Home > Andy Cohen
I gave it two episodes, but Interior Therapy with Jeff Lewis spun off in the wrong direction. The premise: Jeff, Jenni, and occasionally Zoila move in with a family and rework one room of their house. Seems promising right? Yeah, in execution the dynamic just isn’t working. Of course Jeff serves moments of anal-retentive kookiness, but without the whole gang – pets, servants, sycophants, and deviants all shacked up together in a recently renovated flip, this incarnation lacks the drama and heart of the original. I want to blame this disappointing dud on that creepy Svengali boyfriend Gage, but I know Andy Cohen is the real culprit.
Let’s just acknowledge what is blatantly obvious: this sad run sucked from premiere to finale. Without a central conflict or sincere connections between the ladies, RHNY suffered from RHOC syndrome this season. Symptoms include ubiquitous fakery, forced scenes, and contrived melodrama. God bless a snotty gay. Alex showed up for her first paid editorial for The Block. After listing a string of third tier shows she walked in during fashion week, James the requisite homo elitist, subtly shamed her by repeating, “Perfect then, Perfect then,” in a bored and disdainful tone. Who can blame him? Alex’s total lack of self-awareness, paired with her whiny pageant dad Simon, makes her an unbelievably easy target for criticism. BTW Simon, revealing your wife was chosen 3rd on US Weekly’s worst dressed list isn’t something to brag about in a room of fashion folk. Though she did live up to the title later in the episode by wearing this utterly fug pink double-breasted short suit.Bravo aired teasers for the finale all week that hinted at a change-of-life baby for Ramona. The preview giveaways meant to build excitement were dubious since everyone is well aware that at 55, the only change of life happening to Ramona is the retirement of her ovaries. Bravo’s last ditch effort to salvage the season with engineered baby drama smacks of desperation.In another red-herring subplot, LuAnn and Jacques invited the whole crew to a celebration of their one year anniversary. The fiesta was held on a boat ironically destined to sail around the Statute of Liberty, a monument presented to America by the Count’s ancestors, as Ramona pointedly reminded us in her personal interview segment.Once on board, Ramona pretended to break the potential pregnancy news to Mario. Then she and Sonja flitted off to the “head” like two leopard-clad sorority sisters with an eightball. Sonja conveniently supplied the EPT (how much did they pay for that product placement?), and Ramona supplied the urine.Sensible Jill (relatively speaking) immediately called bullshit and didn’t hesitate to introduce the more obvious explanation of menopause to account for Ramona’s cyclical irregularity.For some unbeknownst reason (did Cohen offer her a kidney?), Natalie Cole agreed to make a cameo and sing a duet with LuAnn. Fake-ass LuAnn wouldn’t know Natalie Cole from Natalie Merchant, but she pretended to fawn all over the singer when initially introduced by her opportunistic producer.Natalie sang decent, LuAnn sounded nervously pitchy, and Simon looked downright bitchy during the performance.While Jill was hoping for the party to culminate in an engagement announcement, the limp-dick gathering just petered out without any big reveals from either LuAnn or Ramona.If you are attached to this group of ladies, don’t miss the reunion next week. Chances are it will be the last time you see this ensemble on Cohen’s confrontational couches. This pathetic excuse for a season proved the NYC franchise is begging to be recast. At this point, any change would serve as a welcomed improvement.
