August 2014 Horoscopes

LeoLEO

Happy Birthday Leo!  You like to pretend you don’t like a fuss Leo, but that’s just because you know darn well everyone always makes a fuss for you on your birthday.  Welcome change by altering your look without falling prey to rampant materialism.  Mars-Saturn energy can be used for good or evil.  At worst this combo evokes jealousy, stubbornness, and revenge, but those qualities are not characteristic of you, so instead use the influence as a moral barometer.  In August, if situations feel even a little hinky take the ethical high ground.  Usually a good communicator, you are even better in August, so speak your truth and have “the talk.”  Fertile with creativity, channel your talent into producing tangible beauty.  Surely you already feel Jupiter’s invigorating influence in Leo urging you to fuck and travel, not necessarily in that order.  Mid-August, turn down the covers for Venus as she enters your bedroom, Leo.  Have your sexy fun.  Then pull it together and clean yourself up after the 23rd.

VirgoVIRGO

Astrologically speaking Virgo, the weeks before your birthday are a wise time to quietly regroup for the coming year.  A dietary cleanse, house purge, and visit to the doctor for an annual physical are good places to start.  While experiencing lagging energy, some of your regular routines fall by the way side.  It may feel like you are active because of the demands on your time, but when is the last occasion you actually broke a sweat (unrelated to anxiety)?  You can’t afford to waste energy worrying.  August offers a respite and opportunity to turn inward.  Within this period of soul searching, Virgo may experience some feelings of disappointment, depression, and isolation which should dissipate after the 23rd.  Timing plays a pivotal role in your success this month.

LibraLIBRA

Financial concerns preoccupy your mind through most of the August, Libra.  Partnered Libras must work through these money worries with your mate which could stir domestic discord when sacrifices must be made for the benefit of the budget.  Professionally, Libra wants to work with and for people you admire and trust.  Your little work family means more than you realize.  Value them accordingly because this is a big year for collaborating in groups.  When you are in the trenches, you want someone to have your back.  August presents a number of chances for fun and random encounters.  Libras looking to spark with another should make themselves available at such gatherings (especially August 10th).  Enjoy yourself; just don’t get too wasted.

Scorpio

SCORPIO

Scorpio benefits from an amazing career boosting configuration in August.  Jupiter provides a steady positive influence until this time next year.  Add the glow of the Sun, the popularity and collaboration of Venus, and Mercury’s clarity of communication and you have all the makings for a professionally unstoppable Scorpio.  Strive for excellence to make the most of this power.  While happy to hear that your prestige and earnings are on the upswing, Scorpios long for love.  Family and friends supply the emotional nourishment you need this month.  Look to a strong woman for support.  Scorpio’s health and wellness are vulnerable now, so take quality care of yourself in August.

SagittariusSAG

Sags, your theme in August is distance which manifests in travel, receiving guests, or news from afar.  Take that last minute trip you are itching for.  If geographically bound to home, make an internet friend from the other side of the world.  Sags have a hankering for foreign culture this summer.  August 10th brings long awaited news.  When the going gets tough, love lubricates the difficult moments.  Partnered Sags connect through a deep sense of gratitude.  Over the next year, Jupiter will influence your desire to pursue specialized education.  Practice and study to achieve true mastery.  The areas of concern this month are money and health.  August serves up financial peril – at best delays, at worst substantial loss.  Care for yourself properly and minimize unnecessary risks.

Capricorn

CAP

Venus waltzes in to romance Capricorn and make you especially lucky in love, but watch out because the Sun is in Leo your house of extremes.  The upside to this influence is that it leaves you pliant, easy-going, warm, sexual, and snuggly.  The downside is that emotionally you will feel embarrassingly needy, uncomfortable, and pathetic.  Finances look favorable.  An unexpected investment opportunity may spring forth from the romantic relationship you’re cultivating.  For Cap, money and love make comfortable bedfellows.  Collaboration creates cash flow in August.  Just be judicious with whom you invest with when it comes to friends.  To remain healthy, spend your free time fucking or sleeping instead of fussing and fretting.

