Tag Archives: Blake Lively

November 2014 Horoscopes

Scorpio

SCORPIO
Happy Birthday Scorpio!  Enough lurking in the shadows calculating your plan, assert yourself and put your strategy in play.  Enjoy the energetic emphasis on your sign this month and use the focus to make some serious headway on your personal fatty to-do list.  Don’t confuse selfishness with self-prioritizing.  Scorpios think they have great ideas for everybody else’s life, but that ain’t your biznass kid.  Turn that analytic eye into the looking glass and make a change.  Have you been rocking a signature look for eons like your Scorpio sister Anna Wintour?  Well it might just be time to rework that bob, girl.  To paraphrase Diane Von Furstenberg, become the woman you want to be even if you aren’t exactly sure what you want to do.  Craft your appearance and attitude to emit the perception you want to exude.  Scorpio stands to make great professional strides by materializing concrete plans, especially after the 22nd.  Scattered Scorpios pull it together by cutting the bullshit and prioritizing.

Sagittarius

SAG
November serves Sagittarius by providing a time for reconciliation, healing, and closure.  Theme on forgiveness; mend fences, and clear any lingering tension.  Use this time before your birthday to relax, rest, and restore.  Avoid pressured social situations.  Don’t feel any guilt about your non-committal attitude towards parties and engagements.  Evaluate your eating and overall physical wellness this month.  How do you feel?  What habits are weighing you down, literally and figuratively?  Depression-prone Sags experience a dip in mood and enthusiasm in November. Don’t confuse this totally normal seasonal valley with anything more sinister.  It will pass and soon you’ll be blowing out the candles on your birthday cake.

Capricorn

CAPRICORN
Capricorns experience a lift of enthusiasm this November.  Others welcome your upbeat spirit at gatherings.  Capricorns make a great first impression around the punch bowl.  Whatever your professional, social, or romantic overtures they will be well-received.  Much of your charm originates in your dry wit which always houses a generous dose of honesty.  Your truth-talking really dampens the panties.  Great sex is yours for the taking.  Mid-month, a wet blanket of a Debbie Downer tries to dim your shine.  Don’t let anyone drag you back into tarpits of pessimism.  Towards the end of November, tuck in for your annual pre-birthday reflection and respite.

Aquarius

AQUARIUS
Go get it Aquarius!  In November, your vision for long-term professional success matters most to you.  For sure, decide what you want and go after it hard in your Aquarian way, but also clean up the murkiness in your professional relationships.  Folks respond better when they know where they stand with you.  Expect a few and don’t get discouraged by “nos” before you hit that goldmine “yes.”  Work with women you love and respect to get your home in order.  It’s not that men can’t or shouldn’t clean, specifically this a time for your to surround yourself with feminine energy.  Freshen up your situation before the holidays, as you may end up hosting some impromptu gatherings.  All this womanly togetherness has you thinking… about a baby?  How would a child fit (if at all) into the life you’re building?

Pisces

PISCES
November will test you to stand up for yourself in a number of ways, Pisces.  Usually so easy-going, asserting yourself can feel downright foreign.  November challenges you to embrace your power without hesitation.  That feeling isn’t paranoia.  Someone is working against you.  Handle that bitch.  Implement simple structure to achieve professional success.  Strengthen your organization muscles.  You wouldn’t mind a trip, would you?  Now that we’re out of Mercury’s retrograde, it’s a less complicated time to travel.  Venture forth with confidence.  With your own ruler Neptune moving out of retrograde, the confusion lifts and you start to see everything more clearly.

Aries

ARIES
In November, you are obsessed with the love of your life, Aries.  Permanent decisions scare you less now.  You consider an engagement or professional merger.  All that work you’ve put in the last year finally blossoms into something tangible and credit-worthy.  Use the accomplishment as a barometer.  Are you proud of what you’ve achieved?  Do your values align with the investment of your energy?  If not, make a change.  You are prone to melancholia this month.  You can wallow in superficial ways for a day or two, and then get on with it.  Gloom doesn’t suit you.  Just in time for Thanksgiving and through most of mid-month, travel appeals to your adventurous streak.  Spend a few days with friends or family and a few days for yourself.

Taurus

TAURUS
Timely for the Thanksgiving holiday, you feel especially generous this November, Taurus.  You crave partnership, and partnership requires compromise – not exactly your strength.  Strike a balance between give and take.  Coupledom doesn’t require a forfeiture of your personal interests.  When you get in your favorite activities it relieves stress, and you are more fun to be around.  You are not alone in feeling depressed this month; many of your zodiac brethren suffer the same rut.  Experience the dimming, and then get right back to your typically optimistic nature.  Definitely don’t throw your relationship away over a fleeting dark mood.  Reject your tendency towards self-flagellation and self-criticism in favor of compassion.

