Monthly Archives: May 2011

Sunday with Naomi

MINESTRONE

All these rainy days call for a comforting spring soup.  Minestrone is super easy, healthy, and delicious. Start with a large soup pot on medium, add olive oil, chopped onion and garlic. When the onions near translucence, add celery and carrots.  A food processor makes quick work of the chopping and creates a rustic texture.

As the mix begins to release juices, add low sodium veggie broth and one or two cans of CENTO All Purpose Crushed TomatoesAll of these veggies work in a Minestrone; add or subtract based on preference.

Next add prepared beans, traditionally white and red, and then whole wheat pasta shells.

Salt and pepper to taste, then finish the flavor with fresh herbs like rosemary, basil, and parsley.  Pulse in the food processor and toss in towards the end of the 30-40 minute cooking time. Keep it vegan or finish with a high quality Parmigiano-Reggiano.

RHNY: deformed

LuAnn and Sonja met up for lunch and pretended to just stumble upon the idea of a girls trip to Morocco that was so obviously planned and underwritten by BravoSonja and LuAnn divided the duty of extending invitations to the other Housewives.  In the course of the conversations that followed about Morocco, here are a few ignorant gems that passed the ladies’ lips.“It’s like going to Paris.  I mean Paris it’s not, but it’s a very sophisticated city.”  (LuAnn claims to have visited Morocco several times; you’d think she’d know it was a country, not a city.)“I’m a little concerned.  It’s a third world country.  They don’t respect women.  I love my family.  I don’t want to go away and end up not coming back.”  Fear not Ramona, the Kingdom of Morocco will not hesitate to return you.Even though they don’t serve Pinot Grigio, Ramona met up with LuAnn at Alice’s Teacup.  The Cuntess laid into Ramona over shit that didn’t concern her.  This offensive tactic sent Ramona spinning down a defensive dark rabbit hole.Lady Morgan allegedly landed a toaster oven cookbook deal?  The promotional photo shoot took place at her musty townhouse.  Kelly stopped by to add her editorial viewpoint, lest we forget about her reign at Elle AccessoriesBensimon got more than she bargain for when Sonja “accidentally” flashed her cooch while writhing about on her dining room table like Tawny Kitaen on the hood of the car in the Whitesnake video.The cliques split for two totally different spa trips.  Barshop, still trying to buy her way in, bankrolled a trip to the ultra swank Canyon Ranch for Kelly, Jill, and LuAnn.  To add a layer of cream cheese frosting to the already over the top gesture, embroidered robes awaited the ladies upon arrival.  Jill couldn’t wait to open her present and did so in the lobby.The Cuntess responded by pretentiously snipping, “Really darling, I mean never open a gift in the middle of a hotel lobby.”While Canyon Ranch offered drum circles and massages, Ramona hosted a different kind of spa visit back in NYC at Dr. Giese’s office.  Rudemona summed up her intention with this zinger: “…if you know something great, share it, so I invited both Sonja and Alex to come with me… Let’s face it, they could use a few touch ups.” Alex got dermaplaning (Ed note: this interests me), Sonja got VelaShape, and Ramona got a neck full of Botox. Without a hint of irony, the ladies all met up for an anti-bullying rally that Jill hosted.  Ramona brought a case of her eponymous Pinot Grigio that was supposed to be for auction, but upon arrival she shouted at multiple members of the wait staff to crack it open and bring her a glass immediately.Once the Cuntess arrived in a flutter of self-complimentary praise, it was immediately on between her and Ramona over David Meister of all things.  Holy fuck this show is D-List, this shit is way more D-List than Kathy Griffin ever was, right?  The Cuntess has her twat in a knot because Ramona blacklisted her at MeisterRamona admitted she’d laid exclusive claim to wearing the rich woman’s Jessica McClintock, and LuAnn called the move “bitchy.”  It’s no mystery why LuAnn’s drifting from Ungaro; since the Lindsay debacle things at the fashion house still haven’t recovered.Under the guise of concern, the ladies gossiped through the runway show about Ramona’s excessive day drinking.  During an emotional speech by Jill’s stepdaughter, Ramona rattled around in the background trying to procure more of her precious wine for herself the table.  When Jill went to investigate the ruckus, Ramona slurred another character-consistent misspeak by describing Jill’s stepdaughter as “deformed.”  Minutes later she snapped at the designer’s daughter to clear empty glasses before Alex scurried over in damage control mode.Next week we’ll learn whether Ramona smuggled a few cases of Pinot to Morocco, or if she tried to white knuckle through the forced, tension-filled, faux-fun girls trip.

RESORT 2012

Chanel presented the collection with aggressively ugly and unflattering footwear.Tomas Maier presented another standout collection for Bottega Veneta.Oscar D served everything from slim suits to signature gowns.

