Monthly Archives: November 2010

Tuesday’s Tarot

Attractive, appealing, and popular, the Queen of Wands makes a powerful first impression.  Befriending her is easy, and she attracts the opposite sex with her warm and outgoing personality.  Generally, Queens signal a turn inward; here, that manifests as quiet confidence.  Miz Wands brings frankness, enthusiasm, and vibrancy.  Certain Leo women mirror the attributes of this card like Madonna, Sandra Bullock, and Jackie O.  At her best, she’s all sunflowers and light, but don’t miss the black cat at her feet.  When reversed, this bitch is a demanding, manipulative, controlling bully.

BLIND DESCENT: The Quest to Discover the Deepest Place on Earth

After wrapping up with the adventures of Portia’s binges and purges and unable to wait idly for Matched (November 30th), I stumbled upon Blind Descent: The Quest to Discover the Deepest Place on EarthRight off the bat some under-prepared, overconfident Hoosier (God Bless Indiana) plunges to his death when he fails to properly secure his rappelling equipment.  No time for grieving; the big concern is how to retrieve the body.  Apparently, unrecoverable dead bodies make the Mexican government nervioso.One explorer compared the mega cave to a “dragon’s asshole.”  We really need to work this evocative phrase into the vernacular. Above is the altar where the Cuicatecs sacrificed children in religious ceremonies.  Locals still consider Cheve a sacred place and don’t take too kindly to all these desecrating gringos.  Accidental death, child sacrifice, oh, and I forgot to mention The Rapture, a nitrogen-induced hysteria that causes cavers to go crazy (and I’m not even half way through).  This book rules.

Sunday with Cher

Saturday’s Sutras

Now, instruction in union.

Union is restraining the thought-streams natural to the mind.

Then the seer dwells in his own nature.

Otherwise he is of the same form as the thought-streams.

Yoga Sutras 1.1 – 1.4

Black Friday Bloat

Between the drinking, pre-meal snacking, dinner, and dessert, on average each American consumes between 3,000 – 4,500 calories on Thanksgiving.  To put it in perspective, there are 3,500 calories in a pound.  Can America really afford to gain another collective pound? 

Here are some non-shopping options for creative calorie cremation this Black Friday.  Sex + Orgasm = approximately 200 calories burned, depending on ferocity.Watching 1 hour of bad reality TV requires approximately 60 calories.1 hour of power vinyasa yoga melts 500 calories.

Bickering for an hour torches at least 100 calories.  Even more if your arguments are intense and full of grand of gesticulations.

Vigorous cleaning burns 225 calories an hour.  Don’t deny the house could use a once over.

GRATEFUL FOR YOU

Thanks for all your continued support.

xo DC

Portia de Rossi Gossip Part Two

So here’s the second edition of Portia de Rossi gossip from her recent eating disorder memoir, Unbearable Lightness.  When it comes to anorexia, everyone is morbidly curious about the rock-bottom weight.  At her thinnest, Portia weighed an alarming 82 pounds.  At her heaviest, she weighed 168.  For awhile she sustained herself on tuna, instant oatmeal, Mrs. Dash, Splenda, I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter spray, gum, and Parliament LightsPortia’s wake up call came in the form of osteoporosis, cirrhosis, and lupus.  Don’t worry; she’s fine now.

“Effortlessness is an attractive thing.  And it takes a lot of effort to achieve it.”

“I knew that once I had made enough money where I no longer had to worry about losing my career, I would find a girlfriend.  I needed a lot of money, however, because I had an apartment to renovate.  But after that, I would find someone to love.” “I had always been secretly in awe of anorexics with their superhuman self-restraint.  There is a neatness to it, a perfection.”

“I was half butch, half femme, neither here nor there.”

“It suddenly occurred to me that maybe people who stay thin are the people who eat whatever they want.”

Tuesday’s Tarot

Wands are associated with the season of summer, the color red, the direction south, and the fire signs: Aries, Leo, and Sagittarius.  The King of Wands in particular represents strength, forward momentum, and leadership.  He can also signify a powerful magnetic seducer with a short attention span.  Wands also correspond to career success, but more in the realm of creative breakthroughs than financial gain.  When flipped, watch out for prideful, angry outbursts.

Skip the Slaughter: Microbiology Edition

Just in time for the most tragic day of the year for our feathered friends, presenting the top pathogens likely to be chilling in your turkey this year.Campylobacter jejuni lives in the gut of poultry and is commonly found in turkey poop.  When you catch this nasty bug, look forward to it incubating in your intestinal track before surprising you with a debilitating stomach flu and bloody diarrhea 2-5 days after exposure.Clostridium perfringens can grow without oxygen and can create spores that are resistant to cooking temperatures.  The bacteria grows in poultry that has lingered too long before cooking or in meat that is improperly reheated.  This bug causes gas gangrene.  Uh huh, it is responsible for the bloating in decomposing corpses.Escherichia coli O157:H7 (E. coli) inhabits the intestinal tract of warm-blooded animals, but due to unsafe food handling practices, it pops up in turkey too.  This particular strand causes enterhemorrhaging, which is a fancy way of saying internal intestinal bleeding or bloody butt.Listeria monocytogenes is found in water, soil and sewage.  This nasty bug causes listeriosis, which can manifest in a mononucleosis-like infection or meningitis. 20-30% of clinical infections result in death, making it the most deadly of all the food borne pathogens.  Added bonus: it can cause spontaneous abortion.  By the way, there was a recall on Listeria-contaminated turkey just last week.Zoonotic, Salmonella can be passed from your pets to you and back again.  Bitch doesn’t discriminate and will incubate where it can.  Hearty Salmonella is not destroyed by freezing and lives easily outside its host for years.  For the healthy, a nasty case of diarrhea ensues, but for the immune-compromised the consequences could be much more serious.

Shigellosis isn’t the latest dance craze; it is the delicious form of dysentery brought to you by Shigella.  This crazy bacteria uses a biological syringe to inject healthy cells with a protein which triggers invasion.  Turkey or sides are contaminated by hand mixing and by subsequent incomplete cooking.Highly contagious Staphylococcus aureus can grow in a variety of foods and can produce a heat-resistant poison that causes skin infections, digestive disasters, and sometimes death.  Because the toxin is difficult to destroy, you must prevent it from forming.  This one is both sneaky and common.

Have a super holiday.