AquariusAQUARIUS

Relationships play a central theme for Aquarius over the next year with Jupiter’s influence.  The Sun and Mercury enter the scene to add magnetic glow and support clear communication.  Seek relationships based on reciprocity and balance.  With this three-way energetic influence no one can resist your charm.  A full schedule keeps boredom at bay, but when you get worn out you also get combative, bitchy, and intolerable.  Know when to say no.  August isn’t the time to burn bridges with prosperous contacts because you’re in a bad mood.  Sleep soundly.  Drink less booze.  Eat better.  Spend devoted time with members of your family who nourish, fortify, and love you.

PiscesPISCES

Love, sex, and lust, these are the prominent themes for Pisces this August. With this energy comes risk for a certain degree of naughtiness.  The least prudent among you may commence an illicit affair or engage in other ill-advised risky sexual behavior.  Practical partnered Pisces pour this energy into strengthening the dynamic duo.  Eventually, the tingle in your pants dissipates enough for you to begin to think clearly again.  August offers opportunities for you to make the highest and best use of your talents.  You can relax because you are competent and have a genuine camaraderie with coworkers.  Book beauty and therapy appointments for very favorable results in August.

Aries

ARIES

August has all the makings for a damn good month, Aries.  The atmosphere is ripe for love.  You look good.  You feel good, and you are ready to take chances.  The Sun, Mercury, and Venus play matchmakers.  People enjoy your charisma and want to make friends.  Open up to the idea of expanding your social circle.  Ambition amps your attitude towards work.  Clear professional objectives literally pay off; initiate mass organization on the 23rd.  Avoid financing and just pay cash.  Resist day-trading or other speculative financial dealings this month.  Push yourself to get sweaty, go beyond working out in the gym and get outside.  Wear a helmet to remain safe during accident-prone August.

TaurusTAURUS

Taurus adopts a stubborn and detrimental stance in relationships in August.  Already unyielding, this influence adds a layer of irrationality that only a hard-headed Bull would entertain.  You’ll find yourself in sticky situations personally and professionally.  Committed Bulls have the added pressure of working through the struggle with your partner.  The discord provides a meaningful test for your relationship.  If you can get through this without tearing each other apart then there’s substance there worth retaining.  Single Bulls should stay that way, as your shitty attitude will spoil the nascent stirrings of love.  August is a favorable time to add to your real estate holdings, so spend the month torturing your real estate agent.

Gemini

GEMINI

Connecting through communication is your theme for August, Gemini.  Hearing the right phrase at the right time, a sense of intellectual collaboration, these are the moments that bring you closer to others this month.  When you find someone that sees the world as you do, it sparks your passion and a number of intense, bonding conversations will follow.  Travel may be on the calendar, but even Geminis remaining close to home will have a packed schedule.  This month, Gemini encounters challenging problems which can leave you in a state of overwhelmed paralysis.  Use humor to get you through the roughest patches.  You are strong enough and smart enough to ultimately persevere.

Cancer

CANCER

Cancer craves stability and security in August.  Practical matters like budgets and organizing your daily routine dominate.  With Jupiter influencing your pocketbook, you can look forward to a full year of solid income.  When some Crabs get their claws on more cash, they spend, spend, spend.  No. No. No.  Line your shell with savings.  Order the small.  Do not take a dessert to go.  Emotionally tender, your closest moments will happen with a loved one near the 10th.  Failure to make your health a priority will result in disastrous consequences.  Keep your body moving and force yourself to break a sweat.  Generally speaking, discipline isn’t your strength, but it’s time to start flexing that muscle.

Go Deep

TORDo you Tor?  You know I’m obsessed with privacy and free speech, so I downloaded Tor, the browser that allows you to explore the web anonymously.  I won’t bore you with the particulars, you can read the Wiki page for that, but Tor provides layers of encryption that makes it pretty much impossible to trace your web doings.  Oh, you didn’t know about the government and corporations spying on your web activities?  Look into it.BIG BROTHER

Tor is also your gateway to the “deep web.”  It took me all of about 20 minutes to stumble down that rabbit hole.  Since I don’t have a need for bulk MDMA, pedoporn, or a contract killer, I really have no use for these sites, but I admit it’s a little thrilling to take a stroll through the back alleys of the internet.  It’s an eBay of criminality people – ANYTHING YOU WANT.  Bitcoin is the currency.  Thank God I didn’t have access to the black markets of the deep web when I was 20, or I would have been crotch-deep in MDMA.  It’s both exhilarating and alarming to know that this unregulated underworld exists and is not at all difficult to access.  Tor.  Go Deep.    GRAMS

Peach Teas

Xing Green Tea with Peach & Honey

XING PEACH GREEN TEASweet.  Peachy.  Tarty.  Dry finish.  180 calories for a monstrous 23.5 oz can.

