Tag Archives: Aquarius

July 2014 Horoscopes

CancerCANCER

Happy Birthday Little Crab!  Since last June, your life has been awash in change thanks to Jupiter in Cancer, but he’s shifting into your career sector which means travel, money, and most importantly enjoying the tangible fruits of your labor.  Over the next year, enjoy massive professional growth potential.  At long last, your paycheck becomes commensurate with your long undervalued abilities.  Stability sounds really good right?  Save your money.  This is not the time to take an expensive vacation, but feel free to plan for January or February of next year.  Buckle down at work while the wind is at your back.  When your shit’s together you make a rather attractive prospect, so don’t be surprised if an engagement arrives seemingly out of the blue.  Just remember dear Cancer, you are worthy and deserving of all the good fortune coming your way.  Rather than indulging in the anxiety of waiting for the proverbial “other shoe to drop,” enjoy the blessings life has bestowed upon you.

LeoLEO

July is a huge month for you Leo as Jupiter moves into your house mid-month and stays for the next year like some sort of sofa-crashing celestial fairy godmother.  For you Leo, over the next year Jupiter means true love.  If you are single, it is unlikely you will remain so for very long.  Established relationships feel ripe for matrimony now under Jupiter’s influence.  Before Jupiter comes on the 16th, meet unmet obligations and finish the unfinished.  Messiness won’t serve you during your reign.  Also, parcel out some quiet and solitude.  The beginning of the month feels a bit low energy, so don’t force the socializing.  Your time to shine will come the last two weeks of the month and especially between the 24-26th.  Hold on to your dick Leo, life’s about to get much BIGGER.

VirgoVIRGO

The first two weeks of July serve up a series of last minute opportunities for travel and adventure.  Enjoy a few spontaneous moments before settling into a quieter period of healing and self-reflection that will continue over the next year.  Weeding out the dead leaves to allow for new growth proves pivotal in preparing for new blessings.  With regard to work, schedule important talks with valuable contacts on the 24th when the Sun is shining on you favorably.  Jupiter’s shift indicates an end to a twelve year cycle or relationship.  Is it time to say good by to an unsatisfying relationship or addiction?  Now is the time to tackle the emotional work you’ve been neglecting. Therapy, anyone?  For some Virgos, you are making the emotional room for a baby.

LibraLIBRA

Libra enjoyed the bountiful influence of Jupiter professionally over the last year, but this month Jupiter moves out of your career and into your teamwork and tech support departments.  This shift provides a more comfortable collaborative energy for you and it leads you into some interesting philanthropic endeavors.  Hope you stashed some cash during your successful professional run because roving Mars enters to increase your living expenses on the 25th.  Unexpected costs arise concerning your home.  Mid-month your social life blooms.  Family plays a major part in making July special.  Take a little trip to your favorite spot with your sweetie and enjoy one another.  A stork might visit.

ScorpioSCORPIO

On July 16th, Jupiter transitions into Leo the governess of your career, expect your professional life to promptly catch fire and stay aflame for the next year, Scorpio.  Opportunity arises for relocation.  Make decisions based on your highest calling.  When Jupiter lives in Cancer, the energy is a little laid back for you.  Scorpio prefers the intensity of Jupiter in Leo where you can make mogul shit happen.  Schedule important communications on July 12th when the reflected light of the full moon illuminates the clarity of your speech.  Saturn’s retrograde has been bogging Scorpio down for months and shaken your confidence.  Saturn finally moves direct this month and she will reward you for all your tenacity and attention to detail before she finally spins out of Scorpio at the end of the year.

SagittariusSAG

The Sagittarius we all know and love reappears with a flourish this July after a lengthy period of charismatic drought.  The past year has tested your closest relationships.  You’ve been hurt and you’ve hurt others.  These experiences have taught you a great deal about vulnerability and trust.  Use the painful moments as evidence of your strength, not as an excuse to harden against others.  Your inner drag queen hasn’t died Sagittarius.  She’s just been at the spa while you do your emotional homework.  Now she’s ready to come back with the high-kicking flourish of a Rockette.  By the time the last two weeks of July roll around, all your mojo returns and you are ready to share what you’ve learned with those who want to know.

CapricornCAP

Hard-working Capricorns just keep trudging, but lately you haven’t advanced as quickly as you are accustomed.   The gridlock of your life is about to free up in July allowing you to ascend unhindered.  The top can be lonely and you crave intimacy.  Ready to make your relationship more permanent?  The 27th is a fortuitous day for an engagement.  Those looking to exit an unsatisfying situation should wait until after the 16th to file dissolution papers.  Caps with no current romantic attachment should direct this potent energy into relationships that can turn a profit.

AquariusAQUARIUS

At the beginning of July, honor Jupiter’s influence for a few final days by focusing on health and well-being.  Exercise, eat well, sleep, and enjoy the nourishment of the outdoors.  Prepare your mind and your body for love because that’s where Jupiter is headed – to your house of partnerships and commitments.  The energy is right for you to find your life partner in the next year.  For those already lovesick, the July 24-26th window makes an exception to stage an engagement or ceremony.  Water Bearers in steady relationships may wake up this month and realize that your relationship feels like high school when you’ve emotionally graduated on to college.  Kindly part ways as lovers and restructure as friends.

PiscesPISCES

These last months have been creative, glamorous, and fun for you Pisces, but they haven’t been the most financially secure with Mars draining your finances.  July requires you get series about your career.  You’ll certainly have the celestial support as Mars enters Scorpio.  Love always matters to Pisces, but even more so over the last year.  Your investment in your partner has resulted in a tight, strong, bond.  Celebrate with a party around the 12th and invite all your single friends.  Mid-month, Jupiter moves into your house of organization, health, and fitness.  Yes, you’d like to lose the gut once and for all, but more importantly this energy is about disciplined focus.  Get your body right.  Get your mind right.  Get your money right.  That’s your three-part mantra this month.

AriesARIES

Felt a bit dazed Aries?  July kicks off right with the release of Mercury’s retrograde which delivers clarity and a jolt of energy.  Saturn too spins out of retrograde freeing up your chances for fame, honor, and acclaim.  Don’t pretend you don’t love to be told how great you are.  After spending the last year governing your home and family, Jupiter moseys on into your realm of pleasure, creativity, and romance where it can turn up the heat dancing with Leo.  Combustion causes change, so get ready for some major shifts.  You shine on July 24th, so get outta the house that day for sure and remind everybody what you’re working with Aries.

Taurus

TAURUS

The first two weeks of July make an excellent time for travel Taurus, so go ahead and take a little trip to the seaside you’ve been longing for.  Even if you can’t go far, go somewhere on the 12th which is a particularly fortuitous day for adventure.  Mid-month Jupiter rolls into the realm of home, personal life, and family where it settles in for the next year.  A change of home, an addition of a baby, or cultivation of family relationships all make sense with Jupiter’s expansive influence.  Mars enters Scorpio which governs your relationships – expect passion, pleasure, and conflict.  Prepare for intense fucking and fighting through the first half of September.

GeminiGEMINI

With expansive Jupiter fattening your bank account over the last year, you’ve had the opportunity to accrue quite the savings.  During the first week of July, you’ll have the opportunity to put some of that wealth at risk for a potentially huge payday.  Whether you win or lose, you’ll learn a great deal about yourself from calculating the risk and forcing yourself to make a decision after much dithering.  Due to massive work demands, you’ll see more fluorescent lighting than daylight this summer.  When you start bitching to yourself about the grind, be grateful you have a job where you can excel.  Feeling restless?  This year provides opportunities to work away from home, travel, and has you contemplating a second piece of property where you can get away.  You have an itch to catch up with far-flung friends, so squeeze those moments in between work obligations.

June 2014 Horoscopes

GeminiGEMINI

Happy Birthday Gemini!  Community-minded Gemini just loves getting the whole gang together for some fun.  Select an adventure, send word through your social network and see who shows up to play.  There’s an excellent chance for a match-making opportunity between two of your friends.  While in the mix, whether you feel unparalleled enthusiasm for your people or needled by the inconsiderate actions of others, speak your truth.  Leave a few metaphorical Yelp reviews on your network of folks and let ‘em know how they rate according to the ever-morphing Gemini standard.  Withholding the truth is how you get that pesky (yet enduring) two-faced reputation.  Since you are the celestial duchess of gadgets Gemini, go ahead and upgrade.  Consider it a birthday gift to yourself.   Just remember Mercury is in retrograde from the 7th on into July, so don’t be surprised if gadgets glitch.

CancerCANCER

Cancer has spent the last six months lining ducks in a perfect row, so now it’s time to clean up any messiness and execute on your carefully devised strategy.  You’ve put in the work and you deserve the pay off, but if you aren’t careful you could easily get in your own way.  The first and most important lesson in June for Cancer is that you are not in control.  Give over to the tumble of the universe.  Next, you must detach from the outcome.  It isn’t going to feel the way you think it is supposed to look.  Finally, rather than soaking in anxiety, allow the flood of new experiences to wash over you as a recipient.  Watch. Learn. Listen.  For Crabs, Mercury’s retrograde comes in the form of a stab in the back.  Careful whom you trust.

