I’ve always admired Kim Gordon. I’ve listened to her music. I’ve followed her efforts at fashion. I delighted at her family’s cameo on Gilmore Girls and her scrunchy moment on Girls. One of my first and most memorable boyfriends loved Sonic Youth, and every time I hear Mildred Pierce I think of him. As some of you know, Kim and Thurston recently split. Sonic Youth is no more. Gordon wrote a memoir, and yes, it includes some mention of the other woman, but Kim Gordon’s life is so fucking interesting and intersected with dynamic and influential people that her split with Moore represents just one sad (but matter of fact) song in the EP of her life. I love her straight-forward and insightful writing. You will too. Read Girl in a Band: A Memoir.
I’m not going to pretend there aren’t things I don’t miss about my ex. I wouldn’t have been with him for close to a decade if he didn’t have some redeeming qualities. Since we’ve split, we rarely talk. His hateful parents were a major reason we broke up. They aren’t very nice. They don’t seem to like anyone. They participate in long estrangements from family for flimsy reasons. They grumble. They complain. Too cowardly to say it to your face, they would rather just passive aggressively back-bite. I did not want to form a family amidst the discord. And the thought of dealing with them over a lifetime felt like an emotional prison sentence destined to indefinitely ruin every holiday and cause innumerable conflicts. My ex’s sister and husband just had a baby, and the parents came out to visit from another state. After years of ill-feelings, not even a brand new little sweet baby could serve to keep the peace. The parents departed early leaving behind a dirty diaper full of fermenting bad feelings.In the wake of their departure, I got the inevitable text from the son-in-law with concerns he didn’t know how much longer he could take it. The hateful parents are causing a major strain on the marriage even from hundreds of miles away. I can’t help but feel like I dodged a bullet getting out when I did. Even though my ex has a number of wonderful qualities, his inability to appropriately deal with his unreasonable parents spelled disaster for the future of our union. If you don’t like your partner’s family, don’t get married because it can only really play out two ways. Either 1) suck it up and forever deal with people who despise you; or 2) set boundaries limiting your contact with the mean ones which in turn distances your partner from his family thereby breeding resentment in your relationship. See why this will never work? Don’t even bother.
Do you ever watch Suze Orman? She includes a segment at the end of her show where she “denies” or “approves” purchases based on an unknown algorithm. I’ve been thinking on whether it’s ethical for me to encourage someone to spend on a trip that he arguably can’t afford. Yes, he could throw the trip on credit cards, but I don’t want a few days on white sandy beaches to turn into years of indebtedness. Conversely, life is short. And if you’ve ever seen a retiree try negotiate the steps of Prague Castle, you know you don’t want to save your most adventurous traveling for your financially solvent, but psychically feeble golden years. I know some of my more affluent girlfriends might opt to pay a larger share of the bill just to keep everybody happy, but something about that doesn’t sit quite right. That sort of imbalance breeds resentment over time.At a minimum, before splurging, you gotta have a year of living expenses saved up, a maxed IRA contribution, no credit card debt, and the money for the splurge saved up separately. Without those basics in order, approval for the purchase must be DENIED. But then again, who am I to tell someone else how to spend his money? If I limit my social invitations only to folks that fit into that aforementioned category of preparedness, I would be engaging in most activities alone. It’s your money and ultimately you must decide how to negotiate the tightrope walk between adventure and safety net.
Thanks to all my wonderful friends and students who came out to support me on a very big day. I’m grateful for you.