Gemini

GEMINI
Get your life in order Gemini!  Organization is your theme this November.  You already have a keen eye for detail, but you get so mired down in the minutia you have trouble moving forward and clearing space.  Changing your ways requires self-discipline, but curbing your self-indulgent habits makes you a better human, so it’s worth a try.  Have you been wrapped in the wish of a person or idea that lives only in your imagination?  The first week of November allows you to put the unrealistic notion to rest and let go.  Gemini prefers solitude over thick crowds in November, but when you are alone you can easily slip into sadness.  Use this time constructively for finishing rather than initiating – you won’t have the ooomf to finish what you start this month.

Cancer

CANCER
Your old pals bold and sexy narrate your story in November, Cancer.  Accept every invitation, and enjoy every party.  Laugh loudly and without restraint.  You’ll meet new acquaintances with your friendly and engaging manner.  Tipple a little, but avoid getting drunk.  Not only could it lead to embarrassing (but funny) interludes, the hangovers could lure you into an late autumn depression.  The last few months have served up dramatic change.  Finally, you begin to hit a steady rhythm and can see your path clearly.  A cardinal sign, you’re already a great initiator.  November makes a great time for fresh starts and new projects.

Leo

BLAKE LIVELY
Leo temporarily morphs into Blake Lively this November and cares only for homespun sentiments and nostalgia.  You have the sudden urge to invite folks over for tea and feed them your signature snack.  Welcome this warm and homey side and enjoy relaxed entertaining.  On or near the 6th, a make-or-break moment happens in your career.  You’ll break through or you break out; either way you’ll be a happier Leo.  Zingy for the holidays, everyone welcomes your enthusiastic attitude at family gatherings.  If you are single, there are opportunities for love.  Leos interested in a baby, November is a favorable month for fertility.

Virgo

VIRGO
Easily bored, Virgo requires intellectual stimulation in November.  Surround yourself with big thinkers and life-long learners.  Your best moments this month are conversations of substance.  Generally speaking, Virgo prefers a full day, so pack as much in as you can, energy withstanding.  A wave of pessimism washes through the zodiac this month and you too could easily get swept away in a sad sea change.  More capable than most at reversing the frowns, lend a listening ear and ease the suffering of those around you.  When it comes to relationships, speak your truth kindly, but hold off on committing.

Libra

LIBRA
Financial concerns weigh heavily in November for Libra.  You vacillate between craving luxury and luxuriating in savings.  Feelings of depression, shame, and fear spring up around the topic of money.  You are the sign of balance, so spend a little, save a little.  Follow the advice of wise investors that you trust.  November heightens senses and experiences.  Food tastes better.  Sex goes deeper.  It’s not your usual approach to indulge, but when the going is good, why not?  Share your ideas and speak freely.  Direct and unequivocal communication plays an important part in the latter part of the month.  Remember that indecision is unattractive.

Met Gala 2014: The Couples

AMBER HEARD GIAMBATTISTA AND JOHNNY DEPP RALPH LAUREN MET BALLJohnny Depp (Ralph Lauren) and Amber Heard (Balenciaga) are like two positively charged ions that repel me.BEYONCE JAYZ GIVENCHYIt was ill-fitting Givenchy for the Carters.  Think Kanye’s pussy hurts because Tisci is cheating on him with JayBLAKE LIVELY RYAN REYNOLDS GUCCIOf course Gucci dressed their spokesbitch Blake and her overrated Reynolds.  Gsus, her body won’t quit.   DAVID AND VICTORIA RALPH LAUREN MET BALLAre these Beckhams human or did someone snatch their wax statues from Madame TussaudsDavid’s in Ralph Lauren and Victoria’s in a gown of her own design.   EMMA STONE THAKOONMy favorite couple of the night Emma Stone (in Thakoon) + Andrew Garfield.   KIM KARDASHIAN LANVIN MET BALLThe brides wore Lanvin.  This is a major improvement over the sofa Kim wore last year, but this gown is still too bulky for her diminutive size.   SARAH SILVERMAN MICHAEL SHEEN MET BALL 2014By the look on her face, I can’t tell if Sarah Silverman is in on the joke and that concerns me.  For a homely guy, Michael Sheen snags a lot of interesting pussy, no?

Meet You at Midtown

This year I started on the festival circuit early with Coachella, and am ending it late with the last gasps of the season at Atlanta’s Midtown Musical Festival this weekend.  Who is on the menu you ask?  Girltalk for one.Blake Lively’s favorite wedding singer Florence and her Machine will also be in attendance.  Of all the stellar acts slated to play, I’m most excited about Pearl Jam, the little band that could (and does). 

Meet you at Midtown bitches!

