RHNY: Throw the Baby Out With the Press Release

Bethenny acted confounded that Perez posted her pregnancy.  Bitch you took a God Damn pregnancy test in front of a fucking camera crew.  Don’t act like suddenly that shit is sacred and secret.  Bethenny plotted to exploit this baby from conception and has put everything up for sale along the way.The Cuntess visited Sonja’s pied-à-merde when Jill called to dis her informal invitations and discuss the Bethenny pregnancy bombshell.Jill seemed to think she was entitled to have an opinion on the status of Bethenny’s uterus.  None of the three had any details, so they rehashed their own pregnancy war stories before deciding Bethenny didn’t warrant an invite to Cuntess’s Couture and Cocktails event.

Meanwhile, Bethenny attempted bump-watch damage control at her Upper East Side efficiency.  She unceremoniously dropped the revelation on Jason without preamble.  He was understandably upset that the news broke before he had a chance to tell his parents and friends. Bethenny proclaimed that she had to confirm the pregnancy.  Bullshit.  Bethenny did not have to confirm her pregnancy that early.  Yes, people read Perez, but no one considers him a legitimate or accurate news source.  She could have easily kept her mouth shut and bought herself some time.  Bethenny used her pregnancy to gain traction for her spin-off and probably dropped the tip on Perez herself.Don’t believe her poor-me lack of privacy song and dance.  To put it in perspective, Sandra Bullock adopted a child at the height of her Oscar race frenzy and she was able to keep it under wraps.  If A-list, hyper-examined Sandra Bullock can keep an adopted child secret for months, Bethenny easily could have kept her news quiet.Jill met up with Jennifer Gilbert (new housewife?) to plan an ice skating themed holiday party:  Zarin’s Holiday Party on Ice.  After name-dropping Donald Trump, the two considered whether Jill should do a solo skating number for the crowd.  Seriously?  Sounds like Jill’s super sweet sixteen.  Fucking Gross.

Sonja brought Ramona to Dr. Bellin’s office for a plastic surgery consult on her “pooch.”Ramona questioned the Doc’s credentials and ran him through his paces as he looked regretful he’d let a camera crew in his office.  Sonja thinks her belly is her problem when it is actually her personality that could use an upgrade.

Bethenny broke the pregnancy news to Alex who seemed genuinely enthusiastic about sharing gestational intel.Jill had the audacity to send Bethenny an email directing her how and when to disseminate the pregnancy news.  This lead Alex to encourage Bethenny to let her deliver a message to Jill that “Bethenny’s done!”  Alex, having built up a significant amount of animosity towards Jill over the past three years was more than happy to confront Jill on Bethenny’s behalf. Jill and Bobby taped a segment for the local news, and when I say Jill and Bobby, I mean Jill let Bobby get three words out before she hijacked the interview leaving him looking like a confused senior citizen.  Nice suit though Bobby.Sonja met up with her psychic to discuss her potential tummy tuck.  The most notable part of this scene was the full size self-portrait hanging in the background.  I only thought women in the South hung life-size self-portraits of themselves in their homes.What the fuck is Kelly wearing to Ramona’s Tru Renewal launch?  Bright-ass red hot pants, totally appropriate.Jill criticized every possible aspect of the event.  First she nit-picked Ramona’s brochure picture, then the unoriginality of the product, and even the healthiness of the food, all to avenge Ramona for “ruining” her Kodak event.Alex arrived and shortly thereafter Ramona received a bottle of congratulatory Pinot Grigio from Bethenny with a pregnancy confessing card attached.  Alex and Ramona bragged that they had already heard through Twitter, and Jill ignited at not being the first to know. Alex bragged that she had talked to Bethenny for forty-five minutes about the pregnancy that afternoon before the People article came out.  Twitter, People, oh no, Bethenny’s not a shameless press hound exploiting her unborn child for fame.Alex painfully delayed the message ratcheting the anticipation through the rafters.  By the time she actually spit it out, the crowd had already turned on her.It goes without saying that it was not Alex’s place to deliver Bethenny’s animus to Jill, but if she felt compelled to get involved she should have been more strategic.  Alex aimed to humiliate Jill, but her amateur approach left her looking like the asshole and Jill in tears.

Alex brought maternity jeans to Bethenny along with a recap of the debacle from the night before.  Alex confessed that confronting Jill had more to do with her underlying anger than her allegiance to Bethenny. Bethenny could clearly give a fuck.  She has her man, morning sickness, media frenzy, a spin-off, and is taking her empire to the next level leaving behind these petty cows for greener pastures.