Tag Archives: Bethenny Getting Married?

Bethenny and Jason on the Rocks?

We’ve all been on quite a ride with Mizz Frankel haven’t we?  At first, in the earliest days of RHNY, I was sort of fond of her.  Perhaps she was just the least offensive member of an all-around offensive group, but for the most part we were rooting for her.  As her fame, brand, and wealth grew, so did her narcissism, impatience, greed, and need for control.  In my opinion, her merger with Jason was just that – a calculated business decision aimed at furthering her appeal to a larger (more lucrative) audience.  Along came Bryn, and with her new baby Bethenny had all the the perfect ingredients to market cocktails, shapewear, skin care, books, and more to eager moms.  Not to mention Bethenny leveraged her new role as “mommy” to snag sponsorship deals with major players like PampersFirst during Bethenny Getting Married? and later throughout Bethenny Ever After, the couple’s total incompatibility became full-on apparent.  This last season grew so uncomfortable, I couldn’t even find the humor and fun in writing my silly little recaps.  So it comes as no surprise that rumors are flying concerning both parties consulting divorce lawyers.With divorce rumblings comes financial talk.  Several lawyers were asked to comment on what Jason is likely to gain from the split.  Now, I ain’t one to gossip, but I heard that Bethenny pushed Jason to sign a pre-nup and a revised post-nuptial agreement.  Trust, her assets are protected.  Based on her upbringing and past behavior, I contend that Bethenny would not jeopardize her fortune or her daughter’s future for any man.  Along with the rest of you, I’ve been predicting the demise of this showmance for sometime.  During a recent episode, a morsel of information slipped out that only served to cement my hunch about their impending split.  Bethenny stated that Jason goes to church every Sunday.  Specifically, she said “Jason goes,” the inference being that she stays home and he goes without her.  That struck me as a profound proof of the distance between these two.  Consider how much bullshit Jason endures for Bethenny.  How many events must he attend where she is the “star,” and he is the purse-holding husband pushed off the step-and-repeat so the paps can get a clean shot of the money maker?  She can’t spend one hour in church with the man?  Look, I’m no Bible beater, but church might actually do Bethenny some good.  Even if it didn’t, it would show a willingness to support Jason and do something as a family that isn’t 100% focused on Bethenny.  The trouble with the current version of Bethenny is that everything in her life and the lives of her hired sycophants is Bethenny-centric.  Why do you think Julie left?  And let’s not even get into all the unnecessary conflict Frankel caused with Jason’s salt-of-the-Earth parents…And as for the infidelity rumors with Matt Hesse?  The two clearly have chemistry, and Bethenny eyes him with a particular undeniable gleam during their on-air interactions.  He knows she wants him and he’ll milk her sexual attraction to maximize his professional and financial future.  He’s a self-proclaimed modelizer.  Obviously fucking Bethenny is a resume builder, not a dick stiffener.  Let her taste a bit of her own overly acidic Skinnygirl medicine with this handsome opportunist.  As this plays out, I predict the following:  1) First, the couple will offer a wave of denials until a confidential agreement is locked down tight; 2) Jason will NOT end up with anything close to half of Bethenny’s fortune, but she will overpay on the pre-nup/post-nup to preserve and protect her privacy and misdoings;  3) She will hold off announcing the split until after she finds out if her 6 week trial run talk show gets picked up for a full season (it won’t).

Bethenny Ever After: Sweet Home Hazelton

We caught up with Jason and Bethenny contemplating baby number two in the face of B’s big 4-0.  After day-dreaming about the “baby stage,” Bethenny snapped back to business by complaining to Jason that Skinnygirl production can’t keep up with demand.Bethenny asked Jason to look into the delays, but he seemed concerned about commingling family and business any further.  At least he tells it to her straight, like when he said there are “going to be times when I’m like, enough Bethenny today.”  You tell her Jason – and Bethenny, if you are the mogul you claim, nut-up and solve your own damn booze production issues.It wouldn’t be a real reunion with Frankel without the obligatory boob show.  B and her hanger-on Lauren hit Linda’s for some new over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders.  According to Linda, Bethenny’s a 30G or 32FF!  Bethenny made sure we all know she got her 22 inch waist back after giving birth by standing around and flaunting her milkshake while bitching about visiting Jason’s parents.Apparently, Jason sees his parents every two weeks and Bethenny sees them every three weeks!  Holy-fucking-in-laws-dude, that’s some serious visitation.  Is this what people are doing?  Brassiere-whisperer Linda says once a month is appropriate, and even that sounds a little too frequent.  Jason’s parents spend two nights at Bethenny and Jason’s every month which would absolutely lead me to suicide.  So now we know why Jason was 39 and unmarried: he’s a major mama’s boy.  Did Bethenny know what she was signing up for?After a drawn out trip out to Jason’s hometown in Hazelton, Pennsylvania, the three arrived to an enthusiastic welcome from doting grandparents, Carol and Bob.