5 years ago today, Demeter Clarc was born. Over 1,800 posts later, I’m continually grateful for your loyalty, support, and patience. I hope it’s as much fun for you as it is for me. Love you always little doves. ♥ DC
I hate the name. I hate the texture. I would have never bought Osmosis Pür Medical Skincare of my own accord. I’ve got an inside connection, and so I’m flush with products. I started using them, mostly because they were there. I’ll be damned if they haven’t dramatically improved nearly every flaw in my skin. Long-term persistent breakouts faded with consistent use of Osmosis. My skin hasn’t been this clear since I was on the (dreaded) pill. Wrinkles? I noticed a marked reduction in appearance with religious use of Osmosis serums; ditto with dark spots. Furthermore, Osmosis adds luminosity to the skin, and I don’t mean false iridescence; I mean honest to goodness glow from the inside out. Of the serums, I’ve enjoyed Clarify, Correct, and Replenish. The concealer is pretty terrific too. I love the weird masks. Osmosis doesn’t look or feel like other high-end skincare. Even if you are initially put-off, use the entire product through to completion. I think you’ll be pleased with the results.
Happy Birthday Pisces! It’s your turn to dance with the Sun in March, and the warm embrace couldn’t come a moment sooner as far as you’re concerned. You already understand your capacity for visionary dreams, but execution isn’t your strength. The universe provides Pisces that added kick of power in March to actually effectuate on those lofty ambitions. Even during this auspicious time, a bitch fight between Pluto and Uranus bleeds aggravation and tension into mid-March like an unwelcome crampy period. The lesson for you Little Fish is how to not give a fuck about what other people think or let their opinions navigate your swim. Instinctively, you know the right way. Don’t let the crushing pressure of conformity dim your creativity or cause you to compromise your true values.
With the Sun in Pisces, the universe wants you to rest now, Aries, and you are happy to oblige. Blame it on the long, cold, winter. Sift through the past twelve months for unresolved anguish. Give yourself the gift of dissolving that angst before we move into your time to shine later this month and into the next. Doing so will provide you the clarity you need to determine your next major leap. If you can afford it, hire someone to tidy your home. You’ll feel so much better in an organized space, but you won’t have the time or inclination to do it yourself this March. The acrimony between Uranus and Pluto influences your feelings about authority this month. If someone is making you his little bitch, it’s because you are letting him.
Your theme this March is teamwork, Taurus. The Sun activates collaborative energy and adds a buzzy quality to your social and professional interactions. March is a get-shit-done month for you, Taurus, during which you demonstrate your efficiency, effectiveness, and most valuable qualities. Your best day for self-confidence is March 5th. When you feel good about yourself others notice, so don’t be surprised if a little recognition or flirtation gravitates your way. The challenge for March is Pluto and Uranus at odds. This conflicting energy calls into question your coping mechanism, which let’s be honest is just a euphemism for addiction. Take responsibility. Virtually nothing is in our control, Taurus, and accepting this precariousness is your ongoing challenge.
Greetings Gemini, with the Sun in Pisces your focus in March is on how your career trajectory may or may not support your long-term ambitions. Your ongoing resistance to change is a major source of frustration for you. Gemini’s most fortuitous day this month is March 3rd. March 5th is the best day to spend with your family tidying and nesting at home. With regard to relationships, Gemini’s bound for a breakthrough or a break-up. As for the Pluto/Uranus standoff, over the last few years you’ve been tied down and totally free. Your emotional extremes have wrecked havoc on your relationships and financial stability. A reckoning comes with Saturn’s retrograde when you realize just how disconnected you’ve become from the people who truly matter.
These last months have forced you to face some hard truths, Cancer. Whether it’s loss, change, or disappointment, you’ve been a little melancholy over the finality of life’s harder lessons. March brings a renewed optimism about what is possible with the resources available to you. As you get over what you don’t have, you better appreciate your own abundance. The first week of March brings an answer you’ve been waiting for. Spend the 5th with your sibling. On the 16th, the percolating tension between your personal life and your professional life simmers over into a mess. You’ll be scrubbing off the residue for the rest of the month. Saturn’s retrograde will make it impossible to ignore your ongoing health issues.
March proves more low-key for Leo. Snugging up at home with your sweetie and waiting it out for spring sounds pretty good to most Lions this time year. Your best career day falls on March 5th when a bonus, raise, or recognition is likely. Pluto and Uranus call you out on your bullshit this month. Any hyperbole on your part will be met with a cold splash of reality. Don’t exaggerate on what you can deliver. March is a good month to talk less and relax. Do only the essential; contribute what is required. Save your energy and resources for a time when you can navigate matters with more grace and efficiency, Leo.
