For those of you that have been checking in regularly (thanks!), we’ve seen the cautionary tales of red lipstick gone wrong. Make-up mistakes notwithstanding, the red lip continues as a strong trend through fall. To do red right, try Clinique Black Honey Almost Lipstick. The formula is sheer, but it has the perfect amount of wearable red-currant color.
Keep in mind yellow teeth will ruin this look, so make sure your chompers are pearly white before attempting an aggressive lip.
Oh Robyn, I’ve really missed you. I wore your eponymous album out. Finally, you are back with Body Talk Pt. 1, and it was worth the wait mama!
Robyn swaggers through Dancehall Queen with astonishing credibility (especially considering she’s Swedish). Dancing on my Own continues her previous album’s theme of abandonment and loneliness. Robyn mixes humility with confidence which reflects the honesty of her writing and keeps her likable.
For those of you craving a clear-toned disarming ballad, try Hang With Me. There are plenty of beats with attitude for the dancers, and even a traditional Swedish song sung as a dulcet lullaby. 
Body Talk Pt. 1 has eight delicious tracks that serve as a tasty appetizer to additional offerings slated for later this summer. Until then, I’ll be keeping this on heavy rotation. 
Tack för den vackra musiken Robyn!
Andy didn’t miss a beat, and we picked up right where we left off on part 1 of the reunion. I hear this marathon of crazy was taped over an eight hour period. 
Alex and Bethenny said Jill only wanted to make up with Bethenny because she looked bad on TV. Jill admitted that she didn’t want to be the one who appeared to antagonize the pregnant engaged girl. 
In the first segment, Jill just bent over and took it up the ass. Ramona reiterated that Jill tried to talk the Housewives out of filming with Bethenny in an effort to sabotage her show. Unsurprisingly, this anti-filming angle is common practice among the cast since a gathering of more than one Housewife exponentially increases the chances the footage will make the cut. Jill straight up admitted she was wrong, and as a result never looked classier. The barrage of criticism became so intense that Bethenny stepped in to relieve the poor dead horse of its suffering.
Segment two introduced newest Housewife Sonja Morgan and her overactive cougar crotch. Her oversexed video montage seemed out of place amid all the other catfight videos, but it did provide a little levity in a sea of conflict laden exchanges. Let’s take this opportunity to praise Sonja for making the decision to keep her daughter entirely off the show. While she may come off a little vapid, her parenting decision on this point is both thoughtful and responsible. 
Andy rolled footage of all the malapropisms the Housewives busted out this season. Since malapropisms fall from these dumb bitches’ lips like leaves off a tree in autumn, the montage was pretty long and included gems like: 
I’m not Madonna, but I could be the female Barry White – Countess
I want to be Robin to Batman – Kelly
You are making a mountain out of a hole mill – Ramona
You are making lemons out of lemonade – Kelly
The final segment started the discush of Scary Island (AKA St. John, I’m sure their board of tourism is thrilled). We learned that Kelly’s breakdown was actually way more severe and major then what aired. Since Bravo has no soul, their exercise of self-restraint in the editing room speaks to the true intensity of the meltdown. 
Kelly recounted her totally fictional account of “systematic bullying” while the other ladies wondered what fucking trip she went on. She claimed there was some sort of island intervention with Bethenny. I’m intrigued. More information please. 
Along this line, the highlight of part 2 of the reunion came when Kelly said in reference to St. John, “I was forced by Bravo to go on the trip.” Andy responded, “That’s not true, but I appreciate it, but it’s not true.” Kelly then snapped back “everybody knows that and…” Andy interrupted, this time with some gay sass, “That’s not true.” Kelly then says “Andy it is true though, but thank you I appreciate that.” I’m over Bethenny and Jill, this snark between Kelly and Andy was the most unexpected zing of the show. You gotta love it when the ladies air Bravo’s dirty laundry. 
The Countess pointed out that Kelly instigated much of the conflict and didn’t follow the program in St. John. Bethenny followed up unleashing on her saying she has psychological and emotional problems. With that, Kelly walked off the stage….
