The Rachel Zoe Project: Rodger’s Pussy Hurts

Rodger’s discontent has been simmering all season, but this week his epic case of pussy hurt was triggered by an unfinished plate of breakfast pasta.  Rachel rushed Rodger and Brad from the café to finish out Milan with the Armani, Gucci, and Pucci shows. Again, Rachel fixated on a totally inappropriate navy feathered Pucci gown for Demi Moore.  Short in the front long in the back is so wrong.  It is the fashion equivalent of a mullet.Back in L.A., figure skater Johnny Weir dropped by to collect a few looks for the Indie Spirits.  Brad tried to get his twirl on, but couldn’t quite compete, saying “I’m actually masculine next to him, and I don’t know if that really works for me.”Rachel concluded the visit by extending the ultimate invitation (and endorsement) to Mr. Weir, saying “Next time you come to L.A., I would like to invite you to my house to come play dress up in my closet, for real.”When the feathered Pucci gown arrived, Brad began to second guess whether it would work.  Rachel called Donatella who sent some sketches over.  Rachel decided to have two gowns whipped up for Demi, one in silver, one in blush.Later on, Rachel bitched about a migraine while Joey worked her weave.  While she was putting on Tom Ford’s last YSL, Rodger bitched and moaned to the uninterested help.  Joey bid adieu by yelling, “You guys look so beautiful, it’s a shame both of you have bitch attitudes.”  Unquestionably, this was the episode (if not season) highlight.Rodger woke up the next morning super bitchy and snipped at Joey and Rachel over the decibel of their morning activities.  A true masochist, Rodger decided to attend the fittings with Rachel.  He had no actual purpose in tagging along, so he just stewed in resentment and picked at Rachel until she grew a pair and shut his Bieberish ass down by reminding him, “This is a big day for me and my clients not you, so just calm down.”As a pouty Rodger sat in the car, Rachel dressed Cameron Diaz who barely made the red carpet.

No big surprise Sandra Bullock ended up in the Marchesa.  Too bad it was one of her worst looks of the awards season.  The finish down the front didn’t lie quite right making it look cheap, but at least someone had the good sense to remove that big ass bow from the shoulder. Demi wore the blush Versace and it fit beautifully.  Overall the look wasn’t hideous, but wasn’t that major either.  It was a little granny does bridesmaid. Cameron made more of an impact in the Oscar de la Renta dress, but as a former model, she wears clothes well.  It is pretty hard to fuck up styling DiazPost-Oscars, Mr. and Mrs. Zoe sat down to discuss their priorities.  Rodger complained of all the Rachel-centeredness and threw down a toothless ultimatum.  Obviously, Rodger’s clock is ticking.  Rachel, just give your wife a baby so his pussy can stop hurting.