Those of you with long memories remember that just about a year ago I was preparing to attend the wedding of one of my best friends. Despite the build-up, I mysteriously never mentioned the weekend again which some of you surely found annoying and some of you never noticed.
I’d rather not get into the complicated details out of respect for my former friend. Needless to say, bad communication, weird energy, and selfish behavior all around caused what has amounted to an irreparable rift.
Keep in mind, this relationship spans over a decade.
So the question becomes, if neither party reaches out after an extended silence, is the friendship over?
Is it better to be stubborn, right, and lonely, or forgiving and rich with friends?
Or is it the very event of a wedding that shifts the agenda for all involved? Can some friendships simply not survive a wedding? Does the solidification of one relationship spell doom for another? Only if you hate the person your friend is marrying. Which isn’t necessarily the case here. It isn’t so much I hated the groom. It’s more that I hated who my friend became around the groom.
I’ve often considered reaching out to this friend, but something always stops me — usually one of my other friends who likes to periodically remind me how poorly we were treated at the ceremony after traveling many miles and undertaking great expense to support our friend’s union.
Knowing my dear friend as I do, I suspect she still checks this website from time to time. If that’s the case, I hope she knows that despite the obstacles between us I do wish her and her husband well. Perhaps now they’ve even begun on their little family.
Nearly a year has passed since we last spoke, and I suppose it is time to move this conflict from the active to closed file. I do so with a heavy heart. For many months, I held out hope we would reconcile, but some opposing forces are too polarized to ever meet in the middle. 
The only useful thing I learned in Brownies – Make New Friends, but Keep the Old. One is Silver and the Other Gold. 
Our friendship may be tarnished, but this girl will always be gold to me. 
I have this fantastic friend who gives the best gifts. Over the weekend, she brought me this amazing patchouli perfume from France, some Gala Fashion mags, and French Elnett. Plus, she always smuggles the best snacks. 
Her thoughtful and expertly cultivated selections make me feel so happy and loved. I aspire to give gifts with the same sparkle. I appreciate you, your talent, and your generosity AMP! You are a blessing.
Today culminates and concludes the intensive program I participated in every single one of the last 26 days. No it wasn’t a fat farm, and it wasn’t rehab you bitches.
Just under 40 people from all around the world participated. Over the last few days, people have been frantically collecting numbers, email addresses, and making big promises to meet up soon. Can folks just admit this over-emotional, hyper-attachment is mostly a big bag of bullshit? 
It’s like summer camp: a short, intense bonding experience. Honestly, how many people do you still speak to from summer camp?
Of the forty or so people I was forced to spend the last 26 days straight with, there are approximately 4 I’m interested in keeping up with in the future. I will make sure those people know how to contact me and I them. I prefer to keep a tight circle and put energy into people that don’t make me want to burst into flames. Anymore, pretenses to the contrary wear me out.
Enough with the Facebook. I have never had a Facebook page and I will never have a Facebook page. Facebook encourages some fake fuckery, as if you can collect friends like trading cards. As long time readers know, I value privacy over accessibility. I realize I’m in the extreme minority on this point, and I promise I understand and still ♥ you even if your are a FB fanatic.
I know goodbyes are difficult, but I refuse to undignify myself by lubricating the farewells with a bunch of false promises.
As promised, here’s the second installment of Martha Stewart gossip from Mariana Pasternak’s tell-all. Trust, you’ll thank me for saving you the time of reading this four hundred page masturbatory opus.
According to The Best of Friends, Martha is not a woman’s woman. Martha was interested in famed architect Richard Meier. One night at Nobu, Meier took a fancy to the author instead of Martha. Martha abruptly got up to leave and ordered Mariana to join her while Meier urged Mariana to keep her seat. After a silent battle of the wills between the two titans, Martha naturally emerged the victor with Mariana scampering after her and leaving Meier pouting in his sushi. 
Martha and Mariana did quite a bit of traveling with one another: Machu Picchu, the Amazon, and Egypt to name a few. Often the author felt she couldn’t keep up financially with her über-wealthy friend, so Martha would loan her the money to take the extravagant trips – with interest – all arrangements made through her business office. These trips often involved big groups, so Martha’s business office would prorate the bill and send an invoice for each person’s portion – irrespective if the person participated in all the meals and activities. Apparently, Martha really liked extravagant activities.
Martha became jealously obsessed with some Judith Leiber bag the author received as a gift from a boyfriend. Martha concocted some weird scheme to exchange the Leiber and put the money towards her friend’s portion of the Amazon trip. In another bitchy move, style biter Martha bought the exact version of an Hermès leather jacket that her friend already owned.
In Monte Carlo, when Martha’s boyfriend traded her in for a younger model she stormed into the famous Jimmy’z and bitched him out in front of everyone (during the Cannes Film Festival no less). The explosive fight continued on the street outside before Martha cock-blocked her boyfriend by hustling his young paramour into a waiting car. 
Martha offered Pasternak Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia IPO stock at $18 a share. When the company went public the stock priced soared to $52 a share. Martha ran from party to party telling everyone she was rich! It’s true, that’s the day Martha Stewart became a billionaire. 
The book wraps up around the time of the ImClone insider trading scandal. The most interesting take-away from the author’s description of the transaction was discovering that Martha’s total investment in ImClone amounted to about $228,000. Martha’s decision to exercise her insider knowledge and sell her stock prior to the public release of information that ImClone’s anti-cancer drug did not receive FDA approval saved her only $50,000. Even though Martha lost big money in the September 11th crash, her wealth still exceeded half a billion dollars at the time. $50,000 ain’t shit to Martha Stewart, but for that one greedy choice she went to jail. In the end, it cost her millions in fines and penalties, in addition to loss of prestige. 
In the end, Mariana was served with subpoenas and sang like canary telling investigators everything she knew over a two year period including testifying before the grand jury. A true Best Friend till the end, at Martha’s trial, Pasternak’s damning testimony all but assured Stewart’s conviction.
My interest in Martha Stewart revolves mainly around her daughter, Alexis, who co-hosts the hilarious show Whatever, Martha! with the lovely Jennifer Koppelman Hutt.
When I heard that there was a new tell-all about Martha written by her former close friend Mariana Pasternak, my interest was mildly piqued.
The book is called Best of Friends, and it is a four hundred page doozy. I’m about half way through, but I already have some juicy gossip for you, so I’ll break my review into two parts.
First off, don’t get it twisted, this is one self-serving book. Pasternak’s overwrought writing style is self-indulgent and distracting, but she retains quite a bit of detail from her memories of the 90′s. Here are a few gems from the first two hundred pages.
Martha was infuriated her husband Andy had an affair with Erica Jong because she “writes about having sex!”
Martha dated and probably fucked Charlie Rose.
Martha was supposed to be on the ill-fated Sandy Pittman 1996 Everest climb where eight people died. She and Blaine Trump backed out at the last minute.
In the early days when Martha ran a catering company, she had Alexis do some cooking for her. This was back when Alexis was in middle school. One evening, Alexis made madeleines and apparently they were too dark for Martha, so she awoke Alexis in the middle of the night, on a school night, and demanded she make a new batch! 
No wonder Alexis grew up to mock her mother professionally. I’d be fucking resentful too.
