Category Archives: SUPPORT

Lip Sync Showcase

ANNE HATHAWAY LIP SYNC BATTLENext weekend is the First Annual Lip Sync Showcase.  I have to prepare a number.  What song would you choose?  I’ve been profoundly contemplating my choice.  I’m not sure what to perform.  As a fan of Lip Sync Battle, I’ve been paying close attention to what works and what doesn’t.  Nobody wants an earnest lip sync situation.  The song must be worded with a wink.  There are some obvious go-to’s.  I want to avoid those.  No Gloria Gaynor.  No Madonna.  But you don’t want to go too obscure or dark.  It’s preferable when everyone in the audience knows the words.  Speaking of audience, the selection must hype the people.  I know a kid who insists on karaoke-ing Happiness is a Warm Gun, and it is such a bummer every single time.  Don’t be that guy.  An upbeat song choice is key, but you don’t want to go too corny either.  I’m auditioning a few different ditties – and there’s choreography to consider.  I gotta get to werk.  And for those of you participating, I look forward to experiencing the full gamut of magic you have to offer.   RU

To Complain or not to Complain?

JANE LANEWhen should we complain?  That’s the question of the moment.  In 2015, We are already mired in passive aggressive energy courtesy of the Year of the Sheep.  That means we are all in for a lot of subtle bitching both serving and getting served in the complaint department.  When you are as critical as I can be, there are always areas of dissatisfaction.  When is it worth it to express that dissatisfaction and expect a meaningful response?POINTLESSThe following unsatisfactory situations recently occurred.  Which would you complain about and which would you just suck up without complaint?

1) I visited a waxer.  After less than 15 minutes on her table, she declared me “finished.”  She did not remove enough hair to actually clear my bikini line.  The line between the crease and the thigh still had hair.  She did not even go a quarter of an inch inside the crease.  The treatment cost $37 for a “classic bikini wax.”  Request more removal or leave hairy and dissatisfied?YOU MOCK MY PAIN

2) I checked into a hotel room and hair from the last guest was all over the floor and bathtub.  Criticize housekeeping or clean up the mess?AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME

3) My dentist urged me to spend big money on a bite analysis and revision.  After thousands of dollars my bite still didn’t feel right and my teeth uncomfortably bumped together.  Furthermore, at my last cleaning, the technician didn’t polish my teeth.  Fuss or suffer?GETTING IN TO4) My neighbors are door slammers.  Bitch to the HOA or endure the clamor?LOUD NOISESHow did you answer to each of these scenarios?  Here are my answers: 1) didn’t request a waxing revision; 2) hate-cleaned it myself; 3) made him fix it (I basically paid for a chunk of his kid’s college last year for what I spent in his office); 4) haven’t notified the HOA….yet. THIS IS BORING

a month of sobriety

SEETHING RAGEWell kiddos, I made it a month without smoking grass.  I can hardly believe it myself.  There have been some trying times.  I managed to avoid puffing at a party, during relationship duress, and through several sleepless nights.  After I made it through the physical detox, a new set of psychological challenges emerged.  What surfaced was a deep well of seething rage that I’ve been spouting out in every direction at anyone who even slightly annoys me.  It’s fair to say that without weed, I’m a total cunt.  All my physical symptoms have diminished.  No more sharp pains between my ribs.  The wheeze is gone, as is the choking feeling I experienced around my throat.  My moods, however, need regulation.  For quite some time, I’ve been using ganja like some people use lithium – to manage moods.  While I was aware of my dope dependency, I didn’t realize until I quit that I arrested my emotional development by using instead of feeling.  Now, at this late stage in the life game, I’ve got to come up with new ways to cope with the depressing state of the human condition.  I’m far from figuring out a consistent solution, but I’m working several different angles – yoga, meditation, and therapy, to name a few.  Some days these methods are effective, and I can self-soothe my frustration.  And some days I yell “fat boy” at my neighbor for continuously slamming his door like an obnoxious idiot.  I’m not proud of the way I behave when I get aggressive with others, but I’m working on it.  SHUT UP FAT BOYI also wonder if I will ever be able to successfully reintroduce miss maryjane back into my life in a similar fashion to the relationship I have with alcohol – which is I can take it or leave it.  I don’t crave booze.  I can have a Scotch occasionally with friends and go months without a drink.  It is this relationship of non-attachment that I strive for in every area of my life.  DETACH

Congratulations are in order!