For effective overnight redness relief, try this Burt’s Bees Baby Bee Nourishing Baby Oil. It works on blemishes, sunburn, and lessens the appearance of lines around the eyes. Use it as a spot treatment or all over for impressively soft and pampered skin. You will see excellent results on any fiery spots if you let this work while you sleep. Also great for the hair. 
Tune in tonight fang bangers for the long-awaited season three premiere of True Blood and begin the search for the abducted Bill Compton.
Let’s face it, most models turned musicians make pretty shitty records.
Remember Naomi’s gem, Baby Woman? Yeah, I know, it was huge in Japan.
How could we forget Tyra’s embarrassing single Shake Ya Body, for which she shot a video on ANTM? 
Even the models who put out semi-successful records have never been taken very seriously.
Like Milla Jovovich…
…and even Carla Bruni.
Karen Elson’s debut solo album, The Ghost Who Walks, has a southern, gothic, bluesy, atmospheric sound from a bygone era. It is no surprise this record came from a vintage store owner; she captures a lush sense of nostalgia.
Don’t let the model thing dissuade you, if you like Jenny Lewis or Norah Jones, give The Ghost Who Walks a listen. 
Bethenny was invited to walk in the annual Heart Truth Red Dress Fashion Show to raise awareness for heart disease. This event resulted in major red lipstick/red dress overkill. Red dress, nude lip please. 
In general, Bethenny does look good in red; however, a belly cradle is not a runway walk. Just walk bitch, save the cutesy shit for your lame Learning Annex lectures. 
Afterward, she went shamelessly trolling for compliments from Jason before turning into a four year old when he inevitably told her she did great. What does Jason know about runway anyway? He tucks his button-downs into his jeans.
Upholding her Skinny Girl values, Bethenny ate cake and icing for breakfast as she and Jason discussed adding an addition to Team Bethenny in the way of a new assistant. We also got to see their new apartment in Tribeca which has a connecting office for Bethenny’s biznass. 
Bethenny interviewed several candidates for the position, including an intellectual food-writer and a few gays, before settling on hot, straight, Jewish Max. Cookie basically made the decision by curling up at Max’s feet instead of attacking him like she did every other candidate. If Bethenny fails to discipline Bryn like Cookie, that kid is screwed.
At Megu, Bethenny and Jason put down half the animal kingdom while discussing their impending nuptials. They agreed to a relatively small wedding (40 guests each), but Jason was hesitant and emphasized that his friends and family’s presence was important to him. Then the two argued over whether Jason could watch the watermelon shoot out the cannon. Jason wanted to see the baby born and Bethenny wanted to keep her cooch concealed; neither anticipated her guts would be laid out on a table during an emergency C-section.
Bethenny confessed that she was planning on seeing a therapist to help her cope with her father’s death and all the changes in her life. Then Jason declared, “I think if you’re a couple and you need to go to counseling, it’s over.” This relationship is so fucked, seriously. It really doesn’t appear that these two agree on anything. Before you know it, Bethenny will be doing a reality show as a New York single career mom à la Kelly Cutrone. 
Cut to Bethenny arriving at Dr. Amador’s office, camera crew in tow, to reveal her deepest feelings about the loss of her family, her relationship, and pregnancy. Bethenny admitted that Jason wants people around all the time and she doesn’t. Dr. Amador inquired as to Bethenny’s parents, and she disclosed that she more or less has been out of touch with her parents since she was fifteen and never really had a relationship with her dad. She confessed that even on his deathbed, her father failed to acknowledge her in a way she desperately needed him to for closure. Dr. Amador concluded, “If I had the experience you described I’d be terrified of relationships.” 
Max showed up for his first day of work, and Jason came in to beat his chest and mark his turf. After giving Max a little grief, the two bonded and ended up fist bumping much to Bethenny’s chagrin. Would you hang a picture of your bare ass in your office? Just asking.