LeoLEO

No June gloom for you Leo!  Super aroused by the warm weather and short-shorts, you are a human red Solo cup this month.  Just remember beer-pong won’t pay the bills.  In between keg-stands, keep up with your self-care.  Organize your friends into some healthy outdoor fun – paddle boarding, hiking, beach blanket bingo.  Mercury retrogrades from June 7 to the first of July and for you this means loose lips.  Don’t go spilling secrets.  Avoid signing contracts, postpone important conversations, and above all maintain your sense of humor should life go temporarily and unexpectedly awry.

 VirgoVIRGO

Virgo sees clearly in June through the spectacles of ambition.  With your recent professional achievements, you are able to see how your contribution feeds into the larger good.  The planning and initiative you take now will root six months in the future.  Mercury retrogrades the 7th, and for you this means suboptimal teamwork and communication.  Even though you see clearly this month, your talk is muddy.  Go out of your way to simplify and clarify.  Usually such a heady thinker, a few decisions from the heart wouldn’t kill you.  Mid-month you’ll contemplate a move.  While considering the interests of all relevant parties, use your heart rather than your head to decide.

Libra

LIBRA

Libra lemonade perfectly balances sour and sweet.  Too much sweet and you’re cloying, too much tart and you’re a bitch.  Most of the time you get it just right.  You are the Goldilocks of the Zodiac: not too cold, not too hot.  You know what else fits comfortably right in the middle?  Mediocrity.  You’re beautiful, kind, peace-making, and at times, boring as fuck.  Upset the perfect equipoise with a little offensive or at least unsanctioned behavior.  Though keep in mind that getting too mouthy during the Mercury’s retrograde could damage important relationships.  Schedule travel later for the summer as the June backspin could muss your perfect vacation plans.

 ScorpioSCORPIO

You’ve been working your ass off Scorpio and mid-month you’ll finally see the payoff, but for now you crave intimacy.  Don’t over schedule because interesting spontaneous offers abound this summer.  You shine in small groups and one-on-one, so leave the festival scene for the desperate posers.  With regard to finance, June is about merging assets and energy to create more flow.  Sniff out passive income opportunities to exploit.  Mercury goes retrograde from June 7 to July 1, so during this time avoid contracts, expect tech glitches, and keep your knee-jerk reactions (and your stinger) to yourself.

 SagittariusSAG

Sags land on the tongue in flames, but your flavor could use some depth.  The punch of your personality comes in the first impression, but you could thicken that vivaciousness with some substance.  We are all sick of munching insecurity tacos and we are ready for burritos of love.  Here’s the recipe: take some kindness, add some generosity, sprinkle in trust, hold the ego and wrap it up in compassion.  Tend to the neglected relationships in your life by putting others first.  Mercury in retrograde for Sagittarius means a visit from the ghost of relationships past.  When opportunities arise to resolve old conflicts, snatch them.

 Capricorn

CAPRICORN

Realizing summer is upon us and you’re fucking out of shape, Capricorn motivates towards health and organization in June.  Consider hiring a personal yoga instructor, life coach, or professional organizer to help you get your shit together.  Lately, have you been relying too heavily on substances to socially lubricate situations?  Intoxicants + Mercury Retrograde = relationship disaster.  Lazy people discard you as emotionally remote, but that’s a misread of the reserved Capricorn.  Caps possess great depth of emotion, but it’s how you cope with and channel this well of emotional energy that determines your fate.

 AquariusAQUARIUS

June is about celebrating the contributions of others and toasting to the success of collaboration.  Big thinking Aquarius takes in the whole view which makes you the perfect person to quash drama when it spikes up between croquet rounds at the corporate picnic.  Peace-making aside, Neptune’s retrograde clouds your professional judgment from June 9th and for several months thereafter.  You have a knack for floating in, out, and in-between the scene with ease.  Towards the middle of June you crave more grounding and stability.  June is the time to purify your diet, commit to fitness and simplify your routine.  The (literal) tipping point has come with regard to physical clutter in your life.  Garage sale anyone?

PiscesPISCES

With June enters a supportive basket of feminine energy to guide you little Fish.  Spend time with the important women in your life.  For Pisces, Neptune’s retrograde highlights incongruence between your personal aspirations and your image.  Decide whom you want to embody as this new incarnation and align the inner and outer by making subtle shifts in your appearance and habits.  Mercury’s retrograde means travel drama.  Not much you can do but leave early and pack your sense of humor.  Computer crashes, lost phones, and power outages are also common within Mercury’s backspin, so take appropriate steps to protect your work and privacy.

AriesARIES

Chatty Aries just can’t wait to share every idea brimming in that overactive brain this June.  The problem with your thoughtless blabbing is Mercury is in retrograde which means that you are quite likely to offend others with your verbal diarrhea.  A series of bad decisions have landed you in the lurch and you don’t like hearing about it from your Mom this month.  Once you get past your ego and frustration, will you have the courage and good sense to dig your way out?  When in doubt, work.  Industriousness keeps you out of trouble and keeps that money rolling in to your account.

TaurusTAURUS

You went hard for your birthday Taurus and you have the anxiety-inducing bank balance to prove it.  Thankfully, June offers many opportunities for you to replenish wealth through satisfying hard work.  With financial security at the forefront, trim back the unsatisfying extracurricular lame cash-eating bullshit.  With Mercury in retrograde from the 7th into July, June isn’t ideal for negotiating leases or refinancing.  Anything bitchy you say this month can and will be held against you.  If you wouldn’t say it face to face, bite your tongue.  You will experience the flipside of this energy when you discover a pal has been talking shit.  Will you forgive or foreclose on the friendship?

April 2014 Horoscopes

AriesARIES

Happy Birthday Aries!  You wish this month was all cupcakes, balloons, and celebrations, but instead it’s all tense energy and big decisions.  Over the past few months, Aries has struggled in balancing domestic and professional responsibilities.  In April, that struggle to please converts into resentment over ignoring your own personal needs.  You give, you give, and you give and they still want more!  You’ve realized there is no end to their greedy thirst for your energy.  Quench your own thirst first in April.  April gifts you with the Grand Cross of tension between Mars, Jupiter, Uranus, and Pluto.  These are not the four planets you want playing together in your astrological sandbox.  The Grand Cross isn’t having any of your martyr shit, Aries.  If you over-give, it will deplete you.  After several months of waffling, April forces change in your relationships.  Often, you are the one that is difficult to get along with, so stop blaming others for the strife.  Even though energetically this is a challenging month for you Aries, it does give you the opportunity to show off some of your best qualities: your courage, generosity, and strength.  Regardless of the chaos and forced change that ensues in April, make decisions based on compassion.  By doing so, you will surface on the other side of this foursquare of tense energy proud of how you navigated the obstacles.

TaurusTAURUS

The majority of April serves as your pre-birthday rest period Taurus.  Unmotivated to meet the needs of others’ agendas, Taurus would rather stay in and sleep off those springtime allergies.  Embrace positive change in April by applying that notoriously strong self-discipline to areas of slack.  Quit smoking.  Lay off the booze.  Leave the line unsnorted.  The planets provide a helping hand in releasing negative habits.  The “Grand Cross” everyone keeps referring to is not a new Pilates machine.  Jupiter brings an exploration of new ideas which cause you to question and ditch some antiquated beliefs.  Often your inner skeptic keeps you from moving forward.  Let her protect you from all the shady douches running amok this month.  Take extra good care of yourself in April as your immune system is weakened.  Say “No” more than you say “Yes.”

GeminiGEMINI

Gemini gathers up the like-minded in April.  Instead of just talking about wanting to make a positive change in the world why don’t you actually do something positive?  Others welcome your sudden streak of self-expression as long as you serve intelligent ideas that are actually your own.  April’s tense Grand Cross planetary alignment spotlights all your financial messiness.  Sure, you do okay in the paycheck department, but what is your long-term financials strategy?  How much do you piss away on meaningless expenditures?  With regard to romance, beware of unresolved feelings and patterns.  Don’t disappear into other people.  Gemini loves to have a bunch of friends, but you aren’t very selective in who tags along.  In April, it becomes very clear who in your circle actually gives a fuck and who is a user.  By letting go of unhealthy attachments to parasitic people you will open up to new love and more fulfilling relationships.

CancerCANCER

Cancer hyperfocuses on career in April.  By prioritizing your own agenda and using that irrepressible Cancer charm to grease the right people that promotion you’ve been vying for could very well be yours.  Expect family and domestic drama this month – perhaps an unexpected drop-in from your sister or mom?  It could also mean a surprise move or unintended pregnancy.  Whatever excitement the stars have in store for you change is on the menu.  With the Grand Cardinal Cross influence there’s risk of calibrating into old destructive patterns thereby curtailing your progress.  When overwhelmed by the demands of both work and home ask for help.  Your standards for companionship are laughably low and it becomes glaringly obvious this month when you meet someone who’s actually got something to offer.  This giver has you contemplating the meaning of true partnership.

