Category Archives: SUPPORT

Most Annoying

LAUREN CONRADIt is most annoying when I am making plans with a friend and she frames the agenda around her boyfriend’s needs.  “My boyfriend wants to stay here.” or “I can’t.  My boyfriend’s work schedule changed.”  I get partnership, responsibility sharing and whatnot, but I don’t give a fuck about your boyfriend’s preferences.  I’m friends with you and not your boyfriend.  Chances are I’ve known you longer than you’ve known your boyfriend.  I was here before your boyfriend.  I will be here long after your boyfriend is gone.  Please remember that truth when you dick me to swing off your boyfriend’s nutsack.  Furthermore, your boyfriend would find you a lot more interesting if you had your own life and exercised a modicum of independence.NUTSACK

You don’t need…

LAXATIVEYou don’t need a laxative; eat more berries. BERRIES

You don’t need to leave your husband and kids for a lesbian 20 years your junior; acknowledge you’re having mid-life crisis.

MIDLIFE CRISISYou don’t need an electronic cigarette; you need a vape pen. VAPE PEN

You don’t need to feel like you’re missing out if you aren’t watching Lindsay; it’s boring as fuck.

LINDSAY BORING

slackadaisical

OVERSCHEDULED

Apologies.  It’s been an every-other-day type of week.  I won’t makes excuses; we’re all over-scheduled.  Let’s catch up, shall we?

PALTROW AND MARTIN

A word on Paltrow and Martin, I’m surprised she stayed as long as she did.  Sure, she’s insufferable, but he’s fermented into cheddar along with his crappy soft-rock band.  He’s no longer a prestige partner, and Gwyneth only does prestige, hunny.  Speculation continues to swirl over who fucked whom during the rumored open marriage.  Do you think Jay-Z belongs in that rumor mill, ya’ll?

JAYZ AND PALTROW

Regarding the plane, I’m just going to say it though it may be irresponsible.  I think the missing plane was shot down by the military – probably accidentally.  Which country’s military, I don’t know, but they are drawing attention to the end of the earth for a reason.  It’s a classic diversion and cover-up scenario.  The whole situation is super suspicious.  My heart aches for the families in the emotional limbo of unknowing.

UNKNOWING

I finished my taxes myself.  Like middle school, I’m just glad it’s over.

TAX COLLECTORS OFFICE

 

Furthermore, It’s Not Right When…

MAD HUH…After 6 weeks of dating (including sleepovers), he still hasn’t taken down his OkCupid profile.  OKCUPID DOUCHE…He actually accepts the money you offer him for a lunch he begged you for even though he makes 3x your annual salary. CHEAP ASSHOLE…He tells you he likes you; that he’s starting to get attached; that this could get serious; and then informs you he’s planning a month-long trip to Europe with his ex’s best friend.

SERIOUSLY TRY…He’s 30 years older than you.  YOU’RE DELUSIONAL OLD MAN. Celebrities At The Kentucky Derby

 

i’m really sad about L’Wren Scott

LWREN SCOTT SEQUINSLWREN SCOTT SPRING 2014 RTWLWREN SCOTT BLACK GOWNLWREN SCOTT GOLDLWREN SCOTT BEHIND

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KB

HAP COLORSPYBIRT EDITH HATDA LCY GINGHAMKBHAPPY BIRTHDAY PINUP

35 day stretch…

CAM00343I’m working a 35 day uninterrupted stretch, and I really needed to clean my house today.  After triumphing over a vacuum repair, I was bummed to discover my washing machine is on the fritz.  As the device is less than a year old, this glitch makes me frown.  At least my house is clean now, even if I can’t do laundry.  I ain’t got time for testy appliances.  Fuck a boyfriend, I need a handyperson.FIX IT

After the premiere last night, I needed to sleep on my feelings about the new RHNY Housewife Kristen Taekman.  In a word – vacant.  Would it kill Andy to cast a intelligent woman to raise the discourse above girlish clichés and screeching hysteria?  I hate to say it, but since Bethenny left the RHNY the show has been extra boring and super fake.RHNY S 6People keep coming up to me and complaining of a sore throat.  I ask them if they have humidifiers.  They never do.  That’s why your throat hurts!  Moisten the air fool.HUMIDIFY

The Saturday Night Supper Club

LAST LADY SUPPERSuper big thanks to all the wonderful women who joined me for the first meeting of the Saturday Night Supper Club.  Gathering eight women is like herding cats, but ultimately so worth the effort.    HERD CATS

Skills for Life: Accountability

MISS WILCOXLately, accountability is my trigger.  I work really hard at keeping my word.  Sometimes I fail (eehhm late post), but when I act irresponsibly I feel it with a heavy heart.  Am I the only one?  Last month, I tried to plan a trip with a friend and she just wouldn’t get back to me.  I asked two different people to help with home repairs, both committed to a specific day, both bailed.  A friend still owes me money from this fall.  When I plan a dinner now, I just assume someone will back out with a bullshit excuse at the last minute – because someone always does. ACCOUNTABILITY DOODLE I was going deep with my friend the other night on the issue of accountability.  I was bitching about feeling let down.  She basically informed me my expectation that people follow through is unrealistic.  I should just accept that most people are flaky, and if I did I would feel less dismay.  No doubt there’s some wisdom there, but aren’t basement level expectations doing everyone a disservice?  I expect more out of myself, and I expect more out of you.  The universe is a tricky mistress.  As soon as I started sending out an energetic desire for accountability, who comes along to offer help?  An unusually sexy and handsome accountant.  For crying out loud.  ACCOUNTANT