After several recent appalling experiences on the subway, Blanche D’Almonds requested a Demeter Clarc Manners Moment on the social boundaries of public grooming. This one’s for you Blanche. 
No public nail clipping please. In China public nail clipping is a socially acceptable practice, but you don’t live in China do you? I’m pretty sure this website is banned in China. Public nail clipping should be banned everywhere. 
A tacky bitch labors under the delusion that a public lipstick application is some sort of foreplay for the orally fixated. Do not break out your compact and lipstick at the dinner table. Ever. 
Along with your compact and lipstick, keep your hairbrush in your bag until you reach private quarters. Furthermore, keep your hands out of your hair whenever in the presence of food. 
No matter how tempting, keep your fingers out of your mouth in public. This prohibition includes teeth picking, nail biting, and thumb sucking. Note how enchanting Catherine Zeta-Jones looks extracting her appetizer from her incisor.
For Valentine’s Day, I fulfilled a fantasy. It’s not what you are thinking pervs. No sticking your dick in the cannoli. 
I went to this Italian bakery I’ve been meaning to try. On the rare occasion I hit up a bakery, I typically restrain myself to one selection. How miserably boring is that?
Just once, I wanted to fill a whole bakery box full of assorted delectable pastries.
So I did just that, and it was fucking fantastic. Once in awhile, go full out and fill the whole box. I’m certainly not suggesting you fill your pie hole with pie everyday, but occasionally, nothing beats a sticky bun. 
I’m still lit up with childlike joy from my mini-splurge. This week take an afternoon delight. Enjoy a baked good or your comfort equivalent. Support a local business, maybe something authentic from the old country. Enjoy the experience wholeheartedly and without remorse. 
Sofa looking a little defeated? Over-sized chair looking under-stuffed?
Whether you launder the covers or not, unzip and pop some extra batting or even an old pillow in there for some extra support. 
I just brought a chaise back to life with a queen size pillow. You’d be surprised how much you can fit in there and how the extra filling adds comfort to beatdown furniture. It’s a cheap fix with satisfyingly instant and noticeable results. 
So I was talking to one of my favorite people ever today. He’s been mentoring a cousin semi-new to the scene and trying to instill the proper etiquette into the young man for navigating the treacherous waters of the modern gay world.
My impeccably clean and well-mannered pal has extended his home to his ill-mannered cousin on a number of occasions. In the past, cugino harmlessly and forgettably annoyed friend and his put-upon partner when staying over, but recently the off-side twat went too far.
After arranging his cuz comfortably and appropriately in front of the tv on the couch, friend trusted his cousin in his apartment unattended for a short window of time.
How did friend know about the trespass? Cousin left the dirty ass toy on a washcloth next to the sink like a parting gift. He did not even bother to wipe it down with the rubbing alcohol conveniently adjacent.
So just in case any of you extra sloppy-ass invasive bitches (paging punk cousin) need a remedial manners moment, using someone else’s butt fun without permission is not a gesture of gratitude.
We’ve discussed the benefits and pitfalls of dealing with Rent the Runway before, but I had a not-so-great experience shopping their clearance sale and wanted to warn you. 
Periodically Rent the Runway liquidates their heavily-rented inventory with a clearance sale. The dresses and accessories are previous rentals and clearly show signs of fatigue. In fairness, RTR sort of discloses damages – for example below they indicate the garment has pick/pull flaws, but don’t show the specific item for purchase. 
All items are final sale, so you better know your size and be ready to accept whatever arrives. Keep in mind most of these dresses are stretched from the myriad bodies that have inhabited them. Whether you find the savings significant will be a matter of perspective. A Proenza Schouler dress that retails for $1,525 sells for $455 on clearance. But you are still shelling out nearly $500 for a used frock, and not lightly used at that. 
The accessories might be a better value if most of them weren’t completely fug. 
With the New Year comes the inevitable flood of engagement announcements. Word trickled out that boring Biel and Timberlake got engaged in Wyoming. Always-the-bride-never-the-bridesmaid Drew Barrymore and her boyfriend Will Kopelman also allegedly agreed to marry. Trawick recently sprung a diamond on Britney, and Matthew slid carats on Camila’s finger too.
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So no matter what happens this weekend, we are absolutely forbidden from partaking in the following behaviors.
Drinking and Driving
Broaden the search by shopping the mens and kids departments for excellent markdowns on sweaters. On the mens rack find plenty of small sizes and on the kids find the leftover XLs. The patterns and proportions can be a fresh alternative to the same old womens offerings. 
Read the signage carefully. Just went jeans shopping and my denim-purchasing companion would have probably bought twice as many pairs had he known at the time of selection that the $159 jeans marked down to $89 would actually ring up at 40% off the lowest marked price. 
Don’t get suckered into buying fresh Resort 2012 right now unless you are actually traveling someplace warm in the next 4 weeks. Now is the time to stock up on deeply discounted coats, winter accessories, and boots for the rest of this season and next. 
If the day after Christmas has left you with a holiday hangover, consider using the last precious days of the year to accomplish a few unmet goals. Rather than waiting until NYE to make some phony resolution, begin the new year with the confidence that comes from triumphing over obstacles. 
First off, your space is filthy, so a good pre-New Year purge wouldn’t hurt, right? Like when is the last time you really mopped? What difference would 3 hours dedicated to tidiness make in your life? What impact could a donation of all your unused crap mean to someone in need? Now is your chance to make up for snubbing that Salvation Army bell ringer this year. It is never too late for generosity.
If your goal this year was to cultivate fun, you still have 5 days to plan an execute a bitching NYE party. How about a trade-your-most-hideous-gift exchange party? The fiesta provides another avenue to declutter (see #1) and an opportunity to trade it for something you might actually like, even if only ironically.
Here’s to rising to the challenge of accomplishing more in the last week of the year than bong hits and Teen Mom 2 marathons.
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