That afternoon, Jason took Bethenny to the local hot dog haunt where a “fan” came over to Bethenny and gushed.  Something about the whole exchange felt unnatural and Bravo-constructed.As tension built through the afternoon, it served as the amuse-bouche to the main course of conflict which rolled out before the appetizers even hit the table.  Previously, Jason and Bethenny discussed moving to California.  Jason really wants another baby, but is reluctant to move.  Bethenny really wants to explore her opportunities in Los Angeles and is willing to try for another baby in exchange for a cross-country relocation.  This type of baby-bargaining is always ill-advised, but even worse is busting out with the whole scheme to your parents before thoroughly discussing it with your spouse.  Cue Jason and his total lack of filter.Jason sums it up by saying, “She’ll give me a second child if we move to California.”  And this was Carol’s response.Carol and Bob immediately began to panic that Bryn would “forget them.”  Jason has spent his whole life trying to make it up to his parents that his brother died.  He even admits that he tries to be the perfect son.  He can’t bring himself to disappoint them, even for his wife.Both Bethenny and Jason spilled their tea (copyright MWY) all over the table by spiraling into a full-on argument in front of the world’s sweetest and most suffocating grandparents.  Bethenny complained that Jason never lets them experience anything as a nuclear family, like when Bryn reaches a milestone, he’s immediately on the phone with his parents.The next day, the visitation issue resurfaced.  After Bob passive-aggressively whined about looking forward to the days when Bryn can stay the whole summer(!) and Carol rebounded by asking what they’d all be doing for Thanksgiving (after a fun family Halloween of course), Bethenny finally lost her shit.  “We have to do some things on our own as our own little family too…we love coming here, but I want it to be that I like coming here, and I like when you come to us, not that it becomes something we have to do.  That’s the total honest truth.”Later, Bethenny and Jason hit the local dive bar for some $2.50 u-call-it-wells.  At first Bethenny was a little snobby (think Reese Witherspoon’s turn in the small town bar in Sweet Home Alabama), but after a few cocktails Jason’s local buddies began to win her over with their folksy charm.  By the end of the night, through a vodka-haze, bitch shed a big city tear over some “roots” talk from stool-warmer Smitty.If this hometown visit proved nothing else, it is that these two really don’t know each other at all.  In Bethenny’s own words, the couple is “drastically different.”  No shit.  These two met, married, and reproduced in less than 18 months, and most of it was filmed for TV.  Now they are surprised that in that time they haven’t uncovered one another’s true selves?  As if starring on a reality show lends itself to authenticity?  Maybe that’s why B’s still in therapy.

Frankel Fatigue

Anyone else feeling mayjah Frankel fatigue?  The second season of her reality show, Bethenny Ever After, hasn’t even begun to air.  Place of Yes: 10 Rules for Getting Everything You Want Out of Life, Frankel’s life advice manifesto, doesn’t come out until March.  Her new skincare line, Honest, ain’t yet available, but already I wish B Frank would be gone.  Pimping on the family platform, Bethenny’s added a number of new endorsement deals to her already crowded stable, including Pampers and British Airways.  Do yoga with Bethenny’s workout DVD.  If that doesn’t work, rumor has it she has a lingerie and shapewear collection coming soon.  Recover from a Skinnygirl hangover with a Skinnygirl cleanse.  Wow, who knew our little Bethenny was an authority on virtually everything?After starting out a Bethenny fan, a meaningful amount of self-reflection was required before I could pinpoint the source of my welling disgust.  So here it is.  We used to be able to rely on Bethenny to call people on their fake bullshit, and now Bethenny personifies that fake bullshit.  Jumping at the opportunity to shill for corporations and leveraging her nascent family to broaden her endorsement appeal demolished her fragile credibility.  Is any aspect of her life uncommodified?  If Frankel will say anything for a buck, then how are fans to decipher between bought Bethenny and earnest Bethenny?  Is it naive to believe there was ever a sincere Bethenny?With Frankel’s assortment of products, a girl can all but transform herself into Bethenny, but is she the kind of skinny bitch any girl really wants to be?

Bethenny’s Getting a Big Head?

