Monthly Archives: March 2014

Sunday cinematic swim

PIGGY-IN-THE-POOLMiss Piggy ♥ The Great Muppet CaperMELAINA SHAGMelaina ♥ ShagLINDALinda ♥ Fast Times at Ridgemont HighHONEY RYDERHoney Ryder ♥ Dr. No10 JENNYJenny ♥ 10 ADRIENNE THE CRUSHAdrienne ♥ The Crush

A LA MAISON

A LA MAISON HONEYSUCKLEWith the fervor over sulfates, parabens, and other potential hazards in our products, the hunt for a good body wash can be downright frustrating.  Right now, I’m in love with A LA MAISON.  I know it looks like something you’d find in your Mom’s guest bath.  Don’t let that discourage you.  This super luxurious vegetable based soap has everything you want: suds, light fragrance, and moisture; and nothing you don’t: harsh detergents, and animal/toxic ingredients.  It’s also reasonably priced.A LA MAISON ROSEMARY MINT

Living Proof

JEN AND CHRIS LIVING PROOFDammit.  I already love Living Proof Prime Style Extender, and now I’m hooked on Living Proof Full shampoo and conditioner.  Do you think I want to love anything associated with Jennifer fucking Aniston?  I assure you I do not, but I cannot deny the otherworldly effects of these products.  I prefer wash and wear hair for my daily situation.  My hair goes up into a messy spinpin bun and down again several times a day.  Living Proof improves the texture, volume, and style of my air-dried hair.  Living Proof Full shampoo + conditioner + style extender + air dry = hair looks almost as good as if I finished with heat.  If I actually take the time to blow my hair out with Living Proof the results are major; add hot rollers = bombshell major.  I started this paragraph with the word dammit because Living Proof is pricey, and now I’m addicted.  I console myself knowing with Living Proof I can go a day between washings and still maintain bouncy bedhead.  LP makes my haircut look more expensive.  If Living Proof had nuts, I’d be swinging from them.  LIVING PROOF FULL

Amy Schumer Live

AMY SCHUMERI’m usually ambivalent about live stand-up, but I recently caught comic Amy Schumer on tour promoting the second season of her funnyfeminist show Inside Amy Schumer.  I’ve posted my affection for Inside Amy Schumer before so I needn’t take you on a redundant stroll down pussy power lane.  My esteem for her only intensified when she snatched the spotlight from those other twats on Girls this season.  MAGIC PUSSYI enjoyed her stand-up less.  Inside Amy Schumer inverts sexism in a manner that exposes the utter absurdity.  Amy Schumer the stand-up comic falls short on completing the flip.  For example, she asserts (the obvious) women have a fuckability shelf-life, that after a certain age society sends them out to sea on a rudimentary raft for a viking’s funeral.  The punchline: men have no fuckability shelf-life.  Men are apparently fuckable to the day they die.  Even if that were actually true, which it isn’t entirely, stating our collective indoctrinated gender stereotypes without subversion isn’t particularly funny.  Unless you are a guy.  The guy behind me was cracking up with a sense of optimistic superiority throughout the show (continuous dork laughing is just one of the problems with live stand-up).  If Schumer did her job properly, he’d be feeling like an asshole and my pussy would feel damn empowered.  The big takeaway wasn’t pussy empowerment, it was learning that a “Cherry Sundae” is when you “bust on a girl’s face and then punch her in the nose.”  AMY SCHUMER LIVE

Even though I laughed, I left depressed.  AMY SCHUMER DEPRESSING

Demeter Clarc Tidy Tip: Cascade

CASCADE WITH DAWNI once believed dishwasher detergent was one of those products that I could buy generic without consequences.  I was wrong.  My glass was cloudy.  I blamed age and wear & tear.  Turns out it may have been that cheap detergent.  After a few washings using Cascade with Dawn dissolving detergent pillows my cloudy glass came out crystal clear.  The difference was notable and worth paying for.  No more bottom shelf generic for me.  Cascade really does clean better.   CLOUDY AND CLEAR

Furthermore, It’s Not Right When…

MAD HUH…After 6 weeks of dating (including sleepovers), he still hasn’t taken down his OkCupid profile.  OKCUPID DOUCHE…He actually accepts the money you offer him for a lunch he begged you for even though he makes 3x your annual salary. CHEAP ASSHOLE…He tells you he likes you; that he’s starting to get attached; that this could get serious; and then informs you he’s planning a month-long trip to Europe with his ex’s best friend.

