Category Archives: HOROSCOPE

FEBRUARY 2011 HOROSCOPES

AquariusAubrey O’Day (February 11, 1984)

In the soda fountain of life, Aquarius provides the bubbly carbonation.  Likable, easy-going, but still reliable, Aquarius make great friends.  However, the propensity towards adventure, travel, and moving on-to-the-next makes for a complicated love life.  Vacation sex was made for this sign, as was the cliché, “easy come, easy go.” Just remember the same cannot be said about the herp, so don’t be an airhead.  When patience seems in short supply this month, forgive short-comings with magnanimity.

PiscesDina Manzo (March 7, 1971)

Pisces, always trying to adapt and accommodate, sometimes even without an awareness to the sacrifice.  Feminine and negative in nature, it is your very mutability that attracts some and frustrates others.  It also tends to make you awesome in bed.  One of those fringe friends lurking about might be ready to step up to the plate.  Prepare a game-changing outfit for Valentine’s Day.

Aries   Jeff Lewis (March 24, 1970)

Attention-loving Aries start (and often finish) the party.  The spark that ignites the fun fire, no gathering is truly worthwhile without you.  February isn’t the best month to get slizzard.  Now is the time to turn inward and decide for sure what you want.  A task master at heart, getting your priorities in line will set the course for the immediate future.  With a plan in place, anxiety subsides.

TaurusTabatha Coffey (May 17, 1969)

House guests may be on the horizon for Taurus as this is a fabulous time for hosting.  Avoid serious home-improvement projects, or you’ll end up in a fit of frustration on the floor.  Try not to fixate on all the little annoyances that accompany visitors.  Call upon that famous Taurean patience to help you endure the irritations.  No visitors?  Look forward to a little of your favorite thing – hibernation.

GeminiFarrah Abraham (May 31, 1991)

Loosey goosey spending habits have you in the lurch this month.  Hopefully, you had the good sense to set aside a little safety net.  Money worries will have you seriously preoccupied, which could cause fallout in other areas of life left unattended.  You have a bad habit of learning life’s lessons the hard way.  Get off the carousel of mistakes.

CancerPauly D (July 5, 1980)

Moon-child Cancer, this month looks good for your bank account and bad for your genitals.  When romanticism takes over, you leap without a net, which often results in bitter disappointment.  Be careful about expecting reciprocation this early on; best to let yourself be the object of the chase this time.  Don’t even think of spending that extra dough.

LeoTiffani Faison (August 20, 1977)

The most likable person ever is a humble Leo.  Unfortch, the rarity of humility among Leos makes the combination of those two words a virtual oxymoron.  February brings the potential for a real Leo ego bath.  Resist the temptation to fill up the tub with your own self-satisfaction.  You’ll get out smelling like it, and trust me, it stinks.

VirgoCamille Grammer (September 2, 1968)

Avoid making contracts, leases, and long-term commitments this month.  The key word for February is maintain.  Keep the schedule mellow and leave room for unexpected fun.  Aflutter with the New Year, your charisma wins people over.  Enjoy the shine and don’t let your oversensitivity ruin it.

LibraAlex McCord (October 1, 1973)

After staring at the same four walls all winter, you are ready to spruce up your space.  February is the time for freshening your interiors, so think about clearing the way for new inspiration.  As a sign that recognizes and appreciates the importance of aesthetics, this should be a satisfying creative experience.  Apply self-discipline and clean first to avoid stirring up dust.

ScorpioEva Marcille (October 30, 1984)

No matter what the situation, you always have an opponent.  Why is that?  Do you realize that not everyone lives in a constant state of conflict?  Chill with the power plays this month and try to enjoy a little peace.  Interpersonal balance pays career dividends – nobody wants to work with a self-important asshole.

SagittariusNeNe Leakes (December 13, 1967)

Big thinkers, Sagittarians are typically well-traveled and well-educated.  The curse of this sign is the unrelenting itchy restlessness.  Friends keep you busy this month.  Make sure to select budget-conscious activities to avoid a financial pickle.  Back up your hard drive – literally and figuratively.

Capricorn Kyle Richards (January 11, 1969)

Venus influences the vibe this month and so you’ll be extra delectable to all those around you.  Expect several invitations.  That isn’t to say that other complications might not arise.  Unresolved issues swept under the rug in January come back to spoil the social sundae.  Cash flow is abundant this month, but your eye for detail, not so much.  Get a second pair of eyes to review any important documents before signing.

