Category Archives: TV

The Skinny on Bethenny

I’ve reflected on how to comment on the return of Bethenny Frankel to the Real Housewives of New York.  Most of us hold Mizz Frankel in ambivalence and can all generally agree that last season of RHNY sucked pinot.  Therefore her return is in many ways much welcomed.  In response to her comeback episode, “Poor Little Rich Girl” has been the standard refrain from both mainstream and independent media.  Certainly, I get why the shrill multimillionaire appears unsympathetic to most.  She’s rich as fuck and skinny as fuck and those two qualities together are just too much good fortunate for most people to swallow without a bitter chaser of jealousy.  I understand her frustration.  I wouldn’t want my ex living in apartment I paid for, gutted, and designed to my specific taste.  However, I would have the good sense not to ball my eyes out to Fredrik Eklund on national television over the private matter.   I guess that what makes me discreet and Bethenny good television.  Vast personal fortune notwithstanding, doesn’t she seem desperately lonely?  The only people around her she either gave birth to or are on the payroll.  During her dizzying ascent, she’s alienated nearly everyone.  Furthermore, it’s tragic she’s recreating the same chaos in her daughter’s life that she experienced as a kid.  And even though she has no business giving advice on relationships, I’ll still probably read her dumb new book out of pure curiosity.  That’s the magic of Bethenny.  Love her or hate her, we’re always interested in her next move (to SoHo when the renovations are complete).BETHENNY SO SAD

 

April 2015 Horoscopes

AriesARIES

Happy Birthday Aries!  You are the initiator and where the astrological cycle begins.  It all starts with you, Aries, and now the Sun has come to light your very best angles.  With the spark of the Sun catching you fire, there isn’t anything you can’t accomplish this month.  Swagger into work.  Set that start-up into motion.  On the 4th of the month, we get the change-forcing energy of an eclipse.  For you Aries, this energetic reckoning manifests in your relationship sector.  The eclipse will either nudge you together or launch you into different orbits.  Why fight what is inevitable?  Tension brews between your professional obligations and your personal desires for freedom.  Who are you beyond your occupation?  Right now, you feel like a foot soldier in someone else’s army, when your true destiny is to lead your own brigade.

Taurus

TAURUS

A yearly tradition of a spa week in April would be a beautiful gift to yourself, Taurus.  Even if you can’t literally slip away into a tub of mud, self-spa whenever possible this month.  Chow on the first wave of organic spring vegetables.  Slip crisp white linens on your bed.  Artistic endeavors feel good in April; dance, sing, paint, crochet.  Create an offering.  The eclipse of the 4th triggers a manic cleaning spree not a minute too soon.  A clean home streamlines your life, Taurus.  April isn’t going to be easy interpersonally.  Relationships suffer the strain of some tense celestial standoffs.  Bulls are usually the stubborn ones, but this month others will test your resolve.

GeminiGEMINI

You’ll be even more addicted to your FB page in super social April, Gemini.  You can’t wait to connect with your friends and celebrate spring with a few rounds of cocktails on the lanai.  At work, always the smarty, Gemini enjoys problem solving with new colleagues.  The eclipse on the 4th influences your romance realm.  If you are alone, you might find yourself together.  If you are together, you may find yourself suddenly alone.  Eclipses force change, so expect a palpable shift.  Romance, friendships, and your sense of stability compete for attention in April.  Everybody has an agenda.  Your tendency to slow down and retreat may come in handy towards the end of the month when you’ll need some much needed grounding.

Cancer

CANCER

All aboard the train to your professional destiny, Cancer!  This train has several stops, so you should invest in the sleeper car and settle in for the long haul.  The first depot houses your accumulated career accomplishments.  A moment to grandstand in the cacophony of accolades won’t hurt.  The 4th’s eclipse causes drama in ladytown.  Conflict ignites with a close female friend or relative, and neither of you much feels like compromising.  After some retroactivity in your career section, April 8th eliminates that resistance you’ve been experiencing and professional matters progress in a profitable fashion.  If you find yourself annoyed with other people this month, you are the one who is actually annoying.