LeoLEO

With the tension innate in the Grand Cross, April is a great time to get the hell outta dodge with a spring break trip Leo.  If physically fleeing isn’t feasible take your mind on an expansive trip to broaden your worldview.  Mid-month closure comes with regard to a pending issue.  Ruling out one possibility paves the way for an entirely new idea.  Emotionally speaking, the opposing energies of the Grand Cross bring a schizophrenic confusion to April.  You feel at once mellow and anxious, disciplined and lazy, and rushed and impatient.  Nothing feels quite right, but take consolation in the fact that it isn’t your fault.  To survive this tense time unscathed, you must quash arguments and think before you lash out over some trivial point.  Avoid big decisions this month.  Look to a mentor who has walked the path you wish to travel and listen to wise advice on how to navigate it successfully.

Virgo

  VIRGO

Other than laying low with your nearest and dearest, you don’t feel like doing much this month Virgo.  Your usual zest for elbow rubbing and small talk vanishes and instead you’d rather stay home and loaf.  April presents opportunities in real estate investment should you be in the market.  Mid-month major change comes to your career sector.  It may mean your current position ends and a new one emerges.  Don’t get nauseous in the tumult.  Use the change to evaluate what you really want from your life.  What do you need to alter to shape your current life into the one you truly long for?  The Cardinal Cross is the energetic equivalent of a four-way rack – as in the torture device which pulls you apart in opposite directions.  Virgo’s opposing interests include money, intimacy, friends, and self-expression.  New friends compete against old loyalties.  Money becomes a source of conflict.  This time you are the one who is acting like a dick.

Libra

 LIBRA

April is a happy month for you Libra as long as you are clear about communicating your needs.  Once you put it out there, it is up to your partner to respond.  Don’t force the situation, but remain assertive.  Libra receives the glow of the lunar eclipse on the 15th.  Take credit for your best qualities and responsibility for your faults.  The Grand Cardinal Cross has special meaning for you as a Cardinal sign.  This tense energy will betray any cracks in the foundation of your life: family, relationships, home, livelihood.  Libra unintentionally causes friction with thoughtless comments.  You can come off as pretentious and haughty when insecure.  This April be extra nice and forgiving without giving away your power.  By the end of the month you’re tapped, and would rather stay rooted at home than fussing with the inconsiderate public.

Scorpio

SCORPIO

Self-care takes precedence in April as Scorpio’s hectic pace has taken a toll on you as of late.  Always one to work smarter rather than harder, structure your life in a way that best supports your current needs.  Clean, organize, and keep it simple.  April brings humbling moments which will require you to surrender your ego and judgments.  Ask for the help you need.  The Grand Cardinal Cross forces action for Scorpio.  You aren’t one to shirk on responsibilities even when overextended.  Let April be a lesson that your energy and talent must be replenished with adequate self-nurturing.  April also brings the possibility for a true partner or the cementing of an important preexisting bond.  The relationship seeds formed under April’s influence blossom into beautiful, lasting flowers over the coming months.

SagittariusSAG

Sagittarius enjoys a little well-deserved levity in April after a rough few months of hard work.  The lunar eclipse brings resolve to old festering issues mid-month.  For you Sagittarius, the Grand Cross emotionally pulls you apart like a dinner roll.  Sags self-limit with stubborn notions.  Your rigid ideas keep people away.  In April, you need help and are forced to soften into compromise.  With this softening comes the realization that you bear the responsibility for a great deal of conflict over the last year.  Sags continue to repeat these negative and hurtful patterns until you bring mindfulness to your interactions.  Others will continue to trigger you until you get a handle on your temper.  By the end of the month, you are ready to get your body in order.  Cut the sugar and get off your ass.

CapricornCAPRICORN

April is an ideal time to reconnect with family, dear Capricorn.  Take a break from work.  Your heart isn’t in it this month.  Your heart does need tending to though so turn inward and ask yourself the tough questions.  Better yet; ask your mom the tough questions and drink in her wisdom like fine wine.  To succeed in relationships (and in sex) you must embrace the concept of reciprocity.  By the 15th the lunar eclipse will force your hand on indecision.  Get clear about what you want, but remain flexible in the face of unpredictability.  A sense of humor makes the last ten days of the month feel substantially lighter and more tolerable.  You are at your best and most attractive when playful and funny.

AquariusAQUARIUS

Even though others are feeling tense this month you are ready for some April foolishness.  Unleash your fun-loving prankster Aquarius.  In between strategic whoopee cushion placements, gobble up all available intel.  Primed to retain new ideas, Aquarius enjoys reading, watching, and learning in April.  Go big the first three weeks, and then when you hit a fatigue wall come back home and recharge.  Reminisce over old photos.  Help your mom organize old memories and soak in the family stories.  These are your roots, and when you look at your life from its nascence you can appreciate your evolution.  Take care of your body.  The Grand Cross weakens your immunity.  Don’t waste energy quarreling with others this month.  You won’t get anywhere in the power struggle and the fussing will just deplete and frustrate you.

PiscesPISCES

Pisces your mantra in April is you better work bitch.  Stage one: get organized.  Stage two: work systematically with a list.  Stage three: complete your list.  Tap into your network of contacts while connections are fresh and friendly.  April 15th brings a sweep of change vis-à-vis the lunar eclipse.  Situations and relationships that no longer serve you have to go without further room for negotiation.  The energy of the Grand Cross forces further sweeping change in the sacred areas of home, family, and finances.  Stop asking other people’s opinions and then getting aggravated with their answers.  If you don’t want to know, don’t ask.  Get honest about your financial anxiety and cost of living.  Can you afford yourself?  April is not about big talk.  April is about big action.  Now seriously, get to work bitch.

March 2014 Horoscopes

PiscesPISCES

Happy Birthday Pisces!  You feel aglow in the energy of the new moon and all the fresh momentum that comes with Mercury’s forward moment.  Just as Mercury moves out of retrograde, here comes Mars and Saturn spinning backwards to fuck everything up for you Pisces.  Find the benefit of the slowing in certain areas.  Take this time to reevaluate relationships and finances.  These energetic gaps give you time to catch up and get sorted; seize them!  You have every right to get properly laid on your birthday.  Pisces are among the most desirable and intoxicating lovers of the zodiac.  You struggle between wanting nice things and stressing over spending.  Bring more awareness to everyday wasteful habits like those small daily expenditures.  By cutting out mindless comfort spending, you’ll have a money cushion for more significant splurges.  March is wonderful time to explore therapy little Fish.  You could use some help navigating the choppy waters.

AriesARIES

Just as Aries gets oriented to the New Year, all is about to change for you.  It’s time to call upon that Aries adaptability.  Rest and relax to start the month off in a nourished state.  Have a good cry while you’re buried in the covers.  Get your body back in shape before the equinox.  If you’ve gotten overly invested in other people’s problems, pull that energy back and direct it towards your central relationship.  Instead of slipping into martyr mode, ask for help instead.  A series of retrogrades throughout the month cause a marked delay.  Use the tempo change to review and reassess.  Aries on the hunt for a new home finally find a nest.  For those looking to expand the family, the time is right.

TaurusTAURUS

Web-based connections become the source of meaningful collaboration in March for Taurus.  By combining your flair for first impressions with your knack for social media, you’ve created a well of resources for yourself and others to tap.  Use your broad reach to promote a person or idea you believe in strongly.  Easy, fleeting, flirty messaging is most effective – stay out of the deep end of the conversational swimming pool.  After a motivated start to 2014, you are noticeably less committed to all those big wellness goals.  Give yourself a break.  You don’t have to run a marathon just because you signed up three months ago.  Focus on your work and relationships as this is where your energy is most needed now.

GeminiGEMINI

Professionally, Gemini shines in March – perhaps a new offer?  Set up an intentional course which supports your long-term security.  Super spacey, you are known for a lot of hot air and very little hot action.  Why not pick one thing you care about and actually follow through?  Mid-month, spend a little time resting and reconnecting with family.  Schedule baby-making for the full moon.  In an effort to connect with people, you over-give and wind up feeling under-compensated.  You resent your own peace-keeping efforts even though it’s your fear of alienation that keeps you from speaking your truth.  The retrograde may tempt you with the past.  Don’t bother; it will only lead to dissatisfaction.

CancerCANCER

Freedom is your theme in March, Cancer.  A trip will help shift your perspective and allow you to let go of unhealthy attachments.  For awhile now, Cancer has been overly involved in an unsatisfying romantic situation.  Instead of getting frustrated that you can’t set up the dollhouse to your specific liking, put the dolls down and go play outside with the dog.  Better to create breathing room than allow the tension to crest into a frothy wave of frustration.  Step out of self-pity and go for what you want!  You are an achiever!  Enough with the needs of other people; it isn’t your job to gilt their path.  Your work on this planet is to continually evolve into your best self.  Remove obstacles blocking your journey to greatness.