JANUARY 2011 HOROSCOPES

Capricorn

Some mistake your decisive confidence as dismissive, but Capricorns know what they want and aren’t waiting for anyone’s permission.  This uncompromising approach tends to alienate friends, family, and potential love interests.  Nobody’s asking you to change, and you won’t anyway.  Sailing on the Sea of Independence this year, Captain Cap unapologetically steers the ship where he or she sees fit.

Aquarius

A flurry of communication will have you checking your inbox and calendar this month.  Get selective regarding how you spend your time.  Rest is essential to protect your vulnerable immune system.  Aquarian aloofness can be off-putting, so go out of your way to bring warmth to important social interactions.

Pisces

This is the year that you must deal with all your relationship baggage.  Family and friends aren’t the issue.  Look inward and do the work, because January looks favorable for romance.  Financially, the free ride is over.  Yeah, you’re thinking, what free ride?  In four months you’ll be wishing you had it as good as you do now – recognize.

Aries

Prepare to professionally pimp your way through the first third of 2011.  Aries deserve recognition after putting in major heart through a tiring 2010.  Interpersonally, a quick fuse + a serious patience shortage = a strong likelihood that your current relationship could end if you don’t put in extra effort to resolve conflict.  Little annoyances can simmer over; don’t leave the stove unattended.

Taurus

Unresolved health issues continue to remain central, but these challenges provide loved ones the opportunity to show their devotion.  Reliable, stoic, and generous Taurus, always giving, giving, giving; now is the time to receive.  You must learn to relax and practice self-care to flourish.  Cozy down and allow others to nourish you.

Gemini

Jealous haters are out to dim your shine.  Gross.  Unless you let them goad you into some petty bullshit, the whole situation will be more personally disappointing than financially devastating.  This month’s back and forth centers on discontent in your romantic relationship.  Get grateful or get out.  Save yourself and everyone else the tortuous indecision.  Slow your roll on any major purchases or investments.

Cancer

Book a vacation online, but stay the fuck off those internet dating sites.  Consider tapping into your creative or performance talents by entering a singing, art, or cooking competition.  This could also be a good time to hone a new skill.  Save your money the next four months, so you can make a job change this summer.

Leo

The light shines all over your ass this month giving you great glow.  Non-negotiable responsibilities ground an otherwise buoyant time.  The upside?  The increased workload will be profitable.  Go ahead and gamble.  An unexpected windfall could be headed your way, lucky fucking bastard.

Virgo

Mellow is the theme of the month.  Enjoy financial stability, and a consistent, if uneventful work life.  Anticipate no major conflict on the relationship front, and maybe even the possibility of a baby.  One caution, you are not detailed-oriented and sloppiness will result in harsh consequences.  No DIY accounting, investing, or legal decisions.

Libra

Clinginess is not chic, so tone it down with the over-attachment, especially calls and texts.  Fun gatherings perk up the rest of January and these events give you a chance to show off that pretty Libra face to the whole crowd.  Employ those disciplined financial planning skills to stretch through upcoming tight spots.

Scorpio

The stressful holidays have left you spent.  You must take care of yourself or you will definitely get sick this month.  Illness and fatigue compromise your ability to channel the creative energy necessary for you to reach your highest self.  Take everything you learned last year and apply it.

Sagittarius

Extreme behavior in the past has compromised your health and it will take the first two-thirds of 2011 to get back on track.  A recent career upgrade has you feeling generous.  Know the difference between a gift and a loan; this one won’t get paid back.  Your undeniable charm will help you form an important connection, possibly romantic.  Back up the hard drive; some technical problems may be on the horizon.

DECEMBER 2010 HOROSCOPE

Sagittarius

Feel a little panicky lately?  Mercury’s in retrograde for the next couple months.  Sucks the planets took a piss on your birthday, but this is your opportunity to get right before the end of the year.  Unfortch, mail, communication, and travel will be all fucked up this month, so don’t be surprised if your birthday gift gets lost in the mail.  Since you value freedom and independence above material things, you’ll get over it, right?  As painful as it might be, you must resolve any lingering 2010 issues.  It would be very unwise to drag any bullshit into the New Year.

Capricorn

Don’t get smug; the planets aren’t doing you any favors this month either.  Get ready for opportunities to either heroically rise to the occasion or choke and shit the bed.  Part of becoming the very best Capricorn you can be is coping with unexpected change in a graceful and magnanimous manner.  In case you are feeling a little insecure, rest assured you’ve got everything it takes to emerge with admiration.

