Tag Archives: Albert Marquet

LOVE Thyself

Five totally legitimate reasons to wank off.

Men who ejaculated more than five times a week through masturbating were a third less likely to develop prostate cancer according to one study.  Doctors chalk this up to the benefits of “clearing the pipes” by releasing toxin concentrations which accumulate over time.  Masturbation helps prevent cervical infections and relieve urinary tract infections.  Going into more detail requires a graphic explanation of cervical tenting, so just trust this advice and keep it moving.Studies show masturbation promotes cardiovascular health and lowers the risk of type-2 diabetes.  Rub one out for your heart, man.Self-diddling naturally combats insomnia through hormonal and tension release.  Recently, in the middle of the night, a friend’s roommate walked in while he was in bed with his girlfriend, sat on a chair (strewn with aforementioned girlfriend’s clothing), and took a nice long piss.  The next morning, the roommate claimed a case of Ambienesia, saying she remembered nothing.  Why risk a pharmaceutically-induced unintended public pissing situation?  Put the pharmies down and use that hand for something more useful, like whacking off.  Combine Ambien and wanking at your own risk.Turn that frown upside-down; petting the kitty releases euphoria-inducing oxytocin.  Like ecstasy, but without the pesky brain holes.