PARIS WEDDINGBest wishes to my longtime friends Michael and Ryan who recently became engaged in gay Paris!  Wishing you two the very best as you continue your celebration in Rome!  I’m thrilled for you both as you embrace this lifelong commitment.  Better you than me, gentlemen; better you than me.MAZEL ONESIE

Sending big love to my favorite mommy-to-be Wendy.  I so enjoyed serving as your pregnancy bitch and taking a culinary tour of Oakland County.  I can’t wait to meet little Tova.  May her arrival be swift and painless.OWN DAMN PLACEHappy housewarming to Katie and Broc who recently purchased their first new home together; may it shelter you from the storms.SUPER HAPPY FOR YOU

In-Flaws

BURRUSS TUCKER DRAMAI’m not going to pretend there aren’t things I don’t miss about my ex.  I wouldn’t have been with him for close to a decade if he didn’t have some redeeming qualities.  Since we’ve split, we rarely talk.  His hateful parents were a major reason we broke up.  They aren’t very nice.  They don’t seem to like anyone.  They participate in long estrangements from family for flimsy reasons.  They grumble.  They complain.  Too cowardly to say it to your face, they would rather just passive aggressively back-bite.  I did not want to form a family amidst the discord.  And the thought of dealing with them over a lifetime felt like an emotional prison sentence destined to indefinitely ruin every holiday and cause innumerable conflicts.  My ex’s sister and husband just had a baby, and the parents came out to visit from another state.  After years of ill-feelings, not even a brand new little sweet baby could serve to keep the peace.  The parents departed early leaving behind a dirty diaper full of fermenting bad feelings.IN LAW DRAMAIn the wake of their departure, I got the inevitable text from the son-in-law with concerns he didn’t know how much longer he could take it.  The hateful parents are causing a major strain on the marriage even from hundreds of miles away.  I can’t help but feel like I dodged a bullet getting out when I did.  Even though my ex has a number of wonderful qualities, his inability to appropriately deal with his unreasonable parents spelled disaster for the future of our union.  If you don’t like your partner’s family, don’t get married because it can only really play out two ways.  Either 1) suck it up and forever deal with people who despise you; or 2) set boundaries limiting your contact with the mean ones which in turn distances your partner from his family thereby breeding resentment in your relationship.  See why this will never work?  Don’t even bother.MONSTER IN LAW

Can You Afford It?

SUZE ORMAN DENIALDo you ever watch Suze Orman?  She includes a segment at the end of her show where she “denies” or “approves” purchases based on an unknown algorithm.  I’ve been thinking on whether it’s ethical for me to encourage someone to spend on a trip that he arguably can’t afford.  Yes, he could throw the trip on credit cards, but I don’t want a few days on white sandy beaches to turn into years of indebtedness.  Conversely, life is short.  And if you’ve ever seen a retiree try negotiate the steps of Prague Castle, you know you don’t want to save your most adventurous traveling for your financially solvent, but psychically feeble golden years.  I know some of my more affluent girlfriends might opt to pay a larger share of the bill just to keep everybody happy, but something about that doesn’t sit quite right.  That sort of imbalance breeds resentment over time.RESENTMENTAt a minimum, before splurging, you gotta have a year of living expenses saved up, a maxed IRA contribution, no credit card debt, and the money for the splurge saved up separately.  Without those basics in order, approval for the purchase must be DENIED.  But then again, who am I to tell someone else how to spend his money?  If I limit my social invitations only to folks that fit into that aforementioned category of preparedness, I would be engaging in most activities alone.  It’s your money and ultimately you must decide how to negotiate the tightrope walk between adventure and safety net. TIGHTROPE

today was a good day

FILLMOREThanks to all my wonderful friends and students who came out to support me on a very big day.  I’m grateful for you.  IMG_0802IMG_0799

I’m 5 today.

I'M 55 years ago today, Demeter Clarc was born.  Over 1,800 posts later, I’m continually grateful for your loyalty, support, and patience.  I hope it’s as much fun for you as it is for me.  Love you always little doves.  ♥ DC PHILDUMPHY

 

Happy Sheep Year

SHEEP FACE

Welcome to the calmer, softer, prosperous Sheep year.  Sheep are mellow animals that prefer to navigate the world in a group working together for protection.  A soft, wooly serenity engulfs us for the next twelve months.  Some of us will enjoy the togetherness while others will find it stifling.  The hard-working character of the horse dominated 2014, but this year is not about ardor, money, wealth, or ascension.  A fixation on such materialism is considered a crass distraction in a time when providing essential needs for all is much more in fashion.  Sheep prefer peace, tranquility, and routine.  When conflict does arise it will take on a passive aggressive flavor.  The sheep encourages quick conciliation so as not to disturb the overall well-being of the herd.

BABY SHEEPWishing you a prosperous and happy Sheep Year!