Monthly Archives: May 2011

Tuesday’s Tarot

This card has whimsical imagery; check the little sea creature in the background surfing the waves.  The King of Cups typically represents a professor, academic holy man, or other wise man associated with and the arts.  He reigns over water and creative intelligence.  Diplomatic and calm, trust his advice.  Rely on his stabilizing influence in crisis.  When reversed, expect scandal and loss. 

Memorialized

Sunday with Annette Bening

More Resort 2012

RHNY: une autre femme

The blondes and the brunettes arrived separately to Marrakesh.  LuAnn, Kelly, Jill, and Barshop flew in a day prior and a head space apart from Ramona, Sonja, and Alex.Team blonde worked themselves up over their potential accommodations on the way to the riad.  Ramona remarked on the “poverty all over” and Sonja called the surroundings “ookie.”  Overcome with paranoia that the locals would make off with her hat collection, Sonja hovered around the van until the staff unloaded the bags.Once unloaded, Rudemona demanded immediate staff assistance in unpacking her cougarific wardrobe and untangling her hideous jewelry.  Cindy came upstairs and found some of her clothing unhung which led her to accuse Ramona of stealing her hangers.  Shit talking among the bitchy blondes ensued as Barshop retreated for friendlier liked-tressed company after a half-hearted confrontation.  Minutes later, LuAnn overcompensated by procuring a dozen hangers and delivering them along with a scolding to Ramona, Alex, and Sonja.The Brunettas hit the design district and conveniently ran into Jill’s ex g-hub Brad.  Since he obviously traveled around the world for a little air-time this season, Brad extended an invitation to his birthday party that night at his nearby lodging.While LuAnn and company were shopping, Ramona and Sonja were drinking.  By the time the two camps caught up with one another, Ramona and Sonja were straight up sloppy.  The Cuntess antagonized Ramona by telling her she looked “amazing” in a tone that sounded less than sincere.Shortly after, a respected Moroccan designer joined the party and offered custom caftans to the ladies.  Ramona continued her American good will tour by demanding he tailor the garment to her exacting specifications.Later at Brad’s party – location B&B – not private villa as Jill had hoped, Sonja sucked down coupes de champagne and puffed up in her dress like a bloated camel corpse on a hot Saharan day.Jill worked the hottest look of the season when she donned a snake crown.  For the crowd’s further amusement, morally questionable snake versus human shenanigans ensued.

Then the whole party burst into some kind of fucked up Moroccan menopausal flash mob.The party ended with tarot readings for the women.  First the fortune teller told Jill she had a good heart, but talked too much.  True.  Then she told Sonja that she should concentrate on the man and not the money.  Also true.  Next, the veiled woman foretold another child for Kelly, thereby fulfilling her yearning for a larger family.  Better get on that Kel.  Finally, Ramona took the hot seat and held the deck over her heart.En Français, the clairvoyant revealed to Ramona that Mario is seeing another woman.  Considering Mario’s well-documented eye-wandering history, this divulgement may turn out as accurate as the mystic’s other predictions.Ramona looked more exposed than surprised, and none of the other woman looked particularly shocked either.  Sonja and Jill shed a tear at the palpable discomfort of the raw disclosure, Kelly fled the scene, and the Cuntess seemed a little too eager to translate the news for the whole room.Dear friend AMP posed an interesting question, could Brad have intentionally set Ramona up to embarrass her?

A Demeter Clarc Manners Moment

It is officially impolite to tell someone that he or she looks tired.  In the course of these awkward exchanges, the word “tired” substitutes as a euphemism for the word “shit.”  The person on the receiving end of the “you look tired” remark really hears “you look like shit.”  Since you wouldn’t tell a friend she looks like shit (to her face), don’t with a concerned tilt of the head say, “you look really exhausted,” and then act surprised when her fatigued countenance shifts to one of irritation.

FRECKLE FESTIVAL

Tuesday’s Tarot

The Queen of Cups symbolizes the ideal spouse and perfect mother – support and service personified.  Gentle, compassionate, and patient, she cares for others.  A woman of profound wisdom, she has deep visionary powers of her own.  Loving devotion supplies the water to the Queen’s limitless, intuitive well.  From this well, the Queen of Cups draws psychic energy and benevolently channels it to those in need.

see spot vanish

Really nothing ruins a beautiful day like a great big zit.  Don’t even front like you don’t consider staying home on account of a bad skin day.  Well those days are done.  Today, learn how to expertly camouflage imperfections and give good face even when it isn’t cooperating.

 

First gather your tools.  You will need the following items: foundation, concealer, loose powder, bronzer, good light, a mirror, a clean eyeliner brush, and makeup sponges.First prepare the skin by physically exfoliating with a scrub, washcloth, Buf-puf, or the like.  If the little inflamed friend is giving you a full 3-D effect, get the area as smooth as possible by removing all the dead and flaky skin.  Be gentle; redness is hard to cover up.

Toner helps tighten and remove residue, but it isn’t required.

Apply moisturizer all over.  Moisterizer will not cause further breakouts.  This essential step plumps the skin and readies it for foundation.  Let moisturizer soak in for several minutes before proceeding to avoid pilling.  Go blow dry your hair or puff a doobie while you wait.

Set up right in front of a well-lit mirror.  Let’s parse that sentence for meaning.  When I say right in front of, I mean right fucking in front of – like inches away.  I set a stool up in front of a full length mirror so I can get right up on it.  A counter separating your face from the mirror ain’t gonna work unless you have phenomenal vision.

 

The benefit of daylight cannot be understated, but if good lighting + daylight isn’t an option, take the shades off a couple lamps and set them on a chair or nearby table.  Remember, the light should be directed towards your face, not the mirror.  Yes, this much exposure can be terrifying at first, but you must face the truth before running for cover up.

The goal is always to use the least amount of product and aim for the most natural, effortless finish.  Keep these guiding principles in mind as we forge ahead.

Start with foundation, concentrate product where you need the most coverage and then blend down and out in the direction facial hair grows.  Keep blending; using the fingers helps temper the foundation.  Sponges help blend along the hairline.  A decent foundation should take care of a great deal of minor imperfections, but even full-coverage formulas lack the might required for a full-on blemish.Enter the eyeliner brush: indeed unorthodox, but a tiny tipped eyeliner brush allows for ultimate precision.  If the pesky spot flames with color, go a shade lighter with the concealer.  Steady your elbow, dab the brush into the concealer and gingerly apply it to the imperfection.  Paint the area, and wait.  Again, don’t forget our guiding principles – use a light hand.  Let the product set up for a minute.  Now is a good time to address any other little issues like under eye circles or broken capillaries.After a minute, if the mound remains totally covered, pat gently with fingertip to soften and blend edges.  If color has peaked through, reapply only to that area and then blend.

Lightly powder and bronze for an all over glow.

Complete face with blush, mascara, and gloss.  Amp it up further with eyeliner and shadow when the occasion warrants it.

Remember, it doesn’t matter how expertly your eyes and mouth are painted, a throbbing blemish distracts from the overall look.  Take the time to perfect the skin before getting into heavy color.

Good Luck and Good Face.