Honest Tea Peach Oo-la-long

HONEST TEA PEACHOrganic.  Far less sweet.  Mildly peachy.  Assertive tea taste.  60 calories in 16 oz.

Tazo Giant PeachTAZO GIANT PEACH

Major peachyness.  More juice than tea.  Super fruity and sweet.  150 calories for 13.8 oz.

Republic of Tea Ginger PeachREPUBLIC OF TEA PEACH

Strong black tea.  Caffeine kick.  Iced or hot.  Lightly bitter finish.

Teavana Peach Tranquility

Full-bodied peachy taste layered over gentle tea blend.  Superb hot/cold.  Caffeine-free.PEACH TEA

Fall 2014 Couture {Ulyana Sergeenko}

ULYANA SERGEENKO FALL 2014 COUTURE 5ULYANA SERGEENKO FALL 2014 COUTURE 1ULYANA SERGEENKO FALL 2014 COUTURE 8ULYANA SERGEENKO FALL 2014 COUTURE 12ULYANA SERGEENKO FALL 2014 COUTURE 7ULYANA SERGEENKO FALL 2014 COUTURE 13ULYANA SERGEENKO FALL 2014 COUTURE 6ULYANA SERGEENKO FALL 2014 COUTURE 4ULYANA SERGEENKO FALL 2014 COUTURE 11ULYANA SERGEENKO FALL 2014 COUTURE 9ULYANA SERGEENKO FALL 2014 COUTURE 10ULYANA SERGEENKO FALL 2014 COUTURE 3ULYANA SERGEENKO FALL 2014 COUTURE 2ULYANA SERGEENKO FALL 2014 COUTURE 14

Skills for Life: Tiny Cleaning Crew

TINY TOWN BOYLast week, I went on the cutest date with the best man to Tiny TownTiny Town is comprised of a ton of little dollhouses and has a little train you can ride around the modest grounds.  We arrived early before the crowds and commenced our tour of Tiny Town.  As we got toward the back of the colony of dollhouses, I noticed two girls.  The older girl looked about nine years old and the younger one around seven.  They had a bucket and squeegee and were cleaning off the exterior of the tiny houses.  I watched and listened to the diminutive cleaning crew working.  As they cleaned the dirt off the dollhouse windows one by one, I heard the older girl explaining to the younger girl that the water was getting dirty and needed to be changed.  They weren’t complaining, worked together without conflict, and encouraged each other to rally when they got tired.  I was super impressed.  Not only were these girls participating in age-appropriate chores, but the older girl was mentoring the younger girl by teaching her cleaning skills for life.  There was no direct adult supervision, and there didn’t need to be because these two young ladies were clearly raised with a sense of responsibility.  TINY TOWN TWO GIRLSYesterday, during my teeth cleaning, I was listening to my hygienist bitch about her step-children – two girls – ages ten and twelve who are spoiled brats with zero responsibility.  These girls respect no one because they have never been taught respect.  They have no life skills because no one ever taught them how to pick up after themselves.  As a result, the girls are ungrateful and bored because they have no appreciation for responsibility.  Parents who shelter their children from work are doing their kids a great disservice.  Find age-appropriate tasks and teach your children early on that life is a balance between work and fun.  Prepare your children for the reality of life not your fantasy of an ideal childhood.  Teach them self-soothing skills and self-sufficiency, so you don’t end up gifting the world with your useless, lazy, spoiled, entitled, and ungrateful offspring.  Yeah, I sound judgmental, but when it comes to parenting – if you aren’t going to do it right, don’t do it at all. TINY TOWN KID

