Monthly Archives: February 2013

Fall 2013 RTW: Marni

Atopalm Intensive Moisturizing Cream

Even with humidifiers cranking in almost every room, I still struggle to keep my skin adequately hydrated in the winter.  I’m always on the lookout for an amazing moisturizer and this year Atopalm Intensive Moisturizing Cream is my all-around favorite.  Sufficiently rich but not overly so, Atopalm Intensive Moisturizing Cream is neutral enough for the face or chapped ballsacks.  This versatile product truly heals dry, inflamed areas.    I also enjoy that Atopalm is intelligently packaged to pass rigid TSA carry-on regulations, and it isn’t too pricey either.  

Fall 2013 RTW: Emilio Pucci

I prefer not to kill things for fashion, but I could not get enough of these textured coats at Emilio Pucci. Do kinda hate the boots though.   What else do you wear with leather short-shorts if not brown suede thigh-high boots?  Obviously, right? 

OSCARS 2013: wake me when it’s over

I commence this year’s Oscar fashion criticism frenzy with Kelly Osbourne in Tony Ward Couture because this is the dress I stared at longest and ultimately found most controversially interesting among a thicket of bland and boring looks. Was Charlize exquisite in Dior Haute Couture?  I guess.  Is it memorable?  No.  Am I bored?  Very.  Is she serving a little Sharon Stone with that hair and smirk?  Yes. Aniston possesses a rare talent for making Valentino look like the Macy’s Prom Collection.  Stand up straight bitch. This tin-tittied mess is Anne Hathaway in Prada.  Nobody noticed the diamonds, that’s for sure. When I see Halle Berry in this Versace, I want to pronounce it VersayceI despise everything about Amanda Seyfried in this Alexander McQueen: the bridesmaid hair, the pageant pose, and the washed out non-color of the firefly patterned gown. Jessica Chastain has truly never looked better in impeccably-tailored spiderweb Armani.  I don’t love Melissa McCarthy in this ill-fitting David Meister, but I will always love Melissa McCarthyJennifer Lawrence lacks a style identity.  I suspect Dior hands her a dress and she obediently wears it. One of the best dressed of the evening, Octavia Spencer looks fantastic in this soft pink Tadashi Shoji.A wrinkled mess, Kerry Washington served some sorbet Miu Miu.  It’s too long, no?I don’t get dead-eyed Kristen Stewart in Reem Acra.  I know she makes some bitches swoon, but to me she is not everything.  Can she close her mouth?  What’s up with her constant open mouth?  It’s creepy.This Louis Vuitton just doesn’t fit Reese Witherspoon, and the fabric isn’t modern. Nicole Kidman wore L’Wren Scott and I think we can agree it was a decent choice for her.  It’s a little fussy for my personal taste, but she wears it well and looks luminous. Let’s finish with the couples: Naomi Watts wore Armani PrivéArmani far and away fit the best dresses of the night.  Ben & Jen, she in Gucci, but it doesn’t matter what she wears because nothing pops on this girl.


Sunday Birthday Party

Debra Jo RuppKristin DavisJudith ButlerChad HugoMatt SkibaWinslow Homer

The Fall 2013 Collections are Heinous, mostly

I dunno what’s in the water in the fashion capitals of the world, but the Fall 2013 collections have been uniformly heinous.  Girl, you know it’s a bad season when I hate the Tom Ford collection.  I never hate Tom FordPrada wasn’t quite as offensive, but there was plenty to hate there too even when keeping the eye within the confines of  Miuccia’s quirky-frump-fugsex aesthetic.


Enough with the Vessel Sinks

Is there anything more annoying than a vessel sink?  I think not.  Vessel sinks may look good in the store, but in actuality they are the most impractical and messy of all the sink options.  Sinks are like a proper fuck, you want them big and deep not perched, precious, and puny. Water splashes everywhere from this style of basin.  Many of the wide and shallow versions aren’t banked properly, so gross water collects on one end always failing to properly drain.  I’m repulsed. Like most home decorating trends that come on hard, fast, and ubiquitous, the vessel sink will soon be considered a dated vestige of a quainter time like wallpaper borders or shag carpet. 

Fall 2013 RTW: Burberry Prorsum

Nobody is an Atheist on an Airplane

Wanna know my airplane prayer?

Dear God,

Cradle this plane in your palm.  Guide us gently to our destination.  Place us down gently.  Thank you.


Pathetic, right?  Nobody is an Atheist on an airplane.