









-
Home > FILM
Halloween is just a week away, so it is officially time to start panicking over a costume. Beware of these common dress-up blunders to avoid humiliation, mockery, and generally making an ass of yourself this year.
Don’t go too slutty. Did we learn anything from Kelly Taylor’s turn as a slutty witch on that classic Halloween episode of BH 90210? Don’t be a desperate shivering bitch tromping around in next-to-nothing. Halloween is not an excuse to act out your deepest exhibitionist fantasy in public. Go with a clever rather than cooter-revealing costume to elicit legit attention. On this same tip, dressing up as Snooki is so 3 years ago and totally forbidden.
Don’t overly complicate. Returning to BH 90210, (where all of life’s most essential lessons are learned), don’t pull a Donna Martin mermaid moment and wear some get-up that restricts basic mobility. Everyone will snicker behind your back and it smacks of over-effort.
On the other end of the spectrum, Don’t go too cutesy. The most successful costumes frighten, disguise, imitate, or evoke humor. If you wanna go pretty-pretty princess, throw on an old prom dress, pour fake blood over your head, and go as Carrie. 
This week I had the pleasure of visiting two of my very favorite people in one of the world’s most enjoyable cities for the Portishead show. No, we did not stumble into a portal which transported us back to 1994. Before we arrived, one of the crew asked what the crowd would be like. “Old,” I replied. Lest we forget that 1994 was 17 unforgiving years ago.
Truthfully, I haven’t listened to much of Third, Portishead’s most recent record from oh-eight. During a certain moment in time, however, I wore Dummy out. In the mid-nineties, ubiquitous Dummy was in everyone’s collection, at least in my drugged-up slutty circles. Is there anything druggier or sluttier than Portishead? Sour Times for Good Times.
Turns out, Portishead live is a deeply conflicting experience. Apart from some short-lived glitchy sound issues, the selections from Dummy were sublime. In particular, Wandering Star was a well-executed highlight.
With regret I must confess I did not connect to their newer more “experimental” offerings. At their worst, Portishead sounded like the off-key bastard child of Sonic Youth and Evanescence. It was two songs worth of misery interrupted by an old familiar fave followed by more loud pain. The contrast was jarring. The crowd was especially limp and unresponsive to the less familiar material as is usually the case, but in this instance magnified. One review described the audience as “rapt,” which really wasn’t an accurate reading of my area of the room. Curious about the set list? Silence, Hunter, Mysterons, The Rip, Sour Times, Magic Doors, Wandering Star, Machine Gun, Over, Glory Box, Chase the Tear, Cowboys, Threads, with an encore: Roads, We Carry On.
During Glory Box my friend leaned forward and yelled in my ear, “Oh yeah, this is that song from The Craft. I totally feel like I’m being sexually assaulted in the woods by Skeet Ulrich.” And that pretty much sums up the experience.
Finally saw The Help yesterday. I completely agree with most of the criticisms of the movie. The white protagonist, soft-core telling of the violent struggles of the civil rights movement, and the broad stereotyping of domestic workers definitely cast a white-devil cloud over the story. These very same critiques kept me away from the book.
Though flawed, The Help is enjoyable. The story plods along like Mississippi in July, but when it finally gains a little momentum, it fills out to a fluffy little white-guilt souffle. Villainous Junior Leaguer Hilly Holbrook (played by Bryce Dallas Howard) mean-girls her way through Jackson, tormenting members of both races indiscriminately. Her bitchery alone warrants a rental.
Octavia Spencer shines as Minny, and veterans Allison Janney and Sissy Spacek turn in reliably fantastic performances. Emma Stone doesn’t completely embarrass herself, but she fails to stand out among the seasoned ensemble. 