Tag Archives: Ava Sambora

The Real L Word: Fillers

After Rose ditched Natalie at the bar with no ride and no keys last week, we caught Rose surreptitiously meeting up with her ex-girlfriend, the famous Angel, behind Natalie’s back.  Rose justified the deception by saying that Angel makes her feel better and puts things in perspective.  Angel, smarter than Natalie, called Rose on her bullshit saying, “It’s always about you and what you need and never about anything else.  I’m done.”  Upon realizing that Angel was not going to be her soft place to land, Rose cut her losses and went groveling back to an overly-forgiving Natalie.  Grow a pair and dump her ass Natalie!With the guilt of last night’s strap-on interlude on her conscience, Whitney attempted to clean up the remnants of the White Trash Party.  She and Alyssa clumsily maneuvered the nauseating mixture of cream corn, lube, and shame into a shopping cart which they wheeled over to some nearby dumpsters.  Whitney, you can dispose of your lubed corn evidence, but the karmic stench of that grimy pune juggling will stick with you forever.

Tracy’s mom, Zory, surprised her for her 30th birthday.  Even though Zory has had difficulty adjusting to Tracy’s lesbian turn, Tracy decided it would be a good idea to take her to Stamie’s unedited comedy routine.  In the world’s most awkward first meeting, Tracy introduced her mom to a surprised Stamie.  The three stood around in silence for forty-five seconds before Stamie took the stage to bust out her graphic lesbian jokes.  Way to ease your mom into it Tracy!After dinner, things went from awkward to borderline offensive when Tracy asked her mom if she wanted to meet Stamie’s kids, and Zory responded with stone-cold silence.  Stamie rightfully found her lack of enthusiasm alienating, which caused her to give up on Zory and cool towards Tracy.  If bad blood develops between Stamie and Zory, it is a direct result of Tracy’s failure to adequately manage this situation.  This disastrous first meeting will ripple consequences for months to come.

Brooklyn Fashion Weekend’s blonder cousin L.A. Fashion Weekend finally arrived, and Mikey prepped for the headlining runway show: Richie Sambora’s line White Trash Beautiful.  The fact that this was the marquee fashion line speaks to the utter irrelevancy of L.A. Fashion.  Ava Sambora, Richie and Heather Locklear’s daughter, was scheduled to walk in the show.  She and her mother showed up to Mikey’s office for a fitting and flattery.  Mikey fawned over a barely-recognizable T.J. Hooker, while Ava rolled her eyes at the overblown gushing.  Mikey continued to flirt with a loopy Locklear until Raquel showed up under the pretext of delivering a surprise gift of balloons and flowers.

After a brief panic over the lighting on the step and repeat, Mikey took the stage to open the White Trash Beautiful show.  As for the clothes, drop the “White” and drop the “Beautiful” and all you have left is “Trash,” and that’s probably the best description of the mishmash of fugly that paraded down the runway.  Mikey drew extra attention to the shameless demonstration of Sambora nepotism by announcing Ava’s name over the loudspeaker like it was some church fashion show.  The single most shocking moment was the tight shot of Heather Locklear’s face.  Girl, chill with the fillers, damn.Mikey rounded out her professional triumph by bringing Raquel on stage for a grand wedding proposal in front of the dazzling selection of C-listers.  Naturally, Raquel accepted, and the two shared a romantic backstage kiss.  Mazel Ladies!