Bethenny was invited to walk in the annual Heart Truth Red Dress Fashion Show to raise awareness for heart disease.  This event resulted in major red lipstick/red dress overkill.  Red dress, nude lip please. In general, Bethenny does look good in red; however, a belly cradle is not a runway walk.  Just walk bitch, save the cutesy shit for your lame Learning Annex lectures. Afterward, she went shamelessly trolling for compliments from Jason before turning into a four year old when he inevitably told her she did great.  What does Jason know about runway anyway?  He tucks his button-downs into his jeans.

Upholding her Skinny Girl values, Bethenny ate cake and icing for breakfast as she and Jason discussed adding an addition to Team Bethenny in the way of a new assistant.  We also got to see their new apartment in Tribeca which has a connecting office for Bethenny’s biznass.

Bethenny interviewed several candidates for the position, including an intellectual food-writer and a few gays, before settling on hot, straight, Jewish MaxCookie basically made the decision by curling up at Max’s feet instead of attacking him like she did every other candidate.  If Bethenny fails to discipline Bryn like Cookie, that kid is screwed.

At Megu, Bethenny and Jason put down half the animal kingdom while discussing their impending nuptials.  They agreed to a relatively small wedding (40 guests each), but Jason was hesitant and emphasized that his friends and family’s presence was important to him.  Then the two argued over whether Jason could watch the watermelon shoot out the cannon.  Jason wanted to see the baby born and Bethenny wanted to keep her cooch concealed; neither anticipated her guts would be laid out on a table during an emergency C-section.Bethenny confessed that she was planning on seeing a therapist to help her cope with her father’s death and all the changes in her life.  Then Jason declared, “I think if you’re a couple and you need to go to counseling, it’s over.”  This relationship is so fucked, seriously.  It really doesn’t appear that these two agree on anything.  Before you know it, Bethenny will be doing a reality show as a New York single career mom à la Kelly Cutrone. Cut to Bethenny arriving at Dr. Amador’s office, camera crew in tow, to reveal her deepest feelings about the loss of her family, her relationship, and pregnancy.  Bethenny admitted that Jason wants people around all the time and she doesn’t.  Dr. Amador inquired as to Bethenny’s parents, and she disclosed that she more or less has been out of touch with her parents since she was fifteen and never really had a relationship with her dad.  She confessed that even on his deathbed, her father failed to acknowledge her in a way she desperately needed him to for closure.  Dr. Amador concluded, “If I had the experience you described I’d be terrified of relationships.”

Max showed up for his first day of work, and Jason came in to beat his chest and mark his turf.  After giving Max a little grief, the two bonded and ended up fist bumping much to Bethenny’s chagrin.  Would you hang a picture of your bare ass in your office?  Just asking.

Jason reminded Bethenny he was leaving for Florida the next day and she panicked over the housewarming party.  Jason’s life-long friend was coming into town, and Bethenny didn’t want him and his girlfriend to stay at their apartment.  Bethenny, as a New Yorker, have you not realized that house guests are a part of urban living?  She totally over-reacted and unleashed her pregnant pit-bull attack on Jason in the kitchen.  They argued over the issue all the way to the jeweler to select their wedding bands before they agreed to shelve the argument during the shopping. Since Bethenny explicitly mentioned the name of the jeweler, the rings were probably free or deeply discounted.  Therefore, Bethenny’s statements about paying off the rings were totally disingenuous.  Me no likey that fake ass shit.

Bethenny prepped for the gathering and complained about having to meet the expectations of guests attending a chef’s party.  While she and her gay Chuck hassled Max over his metrosexuality, Bethenny received a call from Jason as the camera panned to ominous snowy weather. Jason dropped the news that he was not going to make it in time for the party, and this threw Bethenny into full on hysteria.  You already have a fucking camera crew living at your house Bethenny, what are a few more friends?  Woman up, get over it, put on a smile, and host the shit out of the party. Bethenny’s discomfort manifested itself as mania, and she prattled a little too loud and fast to all the guests as they arrived. In another sign this relationship is doomed, Riccio, Jason’s best man, clearly hated Bethenny as she interrupted and dismissed him to talk about herself.  Bethenny complains that fame went to Jill’s head, but it is moments like these where Bethenny proves just how self-important and unlikable she’s become. Alex and Simon brought a housewarming orchid (nice touch), and Alex offered to throw Bethenny a wedding/baby shower. Jason called to apologize to the group for missing the party.  Bethenny admitted all the drama was in her head, but his friends looked truly uncomfortable that they had been left alone with the megalomaniacal reality star.