This delicious streusel, Andy Whitfield, plays Spartacus.Lucy Lawless is pure camp as Lucretia, the Gladiator-banging head bitch in charge at the House of Batiatus.

Generous Roman Wang

Violent, ass-kicking women.Old-timey orgies, gay get-downs, and promiscuous slave girls.

Last night, we finally met a new housewife, Sonja Morgan, NYC’s answer to Lauri Waring Peterson.  We learned a few things about Sonja off the bat, 1) she’s fucked Argentine Max; 2) she name-drops on the Upper East Side; and 3) she married well and divorced even better.By the way Sonja, just ask Lady Gaga if anyone wears Mugler anymore.Did you catch LuAnn taking rhetorical bitchery to a whole new level when she asked Sonja if she wanted to look like a sausage?  LuAnn never lets an opportunity go by to dim the shine of those around her.

Bethenny, you wore that outfit last week and I gave you a pass on the matchy-matchy shit because your body and face looked banging.  However, I can’t let it go twice, matching is for cowards.  The compulsive need to exactly match clothes or accessory colors is for people who can’t dress.  Assuming this wasn’t shot on the same day as the Ambush, repeating an outfit as specific as this in such close temporal proximity is strictly verboten.

Ramona and her skeezy husband make me so uncomfortable.  Mario’s has the licentious stare of a sex offender, and the thought of them having a romantic evening conjures the chunder.  Bet she’s a real chandelier-swinger.  Taking a cue from the Gunvalsons, Ramona used her wiles to secure a vow renewal slated for later this season.

Back at the borough, God sent us a little rainbow called Brooklyn Fashion Weekend.  Jealous Jill ridiculed the whole event from beginning to end mostly because she wasn’t in it.  That shit was way budget though.

Ramona’s runway walk gave me the biggest bitch boner ever. At least this week Kelly knew she looked like a dude. Alex thought she was walking for Rick Owens.

Episode Highlight: Dutchess Van Kempen

From the conception of this scene, I don’t buy that this is the first pregnancy test Bethenny took.  Jesus H. Christ, is nothing sacred?  I really don’t need to see you squat right over the commode with the bathroom door open.Congratulations, but I don’t need the urine-soaked stick to prove it.  Just because Bravo begs you to film something doesn’t mean you have to agree.  By putting everything up for grabs Bethenny really cheapened herself, her relationship, and her baby.

Ramona denigrated Jill’s hosting gig for Kodak to avenge the perceived slight she suffered at Brooklyn Fashion Weekend.  Didn’t you get the memo?  Ramona’s a business person.  Ramona labors under the delusion she’s Bernanke or something.Ramona got a case of camera courage.  The spell of the lens and her paranoia about the way she will be perceived on television virtually levitated her into combat with Kelly. During Jill’s big shill speech for Kodak, Ramona whipped around like she was at a Badgely Mischka sample sale and told Kelly to “Shut up and listen!” Neither Kelly nor Ramona are equipped with enough intellectual acumen to make this fight interesting, so it ends with a very second grade “You have no brain, Good Bye!”Despite a total lack of discernment, I credit Ramona with forcing Kelly into the mud and making her wrestle.  Kelly would like nothing better than to appear above the fray, so I love that Ramona embarrassed her by engaging her in a highly disruptive, childish exchange while simultaneously ruining Jill’s endorsement deal.  Kadooze Ramona, Kadooze!