Demeter Clarc Manners Moment: worry-making

CATHY COMICI know this woman as a friendly acquaintance.  I’ve posted about her before awhile ago.  She’s like a human Cathy Comic.  I liked her though.  I think she’s smart, funny, well-meaning, and enjoyable in small doses.   I’ve extended a number of invitations to her over the last year.  Several months ago, she just stopped responding.  I’m the last holdout on the fucking Facebook, but other friends tried to contact her though her page.  She never responded, despite her FB page showing recent updated activity.  She’s a single woman living alone on my side of town.  Therefore, it’s partially my responsibility to make sure she didn’t die alone, and her cat wasn’t gnawing off her three-day-dead face.  After multiple attempted contacts from a number of sources, finally a co-worker confirmed that Cathy Comic is fine.  No illness.  No tragedy.  Just chronic unresponsiveness.  Well fuck you human Cathy Comic.  Do you know how rude it is to make people worry?  Cathy Comic must be so flush with friends that she doesn’t need any more thoughtful people to care about her.  Well it’s a good thing because I won’t be wasting a moment more of my concern.  I’m recycling that friendship like yesterday’s newspaper.  And don’t come calling when he dumps you.  I don’t want to hear it.  CATHY COMIC BEDIf you are late, call.  If people express concern, respond.  Remember that pit of anxiety that forms when you are worried about someone you love.  Don’t ever recklessly give another that feeling due to your own thoughtlessness and irresponsibility.  It’s fucking rude, and it makes you unworthy of the concern.BYE CATHY

 

Ugh, sucralose.

SPENDA CONTAINMENT TEAMI should have read more closely.  I consider myself a good label reader, but I was willfully blind to the sucralose buried in the thicket of ingredients comprising Kirkland Sparking Flavored Water.  Sucralose = Splenda.  It wasn’t my intention to trade one artificial sweetener addiction for another.  Apologies if my hasty and overly enthusiastic post led you astray.  The quest continues…KIRKLAND SIGNATURE SPARKLING FLAVORED WATER

tinted lashes

LASH TINT

I went in for my regular dermaplaning and added an eyelash tint yesterday.   The tinting costs $25 bucks – or the equivalent of luxury mascara – I rationalize.  I know eyelash extensions are all the rage.  I admit they look glamorous, but I know myself well enough to understand anything adhered to my body with tough bond adhesive would drive me bonkers.  Lash tinting enhances lashes without the damage, expense, irritation, drama, or commitment of extensions.

LASH TINT PROCESS

Tinting allows you to wake up with jet black lashes minus the morning after under-eye smudging.  Those with fair or sparse lashes will love the effect of tinting + mascara.  Lazy bitches can skip the mascara completely while still enjoying a flutter of dark lashes.  Supposedly, the tint lasts around 30 days.  If my lashes do indeed remain dark for a full month, I will add tinting to my regular beauty routine.  While the results are subtle, tinting creates an alluring pop of definition around the eyes.LASH TINT B AND AF

The process only takes 15 minutes.  The tricky part is keeping the dye off the skin.  Use an appropriate barrier cream.  The dye didn’t burn or get in my eyes.  I haven’t suffered any irritation or adverse reaction.  Common sense requires you to ensure you aren’t allergic to the dye before applying it around your eyes.  Because somebody should have their eyes on what is happening, I recommend professional application, or at a minimum, recruit a careful friend to help.  LASH TINT DYEMoron Warning: Most of you aren’t idiots, but for the few of you that are, don’t repurpose your hair dye for eyelash tinting.  You need a product safe and specifically formulated for the eye, dipshit.

ALLERGIC REACTION

Million Dollar Listing L.A.: edith flagg forever

EDITH FLAGG

Just a few days ago, our beloved Edith Flagg passed on to the polyester-lined afterlife at the age of 94.  Edith Flagg survived the Holocaust, made a mint importing synthetic fabric, and enjoyed an especially close relationship with her grandson Josh Flagg.  She sprinkled wisdom, love, and humor throughout the show and stole every scene she shot.  I only knew you through the TV Grandma Edith, but I will miss you.  We all wish we had a grandma like you.  Baruch dayan emet.JOSH-FLAGG-AND-GRANDMA-EDITHHEATHER AND MADISON

Josh Altman’s fiance Heather Bilyeu really fucked up her face.  Nose job, fillers, Botox, does the girl think she’s a Real Housewife of Beverly Hills?  Straight up, she looks older, faker, and weirder, not younger and more beautiful.  Heather’s gone Heidi Montag.  Gross.  I’ve always gotten such a desperate fame-seeking impression of her anyway, and now I can’t even look at her creepy immobile face.

ALTMAN AND HEATHER

I don’t like the new British guys.  I miss Madison, and I really, really, really, miss The Chad.