LeoLEO

March is your month to retreat, relax, and focus on intimacy, Leo.  Feeling emotionally raw, you’d rather spend time alone or with a trusted few than risk the salt sting of the insensitive masses.  Ordinarily, Leo has an artful way of operating from ego and still remaining likable.  In March your communication style shifts from likeably effective to overly pushy.  Others notice, and it causes friction in a number of relationships if you don’t mellow a skosh.  Need another reason to stay in bed?  Your immune system is compromised this month, and therefore you are more likely to catch a bug if you are out and about.  Eat and sleep well.  Invest in your retirement mid-month.  Take a spring break trip after the equinox.

 VirgoVIRGO

Enough hibernation – Virgo’s ready for spring!  Now is the time to reach out and solidify important connections.  Meaningfully commit to the most important people in your life.  Make them a priority by your words and actions.  Reevaluate unbalanced relationships, and either create equanimity or cut the energysuck loose.  You’ve only got so much to give.  Lately, giving feels like all you’ve been doing in certain relationships.  Has codependency enslaved you?  Are you still involved because you fear aloneness?  Work stress paired with money panic creates the most anxiety in March.  Don’t need the stars to tell you to curb the extra spending to allay fiscal concerns.

LibraLIBRA

Start March off tight and right with a thorough tidying sesh, Libra.  The dustbunnies have formed a colony; it’s time to go in and eradicate the filth.  Even though housework seems basic, organization saves time – of which you have little to spare.  Libran energy ebbs and flows this March.  When you are feeling it – sweep.  When you don’t feel like vacuuming – lie around in your comfies.  No judgment.  Conserve your resources and make sure your rainy day fund is full.  Emergency money is a must.  Ensure you have the reserves to weather a crisis.  The multiple pulls on your time have you feeling like a ragdoll.  You also feel the shade of a few critical eyes.  Don’t let it getcha down.

ScorpioSCORPIO

March to your own beat and express yourself Scorpio.  From your playful vantage point, you could give a fuck about what anybody thinks this month.  Boldly deliver your message of compassion and love!  Be mindful of retrogrades causing backspins throughout March.  Intense demands on your time coupled with this energetic slowing in certain sectors can make you feel like you can’t access all your power.  Know you’ve already survived the worst this year has to offer.  Continue on your recent path of self-improvement; there’s still more work to do.  The universe will continue to test you by sending people who are all talk.  As you get stronger, needy people swarm.  You aren’t running an emotional soup kitchen.  If folks aren’t bringing anything to the table, don’t invite them to dine.  Communicate gentle truth.  From the 20th forward, it’s all about the spring revamp starting with a super lean and strong body.

SagittariusSAGITTARIUS

Self and home improvements dominate March for Sagittarius.  After a busy few months, you finally have the time to look around and see mess that has accumulated in your haste.  As you take a longer look in the mirror, you’re annoyed by areas of neglect.  March makes a great time for spring cleaning, so stay in and tidy up.  Continue to focus on a few key relationships and mentors.  Call your Dad.  Weakened defenses make you particularly susceptible to a bout of whatever’s currently communicable.  Take every extra precaution against germy contact with the masses.  Nourish and support your body with healthy food and sleep instead of loading up with symptom-masking drugs.  After the equinox, you’ll feel like getting up and out on the scene again.

CapricornCAPRICORN

With a cooling at work, Capricorn has the time and energy to evaluate relationships in March.  You’ve tolerated the flakiness of friends long enough and you’re feeling a lot less patient with the antics of others.  Pursue an equal partner who you can truly trust.  Super attractive in March, you’ll have no issues luring a desirable mate.  Any resistance in relationships lifts as an influential retrograde ends.  Take a spring break trip during the second half of March, but think more metaphysical than meta physical.  If you’re still going hard on your New Year’s resolution workout routine, consider giving your body a rest.  Overdoing it can result in injury altogether sidelining you from the fun.

AquariusAQUARIUS

Aquarius cleans out the ol’ pocketbook and instead of finding extra change you find a gross pile of lint and condom wrappers.  You’ve had your share of fun.  As you recover from your birthday bloat you are ready to get back to work.  Some of your party pals will be disappointed to see you retreat, but you’ll feel better when your bank balance floats above 3 figures.  Your body will feel better when you give up your three drink minimum.  Consolidation is the theme of the March for you Aquarius, as you’ve been scattered here, there, and everywhere recently.  March brings the potential for some really good sex if you focus in on the right person.  When you feel like you can truly merge with someone special, pursue the connection with ferocious aggression.

February 2014 Horoscopes

AquariusCHRISTOPHER GUEST AND JAMIE LEE

Happy Birthday Aquarius!  The sun beams down on you from above, so you better make sure you look good!  Get right in February with a personal spruce.  Complete important communications and contracts during the first week of the month before Mercury goes retrograde the sixth through the twenty-eighth.  Rather than grandstanding during your birthday acceptance speech, turn those proclamations into appreciativeness.  As for Valentine’s Day, a full moon illuminates your house of commitment.  Engagement anyone?  Single?  This month could bring a true partner.  Post-Valentine’s Day it’s time to buckle down and get back to work.  This industriousness continues for the next month during which your main priorities are productivity and performance.  Now is an excellent time to evaluate whether everything in your life is rising up to meet you.  Take extra good care of yourself as your immunity is compromised and you are susceptible to stress and illness.  Step back and engage your expansive world view to see that all these little hassles are ultimately insignificant.

Pisces

CHRIS AND GWYNETH

Let go Pisces!   Now is the time to surrender to the intense fatigue you’re experiencing.  Hibernate and look back on the last year before your birthday celebrations commence.  Are there things left undone that you’ve been needling yourself to finish?  When you are out and about, your interactions with others won’t feel quite right.  Your first impression won’t be your best.  With Mercury in retrograde in Pisces until the twelfth, resist radical change in any department.  State any instructions clearly and succinctly even if it feels tedious, it will save you much disappointment later.  In your friendship tribe, don’t repeat anything you don’t want repeated.  If you spread gossip, you’ll be hunted down and confronted.  Others will try to shift the blame your way.

AriesVICTORIA AND DAVID

Thank goodness for Aries in February because you coax the hibernators to party.  This socializing has a side order of practicality attached since a few of these associations prove influential.  February sends Mercury back into retrograde and you know what that means: communication breakdown, technological glitches, and the resurfacing of contacts from your past.  February presents a superb opportunity to finally close the trap door to your heart’s ancient pain.  Recognize this pain as a pathological block to your evolution.  The remainder of the month requires a great deal of collaboration.  Working with others ain’t easy, Aries.  Expect the standard interpersonal drama, then add some extra hatery for a clearer picture of the anticipated group dynamic.  Stay far, far away from the meaningless squabbles.  Continue to clearly and patiently reiterate your expectations.  So you want to know about Valentine’s Day, huh?  Unattached Aries, scroll down your contacts list until a spark flies off an old friend.  Committed Aries, go ballsdeep in the romance department – spare no cliché or expense.

Taurus

VINCENT AND ALEXIS

Charged with ambition and a new moon in your career sector, February sets forth a six month strategy for achieving major milestones, Taurus.  Mercury’s retrograde makes this a miserable time for travel, technology, and clarity.  Expect conflict to arise from the confusion.  If things get heated, just withdraw and come back later when the energy is more conducive to resolution.  Use the thrust of Mercury’s backspin to – rearrange, edit, review, and reassess.  Your heart and home are lit from within this Valentine’s Day.  Stay in and nest.  Enjoy entertaining family and friends.  The last third of the month Taurus gets more interested in socializing.  Particularly adept at rounding folks up on social media, use your web reach to gather your people into one big lovefest.  Watch out for untrustworthy motivations and remain skeptical.  Stay off the booze.

Gemini

SARKOZY AND OLSEN

February is about big thinking Gemini – an expansion and broadening of your world view.  Whether it’s travel, study, business, or philanthropy, Gemini wants to stretch the boundaries of your current life.  With your ruler Mercury retrograde in Pisces, not all your energy will be forward moving, especially with regard to career.  Finish what is left undone.  Guard against saboteurs.  Minimize distractions.  Later this month, long term professional goals come into focus.  Priorities become clearer.  The last week of the month expect some relationship drama.  As your confidence grows, so does conflict.  Fights erupt over sex, money, and jealousy.  Your special someone baits you repeatedly in an effort to get you to show that you care.  You respond with emotional detachment.  Happy Valentine’s Day Gemini.

Cancer

WENDY WILLIAMS KEVIN HUNTERFebruary is the time for some serious self-work.  Some Cancers are so emotionally overloaded that you have to insulate in various (often destructive) ways from your own feelings.  Now is the time to face your emotions, stare yourself down, and finally get a handle on your internal world.  Consider this full-on permission to feel it all.  Cancer exudes sexuality this February which coincides nicely with Valentine’s Day; the uptick in clinginess and jealously, not so much.  Expect some tension with your partner when you assert your own needs.  No legitimate reason to sacrifice yourself for the sake of the relationship except you secretly enjoy the control you assert over the arrangement.  Ultimately, neither of you will benefit from such an imbalanced power dynamic.  With Mercury in retrograde in your travel house, best to just stay put unless a trip proves absolutely necessary.  This retrograde also means you might piss people off with a condescending comment, so spend more time listening than talking.  February’s flush with cash, but save instead of spend.

