Tag Archives: Bobby Zarin

RHNY: The Lost (their fucking minds) Footage

Bravo wrung every last drop out of this season of the RHNY, finally putting it to rest by airing unseen clips repackaged as “lost footage.”

Sonja accompanied Ramona to get her sweat glands eradicated by ultrasound.  Note the Tru Renewal in the waiting room, even Dr. Giese is on the payroll. Sonja turned gray as Dr. Giese jabbed a metal rod in and out of Ramona’s armpit.  Sonja compared the scene to a veal chop, and Ramona replied that she was getting hungry.  The staff brought Sonja a juice box to help her through the trauma of witnessing the gruesome procedure. The nausea continued to build as we followed Jill and Bobby into ChopardJill fixated on a rose gold 1.79 diamond carat watch (conservatively $25-30,000.00) whining like Veruca Salt that “she waaaanted it!”  Hoping to extend her good fortune, she requested the salesmen bring over a necklace too!  When the salivating salesmen brought over a 10 carat flawless diamond ring priced at $3.7 million, Bobby started to turn as gray as Sonja did during Ramona’s surgery.  Jill declared she always gets screwed because her birthday, the holidays, and their anniversary come one after another and she gets “combined gifts.”  Yeah, combined gifts worth over $30,000!

Sonja apparently got her liposuction, and Kelly stopped by to see her in her post-operative convalescence.  Kelly brought Sonja a “cleanse” to inspire her to take better (non-surgical) care of herself.  Kelly then got all sanctimonious and said,  “I want you to tell your daughter that you were too lazy to work out and got liposuction.”  Preach Kelly!  P.S. if you want to see some sloppy-ass editing watch this scene again, the cleanse is on the bed in a shot before Kelly gives it to Sonja.   This shit is totally The Hills, cougar-style.

Kelly and Ramona worked out together in St. John.  Kelly kept the elliptical on level three as she talked Ramona’s ear off.  Ramona ignored her while she tried to concentrate on her five lbs shoulder presses.  Kelly, a genetic freak at six feet tall, has no idea of what it takes to maintain a real woman’s body.  Nice forearm plank Ramona, werk!

Sonja, Jen, Alex, and Simon gathered in Times Square for the reveal of Bethenny’s I’d Rather Go Naked campaign.  Whatever.  PETA is so super fucking hypocritical I can’t even get started, but that’s a discush for another day.  Bethenny annoyingly mugged for the cameras as Sonja confessed her jealousy by admitting she wished she was up there.  Sonja’s honesty is so unusual and refreshing, no?

Most of the girls showed for Ramona’s birthday party at the Chat Noir.  Kelly and Jill took it upon themselves to rearrange the place cards.  Ramona lost her shit because it was a rude and presumptuous move.  That said, can we just sit where we want to sit please?  Enough with the control-freak seating chart shit – it’s so antiquated.We wrapped at the Reunion where we learned the Countess has a record deal, Kelly’s working on some top-secret shit, Jill got a hobby – a bedding line, Sonja’s returning to her relaxed lifestyle, Silex is working a summer book tour, Ramona’s enjoying her renewal, and Bethenny declared now it’s all about Bryn and Jason.  I think this is the last time we will see this incarnation of the ladies together.  Adieu materialistic shrews, we will miss you.

RHNY: Show up for the important stuff

This week on the season finale, Jill and Bethenny finally sat down for their long-awaited confrontation at Le CirqueJill nervously prattled on doing her usual yenta small talk shtick before she eventually got down to it.She weakly apologized for not being ready to accept Bethenny’s apology at Ramona’s (which is basically a bullshit non-apology).  Bethenny found the small talk more unnerving than confrontation, so she dove in and labeled Jill disloyal and the disintegration of the relationship equivalent to divorce.Neither of the two wanted to dredge up the past, but unless they level with each other the relationship can’t move on.  Jill can throw as many potato latkes at the situation as she wants, but Bethenny doesn’t give a fuck. Scorpios never let things go.Bethenny, a cold-hearted bitch to the core, didn’t even soften in the face of Jill’s prostrate humility.  Mostly because Bethenny believed that Jill’s motives were more self-serving than sincerely contrite.

At La Pomme, the Cuntess busted out her glitter pants for the big debut of her new single Money Can’t Buy You Class.We finally got to meet LuAnn’s new boyfriend, the French Fonze.  The Cuntess bubbled with mid-life puppy love for her new beau as she proudly introduced him around the crowd.As for the performance, it sounded like the Cuntess sang over a vocal track, and for a second I thought I had accidentally switched to RuPaul’s Drag Race.