Jason reminded Bethenny he was leaving for Florida the next day and she panicked over the housewarming party. Jason’s life-long friend was coming into town, and Bethenny didn’t want him and his girlfriend to stay at their apartment. Bethenny, as a New Yorker, have you not realized that house guests are a part of urban living? She totally over-reacted and unleashed her pregnant pit-bull attack on Jason in the kitchen. They argued over the issue all the way to the jeweler to select their wedding bands before they agreed to shelve the argument during the shopping. 
Since Bethenny explicitly mentioned the name of the jeweler, the rings were probably free or deeply discounted. Therefore, Bethenny’s statements about paying off the rings were totally disingenuous. Me no likey that fake ass shit.
Bethenny prepped for the gathering and complained about having to meet the expectations of guests attending a chef’s party. While she and her gay Chuck hassled Max over his metrosexuality, Bethenny received a call from Jason as the camera panned to ominous snowy weather.
Jason dropped the news that he was not going to make it in time for the party, and this threw Bethenny into full on hysteria. You already have a fucking camera crew living at your house Bethenny, what are a few more friends? Woman up, get over it, put on a smile, and host the shit out of the party. 
Bethenny’s discomfort manifested itself as mania, and she prattled a little too loud and fast to all the guests as they arrived. 
In another sign this relationship is doomed, Riccio, Jason’s best man, clearly hated Bethenny as she interrupted and dismissed him to talk about herself. Bethenny complains that fame went to Jill’s head, but it is moments like these where Bethenny proves just how self-important and unlikable she’s become. 
Alex and Simon brought a housewarming orchid (nice touch), and Alex offered to throw Bethenny a wedding/baby shower. 
Jason called to apologize to the group for missing the party. Bethenny admitted all the drama was in her head, but his friends looked truly uncomfortable that they had been left alone with the megalomaniacal reality star.
The first two segments of the reunion rehashed old boring battles; the meat of the matter came down to Jill and Bethenny. The tension started to build after Bethenny’s film montage when Andy turned his attention to the expectant Mrs. Hoppy to discuss all the big changes in her life. Jill trampled over Bethenny’s time, adding her unwelcomed yenta commentary where it didn’t belong. Bethenny tried to politely ignore the intrusion as Jill interrogated her about her pregnancy gain, commented on her boobs, and declared America would hate her for losing her baby weight so fast. 
Bethenny got some shit for taking her pregnancy test on camera. She justified her conduct by saying the audience would feel cheated if she didn’t show it. Bethenny, rest assured, no one wants to watch you pee on a stick. Fame has clearly has gone to this bitch’s head.
Jill’s film montage came next, and clip after clip of her bad behavior had her in tears before Andy had a chance to fling any questions her way. She admitted she didn’t like who she was this season (you and me both Jill). After first rationalizing her behavior over the season, she ultimately apologized and expressed regret. She summed up by professing her love for Bethenny and stated her hope for a future friendship.
Bethenny turned and told Jill she was going to tell her straight, never a good sign coming from a Scorpio. Bethenny began a long tabulation of Jill’s character flaws including accusations that: fame had gone to her head, she wanted everything to be about her, she resented all the good things that were happening to Bethenny, she lorded it over Bethenny that she got her on the show, and she keeps track of gifts. It was truly an exhausting litany. 
The real humdinger was when Bethenny busted out some solid gold gossip with the accusation that Jill told Ramona and Alex not to film with her in an attempt to “sabotage her show.” Alex reinforced the notion by adding that it seemed like Jill tried to cut Bethenny out of Housewives. Bethenny jumped in and said that Jill only tried to mend their relationship when her plan went south. 
The conversation hit a brick wall when Bethenny said that Jason doesn’t like Jill, and she’s not willing to restructure her life to find a place for Jill in it. Jill said she missed Bethenny and walked off the stage… 
In the single most insightful statement of her life, Kelly closed it out by saying “the obsession with fame is embarrassing.”
