After a delightful stay in Vancouver, I headed over to Victoria, B.C. and chowed on the best vegetarian Chinese ever at Lotus Pond. This 100% cruelty-free joint blew my mind with their extensive menu of mock meat and use of unusual vegetable varieties. Ever had a lotus root? Me either. Fake seafood, check. Faux duck, quack, quack. Food is served hot, quick, authentic, and delicious. The service is kind, attentive, and unobtrusive. Overall grade = a solid A.From Victoria, we took a little ferry ride to Port Angeles. This is where we inadvertently got sucked into a vortex of Twilight tourism. Rather than fight it, we decided to embrace the fromage, so we dined at Bella Italia. This is the restaurant where Bella and Edward supposedly had their first date. We avoided the overpriced “mushroom ravioli special,” opting instead for a decent bowl of minestrone and a mediocre Margherita pizza. I asked the waitress if the place gets overrun with crazy-ass Twilight bitches, and she said for awhile it got so bad fans would steal the restaurant’s fancy leather-bound menus – which is such a profoundly dorky and pathetic move. After dinner, we hopped in the car and drove a little over an hour to Forks, Washington where we stayed at the hilarious Three Rivers Resort. This “resort” obviously used to cater mostly to fisherman, but has wisely shifted its marketing focus to appeal to the voracious and insatiable Twilight fans.Even though our cabin smelled like a mean girl’s pussy, the owners were super nice, and the little cabin was an interesting departure from the standard hotel scene. That said, I’m glad we only stayed one night. Taking the advice of the kind proprietors of Three Rivers, we ventured down to the La Push reservation to Second Beach. The elders blessed us with a sunny day, so we strolled the immaculately clean sand, snapped photos of the offshore rock formations, and spotted starfish in the tide pools. Second Beach = trip highlight. Heading down the 101, we explored an enchantingly surreal hike through the mossy Hoh Rainforest. Within this dense green wilderness lives some of the few undisturbed ancient trees protected from the logging industry. As one of the few remaining unmolested areas of its kind, Hoh absolutely warrants protection from human destruction. After our 6 mile hike, we turned back on the 101, and saw an extremely auspicious double rainbow over head.We had dinner in Aberdeen, the birthplace of the band Nirvana. From Cobainland, we traveled a little further and crossed the border into Oregon by way of Astoria where we settled in for the night. Tomorrow begins the second half of our journey where we will investigate The Goonies, Dita von Teese and the Redwoods. Keep your tray tables stowed bitches, we ain’t done yet.