Friday, January 25th, 2013
I am not a fan of chitchat. To paraphrase Bethenny Frankel (sorry), I don’t like small talk, I like big talk. Perhaps the most annoying question – more annoying than “where are you from?” or “what do you do?” is – What kind of music do you listen to?
I fucking loathe this question for a myriad of reasons. First, when asked my mind inevitably goes blank, and all I can think of is Bob Marley. This answer is almost as annoying as the question because who the fuck doesn’t like Bob Marley?
Second, it’s a loaded fucking question. The asker is really leveraging this question to bathe you in judgment. For example, if you say indie, then you become Indie and all that it implies. The most commonly tired-ass trite answer to this question is, “…anything but country.” But for those hedgers, I have one word for you: Jolene. If you go super obscure, you risk looking like a try-hard douche, and if you answer Maroon 5, then you are a douche.
Third, the people who like to ask this grating question also like to follow it up with a pop-quiz. Oh, you like techno, have you heard the new Trentemøller? (Word of advice, if you must answer this dreadful question don’t ever answer with “techno” even if you fucking love techno). Oh, you like The White Stripes, have you heard Jack White’s new solo album? These questions just become an opportunity for the asker to act like an all-knowing asshole.
Asking someone’s music taste is a generic inquiry and answering it is rife with potential dignity issues. Nobody really cares what kind of music anybody listens to anyway, so let’s all come up with some new thinly-veiled opportunity for judgment. 
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Filed in ADVICE, MUSIC
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Tags: Bethenny Frankel, Bob Marley, Dolly Parton, etiquette, High Fidelity, indie rock, Jem and the Holograms, John Cusack, Jolene, listen, live music, manners, small talk, Trentemøller
Saturday, January 19th, 2013
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Filed in FASHION
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Tags: Adrienne Maloof, adultery, Bethenny Frankel, Bravo, Fashion Police, Giuliana Rancic, Harold and Maude, Jennifer Lopez, Joan Rivers, Lance Armstrong, Lisa Vanderpump, Oprah's Next, People, Sean Stewart
Tuesday, January 8th, 2013
Recently, my friend broke up with a Scorpio and she’s moving out. I told her she better hurry because Scorpios are spiteful. Psst. Someone might wanna tell Jason Hoppy. He’s about to endure the psychological, physical, and spiritual spanking of his life.
TMZ went snooping around the couple’s divorce papers, and by the slant of the intel I suspect Jason personally hand-delivered the documents to Harvey Levin’s desk. 
1) Bethenny seeks primary physical custody of Bryn. (No big surprise there.)
2) Bethenny moved to enforce the prenup signed March 23, 2010. (Definitely no surprise there.)
3) Frankel requested child support. (Best characterized as a routine request in an atypical financial situation.)
4) She also asked for medical, dental, optical, therapeutic, and orthodontic expenses for both her and Bryn. Is Bethenny Getting Braces?
Bethenny suffers to lose significantly more from a drawn out split. Much like Kris Humphries desperately clinging to the last burnt, bitter wisps of fame by refusing to divorce Kim, Jason can only benefit from making this separation process as tedious, embarrassing, and damaging to Bethenny as possible. Bethenny and her well-compensated counsel better craft an unbelievably attractive agreement and apply some coercive tactics to get ink on it fast.
Wednesday, December 26th, 2012
In the least surprising news ever, Bethenny and Jason dropped the divorce bomb right before Christmas hoping to bury the story in eggnog. Nice try. We see you. Here is the requisite carefully worded statement the couple released.
It brings me great sadness to say that Jason and I are separating. This was an extremely difficult decision that as a woman and a mother, I have to accept as the best choice for our family. We have love and respect for one another and will continue to amicably co-parent our daughter who is and will always remain our first priority. This is an immensely painful and heartbreaking time for us.
The timing makes sense. Best to file before that talk show money starts rolling in next year (though I strongly suspect that the rumored post-nup was indeed executed). A completely baseless rumor floating around the internet was that Jason resented the financial agreement and it became one of many festering sores that eventually turned the whole relationship septic. We all know that another point of contention in this relationship was Jason’s parents who will not be sorry to see Bethenny go.
Want another tidbit of totally unsubstantiated gossip? Rumor has it Bethenny doesn’t maintain her figure with a devotion to healthy eating. Some say Jason was concerned how Bethenny’s laxative-loving behaviors might influence their daughter. Again, this is probably just some baseless bullshit planted to discredit. And you know I ain’t one to gossip, so you didn’t hear it from me….
After coming out the gate strong ratings-wise, viewership for Bethenny’s talk show is on the decline and inconsistent among the various test markets according to the Hollywood Reporter. Does that mean the show won’t get picked up for the fall? That remains to be seen, since even though the ratings are softening, they are still stiffer than that of her lead-in Wendy Williams. Though I suspect there’s some whitewash skewing in those numbers. Ever notice how the stations always run their annoying “weekly test” beep during Wendy. Coincidence or racially motivated disruption? You be the judge. Back to Bethenny.
