I am not a fan of chitchat. To paraphrase Bethenny Frankel (sorry), I don’t like small talk, I like big talk. Perhaps the most annoying question – more annoying than “where are you from?” or “what do you do?” is – What kind of music do you listen to?
I fucking loathe this question for a myriad of reasons. First, when asked my mind inevitably goes blank, and all I can think of is Bob Marley. This answer is almost as annoying as the question because who the fuck doesn’t like Bob Marley? 
Second, it’s a loaded fucking question. The asker is really leveraging this question to bathe you in judgment. For example, if you say indie, then you become Indie and all that it implies. The most commonly tired-ass trite answer to this question is, “…anything but country.” But for those hedgers, I have one word for you: Jolene. If you go super obscure, you risk looking like a try-hard douche, and if you answer Maroon 5, then you are a douche. 
Third, the people who like to ask this grating question also like to follow it up with a pop-quiz. Oh, you like techno, have you heard the new Trentemøller? (Word of advice, if you must answer this dreadful question don’t ever answer with “techno” even if you fucking love techno). Oh, you like The White Stripes, have you heard Jack White’s new solo album? These questions just become an opportunity for the asker to act like an all-knowing asshole. 
Asking someone’s music taste is a generic inquiry and answering it is rife with potential dignity issues. Nobody really cares what kind of music anybody listens to anyway, so let’s all come up with some new thinly-veiled opportunity for judgment. 
Bethenny jet-setting with billionaire Warren Lichtenstein and her daughter Bryn in the midst of a messy divorce is not a good look.
Adrienne Maloof and Sean Stewart serving us Harold and Maude is definitely not a good look. 
Joan Rivers conspicuously ignoring Giuliana’s heinous Globes gown on Fashion Police is suspiciously not a good look. 
Lance Armstrong’s reluctantly contrite (but for sure contrived) ass was not a good look on Oprah’s Next Chapter.
JLo’s People cover = Not a Good Look. 
Lisa Vanderpoop’s insipid new spinoff celebrating adulterers is not a good look. 
Recently, my friend broke up with a Scorpio and she’s moving out. I told her she better hurry because Scorpios are spiteful. Psst. Someone might wanna tell Jason Hoppy. He’s about to endure the psychological, physical, and spiritual spanking of his life.
TMZ went snooping around the couple’s divorce papers, and by the slant of the intel I suspect Jason personally hand-delivered the documents to Harvey Levin’s desk. 
Bethenny suffers to lose significantly more from a drawn out split. Much like Kris Humphries desperately clinging to the last burnt, bitter wisps of fame by refusing to divorce Kim, Jason can only benefit from making this separation process as tedious, embarrassing, and damaging to Bethenny as possible. Bethenny and her well-compensated counsel better craft an unbelievably attractive agreement and apply some coercive tactics to get ink on it fast.
In the least surprising news ever, Bethenny and Jason dropped the divorce bomb right before Christmas hoping to bury the story in eggnog. Nice try. We see you. Here is the requisite carefully worded statement the couple released.
Want another tidbit of totally unsubstantiated gossip? Rumor has it Bethenny doesn’t maintain her figure with a devotion to healthy eating. Some say Jason was concerned how Bethenny’s laxative-loving behaviors might influence their daughter. Again, this is probably just some baseless bullshit planted to discredit. And you know I ain’t one to gossip, so you didn’t hear it from me….
After coming out the gate strong ratings-wise, viewership for Bethenny’s talk show is on the decline and inconsistent among the various test markets according to the Hollywood Reporter. Does that mean the show won’t get picked up for the fall? That remains to be seen, since even though the ratings are softening, they are still stiffer than that of her lead-in Wendy Williams. Though I suspect there’s some whitewash skewing in those numbers. Ever notice how the stations always run their annoying “weekly test” beep during Wendy. Coincidence or racially motivated disruption? You be the judge. Back to Bethenny.
Apparently, Bethenny also had rats in her L.A. abode and cockroaches in her hotel room. Welcome to the A-List hunny.
If you were curious how that major lawsuit between B and her former manager resolved, she recently settled the case. Despite her “mo’ money, mo’ problems” rhetoric over the last year, the case apparently had enough merit to withstand summary judgement. She threw some money at the problem and now this one has gone away. While she’ll probably choke writing the sizable check, she must be relieved that potentially expensive dispute is over. 
What is next for Bethenny? Are the rumors of another baby true? Will she and Jason make it? Will her talk show go nationwide? More specifically, is she still ascending or has she begun her descent? Just when she looks poised for a fall, she claws her way back to surer footing. Even if you hate her, you have to admit she’s a scrappy bitch.
We’ve all been on quite a ride with Mizz Frankel haven’t we? At first, in the earliest days of RHNY, I was sort of fond of her. Perhaps she was just the least offensive member of an all-around offensive group, but for the most part we were rooting for her. 
As her fame, brand, and wealth grew, so did her narcissism, impatience, greed, and need for control. In my opinion, her merger with Jason was just that – a calculated business decision aimed at furthering her appeal to a larger (more lucrative) audience. Along came Bryn, and with her new baby Bethenny had all the the perfect ingredients to market cocktails, shapewear, skin care, books, and more to eager moms. Not to mention Bethenny leveraged her new role as “mommy” to snag sponsorship deals with major players like Pampers. 
