Tag Archives: bathroom

wind machine

FANThe solution is so simple.  I don’t know why I didn’t think of it before.  A working window in the bathroom is ideal, but a luxury for most.  Those of us with interior bathrooms or those blessed with glass exposure, but not openable windows must devise a strategy for airing out the bathroom.  Overhead exhaust fans don’t really cut it.  Especially if you are trying to air out a really steamy room after a nice hot shower.  I put an antique-style fan in my bathroom and love how it clears the steam, odors, and heat efficiently.  Air movement discourages the growth of mildew and mold, and the white noise provides a nice privacy buffer.  Getcha a wind machine, girl. ANTIQUE LASKO FAN

She Doesn’t Want Flowers

CAR WASHWash and gas the car.CLEAN BATHROOMClean the bathroom.MCGHEE BABYPrint and frame a photo.TORRES CHOCOLATEProcure the high-quality chocolate. MUFFINS IN BEDBreakfast in bed; blueberry muffins please.COUPLES YOGAPractice yoga together.WASH THE BEDLaunder the bedding.FUCKING HIPSTERS

 

Welcome to My Bathroom

FROM THE SHOWER

DOUBLE SINKS

This bathroom was such a dump (pun intended) when I got a hold of this place.  Let me put it this way: there was a sink in the closet.  Yeah, I tore down the wall and made a mega bath complete with a glam station.

SINK + SHOWER

I replaced everything from floor to ceiling.  I ripped out all the old fixtures and cabinetry.

VANITY REFLECTION

I added new lighting.  So much lighting my contractors were afraid I might burn the building down.  Don’t worry; I installed a dimmer.

FLAIRNOOK

This right sink and this back nook were all in the master closet before.  Random.

FASH ILLUSSIDE ANGLE SINKSTWO GIRLS

I put in kitchen sink faucets that detach for easy cleaning.

SINK

SHOWER DOOR

I took out the crappy bathtub from the seventies and put in this luxurious porcelain tile shower.  This shower is my everything.

SHOWERCAM00461CAM00462VANITY ARTGLAMMING STATION

Glam Station.

DOUBLE SINKSLONG VIEW

Demeter Clarc Tidy Tip: Smooth-Sided Toilets

AMERICAN STANDARD SMOOTH SIDED TOILETSome of the filthiest and most difficult areas to clean are the bends, folds, and bolts of the toilet.  I confess, I hate cleaning this area so much.  It feels like no matter how many times I go over it, I uncover more dust, dirt, hair, and grime.  Why is it a harbor for mystery pubes?  So gross.  Truly, it is one of my most despised cleaning tasks. GROSS DIRTY TOILETTOP FLUSH SMOOTH SIDED TOILETWhen I remodeled recently, I opted for a smooth-sided toilet.  The shape eliminates all those little areas where disgusting funk collects.  With this style commode, a good once or twice over and the gunk is gone.  SQUARE SMOOTH SIDED TOILETSmooth-sided toilets are a skosh more expensive than the cheapest entry-level traditional style thrones, but how many toilets are you going to buy in your life?  When considering the number of times you will perch here as well as the frequent cleanings, it makes sense to spring for the modern smooth-sided one piece.  AMERICAN STANDARD SMOOTH SIDED TOILET

Enough with the Vessel Sinks

Is there anything more annoying than a vessel sink?  I think not.  Vessel sinks may look good in the store, but in actuality they are the most impractical and messy of all the sink options.  Sinks are like a proper fuck, you want them big and deep not perched, precious, and puny. Water splashes everywhere from this style of basin.  Many of the wide and shallow versions aren’t banked properly, so gross water collects on one end always failing to properly drain.  I’m repulsed. Like most home decorating trends that come on hard, fast, and ubiquitous, the vessel sink will soon be considered a dated vestige of a quainter time like wallpaper borders or shag carpet. 

10 Annoying Things Tourists Do on Vacation…

Narrate everything.  Really, you have to pee, yeah bitch we are standing in the bathroom line.  I know.  I don’t give a fuck.  Hurry up and pee then.  I don’t need a narrative of your experience in the restroom.  Furthermore, I don’t need a description of the waterfall or the valley.  Just shut up and enjoy the moment in silence. …Act like they have never stepped foot in a grocery store.  I know the Wal-Mart ain’t all that different where you are from.  Stop wandering around mystified taking up the whole fucking aisle contemplating your frozen pizza choice.  G-sus.Let their kids go buck ass wild.  Look, I know everybody is on vacation here, but I will whoop your annoying kids’ asses.   They are not cute, and I do not give a fuck.Drive like assholes.  It’s one of two things: 1) either you think because you flew in yesterday you own the place and are somehow entitled to ignore traffic laws and common decency; or 2) you are so overwhelmed by the experience you do dumbass shit like come to a DEAD STOP in the middle of the highway to look at whales surfacing off shore.  The same rules apply to walking down the sidewalk: stick to the right lane bitch.  Smoke cigarettes everywhere.  Like almost every red blooded American teenager, I used to smoke.  Then I graduated.  Are you really still fucking smoking nasty-ass cigarettes?  Not a good look.  Just so you know, you look like ignorant fucking trash standing there with your pleated shorts and a Camel dangling from your wrinkly mouth.  You are in paradise.  Put the cigarettes away.

Lose their shit.  My travel companion loves to throw his shawl around in every new hotel room.  When it is time to pack up and go, it takes about a fucking month because his shit is everywhere.  I spent at least twenty minutes listening to some dopey Canadians fret about their misplaced passports.  We all occasionally lose shit, but if you pack light and keep your possessions close and organized, a lost item is a much less likely probability.Dress like dorks.  Seriously, if I see one more unironic Hawaiian shirt paired with unironic Hawaiian print shorts, I am going to chunder.  Some tourists dress like they are trekking Everest when they hardly plan to deviate from a paved path.  I understand comfort is king when traveling, but that is no excuse to look like shit.  Don’t forget to pack your style.  Chances are these outfits will be captured on film.Complain constantly.  On the way over to Hawaii, one of the most geographically isolated land masses in the entire world, the lady next to me was wigging out because the guy in the seat in front of her reclined his chair.  This grown-ass woman (in her sixties) fussed, pushed, and kicked this poor guy’s chair until he finally reluctantly returned his seatback to the upright position.  If you want to be a raging cunt about leg room then spring for first class bitch.  Regardless, I could give a fuck about listening to your spoiled, entitled, whining for an entire pan-oceanic flight.Ask stupid fucking questions.  One summer, I ran a gondola in the mountains and people asked me the dumbest fucking questions you could ever imagine.  “Where does this go?”  It goes to heaven, asshole.  You are in a new place, no one expects you to know everything, but there is this invention called the internet which makes basic information gathering rather simple.  Do your research to avoid looking like a complete fucking moron.Get fucking wasted.  I love to party and I can throw down, but I never ever get sloppy.  My first night on Kauai, three tequila-soaked dudes got so wasted they were sloshing all around the lobby in a herd of hot mess.  One walked right into a sign and smacked his head.  One got into a loud argument with the ATM (the ATM totally won).  The third loudly slurred at me from across the lobby, “Can you get online?”  Not only is this type of behavior pathetic and unattractive, you make a target of yourself for theft, robbery, rape or worse.  Don’t leave your dignity or common sense on the mainland.

It’s not clean if….

there’s a ring around itthere’s a layer of dust on itthere’s a pubethere are water spotsit hasn’t been washed between visitors

you just febrezed itit’s smelly in the pitsit’s growing slime