Monthly Archives: July 2010

CLEAN YOUR BOX

When is the last time you cleaned out your make-up box or bag?  That bacterial orgy is nasty, for reals.  Time to handle your biznass.

First things first, sort through your collection and liberally toss anything falling into one of the following categories: 1) products not used within the last three months, 2) mascara older than three months, 3) old, cracked, raggedy-ass products, sponges, tools, or brushes.  Think of it this way – you are making room for a few new treats just in time for the change of season.

Depending on your personal set up, several approaches could  work.  Throw your make-up bag in the laundry, or scrub your box with hot water and an abrasive cleaner like Mrs. Meyers.  As for your brushes, a few drops of mild detergent or shampoo in a big bucket of soapy warm water usually does the trick.  Rinse thoroughly, and take time to dry your brushes.  Shine the outside of your compacts with anti-bacterial wipes.  Trust, you won’t regret initiating August with a clean kit and a fresh face.

Underrated Surrealist: Remedios Varo

LOLITA

While you may think you know the story of Lolita, if you have not read Nabokov’s literary masterpiece, you are missing out on one of the most brilliant, touching, perverse, and entertaining books of the last hundred years.

A meditation on youth, loss, trauma, and sexual manipulation, Nabokov employs wry humor and presents his characters without judgment.  This subject matter could have easily drowned in the obvious cultural taboo of pedophilia, but Nabokov accesses an emotional purity that artfully bypasses such cliches.  Woven into the story are little winks and nods which keep it from suffering under the weight of itself.

Nabokov wrote the screenplay for Kubrick’s 1962 film adaptation, and there is also a 1997 version with Dominique Swain, Jeremy Irons, and a memorable Melanie Griffith.  In this case, the book is better than the movies.  Lolita is well worth your time and deserves a space on your bookshelf.

Redken Anti-Snap: Just a little jizz

Like Rapunzel, hair must look beautiful and glide through the hand like silk.  Others must be compelled to reach out and touch it.

To achieve soft, shiny, lustrous, attention-begging hair, try Redken Anti-Snap.  Work through wet hair to detangle, protect, and fortify.  Add a second layer to your ends after you blow dry to smooth any split ends, frizzies, or fly-aways.

Similar products abound, but a hefty 8.5 oz bottle of Anti-Snap can easily last a year, making it the best value.

My only criticism: it looks like jizz.

Tuesday’s Tarot

The sixth of the Major Arcana, on the surface The Lovers embody deep, passionate, soulmate love.  When The Lovers emerge, it symbolizes the trance of complete emotional connection with another.  This card speaks to the central romantic relationship in one’s life, but also the decisions and sacrifices that come with the discovery of “the one.”  Exercising its highest purpose, The Lovers bring strength to your relationship.  When flipped, The Lovers stands for the poor decisions we make when our judgment is clouded by love (or lust).

The Real L Word: Sibling Revelry

Tracy’s sisters, Amy and Audrey, and their boyfriends arrived at Stamie’s for movie night.  Amy still hasn’t accepted Tracy’s relationship and forced an awkward smile as the group discussed the family’s reaction to her fledgling lesbianism.  Aggravated Amy began snapping over take-out menus and eventually got up and walked out saying, “You guys can cuddle, go ahead.”  Later on, Amy indicated that their Mom had been fishing around for information on Stamie.  Even though Tracy’s patience has been wearing thin over the last five years, she took her Mother’s interest in Stamie as a promising sign.

The Pottery Barn lesbians, Nik and Jill, began their search for a suitable wedding location.  The two made a pact not to argue over the wedding plans which pretty much guaranteed a conflict-riddled process.  With two women planning a wedding, who gets the final say on things like location, flowers, and food?  Most men don’t give a fuck, so they just smile and nod and try to appease the bride.  Two brides creates the potential for double dueling bridezillas with each impending decision.  The two ventured to a cliff-side mansion in Malibu previewing it as a possible wedding locale.  Nik fell in love with the first house they saw and pressured Jill to immediately book it despite the fact it eclipsed their location budget by three times.  Jill, ever the pragmatist, wanted to look at other places which resulted in the first breach of the aforementioned no-argument pact.

Mikey should have hooked up with her East Coast counterpart Kelly Cutrone because the turnout for her openhouse for West Coast designers was embarrassing.  She drank her shame by busting out mimosas.  Mikey kept the party going after that hot mess of an event and took it to an NYC tranny bar in an attempt to redeem the day.  Mikey proceeded to soak up all the booze in NYC, and therefore didn’t make it back to her hotel until 3:00 am, causing her to miss the entire next morning of her workday.  This oversleep constituted a mayjah unprofesh folly on her part, so she sheepishly vowed to rein in her drinking in the future.During a dinner with her sister, Whitney admitted she learned her pune juggling ways from her father who had an affair on Whitney’s Mom years ago.  Having adopted his sexual magnetism, she now resents how this trait has manifested destruction and chaos in her own life.Tor tried flirting with Scarlett, but was ultimately overpowered by Whitney’s kavorka.  She mounted a half-sleeping Whitney, planting a wet smooch on her lips virtually out of nowhere.  Tor called Whitney a douche between snogs, and Whitney claimed to like the fact that Tor put her in her place.  I must have missed that episode, because I have yet to see Whitney adequately humbled for her duplicitous behavior.

Good Karma Monday

Opportunities multiply as they are seized.

Sun Tzu

Sunday with Ana Beatriz Barros

The Dead Weather, LIVE

To say I was looking forward to this show would be an extreme understatement.   Reveling in both Horehound and Sea of Cowards, and harboring a huge lady boner for Mz. Mosshart, obtaining tickets to The Dead Weather topped my priority list this summer. High expectations usually come with deep disappointment, and you wouldn’t be reading this if I didn’t have a few criticisms.  Sound issues vexed the performance with Mosshart’s vocals too low and the bass too loud.  Multitasking presented a challenge for Jack who struggled to simultaneously drum and sing, with the vocals suffering over the drumming (in case you were wondering).  At times they were sloppy and muddy sounding. Dean Fertita fucking rocked on lead guitar, with his clean, inventive, beautiful musicianship.  Alison looked a little thin.  Her choice of long sleeved shirt in the intense heat raised my eyebrow, but she growled, implored, screeched, and exquisitely harmonized, proving she’s as well-rounded a vocalist and frontwoman as you can find.  Her eye contact will improve when she harnesses her power and gains more confidence.  She and Jack shared a mic and a intimate moment on Will There Be Enough Water?, and Alison drew out an achingly gorgeous vulnerable quality she usually keeps under wraps.  Expect to see much more from her unless she falls prey to the cliched pitfalls of the lifestyle. The true glowing talent is Jack White.  His starshine undeniably illuminates the entire room.  The term genius should not be thrown around willy nilly, lest it lose its meaning, but here it truly applies. These musicians obviously inspire each other and love working together.  There is genuine, palpable affection among them.  Overall, a stellar rock show.