Leo

LEO

Spring Break, anyone?  You are ready to get the fuck out of dodge for some much needed rest in a far-flung locale, Leo.  April’s all about big risks and big rewards for you. The 4th offers an eclipse which inspires change on the homefront.  Perhaps a reworking of your interior is in order?  Your mind and body are at odds this month.  Your deep need for self-expression manifests in a few awkward moments in April.  Leo struggles between needing to shut the fuck up and needing to scream from the roof tops.  In all your interactions, consider a happy medium between shouting and silence in the form of clear and assertive commentary.

Virgo

VIRGO

Virginal what?  You’re a dirty slut this month, Virgo.  How fun!  Just teasing you Virgo, it isn’t sluttery that interests you but, deep, total, and complete merger on every satisfying level.  You’ve put a significant amount of thought into how you want your life to look though you doubt your ability to execute your dreams on your own terms.  Hogwash.  You don’t need deep pockets or any seal of approval to move forward on shaping a visionary life, Virgo.  The eclipse of the 4th influences your finances with sudden epiphanies about work and the best use of your talents.  Listen Virgo, you know you can be a real dick at times.  This April nobody has the patience to deal with your ornery bullshit.

Libra

LIBRA

April provides a great opportunity to evaluate your primary partner, Libra.  Are you getting what you need out of this relationship whether personal or professional?  April amplifies any imbalances in this relationship making the unequal efforts painfully clear.  The eclipse on the 4th challenges your sense of personal independence.  Have you been so consumed with painting a pretty picture of your life that you neglected to assert your needs?  Libra struggles among the competing forces of self, primary relationship and family.  This month, nobody seems to keen to compromise, but that doesn’t mean it is your obligation to give in to unreasonable demands.

Scorpio

SCORPIO

Among your myriad talents, practicality stands out as one of your most useful, Scorpio.  In April, you apply your no-nonsense approach to organizing and streamlining every area of your life.  Results-oriented accomplishments like completing your taxes, sorting stacks of paperwork, and clearing the clutter feel particularly satisfying to you now.  The eclipse of the 4th presents an opportunity for healing.  It may be time to let go of something, someone, a notion, or unrealistic idea.  This month, Scorpio offers a grounding and calming influence to those coming undone.  Don’t come unraveled yourself.

Sagittarius

SAG

Spring fling, Sagittarius, April is all about fun for you!  Start with an inspired shift in your appearance.  Why not go really dramatic and start conversations?  You still gotta deal with rigid-ass Saturn harnessing your glee, and this month the task-master planet goes retrograde.  Keep up the diligent work you’ve been doing on yourself and you should survive with relatively few limitations on your festivities.  Fortunately, Jupiter starts moving again and encourages you to expand your horizons – perhaps with a little travel?  The eclipse on the 4th creates division in the team.  It is up to you to pull all the uncompromising factions back together.

Capricorn

CAP

Snug up Capricorn, you don’t feel like doing much outside your home this April.  Make your favorite meals.  Hang with your favorite women.  On the 4th, an eclipse influences your professional sphere.  Eclipses are synonymous with abrupt change and a realignment of priorities.  In the midst of the upheaval, turn to trusted male figures for guidance.  There will be moments in April where it feels like every major area of your life is at odds from your personal identity to family and your career.  If the situation becomes too pressured, flee for solitude where you can do you best thinking, sorting, and deciding.

Aquarius

AQUARIUS

Hey smarty!  Aquarius thinks, writes, and communicates on a higher frequency this April.  Your admirable quality output will be the envy office-wide.  Apply any excess energy and verve to help those who could use a hand – particularly with writing like resumes and professional materials.  April 4th’s eclipse has you asking deeper questions about the trajectory of your life.  Does your day-to-day routine support your higher calling?  If not, enroll in a program or shift your focus so that your daily activities support your larger mission.  While others struggle with each other this month, your conflict is primarily a self-limiting internal chafe between your personal growth, subconscious beliefs, and intellect.

Pisces

PISCES

Your mind is on your money this April, Pisces.  Your issue is spending, so get realistic about your income to outcome ratio.  Part of the problem is your fondness for convenience and your tendency towards laziness.  It’s easier to run to the corner store and buy one ice tea than hike it all the way to the bulk store for the best buy, but those hassle-lessening decisions are draining your bank account.  A smidge of effort in planning your week and budget make major impacts on your bottom line.  The eclipse of the 4th brings a reckoning to that new relationship in the form of an explosive conflict that only the strongest connections will survive.  This epic battle exposes the unworthy – and this time it might be you that’s lacking.

