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As I’m sure you’ve heard, Jessica Simpson had a big ass 9+ lbs baby girl aptly named Maxwell this week. I think it is safe to say we all feel some collective relief knowing that intense gestation has come to a close. These last few weeks looking at her behemoth belly has made me truly uncomfortable. Think she will be able to meet her contractual obligations to Weight Watchers with a newborn baby? Knowing what we do about Jessica, I wonder whether she’ll survive the early days of motherhood without substantial aid from her mom Tina.
Bethenny and Jason are completely screwed right? If they are fighting this much on camera, what is happening off screen? Just tell him to fuck off Bethenny. You got your baby and more dough than you can spend. Cut the dead weight and get a cabana boy. Did you hear the rumor she hooked up with The Situation? GROSS.Edvard Munch’s The Scream sold to an anonymous buyer for a record-breaking $120 million this week. Is “anonymous buyer” code for Saudi Royal?Linda Evangelista was back in court this week seeking child support from billionaire baby daddy Francois-Henri Pinault. Doesn’t he know she doesn’t get out of bed for less than $10,000 a day? He’s getting a bargain rate at $46,000 a month.
Hey Friends. Demeter Clarc ♥ ♥ artists. If you are interested in submitting a portfolio of original work for DC’s Artist Spotlight, let’s talk. For contact scroll all the way down there to the bottom. ↓
Five totally legitimate reasons to wank off.
Men who ejaculated more than five times a week through masturbating were a third less likely to develop prostate cancer according to one study. Doctors chalk this up to the benefits of “clearing the pipes” by releasing toxin concentrations which accumulate over time. Masturbation helps prevent cervical infections and relieve urinary tract infections. Going into more detail requires a graphic explanation of cervical tenting, so just trust this advice and keep it moving.Studies show masturbation promotes cardiovascular health and lowers the risk of type-2 diabetes. Rub one out for your heart, man.Self-diddling naturally combats insomnia through hormonal and tension release. Recently, in the middle of the night, a friend’s roommate walked in while he was in bed with his girlfriend, sat on a chair (strewn with aforementioned girlfriend’s clothing), and took a nice long piss. The next morning, the roommate claimed a case of Ambienesia, saying she remembered nothing. Why risk a pharmaceutically-induced unintended public pissing situation? Put the pharmies down and use that hand for something more useful, like whacking off. Combine Ambien and wanking at your own risk.Turn that frown upside-down; petting the kitty releases euphoria-inducing oxytocin. Like ecstasy, but without the pesky brain holes.
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