I know, I know, you are all Coachella-fatigued. Tell me about it. This is the last Coachella-related post, promise. Just thought you would like to know a few of the less advertised secrets of the Coachella festival.Most of the hot guys were gay, most of the straight guys were doughy. Seriously, most of these guys are in their twenties and thirties and have love handles. Not cute. Ratio of hot girls to hot guys 20:1.Coachella has a reputation for being a celebration of drugs in the desert. True, the attitude towards drugs, grass in particular, is quite permissive, but considering the heat and intensity of the experience, the kiddos by and large kept it together. That said, I did have a little fainting spell myself after a bad churro. Stay away from the churros, cinnamon and sugar dipped Styrofoam. Special shout out to good Samaritan “Joey” who lent a hand to my panicked pal while my brain rebooted. The dominant fashion silhouette was 80’s, 80’s, 80’s. Think high-waisted shorts and booties. Lots of shorts, lots of legs. Some good legs and ass, lots of mediocre legs and ass. Some bitches just straight up wore a 2 piece bathing suit.Who rocked? The Rapture, Wild Flag, Santigold, Girl Talk, Florence and the Machine and EMA. Who disappointed? Gotye, Pulp, SBTRKT, and ultimately Dre and Snoop who basically did a cheesy medley of popular rap hits over the last 20 years, some theirs, some not. For the record, the Tupac hologram was an abomination.