Girl in a Band: A Memoir

KIM THURSTON COCOI’ve always admired Kim Gordon.  I’ve listened to her music.  I’ve followed her efforts at fashion.  I delighted at her family’s cameo on Gilmore Girls and her scrunchy moment on Girls.  One of my first and most memorable boyfriends loved Sonic Youth, and every time I hear Mildred Pierce I think of him.   As some of you know, Kim and Thurston recently split.  Sonic Youth is no more.  Gordon wrote a memoir, and yes, it includes some mention of the other woman, but Kim Gordon’s life is so fucking interesting and intersected with dynamic and influential people that her split with Moore represents just one sad (but matter of fact) song in the EP of her life.  I love her straight-forward and insightful writing.  You will too.  Read Girl in a Band: A MemoirKIM GORDON GIRL IN A BAND

March 2015 Horoscopes

Pisces

PISCES
Happy Birthday Pisces!  It’s your turn to dance with the Sun in March, and the warm embrace couldn’t come a moment sooner as far as you’re concerned.  You already understand your capacity for visionary dreams, but execution isn’t your strength.  The universe provides Pisces that added kick of power in March to actually effectuate on those lofty ambitions.  Even during this auspicious time, a bitch fight between Pluto and Uranus bleeds aggravation and tension into mid-March like an unwelcome crampy period.  The lesson for you Little Fish is how to not give a fuck about what other people think or let their opinions navigate your swim.  Instinctively, you know the right way.  Don’t let the crushing pressure of conformity dim your creativity or cause you to compromise your true values.

Aries

ARIES
With the Sun in Pisces, the universe wants you to rest now, Aries, and you are happy to oblige.  Blame it on the long, cold, winter.  Sift through the past twelve months for unresolved anguish.  Give yourself the gift of dissolving that angst before we move into your time to shine later this month and into the next.  Doing so will provide you the clarity you need to determine your next major leap.  If you can afford it, hire someone to tidy your home.  You’ll feel so much better in an organized space, but you won’t have the time or inclination to do it yourself this March.  The acrimony between Uranus and Pluto influences your feelings about authority this month.  If someone is making you his little bitch, it’s because you are letting him.

Taurus

TAURUS
Your theme this March is teamwork, Taurus.  The Sun activates collaborative energy and adds a buzzy quality to your social and professional interactions.  March is a get-shit-done month for you, Taurus, during which you demonstrate your efficiency, effectiveness, and most valuable qualities.  Your best day for self-confidence is March 5th.  When you feel good about yourself others notice, so don’t be surprised if a little recognition or flirtation gravitates your way.  The challenge for March is Pluto and Uranus at odds.  This conflicting energy calls into question your coping mechanism, which let’s be honest is just a euphemism for addiction.  Take responsibility.  Virtually nothing is in our control, Taurus, and accepting this precariousness is your ongoing challenge.

Gemini

GEMINI
Greetings Gemini, with the Sun in Pisces your focus in March is on how your career trajectory may or may not support your long-term ambitions.  Your ongoing resistance to change is a major source of frustration for you.  Gemini’s most fortuitous day this month is March 3rd.  March 5th is the best day to spend with your family tidying and nesting at home.  With regard to relationships, Gemini’s bound for a breakthrough or a break-up.  As for the Pluto/Uranus standoff, over the last few years you’ve been tied down and totally free.  Your emotional extremes have wrecked havoc on your relationships and financial stability.  A reckoning comes with Saturn’s retrograde when you realize just how disconnected you’ve become from the people who truly matter.

Cancer

CANCER
These last months have forced you to face some hard truths, Cancer.  Whether it’s loss, change, or disappointment, you’ve been a little melancholy over the finality of life’s harder lessons.  March brings a renewed optimism about what is possible with the resources available to you.  As you get over what you don’t have, you better appreciate your own abundance.  The first week of March brings an answer you’ve been waiting for.  Spend the 5th with your sibling.  On the 16th, the percolating tension between your personal life and your professional life simmers over into a mess.  You’ll be scrubbing off the residue for the rest of the month.  Saturn’s retrograde will make it impossible to ignore your ongoing health issues.

