Fuck a Buffet

This past weekend I was reminded just how much I hate buffets.  The worst is when you have to balance a plate, utensils, and fill your dish without dropping anything.  What is more unappetizing than industrial-sized containers of food that bunches of other people have breathed over?  Buffets feel so dirty and contaminated.  Messy motherfuckers (like me) leave a nasty trail from serving dish to plate.  Others pile everything on their plate like they are hording for the apocalypse.  And let’s be honest, buffet food is never that tasty or adequately hot or cold.  To make a bad situation worse, after completing the undignified process of lining up and scooping your own dinner, look forward to navigating the humiliation-rich minefield of obstacles standing between you and an empty seat.  Don’t forget your drink, buffet bitches.

Please join the barffet boycott.