Leo

IMAN AND DAVID BOWIE

Lucky Leo, the stars align for love and partnership in February.  Thriving in collaboration, you generously give and thereby receive in return.  February softens your ego and need for attention allowing you to temporarily share shine with others.  Finances serve as potential conflict hotspots this month.  Shelve any non-urgent money talks.  With Mercury retrograde in Aquarius, imbalances will become apparent and a need for fairness kicks in hard.  Let everyone take the time they need without bullying them into your terms.  Plan a big, confident debut for Valentine’s Day.  After the amorous celebrations wind down, recharge at home with a cuddle on the sofa.  Lions need privacy too, especially in February.  Spend extra time in bed catching up on sleep and sipping on nourishing soups as Leo suffers compromised immunity this month.  In addition, the stress of a betrayal robs you of energy.

Virgo NATE BERKUS JEREMIAH BRENT

Ready, set, organize Virgo!  You are motivated with lists, plans, and goals this February, particularly in the areas of health and fitness.  Quiet the chaos and return to order, and start with your own body Virgo.  Mercury’s retrograde could strain relationships or cause you to overlook critical details.  Review documents thoroughly and excise unnecessary stress.  Valentine’s Day presents a make or break epiphany moment for your relationship.  In the clear light of the full moon you see once and for all whether you can make a go of it with your sweetheart.  If it is time to go, you’ll know.  Distrust permeates all your relationships this month.  Others perceive your concern as prying.  Proceed cautiously; if at all.  All this volatility can easily take you off center.  Take whatever measures necessary to get back to yourself.

Libra

JOEL AND NICOLE

This February, get creative with that legendary Libran beauty and amplify your sex appeal.  Enjoy glamorous evenings flirting, but expect of a few of those coquettish comments to land unintended.  Your intense desire for attention could spiral into drama if you don’t channel it into more constructive endeavors.  Display your creative gifts and receive the right kind of attention.  Don’t forget your friends on Valentine’s Day.  For some of you February means the conception of a baby as you are especially fertile, even if communication with your partner is somewhat strained.  You don’t need to talk to fuck.  Mercury’s retrograde means disorganization and scheduling chaos for Libra.  You may also get a little lax in your wellness maintenance.  The demands of work and home ram up against each other.  Another woman in your family hits a nerve with her comments about the way you distribute your resources and handle your personal biznass.  How will you respond to the dig?

Scorpio

PHAEDRA AND APOLLO

Cozying up at home with family feels right in February, Scorpio.  Root down in solitude and pampering self-care.  Mercury’s retrograde means this is a shitty time to travel, so even if you are dying to flee to sunnier latitudes doing so between the sixth and the twenty-eighth may mean the trip will be more stressful than relaxing.  Furthermore, since the retrograde thins your already transparent tact, spare us all your biting comments by staying home alone.  While you are there, feel free to spruce, but hold off on major makeovers.  Now is not the time.  Valentine’s Day will be more about your professional success than your personal life.  What a nice opportunity to champion your own accomplishments for once.  Towards the end of the month, you are ready to get cute and get out there again.  Do more than contemplate taking risks, actually take them.

SagittariusJULIANNE AND BART

You have much to say this February, Sag.  Make lots of little dates in your neighborhood to catch up with friends and family so you chat everybody’s ear off.  You will feel an almost compulsive need to explain yourself, but with Mercury’s retrograde your message will likely get lost in translation no matter how many times you repeat it.  More than a few squabbles could erupt in your already tense household when your mindlessness ruins something important.  Money and the division of responsibilities also become hot button issues.  Slow down and take care to avoid accidents.  Speak your truth on Valentine’s Day.  It’s time to lay your cards on the candlelit table, Sag.  The latter part of the month stay home with your favorite women and talk about your feelings.  These ladies can help you regroup from your emotional frazzle.

Capricorn

KATE AND JAMIE

Capricorn calms down in February after a flurry of fresh energy at the start of the year.  Return to work, money, and stability, which is the nest where you feel most comfortable.  Back up anything electronic, as Mercury in retrograde means lost data.  In general, February is a good time to dial back on the communication overload – put the phone down, turn the computer off, silence your television.  Potential fiscal chaos ensues this month.  Spend less and carefully review accounts.  You may receive a windfall.  Valentine’s Day brings unexpected depth of feeling and intimacy.  Did you even know that you felt this way?  Enjoy the spark.  Use your creative aptitude to express your feelings in song or art.  Towards the end of the month some interesting new folks come into your life with some fascinating stories.  Listen carefully.

January 2014 Horoscopes

CapricornCAPRICORN

Happy Birthday in this New Year Capricorn!  It gets crowded in your celestial neighborhood with a clusterfuck of planetary activity.  Enjoy all shine on you Capricorn with a new moon and its accompanying nascent verve.  Always the dutiful workhorse, January virtually requires you get self-centered.  That doesn’t mean selfish; it just means self-focused.  Your homework is to do something frivolous that makes you happy.  In midst of fun, you may stumble upon a deeply held unconscious wish.  This is the key to uncovering your true desires.

AquariusAQUARIUS

Happy New Year Aquarius!  You might be writing 2013 on your checks for the next couple weeks because you aren’t quite done with last year.  Aquarius sifts through the recent past remembering an old home, a former lover, or the family that once was.  Letting go of these familiar loves, places, and habits isn’t easy and it will take you a little extra time to shift into the momentum of the New Year.  Take the time you need to close one chapter before you begin another.  Heal the wounds and clear the scar tissue surrounding those old emotional injuries.  When you make way, you’ll see the future clearly.

PiscesPISCES

Best New Year Wishes, Pisces!  Friendship, networking, and nonsexual connections dominate the January landscape.  Form your team.  Gather a worthy and skilled group.  At the helm of this mighty assembly, Pisces wields significant power and influence.  In January, Pisces people-pleasing tendencies butt-up against your own need for self-reflection.  What you really crave is deeper connections, but what you’re immersed in this month is buzzy fleeting interactions.  Make the most of your time with your most important person.  Keep secrets.

AriesARIES 2

Happy New Year Aries!  Take the long view.  Whatever you have simmering now will be perfectly cooked and ready to serve in about seven months.  Your ambitious plan flourishes by your commitment and self-control.  Obviously you work very hard Aries, and you’re one for recognition.  Careful you aren’t begging for attention like an orphaned dog.  Instead, concentrate on executing your vision so you can be the one giving approval instead of seeking it.  With regard to your personal life, those little lies, omissions, and deceptions will catch up to you sooner or later dirty-dealing Aries.  Consider the consequences of your actions and the ways dishonesty is eroding your relationship.  The universe will test your integrity this January.  Will you backstab to get what you want?

 TaurusTAURUS 2

New Year blessings to you Taurus!  Fresh firsts are your favorite and this new beginning has you awash in an optimistic glow.  Usually mired in the minutia, January provides an unusually expansive and beneficial perspective.  Planets align for romance and adventure.  Just whom or what do you want to do beautiful Bull?  How about arrange a super fun trip with friends to a corner of the world you have always wished to visit?  Perhaps a joint-venture with a business-minded friend sounds appealing?  Spearhead the effort and others will be swept up in your enthusiasm.  Level-headed Taurus handles practical considerations in short order, so feel free to fully fantasize.

GeminiGEMINI

Happy New Year Gemini!  While some of you squandered the last moments of 2013 acting desperate and slutty, others among you retained your dignity under the duvet as the proverbial ball dropped.  A number of planets in Capricorn influence gumby-like Gemini in a multitude of possible ways this January.  Will you tap into the power of the Sun, the insight of the Moon, the love of Venus, or the contemplation available in Mercury?  I vote you take the plunge of depth with Pluto.  In standard fashion, Gemini goes all in on the latest obsession/project.  Balance never really has been your strength, has it?  Enjoy your intense focus, the delicate process, and your fruitful results.

Cancer CANCER

New Year Greetings Cancer!  Most of your energy and thought funnels toward your primary relationship in January.  There’s just no escaping the cluster in your seventh house which governs close, confidante-like relationships as well as known enemies.  Exploring a new depth of connection, you’ll find yourself engaged in longing love stares and cuddling up like kittens.  Tension arises when Cancer tries to juggle the demands of partner and family against your own need for domestic downtime.  Will you capitulate to the wishes of your sweetie or will you put your own emotional needs first?

LeoLEO

A felicitous New Year to you Leo!  In January, you become the drill sergeant in the boot camp of your own life.  Leos making health-related resolutions possess the drive, organization, and will power to commit.  Now is the time to streamline your life into a simple and healthy routine.  This includes cleaning out the clutter that is physical, mentally, and spiritually blocking your path.  If you need to rest, do so rather than pushing yourself into illness.  Don’t expect others to embrace your health and cleaning kick with the same enthusiasm.

