Category Archives: DIET

Let’s Catch Up

SLACK ASS

Sorry I’ve been kinda slackass.  I met somebody interesting, and we’ve been spending time together.  You know how it goes, girl.

VIEW PREMIEREThe “new” View sux.  I’m disoriented by the set change.  Rosie O’Donnell’s gastric sleeve operation seems to have concentrated her already abrasive nature.  I used to like her.  Now, not so much.   Whoopi seems super unhappy.  She should have accepted the contract buyout allegedly offered by the network and split to less hostile pastures.  Rosie Perez served as the least annoying addition to the stage, but her talent is wasted in this format.  I haven’t bothered to learn the Republican’s name yet.  She wears her hair in a layered bob, so that’s all I need to know about her. ROSIESI’m keeping up with the Spring 2015 RTW collections, but many have disappointed.  Bodycon’s been trending out for awhile now, but for Spring 2015 it is gone.  There were a number of voluminous and oddly shaped garments parading down the runways.  I’m all for avant-garde, but clothing must flatter first.  Distilling these trends into a wearable narrative may prove challenging. TOM FORD SPRING 2015 RTW

TOM FORD · SPRING 2015 RTW

ALIK AND LOUISE

The Made in Chelsea gang spent the summer in NYC.  The MIC NYC finale just aired so you can bingewatch the season on 4oD.  If you are like me, you’ll have opinions about Billie.  And please note Alik’s overly passionate succubus kissing style.  He looks like he’s going to swallow little Louise whole. BILLIEOn the Diet Coke substitution tip, faithful reader Leah Love suggested Perrier as a pleasing alternative.  I’m currently investigating.  Thanks for the suggestion Mizz Love.  (((Hugs babygirl))) PERRIERWorking the next 18 days straight, so don’t assume if I’m not on the daily that I’m dickmatized.  Just working hard bitches, thanks for your patience and understanding. ♥ DCHALF ASS

 

Ugh, sucralose.

SPENDA CONTAINMENT TEAMI should have read more closely.  I consider myself a good label reader, but I was willfully blind to the sucralose buried in the thicket of ingredients comprising Kirkland Sparking Flavored Water.  Sucralose = Splenda.  It wasn’t my intention to trade one artificial sweetener addiction for another.  Apologies if my hasty and overly enthusiastic post led you astray.  The quest continues…KIRKLAND SIGNATURE SPARKLING FLAVORED WATER

Cookie Butter fueled

TJ SPECULOOS COOKIE BUTTERSHope you had a great weekend lovelies.  3 shows in 3 days + massive weekend work demands = one exhausted little dove.  I’m fueled by bananas and Trader Joe’s Speculoos Cookie Butter - a truly crackish combo.  I’m awfully thrilled to welcome best pal KB back to town along with her partner.  She’s a super smart lady and an exceptional friend.  I look forward to all the trouble we can get into now they we’re geographically proximate.ROMY AND MICHELEI’ve only tinted my eyelashes once seven years ago, but I’m going to try again this Friday.  Loyal readers understand my personal beauty holy grail involves continually dark lashes without pesky under-eye mascara smudges.

EYELASH TINT

My recent banking fiasco motivated a change in financial institutions.  When the new credit union ran my credit the astonished banker said it was refreshing to see such a high credit score.  To celebrate my fiscal responsibility I went shopping.  In a moment of magical, mystical, Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants shit, I found not one, but new three pairs of jeans.  Not only did I find an unlikely triad of sexual jeans (Rag & Bone, Current/Elliott, Vigoss), but they were buy 1 get 2 free.  Grateful to the Denim Gods.KHLOE RAG & BONE

Mung bean sprouts remedy constipation.  Moving along…

MUNG BEAN SPROUTS

 

