Monthly Archives: July 2012

Demeter Clarc Word of the Day: Plaza Queen

Plaza Queen: a man or woman who is obnoxiously effeminate in a group setting.

That bitch is such a plaza queen, everybody within 10 feet cleared the dance floor.
This lesson brought to you by Blanche D’Almonds.  Serving warm nuts.

Demeter Clarc Manners Moment: enough with the self-aggrandizing

Lately a lot of folks have been heavy into the self-love.  That’s fantastic – self-esteem and whatnot.  I really don’t want to hear about it though, and neither does anyone else, okay?

I come from a place where humility and hard work are valued.  That’s not to say I’m not vain and lazy, because I am both.  Where I come from you don’t brag on yourself, tell people how great you are, or constantly try to one-up.  Where I come from, people who do that are considered assholes. 

In a overall dull season of RHNY, Carole and LuAnn constantly try to outdo each other with petty one-upmanship, and it reduces both women to their least interesting selves.  Let others shine light on your accomplishments.  Reconsider listing your best qualities to others in conversations that are not job interviews.  Confidence is knowing your strengths and letting others discover them.  The insecure boast in an attempt to distract from their profound weakness. When you are constantly complimenting yourself, it leaves no room for others to compliment you.  Ever notice that?  I was talking to a woman the other day and I slipped a kind word into our conversation.  Her response to my flattering remark? “Yeah, I know.”  Well, if you know, then I guess I don’t have to tell you.  And from now on, I won’t.  

False modesty is gross.  I’m not suggesting you deny your talent.  I’m just suggesting you let others praise you for it.


nostalgia beach

When a Fight Becomes a Friendship-ender

Those of you with long memories remember that just about a year ago I was preparing to attend the wedding of one of my best friends.  Despite the build-up, I mysteriously never mentioned the weekend again which some of you surely found annoying and some of you never noticed.

I’d rather not get into the complicated details out of respect for my former friend.  Needless to say, bad communication, weird energy, and selfish behavior all around caused what has amounted to an irreparable rift.

Keep in mind, this relationship spans over a decade.

So the question becomes, if neither party reaches out after an extended silence, is the friendship over?

Is it better to be stubborn, right, and lonely, or forgiving and rich with friends?

Or is it the very event of a wedding that shifts the agenda for all involved?  Can some friendships simply not survive a wedding?  Does the solidification of one relationship spell doom for another?  Only if you hate the person your friend is marrying.  Which isn’t necessarily the case here.  It isn’t so much I hated the groom.  It’s more that I hated who my friend became around the groom.

I’ve often considered reaching out to this friend, but something always stops me — usually one of my other friends who likes to periodically remind me how poorly we were treated at the ceremony after traveling many miles and undertaking great expense to support our friend’s union.

Knowing my dear friend as I do, I suspect she still checks this website from time to time.  If that’s the case, I hope she knows that despite the obstacles between us I do wish her and her husband well.  Perhaps now they’ve even begun on their little family.

Nearly a year has passed since we last spoke, and I suppose it is time to move this conflict from the active to closed file.  I do so with a heavy heart.  For many months, I held out hope we would reconcile, but some opposing forces are too polarized to ever meet in the middle.  The only useful thing I learned in Brownies – Make New Friends, but Keep the Old.  One is Silver and the Other Gold

Our friendship may be tarnished, but this girl will always be gold to me.

3 for Thursday

What most of us are thinking…

Did anyone really ever buy this showmance?  She got sloppy and I love it.  The Twilight movies suck ass anyway.  Oral in the Mini Cooper.  It must have a surprisingly roomy interior. 

What I’m recommending…

This recommendation is overdue ( it was on my watch list before Telluride).  Without a doubt, Marina Abramović The Artist is Present is a super interesting and inspiring movie.  I know some documentaries can feel tedious.  This is not one of them.  Some of you will need more, so I’m loathe to point out the Marina Abramović’s work was referenced in SATC when Carrie was courted by the Russian.  Hey whatever the reason, do watch.  Extra points for the James Franco and Orlando Bloom sightings.

What I’m hearing…

The xx sleeper single Angels.  What’s with the self-consciousness in the vocals Romy?  Got the sophomore album scares?

sleep better

Some people like massages.  Some people like expensive wine.  I like sleep.  For me it is the greatest luxury, but it can be quite elusive.  Meaningful sleep at times requires coddling, so I’m always exploring options for extending my stay in dreamland. 

Set the air conditioner temperature to chilly, open a window, or turn on a fan.  A cooler room makes for more restful sleep.  Lose the pajamas.  Try linen, bamboo, or modal sheets. Cut the data connection to the bedroom.  Seriously, isn’t it enough we have to endure the constant intrusion of cell phones on the dinner table, but the bedside table too?  Most modern cell phones emit significant light and noise even when dimmed and set to vibrate.  I know many folks use their cell phones as alarm clocks.  If you enjoy undisturbed sleep with a cell phone by your head, then no problem (other than that pesky radiation), but if you are up in the middle of the night obsessively texting and checking Facebook then that explains why you are acting like a cranky asshole during the day.

Maybe it is just psychosomatic, but I swear that I feel more ready to rest after a cup of Yogi Bedtime tea.  In times of desperation, the following options never fail:  1) a doobie, 2) an orgasm.  Try getting stoned or laid or both before popping one of those crazy and dangerous sleeping pills. 




Fall 2012 Couture: beads, buns, and butterflies

Couture cotton balls at Chanel. Limp dick beaded buns at Armani Privé.Tucked tidy as Blanche’s balls with a hairnet at Valentino.Who’s bold enough to work a veil outside of the altar?Buns served on a bed of fishnet bondage bank robberess at Jean Paul Gaultier.Super upscale lesbian chic at Chanel.A good distraction for a challenging face day by Giambattista Valli.Say bye with butterflies from the back.

Monday’s Music: Fiona Forever

Do you actually like the new Fiona Apple album, The Idler Wheel Is Wiser Than the Driver of the Screw and Whipping Cords Will Serve You More Than Ropes Will Ever DoI’m working on it a track at a time, and at times, it does feel like work.  I try because there are three things I will always love about Fiona Apple.  First, she’s uncompromising in her artistic expression without regard to the perceived negative consequences.  Second, she tirelessly curates her vegan-waif-coffeehouse-boho look.  Third, her voice hits a tender Angela Chase chord in my nostalgic 90’s heart. Long-winded and pretentious album titles notwithstanding, I say Fiona Forever.

Sunday with Mice

So I moved up into this amazing house, but it has a crazy mouse problem and it is freaking me the fuck out.  I ain’t dirty; this is a preexisting problem exacerbated by a deeply-wooded environment.  We’ve caught three so far.  I don’t do dead body removal.  That task, along with all waste removal, falls on my more noble half.  Even the faintest noise has me jumping out of my skin at night.  Gross.  Dealing with it, but hanging by a thin thread.Now I get why people have cats.  Though right now I really wish I had a pet barn owl.