Alex invited Sonja to a damage-control lunch to smooth over the embarrassing squabble. The motivation for the meal comes not from Alex’s interest in repairing the relationship, but instead in the realistic fear that the rift with Morgan might jeopardize her camera time this season.After quickly reaching an impasse, the two buttah blondes agreed to drop the tiff – which of course means we’ll be hearing about this petty shit for the next eight weeks. The French Fonz threw a wine and cheese party. He provided the wine, and LuAnn provided the cheese – specifically by making obvious and gag-inducing double entendres about spitting and swallowing. The highbrow speed dating was as awkward and boring as it has been in the hundred other reality shows where the gimmick has been featured.Simon threw Alex an unpretentious picnic birthday party on Gov Island. The early October wind whipped guests and the masses huddled around a sad little plate of pigs in a blanket. Barshop and Bensimon arrived with their kids, surveyed the scene, and quickly retreated back to Manhattan.David Meister invited Ramona to walk the runway, and LuAnn, Sonja, Alex, and Simon came to mock support her. Serious details were overlooked, like organizing the models backstage and fitting Ramona with a proper undergarment. Her performance was only marginally better than last year, but she keeps getting asked back because Ramona’s best and worst quality is that she is nearly impossible to embarrass.In an effort to kick-start her middle-aged modeling career, Alex participated in a portfolio-building photo shoot with Mark Veltman. Alex labors under the delusion that she’s going to supplement her “consulting” income by making bank as a model.At her core, Alex is such a fucking try-hard dork. The woman has absolutely no swagger. Even though the hair and makeup team turned her out, she couldn’t make the editorial Bride of Frankenstein look werk.Lacking the same self-shame chromosome as Ramona, Alex tried to rock her photo shoot hair to the event later that evening. A couple of hours prior, the hair was mayjah, and with the right attitude and outfit, I’m all for serving a little avante garde at the party. However, Alex lacked the confidence and sophistication to successfully take the look from editorial to cocktail.When Cohen delayed the season, he promised it wasn’t due to lack of drama. Instead he claimed the show would benefit from breathing room between filming and airing. Now three episodes deep, the fourth go-round feels cobbled together and disconnected. Don’t get it twisted Bravo, Showtime’s got Cock Cages, so you best step it up.
Andy didn’t miss a beat, and we picked up right where we left off on part 1 of the reunion. I hear this marathon of crazy was taped over an eight hour period. Alex and Bethenny said Jill only wanted to make up with Bethenny because she looked bad on TV. Jill admitted that she didn’t want to be the one who appeared to antagonize the pregnant engaged girl. In the first segment, Jill just bent over and took it up the ass. Ramona reiterated that Jill tried to talk the Housewives out of filming with Bethenny in an effort to sabotage her show. Unsurprisingly, this anti-filming angle is common practice among the cast since a gathering of more than one Housewife exponentially increases the chances the footage will make the cut. Jill straight up admitted she was wrong, and as a result never looked classier. The barrage of criticism became so intense that Bethenny stepped in to relieve the poor dead horse of its suffering.Segment two introduced newest Housewife Sonja Morgan and her overactive cougar crotch. Her oversexed video montage seemed out of place amid all the other catfight videos, but it did provide a little levity in a sea of conflict laden exchanges. Let’s take this opportunity to praise Sonja for making the decision to keep her daughter entirely off the show. While she may come off a little vapid, her parenting decision on this point is both thoughtful and responsible. Andy rolled footage of all the malapropisms the Housewives busted out this season. Since malapropisms fall from these dumb bitches’ lips like leaves off a tree in autumn, the montage was pretty long and included gems like:
I’m not Madonna, but I could be the female Barry White – Countess
I want to be Robin to Batman – Kelly
You are making a mountain out of a hole mill – Ramona
You are making lemons out of lemonade – Kelly
The final segment started the discush of Scary Island (AKA St. John, I’m sure their board of tourism is thrilled). We learned that Kelly’s breakdown was actually way more severe and major then what aired. Since Bravo has no soul, their exercise of self-restraint in the editing room speaks to the true intensity of the meltdown. Kelly recounted her totally fictional account of “systematic bullying” while the other ladies wondered what fucking trip she went on. She claimed there was some sort of island intervention with Bethenny. I’m intrigued. More information please. Along this line, the highlight of part 2 of the reunion came when Kelly said in reference to St. John, “I was forced by Bravo to go on the trip.” Andy responded, “That’s not true, but I appreciate it, but it’s not true.” Kelly then snapped back “everybody knows that and…” Andy interrupted, this time with some gay sass, “That’s not true.” Kelly then says “Andy it is true though, but thank you I appreciate that.” I’m over Bethenny and Jill, this snark between Kelly and Andy was the most unexpected zing of the show. You gotta love it when the ladies air Bravo’s dirty laundry. The Countess pointed out that Kelly instigated much of the conflict and didn’t follow the program in St. John. Bethenny followed up unleashing on her saying she has psychological and emotional problems. With that, Kelly walked off the stage….
You are viewing the Andy Cohen tag archives.