Leo

LEO

March proves more low-key for Leo.  Snugging up at home with your sweetie and waiting it out for spring sounds pretty good to most Lions this time year.  Your best career day falls on March 5th when a bonus, raise, or recognition is likely.  Pluto and Uranus call you out on your bullshit this month.  Any hyperbole on your part will be met with a cold splash of reality.  Don’t exaggerate on what you can deliver.  March is a good month to talk less and relax.  Do only the essential; contribute what is required.  Save your energy and resources for a time when you can navigate matters with more grace and efficiency, Leo.

Virgo

VIRGO
The light shines on your relationships in March, Virgo.  Even with all this delicious coupling, March 5th is your best day to go it alone.  Mid-month, an uncomfortably tense power struggle between Uranus and Pluto make it impossible for you to hide your true feelings.  Strip away the artifice lest you be stripped bare and caught defenseless.  Relax your retentive tendencies this March.  Talk a little less and listen with an open heart.  Such a strategy should get you cleanly through the thicket of possible misfortune.  Saturn’s retrograde triggers a reflection on your current home life.  Are you ready for a change?

Libra

LIBRA
Mundane March you might call it, Libra.  This month has you sweeping, mopping, dusting, and donating, all in service to your home.  While it may not be the sexiest use of your time, the very action of cleaning and sorting will inspire change in a number of other key areas of your life.  The hostility between Pluto and Uranus challenges family dynamics.  Aren’t you a little old for trying to please your folks?  You’ll never make them happy anyway, so just do you.  Yeah, you may experience a bit of a backlash, but don’t let it affect your self-worth.  Usher in the official start of spring with a commitment to a new and sustainable wellness plan.  Keep it simple and commit.

Scorpio

SCORPIO
March means well, Scorpio, with the stars aligning to shine a glamorous spotlight on you.  March 5th is your best day for connecting through technology which allows you to expand your reach and influence to a much broader audience.  Connect with your spiritual community.  Jupiter influences your career, especially the 3rd, when you may receive an unusual, but interesting professional opportunity that takes you away for awhile.  While at first, it seems outlandish, don’t discard the notion outright.  Pluto’s standoff with Uranus encourages Scorpio to soften your delivery.  Mid-month, no one will have any patience for one of your ill-timed barbs.  Don’t let a health concern become a health crisis.  The first day of Spring brings love and luck.

Sagittarius

SAG
For you Sag, March is a maternal, homebound time for family rooted in domesticity.  Bake a muffin, bitch.  When you’ve soaked up all the homespun charm you can handle, March 5th is your best career day where you finally start to net what you are worth.  Sags are prone to bouts of self-doubt.  The Pluto and Uranus pissing contest strikes a deep chord of insecurity.  Your challenge is to dig deep into your well of self-confidence.  You can’t be so easily rattled by life’s little divots.  Saturn is all up in your business for the next few years, and goes retrograde for a spell this month.  Saturn doesn’t allow for any short cuts.  Connections and nepotism aren’t going to get you there, but hard work will.

Capricorn

CAPRICORN
You are especially smart and intellectually nimble this March, Capricorn.  If you want to learn something new, this is the time to do it.  March 5th is your best day for travel and revelations.  Pluto’s been fucking with you a little bit, and this month he wedges his boot in your ass in a cosmic tug of war with Uranus.  You’ll feel the stress in your home and intimate relationships.  Stay out of the numerous power struggles taking place in your realm.  This isn’t the time to throw your weight around just because you’ve lost your temper.  If you lack the self-control to manage your temper, then just stay home and isolate, especially mid-month.  A few days alone would do you good, Capricorn.

Aquarius

AQUARIUS
After your birthday blowout last month Aquarius, the most basic and simple concerns come back into focus this March.  You take a good look at your incoming resources and your current expenditures and find an unsustainable imbalance.  An immediate raise may not be possible, but present yourself at work as if it were.  You never know.  Another option?  On March 5th, consider a merger either professional or personal that helps ease both parties’ economic burdens.  With Pluto and Uranus at odds, March isn’t an ideal month for big decisions like marriage or a new home.  This energy also makes you a bit snippy, so add an extra layer of icing to your conversational cake.

