Call ’em biscuit heels (™ MWY). Call it flip-flop feet. Dry, cracked, nasty-ass feet are unacceptable. There are numerous foot creams on the market, but I haven’t found one that has the power to truly remove thick callouses. Momentary softening, maybe, but true dead skin removal requires a more powerful product. I don’t like going to get professional pedicures. I think it’s gross. Pedicures make me uncomfortable, and I don’t really like nail polish. I certainly would never let a pedicurist razor my callouses off in such an unhygienic environment. We’ve all heard the horror stories of fungus and worse that you can contract from pedicure tubs. What is a flaky footed fucker to do?
Procure a high-grade glycolic peel designed for the face and apply it to your feet. Try Skin Obsession 30% Glycolic Acid Chemical Peel. Now, if you use this stuff on your face you might burn, redden, and subsequently peel. The effects are less drastic, but still meaningful on the feet. Make sure your feet are clean. Do a test patch. Don’t accidentally get it in your eyes. Have a baking soda and water mix handy should you need to neutralize. Soak a cotton pad in the acid and thoroughly wipe the bottom of your clean feet before bed. Concentrate on areas of thicker skin. I don’t even feel a tingle when I apply 30% glycolic acid solution to my feet, so I don’t bother neutralizing. If you feel burning you may want to use the baking water and soda to return the normal PH of your skin. Use your judgement. This shouldn’t hurt. It will remove those stubborn callouses like nothing else I have found. Keep the biscuits at the Cracker Barrel, ya’ll.