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Category Archives: FASHION
fall 2012 rtw: girly coats
Wednesday, February 29th, 2012
2012 Oscars Style Review: The Best, The Worst, The Most, The Toast
Monday, February 27th, 2012
The Best: Emma Stone in Giambattista Valli
This gorgeous gown fit her body perfectly, accentuated her tiny waist, and stood out in a sea of mediocrity. Don’t love the accessories, but I’m not in the mood to quibble.
You Saw It Here First: Shailene Woodley in Valentino Couture
Fresh from the couture collections, Shailene Woodley wore this modern, white, long-sleeved number. It might look familiar since we featured it as part of the best of Fall 2012 Couture earlier this month. It’s a little old for her, and her face would benefit from a pop of color, but not a flop by any means.
Most Confusing: Viola Davis in Vera Wang
This looks like the homicide of Puff the Magic Dragon. A full-on unmitigated lapse in aesthetic judgment.
Fulfilled Potential: Tina Fey in Carolina Herrera
We’ve all been waiting for Tina Fey to step out looking this good. Finally, she’s really come into her own in this navy peplum-detailed gown.
Evoking a Cult Leader: Gwyneth Paltrow in Tom Ford
I’m not saying I don’t like this, but she’s delivering a whole lot of white here. Can’t you picture her standing at a podium condescendingly addressing an arena full of Goopies in this odd get-up? “Follow me, affluent women, to the land of organic peas…”
Most Offensive Overtry: Jennifer Lopez in Zuhair Murad
Nude illusion Fruit Stripe Gum.
Culmination of a Bad Fashion Awards Season Run: Jessica Chastain
Fashion-wise, Chastain hasn’t found her identity. Her style choices were as varied and uneven as her performances this year. It looks like she skinned Kimora Lee’s sofa. Let this be a lesson – McQueen is not for everyone.
Let Me Upgrade You: Clooney in Armani, Keibler in Marchesa
Clooney’s clout ensures his girls-of-the-moment have access to all the best fashion houses and some very high-end clothes, but even in all their borrowed sartorial finery, his dates still look like they should be holding cards above their heads in the middle of a wrestling ring.
Most Predictable: Pitt in Tom Ford and Jolie in Versace Atelier
I’m so bored with these two. Oh, how fucking shocking you two bitches showed up in black. Close your legs dear, you’re not dancing the can-can. Ever since I heard that thing she said to him at the Globes, I’ve kinda hated them. She turned to him and said “you’re prettier than me.” Fucking voms yo.
The Bridesmaids: Kristin Wiig in J. Mendel
While the bodice of this dress is tailored beautifully for her body, the placement of the break into the texture is awkward and unflattering.
Melissa McCarthy in Marina Rinaldi
Are we calling this mauve? I’m pretty sure we issued a fatwa on mauve at the end of the 80′s.
Maya Rudolph in Johanna Johnson
Here’s one of the few purple looks of the night. It’s a safe, conservative, and unoffensive choice. The side-swept hair is very Mariah.
Building Relationships Pays Off: Octavia Spencer in Tadashi Shoji
After favorable reviews from fashion folk for her Globes look, Octavia went back to Tadashi Shoji for her Oscar gown. Clearly, cultivating that relationship has paid off; the designer knows her body and the fit is beautiful. Second best of the night.
Dress I wanna like, but Don’t: Cameron Diaz in Gucci
I really want to like this Gucci gown, but I don’t. She needs a waist and this dress gives her no shape through the torso. It reminds me of a melting chocolate and vanilla soft-serve twist cone.
Consistently Wasted Potential: Michelle Williams in Louis Vuitton
This dress is too fussy, ill-fitting, and heavy for such a delicate wisp of a girl. This ensemble ain’t right – the necklace, the bag (and I get where they are going with the clash, but here, no), and that gawd awful frump of a saloon-girl-gone-wrong disaster of a frock.
Sure to be Critically Eviscerated: Rooney Mara in Givenchy
No one will get this. Even if they did, the cut isn’t flattering to her body. If you do avant-garde, you have to do it impeccably.
Post-baby Blah: Natalie Portman in vintage Dior
She gave birth to a new era of shitty style.
Two A-List Underwhelmers: Sandra Bullock in Marchesa and Penelope Cruz in Giorgio Armani.
Sandra’s dress isn’t doing her body any favors. Is a gold shrub trying to munch her bush? WTF? Pene, you are almost forty, enough with the princess shit. Join us in 2012. 