Apparently, Bethenny also had rats in her L.A. abode and cockroaches in her hotel room. Welcome to the A-List hunny.
If you were curious how that major lawsuit between B and her former manager resolved, she recently settled the case. Despite her “mo’ money, mo’ problems” rhetoric over the last year, the case apparently had enough merit to withstand summary judgement. She threw some money at the problem and now this one has gone away. While she’ll probably choke writing the sizable check, she must be relieved that potentially expensive dispute is over.
What is next for Bethenny? Are the rumors of another baby true? Will she and Jason make it? Will her talk show go nationwide? More specifically, is she still ascending or has she begun her descent? Just when she looks poised for a fall, she claws her way back to surer footing. Even if you hate her, you have to admit she’s a scrappy bitch.
We’ve all been on quite a ride with Mizz Frankel haven’t we? At first, in the earliest days of RHNY, I was sort of fond of her. Perhaps she was just the least offensive member of an all-around offensive group, but for the most part we were rooting for her.
As her fame, brand, and wealth grew, so did her narcissism, impatience, greed, and need for control. In my opinion, her merger with Jason was just that – a calculated business decision aimed at furthering her appeal to a larger (more lucrative) audience. Along came Bryn, and with her new baby Bethenny had all the the perfect ingredients to market cocktails, shapewear, skin care, books, and more to eager moms. Not to mention Bethenny leveraged her new role as “mommy” to snag sponsorship deals with major players like Pampers.
First during Bethenny Getting Married? and later throughout Bethenny Ever After, the couple’s total incompatibility became full-on apparent. This last season grew so uncomfortable, I couldn’t even find the humor and fun in writing my silly little recaps. So it comes as no surprise that rumors are flying concerning both parties consulting divorce lawyers.
With divorce rumblings comes financial talk. Several lawyers were asked to comment on what Jason is likely to gain from the split. Now, I ain’t one to gossip, but I heard that Bethenny pushed Jason to sign a pre-nup and a revised post-nuptial agreement. Trust, her assets are protected. Based on her upbringing and past behavior, I contend that Bethenny would not jeopardize her fortune or her daughter’s future for any man.
Along with the rest of you, I’ve been predicting the demise of this showmance for sometime. During a recent episode, a morsel of information slipped out that only served to cement my hunch about their impending split. Bethenny stated that Jason goes to church every Sunday. Specifically, she said “Jason goes,” the inference being that she stays home and he goes without her. That struck me as a profound proof of the distance between these two.
Consider how much bullshit Jason endures for Bethenny. How many events must he attend where she is the “star,” and he is the purse-holding husband pushed off the step-and-repeat so the paps can get a clean shot of the money maker? She can’t spend one hour in church with the man? Look, I’m no Bible beater, but church might actually do Bethenny some good. Even if it didn’t, it would show a willingness to support Jason and do something as a family that isn’t 100% focused on Bethenny. The trouble with the current version of Bethenny is that everything in her life and the lives of her hired sycophants is Bethenny-centric. Why do you think Julie left? And let’s not even get into all the unnecessary conflict Frankel caused with Jason’s salt-of-the-Earth parents…
And as for the infidelity rumors with Matt Hesse? The two clearly have chemistry, and Bethenny eyes him with a particular undeniable gleam during their on-air interactions. He knows she wants him and he’ll milk her sexual attraction to maximize his professional and financial future. He’s a self-proclaimed modelizer. Obviously fucking Bethenny is a resume builder, not a dick stiffener. Let her taste a bit of her own overly acidic Skinnygirl medicine with this handsome opportunist.
As this plays out, I predict the following: 1) First, the couple will offer a wave of denials until a confidential agreement is locked down tight; 2) Jason will NOT end up with anything close to half of Bethenny’s fortune, but she will overpay on the pre-nup/post-nup to preserve and protect her privacy and misdoings; 3) She will hold off announcing the split until after she finds out if her 6 week trial run talk show gets picked up for a full season (it won’t).
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Filed in TV
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Tags: Alex McCord, Bethenny Ever After, Bethenny Frankel, Bethenny Getting Married?, Bravo, Bryn Hoppy, divorce, Gossip, Jason Hoppy, Jill Zarin, Julie, lawsuits, RHNY, RHNYC, Skinnygirl
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Filed in ART, FASHION, STAR, TV
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Tags: artist, Baby news, Bethenny Ever After, Bethenny Frankel, Bravo, child support, Edvard Munch, Francois-Henri Pinault, Jason Hoppy, Jessica Simpson, lawsuits, Linda Evangelista, Maxwell Drew Johnson, pregnancy, The Scream, The Situation
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Filed in ADVICE, FITNESS, TV
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Tags: Bethenny Ever After, Bethenny Frankel, Bravo, caffeine, Dr. Amador, E!, Gossip, Jersey Shore, Joel McHale, Lesbians, MTV, Pauly D, sleep, The Soup, Vinny
Tuesday, February 21st, 2012