Monthly Archives: September 2010

The Rachel Zoe Project: Period. The End.

While Team Zoe prepared for a shoot for Love magazine, Brad and Jordan kvetched about the tireless devotion Rachel requires.  Apparently, Tayloritis is contagious.The shoot featured a Bardot-inspired Ginta Lapina, a breath of fashion fresh air and one of the baddest bitches on the scene.  Between Ginta Lapina and Jessica Stam (featured last season on the RZP at the V shoot), it is Team Ginta all the way.  For the record editors, we are all nauseous with Stam oversaturation.Brad and Jordan talked shit in the makeshift wardrobe room.  While Rachel lugged furs around the shoot, complaining about her ineffectual staff.After the shoot, it was all about prepping for the Met Ball, perhaps the single most mayjah night for fashion folks.  Typically, designers select a few starlets to wear their gowns and accompany them as part of their entourage.  For some inexplicable reason, Marc Jacobs invited Rachel to join his group.  Rachel also took credit for dressing Demi, Eva, Kate, and Anne.  More likely, designers sent a few choices to each of these actresses, and Zoe may have edited those options and accessorized the final look.At her fitting, Anne thanked Rachel and Brad for influencing her to embrace her inner fashion icon.  I’ll (begrudgingly) give credit where credit is due, and Zoe has been responsible for some of Hathaway’s most memorable moments on the red carpet.Zoe on Hathaway, “She’s like über-intellectual, and I’m über-not.”Later, the time came for Rachel to craft her own look for the Ball.  First, Rachel drowned in a gigantic Marc Jacobs.  After determining the dress failed to flatter her “70’s disco titty,” it was eliminated.  Next Rachel donned a strange, velvet, mustard, drapey, vintage gown that highlighted her bony sternum.Too bad she traded in the sliver geometric clutch for a tan day bag that downgraded the entire look.  While I appreciate Rachel’s yin for unexpected whimsy, this frock was Met Gala unworthy.  At an event of this magnitude, timeless glamour must trump quirk when finalizing a gown choice.  Admit it; this aberration treads uncomfortably close to shmatta territory.

Back in L.A., Rodger decided to attend Rachel’s lady doc appointment to discuss the possibility of having a child.  The very awkward and staged appointment ended with Rachel and Rodger fighting over Rachel getting a blood test that day.  Rachel refused, Rodger insisted, and the gyno nodded uncomfortably.Back at home, Rachel and Rodger continued to go round and round.  Rodger emphasized that biologically, time keeps ticking.  Career-obsessed Rachel informed him that nothing, including a baby, would curtail her megalomaniacal styling ambitions.Acknowledging that a refusal to spawn will cause “major marital problems,” Rachel swallowed her reproductive ambivalence and concluded, “We are meant to be parents and I wanna do it, not totally sure how yet, but we’re gonna be. Period. The end.”

FALL FASHION 2010: BLACK

Tuesday’s Tarot

On its face, some interpret the Temperance card as a symbol of moderation.  A deeper reading of Temperance encompasses the synthesis of opposites.  Sagittarians struggle with unifying opposing forces, and therefore Temperance functions as its Tarot twin.  Moderation enters the discussion in the context of balancing the concentration of competing interests.  The fourteenth of the Major Arcana and a Cardinal Virtue, Temperance urges the joining of adverse forces in the quest for harmony.

Kinerase C8 Peptide Intensive Treatment: The Final Results

After 28 days of religious use, it is time to reveal the results of the Kinerase C8 Peptide Intensive Treatment experiment.  Kinerase C8 Peptide Intensive Treatment makes the following claims: 1) noticeably younger-looking skin in 28 days, 2) reduces the appearance of wrinkles by 34.9%, 3) improves additional signs of aging.  Let’s break these down shall we?Noticeably younger-looking skin in 28 days.  Noticeable to whom exactly?  The product delivers general improvements in skin texture, but I doubt anyone other than the user would notice the mostly imperceptible changes.Reduces the appearance of wrinkles by 34.9%.  I have to call bullshit on this one.  In actuality, 11% is a generous characterization of the wrinkle reduction capabilities of this product.

Improves additional signs of aging.  This is a pretty broad and vague claim, but “additional signs of aging” includes (at a minimum) a reduction in hyper-pigmentation, improved texture, and less breakouts.  C8 does little to nothing for hyper-pigmentation or discoloration.  Kinerase improves skin texture and make-up glides on beautifully, but the moisturizing properties are insufficient to make it an all-in-one complete product.  As for breakouts, incidentally, yes, Kinerase will help, but acne relief isn’t the targeted aim of this product.In sum, Kinerase C8 is a pretty decent product and a good way to work the benefits of kinetin, a semi-rare ingredient, into your regime.  When taking into consideration the hefty price though, many of you may be disappointed by the lack of dramatic results.

Happy Birthday Twiggy!