August 2012 Horoscopes

 Leo

Happy Birthday LionsLeos focus on self-improvement in August starting with a make over.  New hair, new clothes, and a fresh look will serve you well and actually aid in your character and personality ambitions.  Leos radiate energy and magnetic charisma.  At work, people around you will be attracted by your communication skills.  Tighten the purse strings; August is not for expensive luxuries.  Save your money and devote your time to casual get-togethers with friends you enjoy.  Try to avoid driving the last week of the month when the likelihood of an accident, especially at night, is particularly high.

 Virgo 

August provides the opportunity for spiritual awakening for Virgos.  Lately your focus has been very cerebral, but quite rooted in the real world.  Now think bigger, broader, higher, and through the usual.  Virgos spend a significant amount of time pondering the past to prepare for the future.  Keep the ego in check, and adopt an empathetic and humble attitude when dealing with your significant other.  Most importantly, admit when you are wrong.  Single Virgos should stay that way through August.  The first two weeks of the month are perfect for pursuing self-starting business deals.

 Libra

Libras embrace freedom and strength in August by rebelling against many self-imposed restraints.  Professionally you flourish.  Expect accolades and recognition as you position yourself for a meteoric rise.  Treat people kindly.  Your bitchiness is limiting your personal relationships.  Extra demanding to your partner in August, remember if you want space you have to give space.  Keep a conservative profile with regard to investments.  Now is not the time to risk the farm or lend money.

 Scorpio

Scorpios excel professionally this August and enjoy their career more than ever.  When enthusiastic about work, Scorpios shine and inevitably find success.  Now more than ever is the time to push forward with your professional aspirations.  You may even find yourself contemplating an interesting offer.  Mull over any big decisions.  Scorpios require a tremendous amount of emotional support this month.  Ask for what you need.

 Sagittarius

Impatient Sags want everything right now and when you don’t get it you get depressed.  Your desire to succeed and sheer determination can be off-putting, especially when you stampede over those around you.  Relax.  Use your charm to finesse situations.  Explore cultural activities this month like food fairs, carnivals, and neighborhood celebrations.  Keep it local from the 21st-26th, use the time at home to clarify your next move.  Stress manifests in the stomach this month.

 Capricorn

Capricorns experience intense intimacy in August with a shift in your current relationship or the blossoming of a new love.  A tussle with a friend resolves in due time, but the misunderstanding leaves a sourness between you.  Keep the focus on your personal life; this is not the time to get embroiled in petty office politics.  Caps experience financial losses with investments between the 19th-24thCapricorns suffer from distraction and therefore make shitty drivers this month.  Watch out.

 Aquarius

August tests Aquarius on several levels.  First, unless you are exceedingly cautious in your professional dealings, you are likely to offend a few folks in your work circle.  Second, a crisis of confidence erodes your chances at success.  Third, those around you are especially stressed this month and the ill effects spill over.  Focus on love; stoking it and growing it into every nook and cranny of your life.  Curb your blunt tongue.  Keep financially conservative or find yourself preoccupied and obsessed with your own overspending.

 Pisces

Money, money, money, Pisces who owe it must repay it in August.  Find yourself in a position to lend later in the month.  Pisces possess a knack for cultivating opportunities out of thin air.  Maximize this talent in August.  You might be surprised how many people are willing to invest in your ideas.  Wanna get married?  August proves productive with personal relationships as long as you focus on positivity.  Invest energy in a strong foundation before proceeding with any permanent plans.

Aries

Aries enjoy fun times in August as you frolic about from one social engagement to the next.  An upcoming event may very well include a “meet the parents” visit or the coming together of family and friends.  The stars look favorable for introducing your partner to the family. Think like a European: August makes a great time for a leisurely trip.  Students can relax; those of you preparing to study in the fall will receive some good news mid-month, but the last week of the month live especially cautious.  Those on the grind contemplate a new venture.  Get ready to blow a load on home improvement in an end of summer fit of redecoration.

 Taurus

Bulls lead with their horns this August, demonstrating aggression in negotiations and decision-making.  Rather than acting in haste, take time with the major choices and before snapping at colleagues.  Whiny and oversensitive from the 12th to 18th, try not to give in to your worst asshole tendencies.  Towards the end of the month, energies shift for the better and happy folks flock to you.  All this positivity spikes your creativity.  Get ready for some serious and meaningful relationship talks.  August is not the month for proposals or engagements.

Gemini

In August, Gemini’s talent for communication gets plenty of exercise both at work and home.  Towards the end of the month, you fail to do as you promise.  This time it really bites you in the ass, especially at work.  You make a bad situation worse when you say something you shouldn’t in front of your boss.  This month a stressed partner requires extra support and patience.  Try hiking, yoga, and meditating together to strengthen your relationship in a new way.