SERIOUSLY TRY…He’s 30 years older than you.  YOU’RE DELUSIONAL OLD MAN. Celebrities At The Kentucky Derby

 

fall 2014 rtw /// Givenchy

GIVENCHY FALL 2014 RTW TAYA ERMOSHKINAGIVENCHY FALL 2014 AMANDA WELLSHGIVENCHY FALL 2014 RTW MINA CVETKOVICGIVENCHY FALL 2014 ELODIA PRIETOGIVENCHY FALL 2014 KAMILA HANSEN GIVENCHY FALL 2014 KAREN ELSON GIVENCHY FALL 2014 LEA T GIVENCHY FALL 2014 LIU WENGIVENCHY FALL 2014 TILDA LINDSTAMGIVENCHY FALL 2014 AXEL BOROWSKA GIVENCHY FALL 2014 RTW JAMIE BOCHERT

I Know It’s Not Right When…

SODA SHOP DATEHe has to google words I use in text messages.  You don’t know what auspicious means?

Auspicious: showing or suggesting that future success is likely.

He spends three dates talking exclusively about himself and then says “I can’t wait to learn everything about you.”BAD DATE CARTOON

I hate his shoes.hermes brown suedeHe cares more about being perceived as cool than he does about my feelings.ONJ AND JOHN TRAVOLTA GREASE

KELLY LE BROCKMy Kelly LeBrock and James Spader references sailed over his thinning hair.JAMES SPADER MANNEQUIN

 

facial cleansing oils

OILS GLASSAny bitch who has read a beauty mag in the last 24 months has heard of facial cleansing oils.  Facial cleansing oils have been around for eons, but lately they’ve experienced a renaissance; first within the prestige market and then trickling down to the discount demographic.  Proponents insist oils remove impurities without disrupting the lipid barrier, thereby cleansing without creating unnecessary vulnerability to the skin.  Since I struggle with the holy trifecta of breakouts, dryness, and sensitivity, I hoped oils could help calm the epidermal storm. CLEANSING OILSIn the last few months, I’ve worked a rotation of three different cleansing oils.  To clean the skin, rub facial cleansing oil into dry skin.  Then you could take it a number of different routes: emulsification and warm water rinse, washcloth, grains, etc.  Personally, I use a Clarisonic.  No suds.  No foam.  The makeup slides off in the slick, including difficult mascara.  Expect super soft, clean, nourished skin as a result.KISMET CLEANSING OIL1) First, DHC Deep Cleansing Oil, a cult favorite comprised of the following: olea europaea (olive) fruit oil, caprylic/capric triglyceride, sorbeth-30 tetraoleate, pentylene glycol, phenoxyethanol, tocopherol, stearyl glycyrrhetinate, rosmarinus officinalis (rosemary) leaf oil.  Although, the principal ingredient is olive oil, the addition of rosemary adds an interesting dimension.  I enjoy DHC Deep Cleansing Oil because it’s luxurious and reasonably priced.  I bestow a letter grade of A-.DHC DEEP CLEANSING OIL2 ) Second, consider organic extra virgin coconut oil.  Like many of you, I buy the big tub at Costco and use it all over.  Among the three mentioned here, the most economical and simple choice is the organic extra virgin coconut oil.  With just one pure ingredient, there’s only a marginal likelihood of allergy or reaction.  For its simplicity and ready availability I give it an ACOSTCO COCONUT OIL

3) Third, let me present Josie Maran Argan Cleansing Oil which is a mix of argania spinosa kernal (argan) oil, polysorbate-20, carthamus tinctorius (safflower) seed oil, vitis vinifera (grape) seed oil, olea europaea (olive) fruit oil, prunus amygdalus dulcis oil, citrus grandis (grapefruit) peel oil, tocopherol.  Sweeter, I like the consistency and experience of Josie Maran Argan Cleansing Oil, but when I accidentally got some in my mouth it tasted yucky.  It’s also the most expensive of the three and for these reasons I grade it a respectable B.    JOSIE MARAN CLEANSING OIL