demeter clarc » ADVICE

Demeter Clarc Manners Moment: ass toys are not for sharing

DC — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 10:00:48 +0000

So I was talking to one of my favorite people ever today. He’s been mentoring a cousin semi-new to the scene and trying to instill the proper etiquette into the young man for navigating the treacherous waters of the modern gay world.My impeccably clean and well-mannered pal has extended his home to his ill-mannered cousin on a number of occasions. In the past, cugino harmlessly and forgettably annoyed friend and his put-upon partner when staying over, but recently the off-side twat went too far.After arranging his cuz comfortably and appropriately in front of the tv on the couch, friend trusted his cousin in his apartment unattended for a short window of time.

During the brief moment of solitude in his older, respected mentor’s well-kept home, cousin crept upstairs and rifled around in the room he shares with his long term partner.

Primo shamelessly fished through the goody drawer and with unmitigated gall had the audacity to employ a very pricey prostate stimulator and do work on himself.

Take a moment and let it wash over you. I understand. Happy to wait. How did friend know about the trespass? Cousin left the dirty ass toy on a washcloth next to the sink like a parting gift. He did not even bother to wipe it down with the rubbing alcohol conveniently adjacent.So just in case any of you extra sloppy-ass invasive bitches (paging punk cousin) need a remedial manners moment, using someone else’s butt fun without permission is not a gesture of gratitude.

Caveat Emptor: RTR Clearance

DC — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 07:19:42 +0000

We’ve discussed the benefits and pitfalls of dealing with Rent the Runway before, but I had a not-so-great experience shopping their clearance sale and wanted to warn you. Periodically Rent the Runway liquidates their heavily-rented inventory with a clearance sale. The dresses and accessories are previous rentals and clearly show signs of fatigue. In fairness, RTR sort of discloses damages – for example below they indicate the garment has pick/pull flaws, but don’t show the specific item for purchase. All items are final sale, so you better know your size and be ready to accept whatever arrives. Keep in mind most of these dresses are stretched from the myriad bodies that have inhabited them. Whether you find the savings significant will be a matter of perspective. A Proenza Schouler dress that retails for $1,525 sells for $455 on clearance. But you are still shelling out nearly $500 for a used frock, and not lightly used at that. The accessories might be a better value if most of them weren’t completely fug.

My negative experience involved some crazy price fluctuations on a dress. After some back and forth the issue was favorably resolved, but the entire experience left a bad taste in my mouth when it comes to shopping RTR’s clearance.

Demeter Clarc Manners Moment: The Rules of Engagement

DC — Sat, 07 Jan 2012 07:34:31 +0000

With the New Year comes the inevitable flood of engagement announcements. Word trickled out that boring Biel and Timberlake got engaged in Wyoming. Always-the-bride-never-the-bridesmaid Drew Barrymore and her boyfriend Will Kopelman also allegedly agreed to marry. Trawick recently sprung a diamond on Britney, and Matthew slid carats on Camila’s finger too.

So let’s have a chat about a proper proposal shall we? These rules apply hetero or homo or any which way. Here at Demeter Clarc we believe you can put your dick wherever you like as long as you do so politely. Without further ado, the rules of engagement:

1) Do not piggyback on the excitement of another holiday. No rings under the tree. Don’t double down on a birthday. Don’t plunder the thunder of another fun day because you are too damn lazy to come up with an interesting proposal.2) Don’t ever hide the ring in food. Fucking fromage yo. This approach is not only lazy, but also a choking hazard. Nobody wants to wait a couple days to “pass” an engagement ring before showing friends.3) Ask a parent. Now this is going to be a controversial position, but hear me out, okay? Approaching the parents first is a respectful and deferential gesture. By going to the parents prior to proposing, it provides them an opportunity to voice any concerns and feel heard. Now maybe you don’t want to hear what they have to say? Well, hear this; the parents will have their say one way or another. Either give them the opportunity early on or hear the truth after they get three cocktails deep into the engagement party.4) Don’t hijack other events and turn them into your engagement party. Yes, you must announce your engagement, but I’ve been to more than one event where a self-important, love-dazed couple decided to announce their engagement to the room at a totally non-related event. It’s weird and kinda rude. And it kinda means you have to invite all those people to the wedding.5) Prepare for a range of reactions. To be totally dead honest with you, when most people inform me of their engagements I give good congratulations and best wishes, but inside I’m humming the death march to freedom’s funeral. And I’m not even a jaded divorcee who would very much like to tell you where to shove all that bright-eyed engagement talk.