3 for Friday

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY1) The Fifty Shades of Grey movie is going to suck ass.  The books were a joke and the movie will be worse.  I don’t know who these hopeful presale bitches are breaking box office records.  Strike that, yes I do; the same bitches that bought tickets to that indefensible Twilight mess.  Charlie Hunnam really dodged a semi-sized dookie by dropping out of this project.  BRUCE JENNER2) Is it possible to support the courageous bravery of Bruce Jenner’s transition and still be a little unsettled by it?GARY SHIPLEY TEEN MOM3) Best product to come out of a reality show?  Teen Mom’s Gary Shipley launched his own line of prophylactics. GARY SHIPLEY CONDOM

 

On the Lam, Over the Threshold

GIUDICE PRISONTeresa Giudice spent her first night in federal prison last night.  Have you ever spent a night in jail?  It is so dirty and terrifying.  (No, I didn’t get a DUI.  I know what you are thinking – assault charge!)  I could not make it a year in jail.  The temporary nature and constant influx of inmates makes jail crazy chaos.  Federal prison is surely a more orderly and structured experience, but any style incarceration makes one day feel like one week.  Teresa’s sentenced to over year.  Another downside to fame, you can’t go on the lam.  I’d so be on the lam.  Sometimes I think about where I might lam off to.  Certainly not Mexico.  Iceland?  Switzerland?  Argentina?  Thailand?POKEY

DIAZ MADDENBenji and Cam got married.  Cammie D has been preaching the single girl gospel for years and now she runs off and marries some tubby third rate rocker who hasn’t seen a hit in a decade?  I’m so annoyed.  What’s next?  Fertility treatments?  So standard issue, Cam, really I’m disappointed.  I’m not surprised though, recently she has been looking really desperate, and it’s been one professional failure after another as of late.  Eh em, Annie.CAM ANNIE

 

Repressed Spousal Rage

GEMMA SOALook, I’m not trying to bore you with some belabored analysis of the SOA finale.  I know some of you (dudes) probably loved, loved, loved it.  But I can’t put it to bed without making a point about Kurt Sutter’s repressed spousal rage.  Did you notice his perverse enthusiasm for showing his wife in a body bag?  Get that lingering tight shot of them zipping up the morgue sack over her purple lips and gray skin.  The motivations behind writing the gruesome gang rape from earlier in the series could be easily chalked up to awards-baiting, and Katey did deserve recognition for her work in that season of SOA.  Such justifications don’t apply here.  It doesn’t take much in the way of acting to play dead.  Sutter presented numerous images of his lifeless wife; truly, gratuitously dead Gemma served up ten different ways.  GEMMA BODYBAG

I’m mad at you Kurt Sutter.

SOA FINALE

Girl please.  That’s what I’m thinking too.  We need to talk about that SOA series finale, but I’m going to give you a day or two to catch up, so I don’t spoil it for you.  If that’s possible.  Ugh.  SOA CAST

stupid is as stupid does

CAM00947You won’t even believe the dumbass thing I did.  I made a big ol’ batch of minestrone soup from scratch in my new porcelain soup pot.  I made enough to feed all the elves through the winter.  How much soup can one woman eat?  I dispatched the minestrone into resealable plastic bags to give some away.  When I placed the ziploc bags on the shelves of the freezer, it did occur to me as a fleeting thought that they could freeze in an irregular shape.  I did not think the bags would embed themselves into the shelves during the freezing process.  I was very wrong, so annoyingly wrong.  CAM00946The shelf wouldn’t come out, and the soup was frozen in from all angles.  How the fuck am I going to get out of this one?  I mulled over warming the soup with a hair dryer, boiling water, and shutting the fridge down overnight to thaw the bags.  In the end I used my garment steamer to soften the underside of the frozen soup until I could loosen it free from its frozen encumbrance.  These pictures are from midway through melting process.  Yes, this was a stupid mistake, but I neutralized my stupidity with a clever solution.  Idiot Savant.SO DUMB