To Glasses
Friday, February 24th, 2012
Thanks for all your love and well wishes yesterday. So far so good. All went well with the Pink Floyd Laser Light Show. I’m currently writing this 12 hours after surgery without glasses or dreadful contacts. 
I can’t help but feel a little misty for my glasses. Not my dependence on them, but they do add a certain flavor to the face, no? 
So today is dedicated to glasses. I haven’t forgotten you. I won’t be a hipster douche who wears you without a vision-correcting purpose, but I will continue to appreciate a well-placed pair. 
3 for Friday: Cox Blox, Skky Repurposed, Retro Zoe
Friday, February 17th, 2012
Cougar Town returned, but felt like a foregone canceled conclusion. Did you catch Courteney Cox on The View with Josh Hopkins earlier this week? She limply pimped Cougar Town’s return with the type of enthusiasm reserved for a funeral procession. Poor optimistic Josh carried on charming Grandma Walters and her wicked chickens as if it mattered. 
Attended the home and garden show this week. What do we think of this stuff? It is made of 85% recycled glass, concrete, and some other binding agents. It is sold under a variety of different brand names as an eco-alternative to marble and granite. It is very durable, doesn’t off-gas, and is relatively low maintenance. It is quite pricey though at around $100 a square foot installed.
In a reality rewind, I’m getting ready to have laser corrected vision surgery which got me in the mood to watch Jessica and Nick on the Newlyweds. Remember the episode when Jessica and Casey get Lasik and then hit Red Robin? Anyway, I’m watching season 1 and low and behold if the self-anointed Queen of Style Rachel Zoe isn’t a lowly wardrobe assistant rushing over to blanket a whining Jessica Simpson in a plush bath robe between takes. Best retro background sighting of the week. In the same season background scenery, catch an even-leathery-back-then Robin Antin and Mikey Minden as a curly-tressed neophyte choreographer. 
GRAMMY 2012: whitney’s wake
Monday, February 13th, 2012
The best of the night were all appropriately in black. Rihanna plunged in the front and sloped low in the back in this major Armani. Gwyneth repped her inner-circle in Stella McCartney. From the neck down Gwyneth looks amazing, but she’s looking a little inflamed in the face. Bad bronzer or bad eight ball? You decide. 
Adele turned it out in Armani. We sure as fuck knew she wouldn’t wear Chanel after Karl’s latest round of bad Grandpa fat comments.
Not all the black was good; Julianne Hough wasted her crazy toned body in this unflattering and boring Kaufmanfranco.
Bruno Mars gave a little ankle in this fashion-forward Thom Browne look. Not everyone will get it, but I appreciate the effort. 
Saggy tits. That’s the first thing that comes to mind when I see Katy Perry in this Elie Saab gown. The sophomoric blue hair and the pastel Tinkerbell gown are enough to induce the heaves. This girl cannot sing, she cannot dress, and therefore I have no use for her. No use at all. Good day Katy Perry. I said good day.
And the “desperately seeking attention” award goes to….miz Minaj. She has talent, so why won’t she lead with it? It’s Versace by the way. The cape not the bishop. 
Let’s work our way through the “irrelevant in white” category. Kathy Griffin wore Michael Kors rather well. Why is it when she looks better she’s less funny?
Kate Beckinsale usually shows up to these events in overblown ball gowns, so this Zuhair Murad is actually a surprisingly appropriate choice for her. She still can’t ditch the pageant hair, but baby steps are still progress. Paris Hilton wore a well-tailored Basil Soda. I’m not on fire for the white and gold combo. She looks better than usual, but a skosh overdressed.
Robyn, L.A. doesn’t do the whole quirky Nordic thing. Just ask Bjork. This whole look is an unmitigated hell no. 
One of the few pops of color, Fergie in Jean Paul Gaultier; I can feel how much she desperately wants our approval, but I must withhold it. 
Adam Levine doing his best Scott Disick. Between Scott and Adam, who do you think gets called “douche” more often to his face?
Taylor Swift is like the Nicole Kidman of the under-25 set. This over-serious frock is a Zuhair Murad creation.
fall 2012 rtw: amuse-bouche
Saturday, February 11th, 2012
Cushnie et Ochs
Z Spoke by Zac Posen
Michael Angel
TSE
10 Crosby Derek Lam 
St. John
Jil Sander Navy