First during Bethenny Getting Married? and later throughout Bethenny Ever After, the couple’s total incompatibility became full-on apparent. This last season grew so uncomfortable, I couldn’t even find the humor and fun in writing my silly little recaps. So it comes as no surprise that rumors are flying concerning both parties consulting divorce lawyers.
With divorce rumblings comes financial talk. Several lawyers were asked to comment on what Jason is likely to gain from the split. Now, I ain’t one to gossip, but I heard that Bethenny pushed Jason to sign a pre-nup and a revised post-nuptial agreement. Trust, her assets are protected. Based on her upbringing and past behavior, I contend that Bethenny would not jeopardize her fortune or her daughter’s future for any man. 
Along with the rest of you, I’ve been predicting the demise of this showmance for sometime. During a recent episode, a morsel of information slipped out that only served to cement my hunch about their impending split. Bethenny stated that Jason goes to church every Sunday. Specifically, she said “Jason goes,” the inference being that she stays home and he goes without her. That struck me as a profound proof of the distance between these two. 
Consider how much bullshit Jason endures for Bethenny. How many events must he attend where she is the “star,” and he is the purse-holding husband pushed off the step-and-repeat so the paps can get a clean shot of the money maker? She can’t spend one hour in church with the man? Look, I’m no Bible beater, but church might actually do Bethenny some good. Even if it didn’t, it would show a willingness to support Jason and do something as a family that isn’t 100% focused on Bethenny. The trouble with the current version of Bethenny is that everything in her life and the lives of her hired sycophants is Bethenny-centric. Why do you think Julie left? And let’s not even get into all the unnecessary conflict Frankel caused with Jason’s salt-of-the-Earth parents…
And as for the infidelity rumors with Matt Hesse? The two clearly have chemistry, and Bethenny eyes him with a particular undeniable gleam during their on-air interactions. He knows she wants him and he’ll milk her sexual attraction to maximize his professional and financial future. He’s a self-proclaimed modelizer. Obviously fucking Bethenny is a resume builder, not a dick stiffener. Let her taste a bit of her own overly acidic Skinnygirl medicine with this handsome opportunist. 
As this plays out, I predict the following: 1) First, the couple will offer a wave of denials until a confidential agreement is locked down tight; 2) Jason will NOT end up with anything close to half of Bethenny’s fortune, but she will overpay on the pre-nup/post-nup to preserve and protect her privacy and misdoings; 3) She will hold off announcing the split until after she finds out if her 6 week trial run talk show gets picked up for a full season (it won’t).
As I’m sure you’ve heard, Jessica Simpson had a big ass 9+ lbs baby girl aptly named Maxwell this week. I think it is safe to say we all feel some collective relief knowing that intense gestation has come to a close. These last few weeks looking at her behemoth belly has made me truly uncomfortable. Think she will be able to meet her contractual obligations to Weight Watchers with a newborn baby? Knowing what we do about Jessica, I wonder whether she’ll survive the early days of motherhood without substantial aid from her mom Tina.
Edvard Munch’s The Scream sold to an anonymous buyer for a record-breaking $120 million this week. Is “anonymous buyer” code for Saudi Royal?
Linda Evangelista was back in court this week seeking child support from billionaire baby daddy Francois-Henri Pinault. Doesn’t he know she doesn’t get out of bed for less than $10,000 a day? He’s getting a bargain rate at $46,000 a month. 
Notice how ever since The Soup moved to Wednesday it’s lost some of its zhush? How can you do a thorough weekly round-up on a show that airs midweek? Explain this suicidal programming decision por favor. 
Jersey Shore sputtered out like a two-pump chump. I’m guessing that’s what the lesbians affectionately call Vinny after the world’s least erotic three-way. 
Notice Bethenny’s show is building up to the infamous Amador boat trip even though everyone already widely believes the entire event to be staged for the cameras? PR strategy or arrogant stupidity?
Spent the last two days learning some interesting, scientific, and at times witchy stuff about the human body. As if I needed another reason to sleep a full 8-10 hours, apparently the only way to truly rest and repair the adrenal glands is by consistently getting a full 8 hours of sleep. The body repairs the adrenals during a specific period later in the sleep cycle. If sleep is interrupted, the body resets to hour one and misses the opportunity to repair. Can you poop without a stimulant (caffeine, nicotine, etc.) in the morning? If not, this could be a sign of adrenal insufficiency. Stressed, pissy and fatigued? Consider the possibility that your chronic sleep deprivation depletes important hormones. 
Bethenny Ever After returned last night. After a few seasons of a spin-off focused on Bethenny’s claw to the top, this season courts our collective envy and resentment by showcasing the expenditure of her new obscene wealth. 
A couple of interesting points worth mentioning before we get to Frankel’s new apartment: 1) Bethenny made Jason sign a pre-nup; and 2) He’s still butthurt about it. 
As for the dirty details on the family’s new condo, The NY Post reports Bethenny purchased a unit located on the 5th floor at 195 Hudson St. in Tribeca. The 3,600 square foot, four bedroom joint located in the “baller building” (her words, not mine), was rumored to cost just shy of $5 million. 
Did she overpay? The same unit was sold in oh-five for $3.265 million and again in oh-seven for $3.725 million. In August of 2011, Bethenny paid $4.995 or $388 more per square foot than the previous owner. That said, smaller neighboring condo 5A just sold for $5.125 million, so maybe she got a bargain after all?