Tag Archives: Blake Lively

Met Gala 2014: The Couples

AMBER HEARD GIAMBATTISTA AND JOHNNY DEPP RALPH LAUREN MET BALLJohnny Depp (Ralph Lauren) and Amber Heard (Balenciaga) are like two positively charged ions that repel me.BEYONCE JAYZ GIVENCHYIt was ill-fitting Givenchy for the Carters.  Think Kanye’s pussy hurts because Tisci is cheating on him with JayBLAKE LIVELY RYAN REYNOLDS GUCCIOf course Gucci dressed their spokesbitch Blake and her overrated Reynolds.  Gsus, her body won’t quit.   DAVID AND VICTORIA RALPH LAUREN MET BALLAre these Beckhams human or did someone snatch their wax statues from Madame TussaudsDavid’s in Ralph Lauren and Victoria’s in a gown of her own design.   EMMA STONE THAKOONMy favorite couple of the night Emma Stone (in Thakoon) + Andrew Garfield.   KIM KARDASHIAN LANVIN MET BALLThe brides wore Lanvin.  This is a major improvement over the sofa Kim wore last year, but this gown is still too bulky for her diminutive size.   SARAH SILVERMAN MICHAEL SHEEN MET BALL 2014By the look on her face, I can’t tell if Sarah Silverman is in on the joke and that concerns me.  For a homely guy, Michael Sheen snags a lot of interesting pussy, no?

Meet You at Midtown

This year I started on the festival circuit early with Coachella, and am ending it late with the last gasps of the season at Atlanta’s Midtown Musical Festival this weekend.  Who is on the menu you ask?  Girltalk for one.Blake Lively’s favorite wedding singer Florence and her Machine will also be in attendance.  Of all the stellar acts slated to play, I’m most excited about Pearl Jam, the little band that could (and does). 

Meet you at Midtown bitches!

August 2012 Horoscopes

 Leo

Happy Birthday LionsLeos focus on self-improvement in August starting with a make over.  New hair, new clothes, and a fresh look will serve you well and actually aid in your character and personality ambitions.  Leos radiate energy and magnetic charisma.  At work, people around you will be attracted by your communication skills.  Tighten the purse strings; August is not for expensive luxuries.  Save your money and devote your time to casual get-togethers with friends you enjoy.  Try to avoid driving the last week of the month when the likelihood of an accident, especially at night, is particularly high.

 Virgo 

August provides the opportunity for spiritual awakening for Virgos.  Lately your focus has been very cerebral, but quite rooted in the real world.  Now think bigger, broader, higher, and through the usual.  Virgos spend a significant amount of time pondering the past to prepare for the future.  Keep the ego in check, and adopt an empathetic and humble attitude when dealing with your significant other.  Most importantly, admit when you are wrong.  Single Virgos should stay that way through August.  The first two weeks of the month are perfect for pursuing self-starting business deals.

 Libra

Libras embrace freedom and strength in August by rebelling against many self-imposed restraints.  Professionally you flourish.  Expect accolades and recognition as you position yourself for a meteoric rise.  Treat people kindly.  Your bitchiness is limiting your personal relationships.  Extra demanding to your partner in August, remember if you want space you have to give space.  Keep a conservative profile with regard to investments.  Now is not the time to risk the farm or lend money.

 Scorpio

Scorpios excel professionally this August and enjoy their career more than ever.  When enthusiastic about work, Scorpios shine and inevitably find success.  Now more than ever is the time to push forward with your professional aspirations.  You may even find yourself contemplating an interesting offer.  Mull over any big decisions.  Scorpios require a tremendous amount of emotional support this month.  Ask for what you need.

 Sagittarius

Impatient Sags want everything right now and when you don’t get it you get depressed.  Your desire to succeed and sheer determination can be off-putting, especially when you stampede over those around you.  Relax.  Use your charm to finesse situations.  Explore cultural activities this month like food fairs, carnivals, and neighborhood celebrations.  Keep it local from the 21st-26th, use the time at home to clarify your next move.  Stress manifests in the stomach this month.

 Capricorn

Capricorns experience intense intimacy in August with a shift in your current relationship or the blossoming of a new love.  A tussle with a friend resolves in due time, but the misunderstanding leaves a sourness between you.  Keep the focus on your personal life; this is not the time to get embroiled in petty office politics.  Caps experience financial losses with investments between the 19th-24thCapricorns suffer from distraction and therefore make shitty drivers this month.  Watch out.