VirgoJob Number 2009126

Welcome to 2014 Virgo!  You feel like ringing in the New Year with a bang!  Literally.  You’ve got a tingle in your pants and a desire to tell it like it is which makes you a lot of fun to be around in January.  Throw down like the old days.  Remind them there was a time you didn’t sweat the pregame.  Flirting?  Yes.  Exhibitionist behavior?  For sure.  An embarrassing dance move?  I hope so.  Perhaps a smooch or two?  Pucker up.  Just remember we are in the digital age darling.  Keep the goodies covered.  Drag others along on this run of fun as everything is better when you’re ballsdeep in friends.

LibraLIBRA 2

Warm New Year Wishes Libra!  Nested at home is where you feel most comfort in January.  Creating the perfect table full of healthful foods feels deeply satisfying.  Gathering and connecting with the women nearest and dearest to you rounds out this nourishing time.  Replenish in good company and delicious meals.  All this homespun loving is great, but it also gives you a bit too much time to think.  Should you find yourself contemplating insane resolution-style mega shifts for the New Year like a move or a baby you could very well seal your own fate.

ScorpioSCORPIO

New Year Blessings Scorpio!  In January, you will talk and others will talk about you.  Wise Scorpios have watched, listened, and learned in the past months.  Now you have something to say and nothing can stop you from spurting out your true thoughts and feelings.  These ideas could lead to something interesting – a partnership perhaps?  Open up and you could very well catch the attention of a worthy collaborator.  As always, speak your mind, but do so tactfully so that you will be heard.  Now begins a seven month path of professional growth and discovery.

SagittariusSAG

A prosperous New Year to you Sagittarius!  Finally, some revenue accrues which begins January on a productive and lucrative note.  The financial momentum only reinforces the laser focus on your priorities.  More disciplined and professionally energized than ever, your intention has finally aligned with your talent.  Now is the time to eradicate obstacles and disbelief regarding your aptitude and capabilities.  Financial security provides options.  Will it be freedom or stability?  Remember, when it comes to money, make prudent choices like slow, steady saving.  Heed this advice and by summer you’ll have a soft place to land.

December 2013 Horoscopes

SagittariusSAG EBO

Happy Birthday Sag!  After a year of achievement you are ready to roll out the newest and most improved version of yourself.  Congratulations on all you have accomplished and how far you have come this year.  Life is about to get bigger, bolder, and more interesting.  Envision a plan that will unfold over the next several months and culminate mid-summer.  Whatever purpose you set forth now, you’ll have the momentum and capability to successfully execute it.  The first week of December, professional connections prove a most important element to your success; best not to burn any bridges since you’ll need good word of mouth through the end of the summer and beyond.  After a period of social alienation, Sags fall back in with a like-minded crowd.  You are excited and engaged by the synergy of ideas this new group has to offer and are nourished by the camaraderie.  Don’t totally unhinge on the 17th when the full moon unleashes a riptide of emotions and drama.  Realize it is always in your nature to think of yourself first.  Recognize this time you are unreasonable.  When you feel yourself all worked up into a Sag tizzy, remember making amends liberates.  You are not a victim.  In fact, mostly you are the dickhead.  Admit that you have consciously or unconsciously hurt others.  When you feel the urge to recoil in self-pity, open your heart instead.

 CapricornLITE BRIGHT

Go to bed Capricorn!  December is your month to recharge and it’s vitally important to your well-being that you get some rest.  Cuddle up and complete your holiday shopping online.  Back out of parties.  Commit only to your pajamas.  Whether you heed the advice to rest or not will come into play mid-month when your health either shows the benefits of rest or the signs of neglect in illness and fatigue.  Overworked Caps tend to eat whatever is handy regardless of nutrition content and sustenance.  Realize how these mindless choices affect your productivity in the long-run.  Resist the temptation to save the day at work.  This time it isn’t your problem.  Before blowing up all your bottled frustration at a loved-one this month, first consider what you really need and then ask for it.  Nobody likes a tantrum.

 AquariusHOT WHEELS

Throw a party Aquarius!  You are feeling fun, social, and flirty this December.  Gather up your old favorites and your new friends and make merry.  Especially on December 17th, expect a magic – if you are trying to conceive this is your night.  Watch the partying though, a thoughtless inebriated comment might really end up hurting someone you care for.  As December concludes, Aquarius is ready to retire.  The energy is ripe for conflict on Christmas day, so do all you can to temper your ego in arguments.  Who cares if you are right?  Forcing your position down our throats makes you unlikable.  Find something else to do to occupy your mind like crafts with the kids, a snowball fight, or baking.

PiscesETCH A SKETCH

In these last days of the year Pisces, triumph could finally be yours after twelve months of hard-work.  December initiates a six-month period of professional advancement.  A new career opportunity or promotion buoys your confidence and alleviates financial stress to some degree.  A positive energetic atmosphere provides the space for you to come into your most authentic genuine self in December.  This month provides for chance meetings with old friends, moments of winsome nostalgia, and memory-making with family.  There are two areas of potential concern: 1) jealousy and one-upmanship in the gift-giving arena; and 2) simmering unexpressed hostility with a female relative.  Come prepared with strategies to deescalate conflict – like with your cheerful antics, or by removing yourself from the situation entirely.

AriesTROLL

Thanks goodness for you this month Aries!  You are all good cheer, generosity, and well-wishing (we need it so thank you).  Unusually talkative and expressive, Aries feels especially optimistic and enthusiastic about life in December.  As part of this adventurous spirit, travel appeals to Aries, so consider where you might like to land.  On the 9th, a harmonious energetic triangle forms which could lead to a major emotional breakthrough in your intimate relationships.  With family, loans are repaid (literally or metaphorically).  A wave of forgiveness washes out months of pent up hostility.  Tense energy around Christmas has everybody especially sensitive.  To keep the peace Aries, reign in your fiery and combative nature.  You are already naturally overly aggressive, tone it down or end up in an embarrassing and inappropriate screaming match.

Taurus

Turn in Taurus.  Hibernate this December to recharge from your hectic pace.  Stay home and don’t worry if your social demand temporarily slows, it will return in full force.  Stock your fridge (and your bong) with green leafy goodness.  Leave the alcohol and the fatty foods to the revelers.  With the new moon on the 17th, your financial sector looks strong, but your emotional restraint weak.  Taurus is susceptible to emotional outbursts – ones you usually regret – so think twice and take three deep breaths before going hard on a motherfucker.  Christmas is expected to be tense for everyone.  Ground all the crazy energy with thoughtful words and actions.  Your steady Taurus influence can really make a difference when other folks with less self-control are climbing the walls.

 GeminiFASHION PLATES

Gemini is in the mood for romance, courtship, and love during this especially relationship-minded time.  Around the 7th, you might even make a baby if you aren’t careful.  The new moon on the 17th brings both good and bad tidings.  Plans set in motion back in June now blossom into full expression.  Take credit for what you have manifested.  On the flipside, simmering tension could cause a backlash with one person in particular.  Refrain from snide commentary; just let the wave of hostility crash and recede.  Christmas will be tense for everyone, but for you this means spreading your energy too thin among too many.  All-over-the-place Gemini requires grounding.  Dig into activities that make you feel less scattered and more centered.

CancerGLO WORM

This December, Cancer is all about creating healthy alternatives to the crush of fat and sugar this holiday season.  Even though you love a tasty delight as much as the next Crab, the new moon has you motivated to make meaningful lifestyle changes.  In the midst of a four month quieting, now reevaluate and assimilate the change you’ve experienced in the preceding year.  Use this time to set the course for the coming months.  Love looks goods for most of the month, particularly the middle two weeks when you feel especially intimate and cozy.  When Christmas conflict arises, stay out of it!  Cancer’s tendency to mediate and supplicate won’t help with the tense and unreasonable factions warring.  There isn’t anything for you to offer the situation except silence.

 LeoCARE BEAR

We are all relying on you to tack up the mistletoe this year Leo.  Your fun and festive energy is exactly what we need this December.  The flirtatious bulbs you plant now will blossom into to full blown love blooms by the summer.  Thanks goodness you are around to add some desperately needed compassion to the family table this holiday season.  With almost everybody at each other’s throats, your forgiving energy is the perfect counterpoint and example.  The new moon on the 17th could bring with it a blunt tongue.  Take extra measures to soften your delivery.  An unintended sharp tone paired with another’s oversensitivity could spell social disaster.  Christmas brings out the worst in you this year and you might be jointly responsible for holiday drama if you don’t cool your worst tendencies, especially with siblings.

 VirgoSTRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE

Cuddle up at home this month Virgo.  Recharge and replenish by sleeping long nights and surfing the sofa.  Even though you would rather be at home you are thinking big.  By physically slowing down, Virgo has the time and energy to put towards solutions and expansion.  There will be evenings you need to muster your energy and your best dress for important social-professional gatherings.  Big relationship decisions – like the degree to which to merge – come forth on the 17th.  You may be tempted to go sorting through old trunks of musty emotional rubbage.  If you must.  More importantly, don’t stuff your feelings down in a stocking Virgo.  Just tell us what you need.  Resist the urge to be cunty or shut down in response to caustic Christmas energy.  Don’t blame other people for your financial stress.  You are the one who waited until the last minute and then overspent.