LEAH LOVE LEGS

Hey friends, DC loyalist Leah Love wrote asking about giving good gams.  Her letter appears (with permission) below.

Sooooo, I need your advice: liquid pantyhose?  I’ve been anti-hose
since the mid-90s, especially the nude ones. Occasionally during the
winter time I will wear some sheer black stockings, but that’s about
it.  But now that I’m in my mid-30s and have been in a car accident, a
motorcycle accident, broken my leg twice (separate from the motor
vehicle accidents btw), torn my meniscus, and had a tumor removed from
my leg, I have some weird coloration in a couple spots on my legs
(they’re probably a lot more noticeable to me than anyone else).
Actually, now that I list all that shit out, I’m thinking my legs look
pretty good after all!

Anyway, I remember a few years back this queen I knew telling me about
liquid pantyhose and making your legs look like silk. I have never
used it, don’t know where to get it, and definitely don’t know which
brands are better than the others, so I thought I’d ask for your two
cents.

LL, here’s at least twenty five cents worth of options for you.  Please enjoy.Getting directly to the heart of your question, air stockings, liquid pantyhose, called by whatever name, are a great option for camouflaging veins and minor imperfections.  Different formulas have different finishes, so personal preference will guide the selection.  These products are not self-tanners.  They are similar to bronzers, but typically provide better coverage and are less slippery on sweaty summer days.  For best results, dispense product on hands and then rub into legs. Budget: Sally Hansen Spray On Subtle Shimmer, Air Stocking Silk Spray

Luxury: Classified Cosmetics ERA RAYZ Spray On Bronzer, Judith August Invisible Stockings For Silky Sexy LegsBody bronzers are another alternative: temporary like liquid stockings, but with less coverage and staying power and more moisture.  This group is best for evenings out as they many contain shimmer that can be a little much for the daytime. Here are some pricey but decent options: Nars Body Glow, Booty Parlor Flirty Little Secret Firming Bronzer Cream (Booty Parlor claims this stuff contains pheromones, so do with that what you will…), Scott Barnes Body Bling, and Lorac TANtilizer.Michael Kors offers Leg Shine and Tarte makes Glam Gams, both variations of bronzers hyper-focused on legs.  These formulas come in stick form – good for travel. Hippies might like all natural Dr. Hauschka Translucent Bronze Concentrate which turns ordinary lotion into bronzer with a few pumps. Finally, consider a self-tanner + bronzer combo which gives you instant gratification and a parting gift of gradual color for later.  You all know the self-tanner rules: exfoliate, moisterize rough spots first, wear gloves, and take the time to apply carefully.  There are several pocketbook friendly options in this category: Australian Gold Continuous Spray with Instant Bronzer SPF 15, L’Oreal Sublime Bronze, or Urban Decay Santa Tanita.

Thanks for your letter Leah Love.  Don’t forget to tell us what you try and how you like it.  XOX, DC

Tuesday’s Tarot

In the broadest sense, this card symbolizes a journey of imagination and vision.  More specifically, the Knight of Cups foretells an invitation or proposition.  Mindful that Cups source their power from emotions, The Knight’s motivations grow from the heart rather than the mind.  As a result, he can be misunderstood by some who view his decisions as illogical and his temperament moody.  No matter; he’s charming, romantic, and lives on the edge, which makes him irresistible.  When the Knight of Cups is reversed, beware of subtle tricks and swindlers.

CLEAR VIEW

As the sun revs up for summer, clean your windows and bathe in the brightness that shines through polished glass.For optimal results, try enjoyable Sprayway Glass Cleaner paired with lint-free flour sack towels. Martha would have your ass out there with a squeegee, but a more realistic, if less effective method is to spray the exterior windows with a high pressure hose.  The lazy approach results in spotting, but an intense spray will remove the dust and considerably improve the amount of light that shines though.  Go back over key windows with the Sprayway for spectacular results. Don’t forget the car windows, inside and out!  Seriously, when is the last time you cleaned out your car? 

Sunday with Jasper Johns

BRIDESMAIDS

It’s hard to know where to start with Bridesmaids, the ebulliently received new comedy co-written by and staring Kristen WiigA particularly brilliant performance by Melissa McCarthy elevates the unevenly funny writing.  In fact, several cameos by talented comics pepper the movie, including one from co-writer Annie Mumolo as a panicking nervous flier. Wiig admitted on The View that the big gross-out humor scene was added just prior to shooting.  This raises questions about who exactly thought shit and puke were a necessary addition to a film about grown women in their thirties.  Despite the requisite bodily function detour, these talented ladies make the most of the juvenile tack-on. With this group of girls, wallowing isn’t allowed.  Wiig and Mumolo wisely isolated the sweetness to the baking montages and the corniness to the Wilson Phillips number.  Congratulations Ladies, Bridesmaids deserves an epic opening weekend.