Aquarius

You need to watch your ass at the office holiday party this year because December brings a strong likelihood for interpersonal work conflict.  That is if you don’t catch the flu and miss it all together.  Take special care of your gastro-intestinal track through the end of the year.  This could be a great month for new projects, and after the 7th an interesting time for romance.

Pisces

Lately, have you had to suck up a series of disappointments?  Things will definitely be looking up for you next year if you apply that laser-sharp intuition to your life.  The twelfth month brings career recognition.  Take to the bed for extra rest if the headaches flair up.  That friend you are planning to spend New Year’s with – solidify those plans.  He or she will bring you some much needed energy to close out 2010.

Aries

Good news!  A raise or an aced exam might be in your future before the end of the year.  You deserve it.  You bring a lot to the table intellectually, professionally, and socially.  All around, December should be pretty great for you.  Don’t gloat or forget to appreciate your good fortune.  Find a way to support those around you who are having a tougher time.

Taurus

Lay low in December and observe the chaos, pragmatic Taurus.  November brought quite a bit of interpersonal turmoil and the residual irritation remains.  Never big on fancy New Years plans, you will use the last weeks of the year to wisely plan for the beginning of 2011.  Keep in mind – travel this month could be stressful.

Gemini

Good job busting your ass this summer; you leveraged it to create some good will which resulted in some hard-won career advancement.  The fact that you perform better under stress is a double-edged sword.  Yes, you always manage to pull through, but at what cost to your mental health?  In December, let your partner shine.

Cancer

After a couple of spendy months, you recover financially in December.  You will enjoy a conflict-free stretch in your relationships (which bodes especially well for your holiday plans).  This is the best possible time to initiate a fitness routine.  You will have the extra energy required to see it through.  There is a good chance you could meet someone special around New Years.  Brace yourself for butterflies.

Leo

Delicate, complicated issues in your love life should mellow this month as long as you remain stable and level-headed in your dealings.  Do something really romantic to smooth things over.  Single Leos feel especially creative through the end of the year.  Despite the fatigue, try to workout.

Virgo

Virgos will find December less frustrating than the preceding months.  Financially things look good, but regardless, you’ll finish the year content.  After a pretty rocky year on the relationship front, the efforts you’ve made towards peace are paying off.  Enjoy intense intimacy this month.

Libra

Pending relationship problems get resolved this month, for better or worse.  Don’t stress school exams, but put extra effort into research.  Watch your salt intake.  Problems arise for you if you did not heed previous warnings to rein in spending.

Scorpio

December is all about money for Scorpio.  After a shaky year financially, all that hard work will start to pay off in December and the beginning of next year.  There is mad potential in your new pursuit.  Stay unwaveringly focused on what is important because your schedule is about to become super packed.

Tuesday’s Tarot

Attractive, appealing, and popular, the Queen of Wands makes a powerful first impression.  Befriending her is easy, and she attracts the opposite sex with her warm and outgoing personality.  Generally, Queens signal a turn inward; here, that manifests as quiet confidence.  Miz Wands brings frankness, enthusiasm, and vibrancy.  Certain Leo women mirror the attributes of this card like Madonna, Sandra Bullock, and Jackie O.  At her best, she’s all sunflowers and light, but don’t miss the black cat at her feet.  When reversed, this bitch is a demanding, manipulative, controlling bully.

Tuesday’s Tarot

Wands are associated with the season of summer, the color red, the direction south, and the fire signs: Aries, Leo, and Sagittarius.  The King of Wands in particular represents strength, forward momentum, and leadership.  He can also signify a powerful magnetic seducer with a short attention span.  Wands also correspond to career success, but more in the realm of creative breakthroughs than financial gain.  When flipped, watch out for prideful, angry outbursts.

Scorpio Sunday~Goldie Hawn

Scorpio Sunday~Veronica Lake

Tuesday’s Tarot

We’ve come full circle friends, the twenty-first of the Major Arcana, The World, represents the successful conclusion of something major.  Scorpio (eagle), Leo (lion), Aquarius (cherub), and Taurus (bull), as the fixed signs of the Zodiac, the four corners of The World rest on your collective shoulders.  The layered meaning of this card could signal a few different conclusions.  Maybe the long suffering student is ready to graduate?  Perhaps, now that you are an expert yourself, you are ready to teach?  Or yes, a big trip might be in your future.  Whatever the case, this week, The World is yours.

Scorpio Sunday~Roseanne

“The world makes you into a bitch, no matter how quietly you go, so you may as well go kicking and screaming.”“The thing women have got to learn is that nobody gives you power.  You just take it.”