Bethenny Ever After: Baroness of Booze

This week’s episode commenced with a death spiral and that’s not a cheeky reference to Bethenny and Jason’s relationship.  Props to Bethenny for her major skating progress.  All that yoga has clearly paid off.Next Bethenny took her badly dressed hubby to Scoop for new jeans where salesboy Gavyn read Jason to filth for his antiquated denim taste.  While Jason took his sweet-ass time trying on options, Bethenny talked shit about his genetically inherited cheap streak.Gavyn summed it up like only a bitchy queen can when he said snidely, “He’s only buying one?  After all that?”  Then he huffed, rolled his eyes at the breeders, and stomped off with an attitude to check his Blackberry.  God Bless Gavyn.In order to address Skinnygirl production issues, Bethenny and Jason flew private to Montreal.  After the requisite mile-high club innuendos, the two tucked into a spread of salad and fruit.Montreal is so fantastic, right?  The couple enjoyed the gorgeous city and strolled the streets.  An ornament store caught their attention.  Bethenny came down with tchotchke fever and insisted on investing in a snow globe against Jason’s better judgment.Bethenny plays on Jason’s sympathies to manipulate him into getting what she wants.  Last week she rationalized her bad birthday behavior by relying heavily on her whoa-is-me youth.  This week she used her snow-globe-deprived childhood to justify wasting money on hideous knick-knacks.  Officially an adult for well over twenty years, Bethenny continues to get a lot of mileage out of her “tragic” childhood.Now that Bethenny thinks she’s got everything figured out from her woo woo place of yes, she’s making broad generalizations about all women.  Over drinks, she declared, “Every woman goes out to get married.”Ooooohhhhhhhhhh really Bethenny?  EVERY woman schemes for a ring, huh?  A good number of women could give a fuck about a ring, so she can chill with the sweeping statements.  Furthermore, her overconfidence in her own union might come back to bite her in the ass.  Bethenny sounds like the Cuntess with all this sanctimony.And one other thing, this tequila-soaked slop looks cross-eyed every time she drinks out of straw.  Need a funnel B?The next day the booze baroness took a visit to the Skinnygirl bottling plant.  Bethenny was blown away at seeing her vision come to fruition.  Apparently, there was a glass shortage?  Bullshit detector go off on that one?  White dude in a suit kept serving up excuses which did not legitimately account for the significant production delays.  Bethenny was too stunned by the whole factory to see the forest for the trees and let the piss-poor performance issues slide.Back on the factory floor, Bethenny reveled in the enormous scale of Skinnygirl.  She and Jason then spent several minutes reenacting key scenes from Laverne & Shirley.Bethenny took a moment and reflected on her boozy success.  Credit goes to her for breaking into the hard liquor market – an almost exclusively male arena.  Recently, Bethenny sold Skinnygirl to Beam Global Spirits & Wine in the hopes of greatly expanding distribution.  Bethenny claims the partnership will allow her to still remain integrally involved and develop new products.So you want to know how much the deal was worth?  Such details haven’t been publicly disclosed, but chances are it wasn’t enough.  The phrases “lump sum” and “multi-year agreement” have made their way through the rumor mill.  However, unless that lump sum was somewhere in the $50 million range, she likely sold herself way too short.  Another question, who owns her new cocktail ideas?  Think Beam has Bethenny’s back?