne Graff.  This show succeeds where many fail in seamlessly integrating the parental story lines with that of the teenagers.  Endlessly quotable dialogue makes up for the dreadful fashion.

2.  Gilmore Girls

When I criticized Gossip Girl for its failure to create over-arching story lines to sustain the series, I was thinking about how Gilmore Girls did this so brilliantly.  The Luke/Lorelai relationship stretched seven seasons without contrived delays.  Lauren Graham was fucking robbed in having never been nominated for an Emmy.  She really shows her chops with her natural delivery of quick-fire witty dialogue.  I will never tire of this show.

1. Sex and the City

I recently re-watched the entire series to see if it holds up, and I’ll be damned if it doesn’t feel as fresh now as it did in the late 90′s.  Patricia Field created genius, detailed, memorable images.  Every time I watch it, I see something new and brilliant.  She succeeded in never dating the series with clothes.  The themes remain relevant, and Sarah Jessica Parker is at her very best as Carrie Bradshaw.



When LuAnn says she and the kids are based in the Hamptons now, is that a euphemism for I lost the Manhattan townhouse in the divorce?

Countess LuAnn’s panties got all damp when Victoria told her that her guy friends think she’s attractive.  LuAnn begs, “What do they say, what do they say?”…”That’s weird when a boy your age thinks your Mother is hot, so dirty!”  Put down the fishing pole LuAnn, I thought we were done reassuring you last week.  Sleep soundly tonight reassured you are indeed a MILF.

The other biddies keep harping on what Kelly is going to tell her kids about Playboy.  Kelly has a lot of explaining to do to her kids anyway.  After assault charges, cat fights, and alleged Sam Talbot-fucking, this Playboy shoot is the least of Sea and Teddy’s problems.

Did Bethenny give any worthwhile advice at the Leaning Annex Class?  Mostly, it looked like she horrified the Upper East Side over-fifty set with her Lower East Side mouth.  I’ve read Bethenny’s book.  Let me summarize: eat as little as possible, when you do eat, don’t eat crap, and put it in a ramekin.  Profoundly insightful, I know.  Bethenny has a nice figure, but there are murmurs it has more to do with her laxative enthusiasm than her self-control, but I ain’t one to gossip, so you didn’t hear it from me……

I’ve actually tried on the dress that Bethenny wore to Jason’s birthday party and “sausage casing” is putting it mildly, that thing feels like wearing an extra strength spanx as a dress.  I thought her boobs were going to pop right out as she pushed the body-con trend a bit too far.  The vibe at Jason’s birthday party felt tense and awkward.  Bethenny looked unsure after Jason blew out his candles.  Psst, let me whisper you a secret, I don’t think this is a lasting union.

“I’m not abusing animals, I’m just wearing fur.”  Kelly, profoundly deep thinker that she is, doesn’t realize that PETA vehemently opposes fur even though their campaign slogan is “I’d Rather Go Naked than Wear Fur.”

Kelly, for the record, parting an animal with its hide is an inherently abusive practice.  You’re right when you say you are a cold blooded person, but you are dead wrong to believe that wearing fur is not a selfish and cruel choice.  I hope that fur springs alive and starts nibbling on you.

Jill and LuAnn lost their balance with Bethenny’s lubricious blitz at the Jill Stuart fashion show.  Funny that Kelly and Bethenny smooch-smooch it up like nothing ever happened.  Jill looks like she’s about to chunder during the runway presentation.  Was she nauseous from the clothes or the conflict?

Bethenny forced a confrontation after the show, but Jill stood her ground.  Both women share fault for the disintegration of their friendship, but the question is, who will humble themselves and apologize first?  All Bethenny has to do is acknowledge Jill’s hurt and Jill would forgive her, but neither will capitulate to the other.  The power dynamic between the two women has shifted.  With Bethenny’s burgeoning fame, she doesn’t feel like she needs to prostrate herself to Jill anymore.

LuAnn butts in where she doesn’t belong, and I think we’ll see how that bites her in the ass next week.  With the Count long gone, LuAnn lays her pent-up divorce anger on Bethenny for the second week in a row.  LuAnn will get Bethenny’s Scorpio stinger when she least expects it, trust.

I miss Jill and Bethenny, and they obviously miss each other.  I wish Bethenny could be a more courageous woman and apologize.  I wish Jill would stop trying to turn all the other housewives against Bethenny like this is seventh grade.  Fight your own battles Jill, you are a grown ass woman!

Remember Grasshoppers, true and meaningful connections are exceedingly rare in this cruel, hate-filled world.  Never let pride destroy a friendship.