EASY A

Because the public is generally repulsive, these days it takes quite a bit of motivation to get my ass to the movies.  The buzz on Easy A lured me to the theater, and for once, I didn’t regret the decision.Emma Stone as Olive wins you over in the first ten minutes; her lip-synching montage to Pocket Full of Sunshine hits a particularly funny note.  A resurrected Amanda Bynes pops up as an intense bible-thumping promise-ring nemesis praying for Olive’s purity and redemption.  Surprising performances from Stanley Tucci (Dill) and Patricia Clarkson (Rosemary) as Olive’s kooky parents add fun and a tad of gravitas to the breezy film.  Note to casting, Penn Badgley has the sex appeal of expired dairy.  Stop trying to make Penn Badgley happen. The story, inspired by The Scarlet Letter, preaches the new gospel of high school sex politics in the digital age.  The obvious take away is a watered down “Our Body, Ourselves” message for the Hannah Montana set.  Underneath, the best advice to extract from the story is to wait to have sex until you get out of high school.  Not because of Jesus, but because every fucking gossipy bitch in your class will have your biznass on Facebook.Wait until college to have sex.  Everyone is a slut in college, so unless you do something legendarily slutty, your reputation is probably safe.  Another bonus: it guarantees you will not end up on the next season of 16 and Pregnant.On a somewhat unrelated note, a trailer for Gwyneth Paltrow’s upcoming release Country Strong rolled before the feature presentation.  Despite the studio’s confidence in positioning it for awards season, it looks like fucking fromage.  While stifling laughter at her unconvincing turn as a washed-up country singer, I couldn’t help but wonder if GOOP has a good recipe for organic humble pie.

FALL FASHION 2010: COATS

COOSJE van BRUGGEN

The Rachel Zoe Project: Rosenzweig Family Passover

Sidelining fashion this week, Rachel focused on hosting her entire family for a Passover Seder dinner.  Having never cooked a meal before, Rachel informed Rodger he would be hitting Bristol Farms with her later.  Like all recent conversations between these two, this one spiraled into baby talk with Rachel promising to be in the delivery room by this time next year in her black vintage cashmere Chanel cape-robe.Team Zoe met up with comic Amy Phillips to film a “viral video” for The Rachel Zoe Report.  Rodger tried to run the meeting, but ended up chucking a pen across the table at Rachel when she failed to give him her full attention.Rachel and Rodger continued to criticize, degrade, and humiliate one another publicly, thereby breaking one of the cardinal rules of successful relationship preservation: only fight in private.  After the extremely tense and unfunny shoot concluded, Rachel and Rodger took their vitriol to the street where they got noticeably loud on the sidewalk.Next, Beau Garrett showed up with her dog to get looks for the international up-fronts and Kalamity premiere.  Leave your fucking dog at home!  The utter hubris of risking dog piss on Dior makes me hate this wooky-eyed bitch from the get.Team Zoe and Beau selected three looks: a cute Diane von Furstenberg, a boring blue Lela Rose, and a random long black Malandrino.  After searching far and wide, not a single photo of the Z-list Garrett in any of these looks could be found.  Doesn’t mean she didn’t wear them, just means she’s not worth photographing.Rachel delegated styling the Zico coconut water Molly Sims job to Brad and Jordan, so she could concentrate on Passover dinner.  Sidenote: enough with the disgusting fucking coconut water.Since Rachel wouldn’t be micro-managing, Brad decided he would like to keep the selection tight and not take every rack to the shoot.  This strategy totally blew up in his face when he arrived and was informed of an entirely different vision for the campaign.Rather than just rolling with the changes, Brad argued with the photographer over wardrobe.  He tried to hide his humiliation with defensiveness, but just ended up looking flustered and unprofessional.Molly Sims showed up looking like she’d been pulled out of a drain, and Brad looked slightly panicked.  Ultimately, an intern returned with some additional white exercise choices.  You would think as “Style Director” Brad would know that in the world of fashion, options are everything.Meanwhile, Rachel and Rodger met up with Marisa at Bristol Farms to shop for the Seder.  Rachel wandered from aisle to aisle, infuriating an irritated Rodger.Back in the kitchen, Joey and Rachel worried whether the turkey would have “hair” on it.  Marisa, sick of hearing Rachel’s idiotic ramblings, took over and materialized dinner.  Rachel barely managed to execute a salad before her family arrived.Rachel’s agent brought his baby to the Seder, and Rodger nearly melted at the sight of Rachel with child.During a break from kitchen duty, Rachel and Joey talked reproduction on the porch.  Rachel tried to explain that to her, clothing and bags are a reasonable substitute for a baby.Rachel confessed her anxiety over having waited so long to get pregnant and her doubts of carrying a baby to term.  She worried that she lacked the physical and emotional strength to endure pregnancy.  Her articulation of these deeply personal fears provided a glimpse into a more authentic, sincere, less-superficial Rachel.