RHNY: The Lost (their fucking minds) Footage

Bravo wrung every last drop out of this season of the RHNY, finally putting it to rest by airing unseen clips repackaged as “lost footage.”

Sonja accompanied Ramona to get her sweat glands eradicated by ultrasound.  Note the Tru Renewal in the waiting room, even Dr. Giese is on the payroll. Sonja turned gray as Dr. Giese jabbed a metal rod in and out of Ramona’s armpit.  Sonja compared the scene to a veal chop, and Ramona replied that she was getting hungry.  The staff brought Sonja a juice box to help her through the trauma of witnessing the gruesome procedure. The nausea continued to build as we followed Jill and Bobby into ChopardJill fixated on a rose gold 1.79 diamond carat watch (conservatively $25-30,000.00) whining like Veruca Salt that “she waaaanted it!”  Hoping to extend her good fortune, she requested the salesmen bring over a necklace too!  When the salivating salesmen brought over a 10 carat flawless diamond ring priced at $3.7 million, Bobby started to turn as gray as Sonja did during Ramona’s surgery.  Jill declared she always gets screwed because her birthday, the holidays, and their anniversary come one after another and she gets “combined gifts.”  Yeah, combined gifts worth over $30,000!

Sonja apparently got her liposuction, and Kelly stopped by to see her in her post-operative convalescence.  Kelly brought Sonja a “cleanse” to inspire her to take better (non-surgical) care of herself.  Kelly then got all sanctimonious and said,  “I want you to tell your daughter that you were too lazy to work out and got liposuction.”  Preach Kelly!  P.S. if you want to see some sloppy-ass editing watch this scene again, the cleanse is on the bed in a shot before Kelly gives it to Sonja.   This shit is totally The Hills, cougar-style.

Kelly and Ramona worked out together in St. John.  Kelly kept the elliptical on level three as she talked Ramona’s ear off.  Ramona ignored her while she tried to concentrate on her five lbs shoulder presses.  Kelly, a genetic freak at six feet tall, has no idea of what it takes to maintain a real woman’s body.  Nice forearm plank Ramona, werk!

Sonja, Jen, Alex, and Simon gathered in Times Square for the reveal of Bethenny’s I’d Rather Go Naked campaign.  Whatever.  PETA is so super fucking hypocritical I can’t even get started, but that’s a discush for another day.  Bethenny annoyingly mugged for the cameras as Sonja confessed her jealousy by admitting she wished she was up there.  Sonja’s honesty is so unusual and refreshing, no?

Most of the girls showed for Ramona’s birthday party at the Chat Noir.  Kelly and Jill took it upon themselves to rearrange the place cards.  Ramona lost her shit because it was a rude and presumptuous move.  That said, can we just sit where we want to sit please?  Enough with the control-freak seating chart shit – it’s so antiquated.We wrapped at the Reunion where we learned the Countess has a record deal, Kelly’s working on some top-secret shit, Jill got a hobby – a bedding line, Sonja’s returning to her relaxed lifestyle, Silex is working a summer book tour, Ramona’s enjoying her renewal, and Bethenny declared now it’s all about Bryn and Jason.  I think this is the last time we will see this incarnation of the ladies together.  Adieu materialistic shrews, we will miss you.