LibraMY LITTLE PONY

December is a wonderful time for you Libra.  It’s full of fizzy chatter and the exchange of ideas.  Buy an extra cell phone charger – you’re bound to need it.  Libra feels extra charismatic, energized, and effective.  Take advantage of your power and confidence.  Go for what you want at work.  The 17th brings on a travel itch.  Get to planning your dream trip.  Loved up Libras enjoy nesting, decorating, and cozy family time.  Beware of challenging energy that coincides with Christmas.  You contribute to the chaos by promising too much.  You simply can’t be everywhere at once.  Set up expectations and you will let people down this year; best not to commit.

 ScorpioBARBIE SCORPIO

Work is everything for you in December Scorpio as you ride the last wave of professional momentum into the New Year.  Always practical, you know you need a bulging purse to meet every upcoming obligation and you are ready to put in the hours to pay every bill and end up with a little leftover for your 2014 travel fund.  Scorpio needs to look extrasexual for that holiday party this year because you could meet someone very interesting indeed.  The second week of December commences a period of conservation for Scorpio.  Over the next nine months, you will experience an emotional purging and accompanying fits of struggle.  This is an important healing time to process grief, let go of past loves, and make amends.  Graciously provide yourself more sleep to restore.  Scorpio, you know your Christmas-time triggers, so just get a hotel room and spare us all your grouching.

 

November 2013 Horoscopes

Scorpio

Happy Birthday Scorpio!  This is your year for reinvention and it all begins with the solar eclipse and new moon combo on November 3rd.  A surge of energy ignites the power of transformation.  Finally, you are ready to step into your full and unlimited potential, and you possess all the skills and ambition to do so.  November marks the commencement of a new life trajectory.  Your substantial gifts are the source of your abundance and your talent is worth paying for.  Professionally, the idea of a partner has always intrigued you.  A potentially worthy candidate makes you an interesting offer.  Hold off until after the retrograde concludes on the 9th before you make any decisions or commitments.  Part of the new Scorpio paradigm will be the way you view and value relationships moving forward.  Contrary to your innate nature, single Scorpios should keep it light and breezy in November.  Guard your heart and your genitals.  Group socializing is the best bet for pressure-free flirtatious fun this month.  If you do meet someone, it will be locally.  Or you may transform an existing friendship into a romantic fling.  Scorpios thirsty for a drink of matrimony should wait until the 17th to confirm whether or not this one is the oneScorpios going back and forth on whether to spawn will know for sure whether they want to change diapers after the 13th.  Knock out any last minute trips before the 7th when grounding forces combine to keep you close to home through March of 2014.

 SagittariusALISON MOSSHART SAG

Sags, the first three weeks of the month are part of your annual hibernation period literally and metaphorically.  Feeling depleted, you would rather sleep than anything else and it’s a good thing since you are a hot foggy mess of ineffectuality.  As you look towards concluding certain matters, all you can think about is finishing with your dignity intact.  Parties feel like work this month, so just skip out on hosting and decline as many invitations as possible because you won’t be any fun anyway.  As you close one chapter, the opportunity for a new start comes with Scorpio’s November 3rd new moon.  Inventory friendships and prepare to let go of those that no longer serve you.  Some friends may find the new and improved more confident Sag threatening.  Place an uncomfortable distance between you and the unsupportive in your circle.  Scour your own mental landscape for areas of anguish and do some work to resolve your feelings before your birthday arrives.  Since you are kind of a dick this month, best to just wash your sheets and go to bed.  We’ll see you for cake and candles in a few weeks.

 Capricorn

ELLIE GOULDING CAP

Technological and communication glitches plague Caps through the first week of the month.  Everything from your cell phone to your laptop could potentially go awry.  Build in some extra time for tech crisis management.  Traditionally, Caps either have to be in control of a relationship or completely detached.  Scorpio’s new moon influence on the 3rd triggers a reevaluation of your rigid and bifurcated categorizations.  Domestically Caps feel unsettled.  Is it a move?  A renovation?  A new roommate?  What will it take to pacify matters?  The answer to these questions may not be clear yet, but Caps contemplate a more satisfying home life in November.  You know you take on too much – too much responsibility for burdens that aren’t yours to bear.  Enough of that.  You can’t afford to be so generous with your energy.  Keep it for yourself.

 AquariusFEIST AQUARIUS

Aquarius has been working a slow burn career strategy and all those big plans and aspirations take shape this November.  For the first week or so of the month, concentrate on organizing, clarifying, and fact-checking.  Get everything in place, so that when the energetic fog lifts you are ready to present cogent ideas.  Aquarius isn’t great at physically withstanding the impact of stress.  Regressive forces in your health sector leave you particularly vulnerable in November.  You know how to take care of yourself with proper rest, hydration, exertion, and nourishment, so no excuses.  Avoid sugar.  Cash flow continues to be an area of concern due to your lax attitude on spending.  By the time Thanksgiving rolls around, you’ll be feeling social and may even enjoy a run in with some old friends.  Enjoy a heartfelt round of reminiscing.

 Pisces

ESTE HAIM PISCES

Pisces crave diversity and adventure in November.  This urge could manifest in a trip or just a more out-going approach to conversing with a wide range of interesting people.  Just hold out on making any travel arrangements until Mercury’s retrograde ends the 9th.  Professionally, you feel confident and enthusiastic.  The new moon in Scorpio infuses Pisces with a joojsh of energy on the 3rd.  Your impulsive nature could come in handy when making a quick decision on a big unforeseen opportunity.  Pisces remains financially precarious the first half of November.  All this other activity means love or the pursuit of love takes a secondary position in your life in November.  Fear not; your libido and powers of seduction will return when other pressing areas of your life are properly ordered.

  AriesLIZ PHAIR ARIES

Merging is November’s theme for Aries.  You closely examine your relationships both personal and professional.  When you think about joining forces with this person or group, do you feel a buzz of excitement or an energetic suck?  Old feelings about past relationships continue to creep into your psyche through the 9th.  Acknowledge what surfaces and try to learn the lesson these people were brought into your life to teach you.  Aries must reach a decision on unresolved flip-flopping issues on the 3rd or the universe will make the choice for you.  Aries just may get that proposal or solidify your desire to propose.  November forces you to balance your free time against your professional commitments and ultimate career goals.  Consider whether your own personal rigidity has created hurdles to your advancement.

 TaurusLINDA PERRY TAURUS

Taurus is ravenous for a soul mate and a true partner.  As you can’t help but look back on your past loves, perhaps with a pang of nostalgia and longing, know that this emotional back peddle won’t last forever (just through the retrograde).  Use this period of reflection to examine former relationships to better understand what you now truly desire in a mate.  Don’t get confused and think you want to get back together with an ex.  Uncoupled Bulls could find love in the most mundane of places, but that doesn’t mean the spark is ordinary.  This could be a BIG LOVE.  For partnered Bulls, a major commitment or new responsibility could change everything between you – a new house, proposal, or baby perhaps?  All you want to do this November is bundle up with your sweetie and hide away from the world in your love nest and fuck.

 Gemini

KIM DEAL GEMINI

Clean up your act Gemini, you’ve gotten sloppy!  Look down at your body.  When is the last time it broke a sweat?  See that stack of disorganized paper?  It’s calling for a file cabinet.  What about that disorganized closet?  You know you can hang things in there?  November is the time to get your shit together after a lengthy period of slack.  For you Gemini, Scorpio means support, and you’ll be looking for somebody to lean on as the new moon bears its influence on November 3rd.  Your immunity is compromised this month, so best to stay away from crowds.  If there’s a bug in the air, you will catch it.  Gemini continues to feel uprooted through the first half of the month, but those feelings will eventually subside.  Romantically, you can’t decide if you want light and easy or deep and intense.  I get that dithering is your thing Gemini, but you can’t have it both ways.  An untrustworthy friend gets in your head and clouds your judgment if you aren’t keen enough to see this person’s manipulation for its possessive roots.

 CancerLANA DEL REY CANCER

Climb outta your shell Cancer, November has all the makings for lots of super fun times.  First, you catch major, well-deserved shine personally and professionally for your recent efforts.  Second, you are super fertile this November, so just keep that in mind unless you want a bun in your oven by Thanksgiving.  A clash between work and home life forces difficult choices.  Obviously, you’d love to shirk your professional responsibility and bang, bang, bang on the door of the love shack, but you are under the watchful eye of the powers that be, so disappoint your hunny this time and do work.  The second half of the month, Cancer actually gets a chance to review and process all that has happened in the proceeding months.  Now with more objectivity, you are able to craft a meaningful narrative out of the cluttered pile of experiences.  Overindulgence becomes a problem in November unless you consciously and repeatedly limit yourself.

 LeoTORI AMOS LEO

Leo, we are all coming to your house for Thanksgiving dinner this year.  Energetically tethered to the home and hearth in November, you are ready to host a gorgeous and thoughtful feast for friends and family. Don’t overburden yourself by agreeing to host house-guests.  It won’t go well and they won’t leave, trust.  Looking at those same four walls all month has you contemplating a move or a spruce.  Leos want their homes to rise up to meet them this November.  After a positive stretch at work, Leos struggle with delegating.  As much as you would like to cast yourself as indispensable, you can’t do the job of everyone else.  Save your energy – though you will receive some gratitude for your team playing around the 17th.  Express yourself, including any lingering grief, through non-verbal creative activities like painting, playing music, or dancing.