Saturday at the Farmer’s Market

FARMER'S MARKET MONTEREYEGGPLANT FMFARMER'S MARKET TATERSFARMER'S MARKET VEDGEFM FRUIT AND VEGFM VEG SPREADLIL GIRL FMLOS GATOS FM

lOVE/hATE

BRING IT! TOE TOUCHLove ♥ Bring It!  The Lifetime show features a Mississippi dance team called the Dancing Dolls (and their belligerent parents) getting buck in weekly stand battles. DD4L!BRING IT! HEEL TOUCHHate ≈ Bitter, hateful texts from my Ex.  Really?  It’s been over a year, so I was hoping we were well past the intentionally mean break-up phase.MEANLove ♥ Kirkland Sparkling Flavored Water.  In my quest for a zero calorie natural Diet Coke replacement, I stumbled upon this awesome beverage.  This stuff is magical.  I don’t understand how it’s calorie free, artificial sweetener-free, and still bursts with flavor.  Not only that, it’s fortified with Vitamin D, Niacin, B6, B12, Biotin, Pantothenic Acid, and Green Tea Extract.  I’m suspicious because it is seemingly so guilt-free.  By the way, I haven’t had a single Diet Coke since I quit.  Not one.KIRKLAND SPARKLING FLAVORED WATERHate ≈ My Dumbass Bank.  I spent the week untangling a mess at my financial institution because they are too stupid to understand onion routing, and I was too dumb to know not to use to Tor for online banking.  Let this annoying hassle be a cautionary tale.  Bitcoin is the only currency your Tor should ever see. ONION HEADS

 

Peach Teas

Xing Green Tea with Peach & Honey

XING PEACH GREEN TEASweet.  Peachy.  Tarty.  Dry finish.  180 calories for a monstrous 23.5 oz can.

Honest Tea Peach Oo-la-long

HONEST TEA PEACHOrganic.  Far less sweet.  Mildly peachy.  Assertive tea taste.  60 calories in 16 oz.

Tazo Giant PeachTAZO GIANT PEACH

Major peachyness.  More juice than tea.  Super fruity and sweet.  150 calories for 13.8 oz.

Republic of Tea Ginger PeachREPUBLIC OF TEA PEACH

Strong black tea.  Caffeine kick.  Iced or hot.  Lightly bitter finish.

Teavana Peach Tranquility

Full-bodied peachy taste layered over gentle tea blend.  Superb hot/cold.  Caffeine-free.PEACH TEA

I quit you diet coke.

DIET COKE HEADWhen I was a wayward youth, I pretty much got grounded every summer.  The summer I was 13 and stuck at home with my Mom, I picked up her Diet Coke habit.  Actually, when I think back on it, I was drinking TAB and watching Dallas in the early 80′s, so my aspartame addiction spans life-long.  I know it’s bad for me.  I’ve known it’s bad for me.  I’ve shared my Diet Coke shame before (as loyal readers remember).  Recently, while watching the documentary Hungry for Change, listening to Dr. Christiane Northrup describe the brain-cell-killing jamboree aspartame causes made me side-eye my beloved Diet Coke with new disgust.  DIET COKE ZOMBIES

I confess I drank an absurdly large amount of Diet Coke, mostly out of cans, 6 or more a day for years.  I’ll wait while you judge.  Considering the depth of my habit, I was prepared for an intensely difficult withdrawal period.  Surprisingly, I’m fine.  I’m drinking tea for caffeine and La Croix for fizz.  I haven’t had any conscious hardcore cravings.  Of course, I had a dream about popping a Diet Coke last night, but that’s just my subconscious cleansing itself of my filthy addiction.   DIET EVIL

Altoids Smalls

ALTOID SMALLSI come in close contact with at least 20-40 people everyday, and therefore I do my best to combat hot breath.  I prefer Altoids Smalls because they do not contain gelatin.  Diminutive yet powerful, I can discreetly pop a mini-mint and still carry on a conversation unobstructed.  For high-quality kissing, consider these a pre-smooch ritual.    ALTOIDS SMALL VARIETIESsmooch

Happy 420 Easter Bunnies

 

EASTER BASKETBUNNY CARTOON VINTAGE BUNNY CHOC BUNNIES HOT GUY RABBIT EARS STONEY BUNNYCHICK