Tag Archives: Adele

GRAMMY 2012: whitney’s wake

The best of the night were all appropriately in black.  Rihanna plunged in the front and sloped low in the back in this major ArmaniGwyneth repped her inner-circle in Stella McCartney.  From the neck down Gwyneth looks amazing, but she’s looking a little inflamed in the face.  Bad bronzer or bad eight ball?  You decide.  Adele turned it out in Armani.  We sure as fuck knew she wouldn’t wear Chanel after Karl’s latest round of bad Grandpa fat comments.Not all the black was good; Julianne Hough wasted her crazy toned body in this unflattering and boring Kaufmanfranco.Bruno Mars gave a little ankle in this fashion-forward Thom Browne look.  Not everyone will get it, but I appreciate the effort. Saggy tits.  That’s the first thing that comes to mind when I see Katy Perry in this Elie Saab gown.  The sophomoric blue hair and the pastel Tinkerbell gown are enough to induce the heaves.  This girl cannot sing, she cannot dress, and therefore I have no use for her.  No use at all.  Good day Katy Perry.  I said good day.And the “desperately seeking attention” award goes to….miz Minaj.  She has talent, so why won’t she lead with it?  It’s Versace by the way.  The cape not the bishop. Let’s work our way through the “irrelevant in white” category.  Kathy Griffin wore Michael Kors rather well.  Why is it when she looks better she’s less funny?Kate Beckinsale usually shows up to these events in overblown ball gowns, so this Zuhair Murad is actually a surprisingly appropriate choice for her.  She still can’t ditch the pageant hair, but baby steps are still progress.  Paris Hilton wore a well-tailored Basil Soda.  I’m not on fire for the white and gold combo.  She looks better than usual, but a skosh overdressed.Robyn, L.A. doesn’t do the whole quirky Nordic thing.  Just ask Bjork.  This whole look is an unmitigated hell no. One of the few pops of color, Fergie in Jean Paul Gaultier; I can feel how much she desperately wants our approval, but I must withhold it.  Adam Levine doing his best Scott Disick.  Between Scott and Adam, who do you think gets called “douche” more often to his face?Taylor Swift is like the Nicole Kidman of the under-25 set.  This over-serious frock is a Zuhair Murad creation.

VMAjor Fashion Letdown

Love Adele, but this boring-ass dress explains why she’s often photographed from the shoulders up. Fucking gross yo.  Beyoncé does her bun in the oven pose in tangerine Lanvin.  I’m sure Gwyneth is thrilled at the prospect of sharing her homemade organic baby food recipes.Miley Cyrus in Cavalli and Selena Gomez in Julien Macdonald, these two twats look 35.

Justin Beiber is the only young lady who dressed her age.

You can take the whores out of the Shore, but not the Shore out of these whores.Jojo you know it’s just a little too late…

All that auditing has dulled her taste in clothes.  Katie dressed like she was attending a parent-teacher conference instead of the VMAs.  The awkward stance and hideous booties do nothing to redeem the look.  The fact that Pete Wentz topped the best dress should give you an indication of the evening’s style caliber. Wasn’t wowed by Mizz Saldana in a embellished LBD by Barbara Bui, but I’ll still probably see her new movie ColombianaFor Katy Perry life is a costume party rather than a fashion show.  Here she channeled her “happy endings” look.

This is not an appropriate response to a cold sore Nicki.

More of the same from Miss Piggy’s Armenian cousin who always serves too much titty, too much belly, and too much hair.  

Adele, 21

Put that Kanye record down; it is time for some fresh music.  Adele’s new album 21 drops in the U.S. on the 22nd, and it is fantastic.  Adele serves her unapologetically powerful voice while nimbly tiptoeing through her range.  Her sound is as nurturing as a warm blanket on a winter’s day.The first single, a deliciously bluesy stomper Rolling in the Deep, might have already made it to you – a little bit Supremes, a little bit Heart, a little bit KT Tunstall.  Paired with Rumours, the strong tracks kick-start a thoroughly enjoyable collection.The piano on Turning Tables nestles into that tender place that will have you hitting repeat.  My unorthodox pick for best song on the record is the sixth track, He Won’t GoAdele’s lyrical timing and big chorus make this quirky tune particularly memorable.Since she was born in 1988, I’ll excuse the cover of Lovesong, but bitches please stop with The Cure covers.  We all love The Cure, but exercise some fucking self-restraint.  The Cure are not The Beatles, you dig?

Adele, 21.  Get on it.