 VirgoNEKO CASE VIRGO

Virgo brims with ideas and an obsessive desire to communicate them in November.  You will be all over town speaking publicly, small-talking, and chatting privately among the influential.  Always a productive go-getter, previously you’ve externalized your energy to help others.  A shift occurs and you start to apply some of that can-do attitude to yourself to craft the life you truly desire.  Romantically, Virgo is in the midst of a three year relationship upheaval.  You have already experienced this drama in the preceding 18 months.  For the relationship to survive, it must change.  If possible, stick close to home for the Thanksgiving holiday.  By month’s end, your only wish will be a mellow weekend in bed.  Boost your appeal with a wardrobe update.  Hit those holiday sales and freshen your stash.

 LibraCARRIE BROWNSTEIN LIBRA

You are buying dinner this month you rich bitch!  Good for you Libra, your Birkin is full of cash this November.  The flipside of this abundance is that it makes you vulnerable to theft.  Mind your things.  Review your statements.  Protect your identity.  The one thing you won’t be fighting over at home is money.  Everything else, however… well just don’t expect November to be all domestic bliss and pumpkin pie.  Tension builds in your central relationship as the demands of your family butt up against the wishes of your partner.  Where will you spend the holidays?  Disregard so-called familial obligation and put your partner first.  An intense period of closeness begins mid-month.  The sex will be good.  This could result in a baby.  Evaluate your long term career goals and consider how you would best like to balance your time and energy in support of your dreams for the future.

 

October 2013 Horoscopes

LibraLIBRA

Happy Birthday Dear Libra!  This month, dynamic energy triggers instability.  The friction emerges first at work, and then it insidiously seeps into your primary relationship. The New Moon on the 4th delivers a great deal of upset.  A willingness to accommodate unforeseen demands and disappointments meaningfully aids your journey through a very unpredictable October.  I’m sure this advice gets old month after month, but really listen: make yourself happy.  Good luck making anyone else happy this month.  Get rid of what you don’t need physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  Love-seekers receive reassuring attention and admiration.  Take your pick.  Committed Libras deepen the connection with your partner on the 12th.  Your theme for this coming year is strength.  Cultivate power in every corner of your life.

ScorpioSCORPIO

Scorpio clings to anger like a baby blanket and takes comfort in rage like a lullaby.  The New Moon’s October 4th arrival isn’t exactly going to help you resolve your miserability since the energy is in direct opposition to your ruling plant.  Expect to get blamed for shit at work this month unless you are extra obnoxiously specific with your directions.  Multiplying the likelihood of chaos, Mercury moving in retrograde clouds your usually laser-sharp judgment.  October isn’t all bad, Scorpio.  Look forward to reaching resolve on a long-lingering relationship thorn this month.  Mischief-lover that you are, get ready for two distinctly sexual interludes – one taking place on Halloween night.  Furthermore and randomly, October is a favorable time to adopt a pet.

Sagittarius

SAGS

Because you are desperately in need of a new look and you have been working so hard, the universe has granted you permission to splurge.  Will it be new hair?  A face treatment?  A wardrobe investment?  Go big and drastic.  Others will see you in a new way after the change – as bolder and more capable.  A New Moon enters the scene the first week of the month and makes it impossible to ignore those underlying problems you’ve been trying to deny for months.  Sags have a way of frosting even the bleakest realities with a cloying sugar coating.  Anticipate a midmonth relationship reckoning.  Typically extroverted, spend October in the pocket watching, learning, absorbing, and thinking.  Single Sags should stay that way until Mercury moves out of retrograde, but feel free to enjoy the attention your new style garners.

 CapricornCAPRICORN

Pack your bags Capricorn because travel is a major theme for you this October.  It’s a good thing too, because there will be a number of difficult situations from which you want to flee.  Domestic drama in particular has you frustrated.  You aren’t that easy to live with, so relax the knit-picking and passive aggressive behaviors.  Shelve major decisions until your judgment is clearer.  No need to rush or persist this October.  There are upsides to waiting out this energetic vortex.  Why not go balls-to-wall ridiculous with your costume this Halloween?  Your wit, creativity, and industry are bound to produce a crowd-pleasing disguise.

AquariusAQUARIUS

Apologies Aquarius, October begins with a bitchslap.  Opposing forces mean bad news surrounding a relationship.  Your partner may victimize or suffer as a victim.  Either way, expect a serious shift in your priorities when it comes to this person.  Use the term “partner” broadly here to encompass a number of meaningful associations in your life.  When faced with other’s wrong-doing obsessively seek out every morsel of information until you are convinced you know everything.  False accusations kill relationships.  Delay any major commitments in October even though Aquarius is awash in impatience.  Devise a strategy comprised of a number of small achievable steps.

PiscesPISCES

Pisces feel extra fragile this October and there are a number of responses you could take to this vulnerability.  I don’t recommend hostility.  Respond with kindness and an intention towards compromise and everything will be much easier.  Financial anxiety only adds to your fear.  Keep your pocketbook zipped.  You’ll need a cushion of money this month.  Consider broadening your career options by tapping into your rich collection of contacts and resources.  Pisces positively glows with the good favor of others beginning the second week of October.  Dial back the risk after the 18th.  Energetically, you are set up for a super fun Halloween, so put your creativity to constructive use.

AriesARIES

Aries can’t keep quiet anymore.  Whatever you need to express, you will have the strength to deliver the message clearly.  Can you deny the serious cracks in the foundation?  Will you take the time to repair or trade up?  Remember Aries, those cracks are a result of you stomping around, so unless you mellow you’ll just break everything.  Detach emotionally from the outcome, and the solution will form like granite.  It takes all damn month, but Aries finally wraps up a major deal by the 31st which has you relieved and up for employee of the month.  Just because the project is complete doesn’t mean the pace will relax.  Without missing a beat prepare to go again and even bigger.

TaurusTAURUS

Taurus feels uncharacteristically rebellious this October.  If you have the option to ease up on work responsibilities or take a personal day, this would be the time. You’ll get in trouble at work when you’re this dipped in spunkiness.  Play now if you can because next month work demands triple.  Revelations of the machinations of others surface and the selfish tone of the maneuvers leave you disappointed.  Trust that you will be shielded from the ugliness.  Taurus, remember you don’t have to tell everyone everything especially early in relationships.  You are freaking people out with your over-intimacy.  Dial it way back.

GeminiGEMINI

Now that fall has set in, so have certain realizations concerning your past mistakes.  The frivolity of summer with all its social exchange made it super easy to dodge responsibility, but all those slimy, icky, guilty feelings have come back with vengeance.  You can no longer ignore the pervasive thoughts centered on a most important relationship.  Trying to dismiss what is evident has frayed your nerves and left you spent.  Realizations aside, hold back on any confrontations or declarations.  October is a better time for planning.  November is a better time for action.  Do take time with unmanaged domestic maintenance matters before they become expensive problems.  This Halloween, instead of agreeing to drive everyone’s drunk asses around and then resenting it, why not go home and give out candy with your parents?  Wear a ridiculous costume and scare the children.

 CancerCANCER

Cancer’s theme this month is consistency in the face of adversity.  If you draw a line in the sand, honor it.  Respecting boundaries has never really been your strength, but this October it is more important than ever to stand your ground and make others move the mountain to meet you.  Incoming information the first week of the month shifts your perspective on a number of matters.  This time you cannot justify or excuse bad behavior.  Already confused, the damning intel won’t help clarify the situation.  Hide out until you know for sure.  The 12th presents a lovely opportunity for a domestic spruce.  Tackling a few home improvement projects will help assuage those anxious feelings of impatience.  Cancer can relax in knowing that work will remain relatively pleasant and calm this October.

 LeoLEO

Consider consciously backing off spending in October even though there’s a palpable temptation to go butt-crazy buying.  Your purchasing choices will not be well-reasoned this month.  October demands an intense operational tempo, but for all the work you put in you’ll see very little immediate return on your hustle.  A double whammy of energetic blockages has you feeling impotent and ineffectual.  Know that it isn’t entirely your fault and your fortune will change.  Listen to the wise counsel of others and take their advice. Your best day for love and surprises is the 16th.

VirgoVIRGO

Is there anything sexier than action?  Nope.  This month you are all do, do, do, and it is a refreshing blast of productivity compared to everyone’s slack.  Forging ahead in the midst of turbulence and resistance wears you out, so practice self-care Virgo.  Maintain a reasonable workout routine.  Continue to fill your savings account and invest wisely.  Strengthen your familial ties.  Stay far away from contracting and commitments as there is someone trying to intentionally deceive you.  Set aside major business dealings until the end of next month.  If you can escape on a trip with a friend, you must make it a priority to do so.  Virgo’s consistent hard work over the past year gives you a pass to relax for a few days.