Cancer

An energetic backspin has Cancers feeling stuck.  This ongoing series of challenges has you frustrated and anxiously awaiting results, especially with regard to your career.  Unfortunately, August will not prove particularly fruitful in this regard.  Stay the course.  No short cuts.  Investments do look favorable for you, particularly in the realm of precious metals.  Even more travel, and by extension spending are on the menu for August.  This is a harmonious time for friendships, but a difficult time for your primary relationship.  Keep it light.

Enough Herve

I’ve been trolling around for some ferocious looks for a wedding rolling up this Labor Day weekend and can’t believe the stale inventory at many boutiques.  After a few years of ubiquity, can we give the Herve Leger a rest please?  Holy fucking bandage dress enough is enough.Hardcore body-con has been over for quite awhile.  Even skanks who wore this look two years ago donned it two years too late since this shit hasn’t looked fresh since before oh-eight.  Let’s move on from the shrink wrapped look to something a little less obvious and desperate.  Hate to break it, but as you can see, the silhouette is not as forgiving or wearable as many girls would like to believe.Courtesy of Max Azria, Leger’s one trick pony has pranced up and down the runway with slight variations for several seasons.  Is that all you got Herve?  I’m sick of the same old tired tea.  Give me something fresh please.Seriously, this glorified spanx shit is so boring.  I know I’m not the first to raise this objection, but this dress keeps coming back.  Please don’t; promise you won’t.

Sunday at the Beach

MET GALA 2011: LONG LIVE MCQUEEN

Michelle Williams put a bird on it. Daphne Guinness and SJP in McQueen.

A disastrous Blake and shimmery Anna in Chanel (psst, saw it here first Feb 3rd).  Newd hued for the youngsters.This is not the couples portion of the pageant B. Madonna and that other GuyMarc Jacobs and Robert Duffy send a nod of the knee to McQueen’s heritage.  Tux on top, tartan down low.The ChristinasRicci>HendricksKristen Stewart sliced through the party in Proenza Schouler.Paltrow repped Stella McCartney.More beige-y neutrality from Zellweger and Hayek (also in McQueen), but Salma’s just-fucked hair was the best of the night. JLO served severity and overkill.  Bleeding Armadillo. An unexceptional showing from the supermodels: Gisele, Naomi, Carolyn, and Miranda. Hey Kayne.

Fekkai Protein Rx PM Repair Strengthener

I know ya’ll covetous bitches have been staring longingly at Real Housewife of Beverly Hills Kyle Richards‘ mega-mane.  A common salon-chair complaint is that women can’t get vibrant, thick, luxurious hair to grow below the bra line.  After hair reaches this length it fizzles out into stringy insubstantial wisps.  Some think extensions are the answer.  Get Britney’s busted weave to cosign on that shit.    Let’s try another angle.  Fekkai Protein Rx PM Repair Strengthener is an overnight conditioning treatment aimed at fortifying hair while you sleep.  No doubt Rx PM Repair Strengthener is an extravagance at $65 for 4 oz.  Justify the price by recognizing that you will easily get another month or more out of your haircut.  Furthermore, consider that shampoo and conditioner only stay on the hair for 1-5 minutes.  There are limits to what even the most luxurious product can do in this scant time.  Fekkai’s light-weight cream rebuilds and revitalizes over several hours.  Upon waking and washing, hair is left silken, shiny, and weightlessly soft.  This is the secret to taking your tresses from mid-length to full-length. It’s worth emphasizing that Rx PM Repair does not weigh hair down or leave build-up.  It penetrates strands quickly and won’t stain your pillow.  The scent is pleasant and unobtrusive. Nothing is ever perfect.  The cheap dispenser is inconsistent with the quality of the product inside.  Upgrade your bottles Fekkai.  J’annoyed with the weak-ass pump.  Also, sad to say this isn’t vegan.  Milk protein is involved. It takes mayjah results for me to get all aflutter over a conditioner, but I have a diamond-hard wang for Fekkai Protein Rx PM Repair Strengthener.  Often the differences between the high end and low end are indiscernible, but in this case the results after one use are not only noticeable, they border on miraculous.


Christmas Cleavage

Another weekend in December means more office holiday parties and more felonious fashion choices.  I think it’s time we sat down and had a little chat about appropriate cleavage.  Honestly, deep cleavage is gross.  More porn than Prada, cleavage is a cocktease, not fashion.  Sporting more than two inches of visible cleavage also guarantees no one will look at your face all night.  Acknowledging that some of you bitches love your chichis, and whether they are store-bought or natural, come cocktail hour, you like to put your girls on display.  Keep the following examples in mind if you must display the bust.

Dita does it right, subtle and sexy.Christina, I love you, but no.  Her titties arrived fifteen minutes before she did.Blake’s so much less offensive when she doesn’t force the girls front and center.Borderline Barrymore, she saves it with soft makeup and covered arms. They shouldn’t face east and west.¡Ya basta! Vergara!A skosh too much moonz, Mz. Greene.