Tag Archives: bedding

She Doesn’t Want Flowers

CAR WASHWash and gas the car.CLEAN BATHROOMClean the bathroom.MCGHEE BABYPrint and frame a photo.TORRES CHOCOLATEProcure the high-quality chocolate. MUFFINS IN BEDBreakfast in bed; blueberry muffins please.COUPLES YOGAPractice yoga together.WASH THE BEDLaunder the bedding.FUCKING HIPSTERS



One of my nearest and dearest spent the night last week.  When he arose from his slumber, he hit the breakfast blend bong and asked, “What are those sheets?”Pure Beech Bitch!  I’ve been sleeping with Pure Beech sheets for a few years now.  This isn’t some 1200 thread count fancy Frette shit.  You can scoop these babies up at Bed Bath & Beyond for less than $100 with one of those expired coupons you’ve been hoarding.   They come in jersey and sateen.  I prefer sateen.Why do we ♥ these sheets?  Well, one might compare them to t-shirt sheets, but they definitely have a more luxurious feeling.  Thin, silky, and ecologically generated from beechwood trees, these sheets have a super soft, worn-in feeling right out of the box.  Another bonus, the fabric gives and the fitted sheet fully hugs thick mattresses.  I would assign only one demerit to this product and that’s in the area of durability.  Especially if you bleach like I do, don’t expect these sheets to hold up year after year.  In my experience, they have about a 3 year lifespan if you wash them once a week. 

sleep better

Some people like massages.  Some people like expensive wine.  I like sleep.  For me it is the greatest luxury, but it can be quite elusive.  Meaningful sleep at times requires coddling, so I’m always exploring options for extending my stay in dreamland. 

Set the air conditioner temperature to chilly, open a window, or turn on a fan.  A cooler room makes for more restful sleep.  Lose the pajamas.  Try linen, bamboo, or modal sheets. Cut the data connection to the bedroom.  Seriously, isn’t it enough we have to endure the constant intrusion of cell phones on the dinner table, but the bedside table too?  Most modern cell phones emit significant light and noise even when dimmed and set to vibrate.  I know many folks use their cell phones as alarm clocks.  If you enjoy undisturbed sleep with a cell phone by your head, then no problem (other than that pesky radiation), but if you are up in the middle of the night obsessively texting and checking Facebook then that explains why you are acting like a cranky asshole during the day.

Maybe it is just psychosomatic, but I swear that I feel more ready to rest after a cup of Yogi Bedtime tea.  In times of desperation, the following options never fail:  1) a doobie, 2) an orgasm.  Try getting stoned or laid or both before popping one of those crazy and dangerous sleeping pills. 




lava tu cama

When is the last time you washed your sheets?  How about your comforter?  Pillows?  Maybe you aren’t sleeping so well because your bed is filthy.

You will sleep better with clean sheets.  Once a week is the bare minimum.  We could get into a lengthy discussion about dust mites and bed bugs here, but basically a weekly wash should keep you out of ferret bed territory. Select white sheets.  Nothing invites a beautiful night’s sleep like a pristine, crisp, white bed.  Super hot water, bleach, detergent, booster, softner, these are the key ingredients to optimal results.

Cleanliness is Godliness bitches.