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Over the last few seasons we’ve witnessed a return to the statement lip. Bypassing regular go-to red, many opted to experiment with bolder shades like bright matte pink. By now you’ve seen gals give this trend a go with mixed results. Perhaps you’ve noticed that the wrong shade of dense matte lipstick can age even a dewy 20 year old.The face of Fall 2012 offers a softer and more accessible lip. Armani showed us a pucker one could kiss without needing a make-up removing wipe afterwards. Is there anything less dignified than thumbing smears of lipstick off a victim’s face after a smooch?Karl cosigned a similar natural pout at Fall 2012 Chanel Couture. Hi Lindsey Wixson. That’s not to say the runways were free from dissent; Jean Paul Gaultier served us red and glossy with his immaculately tailored lady-pimp collection.
Couture cotton balls at Chanel. Limp dick beaded buns at Armani Privé.Tucked tidy as Blanche’s balls with a hairnet at Valentino.Who’s bold enough to work a veil outside of the altar?Buns served on a bed of fishnet bondage bank robberess at Jean Paul Gaultier.Super upscale lesbian chic at Chanel.A good distraction for a challenging face day by Giambattista Valli.Say bye with butterflies from the back.
The best of the night were all appropriately in black. Rihanna plunged in the front and sloped low in the back in this major Armani. Gwyneth repped her inner-circle in Stella McCartney. From the neck down Gwyneth looks amazing, but she’s looking a little inflamed in the face. Bad bronzer or bad eight ball? You decide. Adele turned it out in Armani. We sure as fuck knew she wouldn’t wear Chanel after Karl’s latest round of bad Grandpa fat comments.Not all the black was good; Julianne Hough wasted her crazy toned body in this unflattering and boring Kaufmanfranco.Bruno Mars gave a little ankle in this fashion-forward Thom Browne look. Not everyone will get it, but I appreciate the effort. Saggy tits. That’s the first thing that comes to mind when I see Katy Perry in this Elie Saab gown. The sophomoric blue hair and the pastel Tinkerbell gown are enough to induce the heaves. This girl cannot sing, she cannot dress, and therefore I have no use for her. No use at all. Good day Katy Perry. I said good day.And the “desperately seeking attention” award goes to….miz Minaj. She has talent, so why won’t she lead with it? It’s Versace by the way. The cape not the bishop. Let’s work our way through the “irrelevant in white” category. Kathy Griffin wore Michael Kors rather well. Why is it when she looks better she’s less funny?Kate Beckinsale usually shows up to these events in overblown ball gowns, so this Zuhair Murad is actually a surprisingly appropriate choice for her. She still can’t ditch the pageant hair, but baby steps are still progress. Paris Hilton wore a well-tailored Basil Soda. I’m not on fire for the white and gold combo. She looks better than usual, but a skosh overdressed.Robyn, L.A. doesn’t do the whole quirky Nordic thing. Just ask Bjork. This whole look is an unmitigated hell no. One of the few pops of color, Fergie in Jean Paul Gaultier; I can feel how much she desperately wants our approval, but I must withhold it. Adam Levine doing his best Scott Disick. Between Scott and Adam, who do you think gets called “douche” more often to his face?Taylor Swift is like the Nicole Kidman of the under-25 set. This over-serious frock is a Zuhair Murad creation.
Kasia Struss serves a lux variation of Swamp Thing at Armani Privé.
Karmen Pedaru suffers through the flood at Armani Privé.
The award for most improved goes to Jennifer Lawrence in Calvin Klein Collection. After a tragic run, bitch clearly got a stylist. Also Calvin Klein-clad was Gwyneth Paltrow. Many went crazy for this look, but the severe middle parted hair with the long narrow plunging neck evoked butt crack. GOOP wins for most over-rated, and that doesn’t just apply to her fashion choices.Two old ladies in Dior Couture: Nicole Kidman and Sharon Stone. Sharon served a little high-end Cruella DeVille with a good dress and bad hair. Marchesa’s minions, Halle and Hailee. This gown’s a little too young and try-hard on Halle. Hailee finally succumbed to the princess pressure after several chic and tailored moments this awards season. This awkward length doesn’t flatter her. Celine Dion and Reese Witherspoon werked Armani Privé, two of the strongest looks of the night. Anyone else suspicious why Reese looked a little too proud of herself all night. We all knew the Rodarte was coming. Portman loves Kate and Laura Mulleavy. After all the built-up expectation, this plum number was just okay. Some of that train should have been repurposed to fill out the front hemline. Also repping purple, Scarjo in Dolce & Gabbana taking the baton from Michelle Williams to finish the defiantly unattractive relay. Mila chose lilac Elie Saab and looked absolutely fantastic. She managed to balance sweet and sexy – arguably the best, except for that awful makeup.Another best dressed contender, the always impeccable and fashion-forward Cate Blanchett in Givenchy Couture. Hilary Swank also ventured into slightly new territory in Gucci. Swank’s softly sculpted eye makeup was undoubtedly some of the best cosmetic artistry of the night. Michelle Williams gave good glam with stunningly perfect hair and makeup. Three ladies arrived in gowns previously featured on Demeter Clarc: Amy Adams in L’Wren Scott, Giuliana Rancic in Christian Siriano, and Mandy Moore in Monique L’huillier. Remember, you saw it here first.Penelope, Jennifer Hudson (Versace), Anne Hathaway (archival Valentino), and Sandra Bullock (Vera Wang) opted for a range of carmine hues. The rosebuds were neither particularly interesting nor especially fug. These four surfed the crimson sea of mediocrity.Worst without needed elaboration: Marisa Tomei in vintage Charles James and Melissa Leo in Marc Bouwer.
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