 Aquarius

August tests Aquarius on several levels.  First, unless you are exceedingly cautious in your professional dealings, you are likely to offend a few folks in your work circle.  Second, a crisis of confidence erodes your chances at success.  Third, those around you are especially stressed this month and the ill effects spill over.  Focus on love; stoking it and growing it into every nook and cranny of your life.  Curb your blunt tongue.  Keep financially conservative or find yourself preoccupied and obsessed with your own overspending.

 Pisces

Money, money, money, Pisces who owe it must repay it in August.  Find yourself in a position to lend later in the month.  Pisces possess a knack for cultivating opportunities out of thin air.  Maximize this talent in August.  You might be surprised how many people are willing to invest in your ideas.  Wanna get married?  August proves productive with personal relationships as long as you focus on positivity.  Invest energy in a strong foundation before proceeding with any permanent plans.

Aries

Aries enjoy fun times in August as you frolic about from one social engagement to the next.  An upcoming event may very well include a “meet the parents” visit or the coming together of family and friends.  The stars look favorable for introducing your partner to the family. Think like a European: August makes a great time for a leisurely trip.  Students can relax; those of you preparing to study in the fall will receive some good news mid-month, but the last week of the month live especially cautious.  Those on the grind contemplate a new venture.  Get ready to blow a load on home improvement in an end of summer fit of redecoration.

 Taurus

Bulls lead with their horns this August, demonstrating aggression in negotiations and decision-making.  Rather than acting in haste, take time with the major choices and before snapping at colleagues.  Whiny and oversensitive from the 12th to 18th, try not to give in to your worst asshole tendencies.  Towards the end of the month, energies shift for the better and happy folks flock to you.  All this positivity spikes your creativity.  Get ready for some serious and meaningful relationship talks.  August is not the month for proposals or engagements.

Gemini

In August, Gemini’s talent for communication gets plenty of exercise both at work and home.  Towards the end of the month, you fail to do as you promise.  This time it really bites you in the ass, especially at work.  You make a bad situation worse when you say something you shouldn’t in front of your boss.  This month a stressed partner requires extra support and patience.  Try hiking, yoga, and meditating together to strengthen your relationship in a new way.

Cancer

An energetic backspin has Cancers feeling stuck.  This ongoing series of challenges has you frustrated and anxiously awaiting results, especially with regard to your career.  Unfortunately, August will not prove particularly fruitful in this regard.  Stay the course.  No short cuts.  Investments do look favorable for you, particularly in the realm of precious metals.  Even more travel, and by extension spending are on the menu for August.  This is a harmonious time for friendships, but a difficult time for your primary relationship.  Keep it light.

Enough Herve

I’ve been trolling around for some ferocious looks for a wedding rolling up this Labor Day weekend and can’t believe the stale inventory at many boutiques.  After a few years of ubiquity, can we give the Herve Leger a rest please?  Holy fucking bandage dress enough is enough.Hardcore body-con has been over for quite awhile.  Even skanks who wore this look two years ago donned it two years too late since this shit hasn’t looked fresh since before oh-eight.  Let’s move on from the shrink wrapped look to something a little less obvious and desperate.  Hate to break it, but as you can see, the silhouette is not as forgiving or wearable as many girls would like to believe.Courtesy of Max Azria, Leger’s one trick pony has pranced up and down the runway with slight variations for several seasons.  Is that all you got Herve?  I’m sick of the same old tired tea.  Give me something fresh please.Seriously, this glorified spanx shit is so boring.  I know I’m not the first to raise this objection, but this dress keeps coming back.  Please don’t; promise you won’t.

Sunday at the Beach

MET GALA 2011: LONG LIVE MCQUEEN

Michelle Williams put a bird on it. Daphne Guinness and SJP in McQueen.

A disastrous Blake and shimmery Anna in Chanel (psst, saw it here first Feb 3rd).  Newd hued for the youngsters.This is not the couples portion of the pageant B. Madonna and that other GuyMarc Jacobs and Robert Duffy send a nod of the knee to McQueen’s heritage.  Tux on top, tartan down low.The ChristinasRicci>HendricksKristen Stewart sliced through the party in Proenza Schouler.Paltrow repped Stella McCartney.More beige-y neutrality from Zellweger and Hayek (also in McQueen), but Salma’s just-fucked hair was the best of the night. JLO served severity and overkill.  Bleeding Armadillo. An unexceptional showing from the supermodels: Gisele, Naomi, Carolyn, and Miranda. Hey Kayne.

