J. Mendel deposited a stiff Anna Kendrick into a fussy architectural number in which she appeared both lovely and seriously uncomfortable. Rihanna’s gorgeous face and defined abs almost distract me from this wrinkled two-piece Stella McCartney gimmick gown. Do we really need a choker, exaggerated shoulders, tattoo, midriff, draping, and ruching all in one look? We get it Cara Delevigne, you’re a dyke and you wanna wear pants. Lesbihonest, with access to every major designer on the planet, there is no excuse for anything less than an impeccable fit. Hailee Steinfeld almost gets it right with this graphic Prabal Gurung, but I can’t with the shoes and lipstick. The overall look is just a skosh too pretty-perfect-matchy-finished. Continuing sidenote: Do any of these wrinkly-ass bitches own a steamer? Goddamn. In a pairing as classic as black and white, SJP donned Oscar de la Renta. Is “classic” just a euphemism for old-fashioned?Here’s Naomi’s foot trying to escape from under that forgotten frock from Mrs. Roper’s Bridal Collection. Campbell’s feathery personal assault restraints sold separately.The sisters Prune cloaked in mourning; MK in Ferre and Ashley in death by Chanel. Kate Upton served up two tittypints of Dolce & Gabbana saloon slut. Then Gisele arrived in Balenciaga to demonstrate how a supermodel does it, hunny.
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