mizz tudie denkins

I’ve been dogsitting my best friend’s dog Tudie Denkins this week.  She is a 2 lb Maltese and the sweetest most lovable little dog you could ever meet.  I’ve enjoyed having her so much.  She follows me around, sits on my lap, sleeps curled up next to me in my armpit.  She doesn’t really bark.  She definitely never bites.  She just loves and sleeps.  That’s her jam, and that’s why I agreed to keep her while my friend was away.  CAM00859In having her in my home, I’ve realized a few other things about dog ownership.  It’s unexpectedly nice to have a reason to wake up and go right outside, breathe the morning air, and take my little pal on a walk.  Ditto with the night time routine and getting outside for fresh air before bed.  Tudie’s such a little cutie that no one can resist her.  I’ve met so many new people this week because of her adorable mug.  I have to return little Tudie back to her Ma tomorrow and it will be super hard to let her go.  It’s nice to have a warm little companion.  I get it dog people.  I get it.  Woof.CAM00852

Wedding Gown Rundown

JESSICA SIMPSON WEDDINGJessica Simpson wore custom Carolina Herrera.  It’s such a princess-y Jessica Simpson dress.  It is exactly what you’d expect her to wear.  I do like the candlelight color, the snatched waist, and the how the beading catches the light.  I don’t love the pattern of the beading on the skirt and the way it creates a weighty bedspread feeling to the bottom of the dress. JESSICA SIMPSON BRIDEOLIVIA PALERMOAlso in Carolina Herrera, I feel like Olivia Palermo is trying to be the hipster chick that wears Chuck Taylors to prom.  Like she’s above the fuss of an actual wedding dress.  She can only bother with a skirt and sweater (in the summer).  I offer you begrudging props for originality paired with an eyeroll, Palermo.  She looks way baked in this picture, no?  KANDI BURRESSKandi fucking Burruss.  Did you watch that hot fucking mess of a televised shitshow?  Coming to America, for real girl?  Today is just about dresses and this one makes me recall that line from Steel Magnolias, “Looks like two pigs fightin’ under a blanket.”  What do you expect from a designer who delivers your dress in a bedsheet?TAYLOR ARMSTRONGI threw Taylor Armstrong in here for a little Real Housewives compare and contrast.  She’s wearing Chagoury Couture.  The dress is dated; it’s giving me a very 1997 prom sensation. NAYA RIVERA REFLECTIONPoor Naya Rivera, attempting to bride her post-Big Sean pain away in Monique Lhuillier.  This dress is totally inappropriate for a Cabo wedding.  Could you imagine wearing all that lace and long sleeves in Mexico in the summerNAYA RIVERA WEDDING DRESSKALEY CUOCOKaley Cuoco opted for carnation pink Vera Wang.  I’m all for non-white, but this gown isn’t really that special.  The color borders on cloying. KATIE COURICCarmen Marc Valvo made Katie Couric’s dress for her ceremony in the Hamptons.  I know she’s nearing 60, but that has nothing to do with the bad cut, fabric, and color of this frock.  She could have looked a whole lot cuter, and it’s a damn shame she wore this disservice of a dress on such a blessed occasion.  KIM AND KANYEI actually like elements of Kim’s Givenchy dress, just not the part that looks like she’s wearing North’s bib.  The back is beautiful, especially with the totally impractical exaggerated veil.  For sure, that skinny white belt will be ripped off and all over the bridal runways next season – you heard it here first. KIM K WEDDING DAY

The Current Rotation: July Flyby

COWBOY JUNKIES SWEET JANESweet Jane ↔ Cowboy Junkies

FIRST AID KIT

My Silver Lining ↔ First Aid Kit

MO

Pilgrim ↔ MØ

THE DANDY WARHOLS

We Used to Be Friends ↔ The Dandy Warhols

SYLVAN ESSO

Hey Miami ↔ Sylvan Esso

PERFUME GENIUS DARK PARTS

Dark Parts ↔ Perfume Genius

LEONARD COHEN

I’m Your Man ↔ Leonard Cohen

 

Fall 2014 Couture {Armani Privé}

 

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