CHAD ROGERS

 

a big heartfelt hug

HUGSMy friend had the worst day of her life today.  She suffered a life-altering loss.  I’m not there to hug her.  We live 1400 miles apart.  I have to hug her here.  She’s a loyal reader.  Send a little love to our girl today.  She needs it.  I available to you, call me anytime.  Anything you need.  I love you and I understand.  FRIEND HUG

 

Cookie Butter fueled

TJ SPECULOOS COOKIE BUTTERSHope you had a great weekend lovelies.  3 shows in 3 days + massive weekend work demands = one exhausted little dove.  I’m fueled by bananas and Trader Joe’s Speculoos Cookie Butter - a truly crackish combo.  I’m awfully thrilled to welcome best pal KB back to town along with her partner.  She’s a super smart lady and an exceptional friend.  I look forward to all the trouble we can get into now they we’re geographically proximate.ROMY AND MICHELEI’ve only tinted my eyelashes once seven years ago, but I’m going to try again this Friday.  Loyal readers understand my personal beauty holy grail involves continually dark lashes without pesky under-eye mascara smudges.

EYELASH TINT

My recent banking fiasco motivated a change in financial institutions.  When the new credit union ran my credit the astonished banker said it was refreshing to see such a high credit score.  To celebrate my fiscal responsibility I went shopping.  In a moment of magical, mystical, Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants shit, I found not one, but new three pairs of jeans.  Not only did I find an unlikely triad of sexual jeans (Rag & Bone, Current/Elliott, Vigoss), but they were buy 1 get 2 free.  Grateful to the Denim Gods.KHLOE RAG & BONE

Mung bean sprouts remedy constipation.  Moving along…

MUNG BEAN SPROUTS

 

I’m watchingk the Hills

LC THE HILLS

MTV has been running morning bingewatch seshes of The Hills every weekday and since there’s nothing like 2006, I’ve been unable to withstand the draw of these vapid bitches.  Can someone please inform Whitney Port there is no “k” at the end of “ing.”  Listen to her.  “Lauren, where are you goingk?” and “Oh my God, that was so embarassingk!”

WHITNEY PORT KAlso, I’ve spotted 2006 versions of Taylor Armstrong, Kourtney Kardashian and Tom Sandoval (from Vanderpump Rules) in The Hills background.  Watching this show years later is like a fun game of spot the desperate social-climbing fame-seeker!TAYLOR ARMSTRONG THE HILLS

 

Of All the Mascaras in my Makeup Bag

BENEFIT THEYRE REALThe Sephora lady foamed all over herself to sell me this Benefit They’re Real Mascara, but I think for all the hype it’s overrated.  There’s a spikey ball on the end of the brush meant to get at those little inner corner hairs, but instead it smears product on my nose and eyelid.  The mascara itself isn’t extraordinary.  After a couple hours of wear, it migrates under the eye which as far as I’m concerned isn’t acceptable mascara behavior.  Grade: CITS SO BIGIt’s So Big has quite the following on Amazon, but I don’t share in the fervor.  The packaging dispenses too much product on the brush.  I don’t have time for the double wipe.  Furthermore, the formula is drying.  Grade: C-

BOOTS NO7 EXTRAVAGANT VOLUME

Boots No7 Extravagant Volume Mascara snuck into my cosmetics bag, and I kinda forgot it was in there.  Waaaaay to much product dispenses on the brush and makes for a very messy and unpleasant application experience.  The brush is so gunky this mascara is almost unusable.  Grade: DTOO FACED BETTER THAN SEX

Of all the mascaras tested, Too Faced Better Than Sex really gives good glam.  BTS delivers major length, non-clumping density, and a deep rich black color.  It’s a great mascara except for staying power.  I love the lash effect, but the under-eye migration ain’t cute. Grade: B+

NYX FULL FIGURED

I saved the best for last.  NYX Full Figured mascara is my favorite of the bunch.  I don’t usually go for waterproof, but NYX Full Figured possesses great staying power.  It lengthens softly.  The brush separates.  No clumping.  Deep Black.  Lasts all day.  Withstands my hot yoga class better than all the other mascaras on this list.  It’s also affordable.  Grade: AMASCARA LASHES

thank you for being a friend

BLONDE REDOne of my nearest and dearest sets off for a new job, a new locale, and a whole new life today.  I’m super proud of her.  She’s worked hard and deserves success.  Even though we’re no longer geographically close, I’m not worried about our friendship diminishing with distance.  We’ve been supertight friends for a decade, so whether we’re apart 2 days, 2 months, or 2 years it’s like no time has passed.  Treasure your friends, and hang on regardless of where life takes you.  When the men have gone and the children are grown, it’s just going to be you, me, Blanche, Rose, Dorothy and Sophia out on the lanai.