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Anybody else catch the incredibly awkward, uncomfortable, and unintentional coming out party two guys had on Love Games: Bad Girls Need Love Too?  (Don’t judge me haughty bitches.)Mike and Chris played helicopter wangs and then locked themselves in the bathroom for a little “private time.”  Neither bothered to think up a good explanation for the co-bathtime behavior, so Chris panicked and blurted to the assembled group that he was taking a dump and Michael came in to take a shower.  The lame-ass cover did nothing to quell the suspicions of man-on-man fun. Michael neither confirmed nor denied, but his face gave away everything.  Chris looked nauseous as it dawned on him his parents and homophobic friends were going to definitely watch this.  His little Gaultier T-Shirt isn’t helping. Michael was eliminated because (surprise, surprise) none of the girls thought he was very into them (maybe because he was four inches into Chris’ asshole instead?).

This week on Tori & Dean the focus returned to a troubled Inventori, a space Tori opened to hock her personal hoarder stash to the unsuspecting public at an exorbitant markup.  Even though neither has any experience running a retail store, they are surprised to hear from staff that the store is struggling. Tori admitted she didn’t actually have any GD clue where shop owners procure inventory for their stores.  Scout offered up an antique fair in Texas as a possibility.  Tori’s inexperience underscores her complete and total lack of basic qualifications for owning a store that purports to sell antiques.  Are these legit antiques or just a bunch of old tacky shit?  On the basis of that hideous painted armoire in the background alone, I’m inclined to say the latter.Even though the whole point of the Inventori endeavor is to clear years-worth of accumulated possessions, rather than lower the prices to actually move some of the merch, Tori decides to restock the store with less sentimental items from the Texas antique fair.  It doesn’t occur to Tori that the antique dealers at this antique fair are reselling at retail not wholesale prices, so she donned the world’s ugliest caftan and got the whole gang on board for a jaunt down south.Oh yeah, and Patsy’s back.  If you are trying to hide your pregnancy why would you invite your baby nurse for a visit?Big fucking surprise, once Tori got down to the antique extravaganza she realized that most items carried an inflated price which didn’t leave much room for profit margin upon resale, even in L.A.  The first day was a total bust.  Dean harvested some intel and found out all the good stuff gets scooped up by local early birds.  Fucking early birds.Later after stuffing dead animals covered in BBQ sauce in their pie holes, James, Scout, and Dean insisted on riding a mechanical bull.  James obviously had quite a bit more riding experience than the other two, because he’s the only one that dismounted feet not head first.The next day, the gang went on a buying spree.  Tori even leveraged her star power to score a golf cart.  Iron bed frames, wing-backed chairs, a sweet long wooden table, and several odd tables are just a few of the items Tori selected for the truck headed back to L.A.Even though the last thing the McDermott residence needs is another feces contributor, Dean brought a baby pygmy goat and baby white fluffy chicken to join the other indoor barnyard animals.  Baby animals are delightful and all, but goats and chickens in the house?  That can’t be sanitary.When the truck arrived from Texas, Tori unloaded all the new purchases and presumably took the furniture she was actually trying to sell back to expensive storage.Serving her best poor woman’s Lucille Ball, Tori rolled around in her closet pretending to wrangle with Spanx.  When the girdle bested her, she turned to an unattractive babydoll dress and rubber rain boots which did nothing to detract from pregnancy speculation.  All the fuss was over the Fabulous Beekman boys who came to town to do an in-store cross-promo moment at Inventori.  Goat soap for everyone.