The Rachel Zoe Project: Team Taylor, Team Giraffe

We’ve been waiting to get the dish on the Taylor and Rachel blow up, and the season three premiere of The Rachel Zoe Project wasted no time in addressing the splinter.  At the end of last season, Rodger stepped in to handle the books.  Rodger broke the news to Rachel that Taylor didn’t really give a fuck when confronted over sketchy expense reports.  As a result, he let her go.  Rachel lied to Rodger constantly about her spending last season.  If the expense reports were sketchy, he should start his inquiries with her. 

In typical Zoe fashion, Rachel completely overreacted, unable to accept that she had been betrayed by her “blessed jewel.”  Rachel, have you met Taylor?  Furthermore, is this your first day in the styling industry?  Fashion is a cruel mistress filled with bitter backstabbing bitches.  Anybody with staying power learns early: trust no one.Brad, Jordan, and Marisa showed up for a staff meeting so Rodger could break the news that was already splattered all over the internet: Taylor was no longer with the company.  Rachel implored her lackeys to recover every sample and shred of company property in Taylor’s possession.Simultaneously, Brad looked ebullient with his promotion to Style Director and terrified at the realization that he would now have to run this ship without Captain Taylor Bitchface.  No surprise that the preeminent assignment for Team Zoe was to find a replacement for Taylor.

Rachel and Rodger interviewed a series of under-qualified, inarticulate candidates, none of which appear to have the fashion knowledge, personal style, or constitution to replace Taylor.  Despite Taylor’s obvious flaws, she clearly ran thangs over at Camp ZoeRachel spins like a well-dressed Muppet on a dradle, but appears to accomplish very little other than to sycophantically gush and twirl.

Brad and Rachel flipped through look books searching for high-fashion editorial looks for Demi’s Bazaar cover.  Both expressed anxiety over pleasing Kutcher’s piece since she had previously worked almost exclusively with Taylor. At the Bazaar shoot, Rachel pulled Chanel, Oscar de la Renta, Alexander McQueen, Dior, and some mayjah red sequined Wizard of Oz Louboutins.  However, watching a fifty-something Demi Moore unironically play coquettish housewife conjured the chunder.  Also, the hair is off in this shot, no?Finally, the much-anticipated Marc Jacobs bloomer outfit arrived, albeit without the necessary undergarments.  Instead of employing actual creative styling talent and reworking the look, the incomplete outfit caused Rachel to nix the ensemble entirely in favor of a Carolina Herrera gown.  Work that bustle Demi!

The mundane shoot got an immediate upgrade with the appearance of the giraffe.  Demi climbed a stairway to the sky where she looked eye to eye with the gorgeous creature.  While feeding the giraffe atop twelve inch McQueen platforms, Demi nearly tumbled head over stilts.  In the struggle between the giraffe and Demi, frankly, I was pulling for the giraffe.  Imagine a subscriber cover with Demi Moore face-planted in the sand?  That would move magazines.

To wrap the episode on an especially spiteful final note, Rachel set images of Taylor from Paper ablaze in the fireplace.  The article stated that Taylor was no longer with Rachel Zoe.  Parsing for subtext here, the inference is that Taylor planned to leave all along, and Paper Magazine knew it before Rachel did.Her haze of self-perceived victimization prevented Rachel from adequately acknowledging Taylor’s huge contribution to the Rachel Zoe name, aesthetic, and business.  Through her skewed, self-absorbed perspective, Rachel failed to recognize that Taylor walked away with nothing except bad press, whereas she has benefited, and will continue to benefit from years of Taylor’s hard work.  To add insult to injury, Rachel utilized her show as a platform from which to defame Taylor and limit her future professional prospects.  If Taylor is a backstabbing bitch, it’s just because Rachel has taught her everything she knows.