Monthly Archives: August 2011

Fried Fromage: Pimento Cheese Fritters

I recently cruised through Knoxville, Tennessee and widened my deep fried culinary palate with pimento cheese fritters.  The all-around tasty Bistro at the Bijou served the hushpuppy-sized balls with pickled relish and jalapeño jam. Usually I find pimento cheese repulsive, but the quick dip in heat transforms the spread’s texture.  Intensely flavored cheddar kissed with fiery pimento leaves fried mozzarella tasting uninspired and bland by comparison.The bright pickled relish provided just enough cooling tang.  Share four in an order and find yourself wishing there were two more.  Next time you are in the region, seek out surprisingly delightful pimento cheese fritters and enjoy another level of fried cheesy goodness.

Sunday with Kim Cattrall

Why Do Girls Love Horses?

The Help

Finally saw The Help yesterday.  I completely agree with most of the criticisms of the movie.  The white protagonist, soft-core telling of the violent struggles of the civil rights movement, and the broad stereotyping of domestic workers definitely cast a white-devil cloud over the story.  These very same critiques kept me away from the book.  Though flawed, The Help is enjoyable.  The story plods along like Mississippi in July, but when it finally gains a little momentum, it fills out to a fluffy little white-guilt souffle.  Villainous Junior Leaguer Hilly Holbrook (played by Bryce Dallas Howard) mean-girls her way through Jackson, tormenting members of both races indiscriminately.  Her bitchery alone warrants a rental.Octavia Spencer shines as Minny, and veterans Allison Janney and Sissy Spacek turn in reliably fantastic performances.  Emma Stone doesn’t completely embarrass herself, but she fails to stand out among the seasoned ensemble.

Fuck a Buffet

This past weekend I was reminded just how much I hate buffets.  The worst is when you have to balance a plate, utensils, and fill your dish without dropping anything.  What is more unappetizing than industrial-sized containers of food that bunches of other people have breathed over?  Buffets feel so dirty and contaminated.  Messy motherfuckers (like me) leave a nasty trail from serving dish to plate.  Others pile everything on their plate like they are hording for the apocalypse.  And let’s be honest, buffet food is never that tasty or adequately hot or cold.  To make a bad situation worse, after completing the undignified process of lining up and scooping your own dinner, look forward to navigating the humiliation-rich minefield of obstacles standing between you and an empty seat.  Don’t forget your drink, buffet bitches.

Please join the barffet boycott.

Back to School Advice: Front Row

Many of you are heading back to school.  Wanna avoid getting called on in class?  Try sitting in the front row.  Even in Socratic Method situations, sitting in the front row triggers some sort of reverse psychology that helps students evade attention.  Since you are right under the teacher’s nose, he or she tends to overlook you and focus on the middle to back half of the classroom.  In addition, many professors stereotype those seated in the front row as overachievers.  It may sound counter-intuitive, but you might be surprised how much daydreaming you can get away with down front.  Public speaking induces major anxiety for most folks.  The intimacy of the front row makes it feel like you are only speaking to a few people rather than the whole room.  In the event that one particular professor aggressively works the seating chart, consider volunteering an answer about every third class.

Tuesday’s Tarot

Arguably, the Page of Swords singly represents the suit of Swords better than any other card in the deck.  Generally speaking, Swords are associated with air and masculine energy.  The Page of Swords holds both these powers within its four corners.  Gemini, Libra, and Aquarius, this one is for you.  The wind blows through the trees and whips the Page’s hair.  His challenging journey evokes travel, thereby touching on another central theme in Swords.  This card depicts action.  He looks out for his enemies and remains vigilant and observant.  Now is the time to take authority and oversee.

Joyful Matrimony?

Anybody else find it suspicious that after over 29 years of marriage resistance Joy married Steve two days before View tablemate Sherri Sheperd got hitched?  After decades of cohabitation, the pair could not wait a few more days to avoid stealing Sherri’s thunder?  Was this intentionally bitchy or just bad form?