Fekkai Protein Rx PM Repair Strengthener

I know ya’ll covetous bitches have been staring longingly at Real Housewife of Beverly Hills Kyle Richards‘ mega-mane.  A common salon-chair complaint is that women can’t get vibrant, thick, luxurious hair to grow below the bra line.  After hair reaches this length it fizzles out into stringy insubstantial wisps.  Some think extensions are the answer.  Get Britney’s busted weave to cosign on that shit.    Let’s try another angle.  Fekkai Protein Rx PM Repair Strengthener is an overnight conditioning treatment aimed at fortifying hair while you sleep.  No doubt Rx PM Repair Strengthener is an extravagance at $65 for 4 oz.  Justify the price by recognizing that you will easily get another month or more out of your haircut.  Furthermore, consider that shampoo and conditioner only stay on the hair for 1-5 minutes.  There are limits to what even the most luxurious product can do in this scant time.  Fekkai’s light-weight cream rebuilds and revitalizes over several hours.  Upon waking and washing, hair is left silken, shiny, and weightlessly soft.  This is the secret to taking your tresses from mid-length to full-length. It’s worth emphasizing that Rx PM Repair does not weigh hair down or leave build-up.  It penetrates strands quickly and won’t stain your pillow.  The scent is pleasant and unobtrusive. Nothing is ever perfect.  The cheap dispenser is inconsistent with the quality of the product inside.  Upgrade your bottles Fekkai.  J’annoyed with the weak-ass pump.  Also, sad to say this isn’t vegan.  Milk protein is involved. It takes mayjah results for me to get all aflutter over a conditioner, but I have a diamond-hard wang for Fekkai Protein Rx PM Repair Strengthener.  Often the differences between the high end and low end are indiscernible, but in this case the results after one use are not only noticeable, they border on miraculous.


Christmas Cleavage

Another weekend in December means more office holiday parties and more felonious fashion choices.  I think it’s time we sat down and had a little chat about appropriate cleavage.  Honestly, deep cleavage is gross.  More porn than Prada, cleavage is a cocktease, not fashion.  Sporting more than two inches of visible cleavage also guarantees no one will look at your face all night.  Acknowledging that some of you bitches love your chichis, and whether they are store-bought or natural, come cocktail hour, you like to put your girls on display.  Keep the following examples in mind if you must display the bust.

Dita does it right, subtle and sexy.Christina, I love you, but no.  Her titties arrived fifteen minutes before she did.Blake’s so much less offensive when she doesn’t force the girls front and center.Borderline Barrymore, she saves it with soft makeup and covered arms. They shouldn’t face east and west.¡Ya basta! Vergara!A skosh too much moonz, Mz. Greene.

For Better or Worse: Early Fall Edition

For Better…

With Taylor gone, I feared The Rachel Zoe Project had lost its teeth.  With the addition of A-listers like Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway however, RZP fulfilled the behind-the-scene celebrity styling promise that in seasons past it had failed to keep.

Unlike the boring botoxed Beverly Hills bitches and the irrelevant social faux posers of D.C., the most recent season of the Real Housewives of New York City was a total game changer with Bethenny’s engagement, pregnancy, and friendship-ending feud with Jill, the aftermath of LuAnn’s divorce, and the endless entertaining mania provided by Kelly Bensimon

Mad Men somehow managed to improve upon perfection.  Season four was the best so far for the impeccably written, acted, and styled period drama.  The finale left a huge gaping hole in Sundays.

For Worse…

We’re seven episodes into a meandering kidnapping plot on Sons of Anarchy and it pales in comparison to last season’s tightly constructed story anchored by a brilliant Katey Sagal.  Get it together boys.  Though we all appreciated the stunt casting of Stephen King, you only have a few episodes left to salvage this season. Admit it, this once-brilliant show has been circling the drain for awhile.  At this point, it is beyond salvation.  Once the Botwin’s left the construct of suburbia, the show’s concept fell apart.  Where is Elizabeth PerkinsRomany Malco?  This show deserves double demerits for dropping some of its best cast — without explanation — along the way.   Schwartz and Savage are the poster children for squandered opportunity.  First with the O.C., and now with Gossip Girl, the overrated duo begin with a great concept and then proceed to completely mismanage its potential.  The first season of Gossip Girl sizzled; since then, it has gone from lukewarm to completely irrelevant.  At this point, Degrassi has more edge.