The light shines on your relationships in March, Virgo. Even with all this delicious coupling, March 5th is your best day to go it alone. Mid-month, an uncomfortably tense power struggle between Uranus and Pluto make it impossible for you to hide your true feelings. Strip away the artifice lest you be stripped bare and caught defenseless. Relax your retentive tendencies this March. Talk a little less and listen with an open heart. Such a strategy should get you cleanly through the thicket of possible misfortune. Saturn’s retrograde triggers a reflection on your current home life. Are you ready for a change?
Mundane March you might call it, Libra. This month has you sweeping, mopping, dusting, and donating, all in service to your home. While it may not be the sexiest use of your time, the very action of cleaning and sorting will inspire change in a number of other key areas of your life. The hostility between Pluto and Uranus challenges family dynamics. Aren’t you a little old for trying to please your folks? You’ll never make them happy anyway, so just do you. Yeah, you may experience a bit of a backlash, but don’t let it affect your self-worth. Usher in the official start of spring with a commitment to a new and sustainable wellness plan. Keep it simple and commit.
March means well, Scorpio, with the stars aligning to shine a glamorous spotlight on you. March 5th is your best day for connecting through technology which allows you to expand your reach and influence to a much broader audience. Connect with your spiritual community. Jupiter influences your career, especially the 3rd, when you may receive an unusual, but interesting professional opportunity that takes you away for awhile. While at first, it seems outlandish, don’t discard the notion outright. Pluto’s standoff with Uranus encourages Scorpio to soften your delivery. Mid-month, no one will have any patience for one of your ill-timed barbs. Don’t let a health concern become a health crisis. The first day of Spring brings love and luck.
For you Sag, March is a maternal, homebound time for family rooted in domesticity. Bake a muffin, bitch. When you’ve soaked up all the homespun charm you can handle, March 5th is your best career day where you finally start to net what you are worth. Sags are prone to bouts of self-doubt. The Pluto and Uranus pissing contest strikes a deep chord of insecurity. Your challenge is to dig deep into your well of self-confidence. You can’t be so easily rattled by life’s little divots. Saturn is all up in your business for the next few years, and goes retrograde for a spell this month. Saturn doesn’t allow for any short cuts. Connections and nepotism aren’t going to get you there, but hard work will.
You are especially smart and intellectually nimble this March, Capricorn. If you want to learn something new, this is the time to do it. March 5th is your best day for travel and revelations. Pluto’s been fucking with you a little bit, and this month he wedges his boot in your ass in a cosmic tug of war with Uranus. You’ll feel the stress in your home and intimate relationships. Stay out of the numerous power struggles taking place in your realm. This isn’t the time to throw your weight around just because you’ve lost your temper. If you lack the self-control to manage your temper, then just stay home and isolate, especially mid-month. A few days alone would do you good, Capricorn.
After your birthday blowout last month Aquarius, the most basic and simple concerns come back into focus this March. You take a good look at your incoming resources and your current expenditures and find an unsustainable imbalance. An immediate raise may not be possible, but present yourself at work as if it were. You never know. Another option? On March 5th, consider a merger either professional or personal that helps ease both parties’ economic burdens. With Pluto and Uranus at odds, March isn’t an ideal month for big decisions like marriage or a new home. This energy also makes you a bit snippy, so add an extra layer of icing to your conversational cake.
The solution is so simple. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it before. A working window in the bathroom is ideal, but a luxury for most. Those of us with interior bathrooms or those blessed with glass exposure, but not openable windows must devise a strategy for airing out the bathroom. Overhead exhaust fans don’t really cut it. Especially if you are trying to air out a really steamy room after a nice hot shower. I put an antique-style fan in my bathroom and love how it clears the steam, odors, and heat efficiently. Air movement discourages the growth of mildew and mold, and the white noise provides a nice privacy buffer. Getcha a wind machine, girl.