We met up with Bethenny and Jason moving out of her UES apartment in favor of larger Soho cohabited square footage.  This segment proved that Bethenny’s been holding out all season.  Should we resent the fact that she’s obviously saved all the good stuff for her spin off?Jill surprised Ramona to congratulate her and provide the requisite pre-ceremony fawning.  Jill said something worth emphasizing.

You have to show up for the important stuff.”

Despite vow renewal fatigue, Ramona and Mario moved the crowd to tears with words of their devotion.  Avery was skeptical about her Mom’s intentions for this vow renewal, but Ramona managed to wring some sincere sentiment from the event.Waterworks aside, a woman in her fifties prancing down a staircase in a feathered white wedding gown is a definite dignity issue.  Do I even need to comment on the fucking dog?

The matrimonial outpouring of emotion triggered a chain reaction at the reception, and one by one the ladies coupled up to reconcile their differences.Kelly and Ramona bonded over a book of St. John photos Kelly put together.  Nice gesture Kelly, way to wrap things up on a good note.Bethenny pulled Ramona and Alex aside and spewed a bunch of emotional back-handed compliments about how surprised she was they were here for her this year.  Ramona summed it up when she said, “Now you know, you can trust us,” before the three hugged it out.

RHNY: You Have to Be Effin Kidding

Kelly got the hell outta dodge and the women greeted the day dining alfresco and celebrated the first moments of peace we’ve seen all season.

Peace Out Kelly!

The ladies enjoyed massages, manicures, and pedicures while relaxing in the sun when….

Oh, no this bitch didn’t….Oh, yes this bitch did…

Jill and Bobby showed up unannounced stopping over on the way to St. Barts to surprise the girls.  Alex overreacted, and nobody welcomed the two to stay.  Jill fled to the car where Ramona tried to smooth things over before Jill and Bobby dropped another bundle to fly out of St. John on a private jet.

Jill was justifiably super hurt.  Not inviting Jill and Bobby to stay was fucking cut-throat.  These bitches don’t play.  In an 11,000 square foot house Ramona couldn’t tuck the Zarins in a corner for one night?

Later on, Sonja and Alex threw Ramona and Bethenny mini-bridal showers.  Alex and Simon visited the sex store and picked up some bondage gear for Ramona and Mario to enjoy; too bad they forgot the ball gag.

Toilet paper bridal couture.

Back in NYC, Jill met up with LuAnn, Jen, and later Kelly to dissect the St. John drama.

LuAnn gave Jill an I-told-you-so before chastising Kelly for calling Bethenny a ho-bag.  Kelly talked a bunch of crazy revisionist nonsense and by the end of the lunch failed to engender support from the home team.

Sonja threw another random party which gave Ramona and Bethenny the opportunity to give their side of Kelly’s St. John meltdown.  The two put on a persuasive case which led LuAnn to doubt the veracity of Kelly’s version.

Jill and Jen talked final touches and swag bags for Jill’s super sweet sixteen ice skating party.

Jill conveniently sat Lisa down in front of a promo for their new book to discuss calling Bethenny to ask her for lunch.  Jill doesn’t get it, it’s too little, too late.

Jill called Bethenny and secured a lunch.  This gave her the peace of mind to bust out her skating leotard.

Then she busted her ass.

During the cocktail hour of the holiday party, Ramona and Kelly had it out over Kelly’s perception she was attacked in St. John.Ramona tried to postpone the discush for later, but Kelly forced the issue and accused Ramona of putting her in an awkward position.  Ramona stood her ground regarding her recollection of events, but offered Kelly an apology for any hurt feelings.  In the end, the two hugged it out.In the spirit of emotional housekeeping, Ramona pulled Jill aside to make sure they were cool after the St. John shoo away.Jill listened for the first time all season, and they too were able to reach an understanding before the evening’s end.Even though peace was made among several of the women this episode, one major conflict continued boil behind the scenes.  Next week during the grand finale of the season (and Jill and Bethenny’s friendship), the former BFFs sit down for a ladies who lunch tête-à-tête where I predict Bethenny’s going to tell Jill to fuck off once and for all.

Clique Up

Watching a forty-one year old woman play coy gives me serious agita.  Having attended the LuAnn De Lesepps School of Compliment Fishing, Kelly baited journalist Mike, “What was I doing when I was posing naked?  Tell me!”  This dude works for Playboy; you think he remembers your leathery cans from the thousands of others he’s seen?It’s hilarious for someone who presents herself as “on the pulse” that Kelly‘s never heard of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, (part of the Millennium Trilogy by Stieg Larsson) – a huge international bestseller that has already been made into a major movie released this very week in the United States.  As for meditating, Kelly’s head is already as empty as a keg after a frat party.  What noise does she have to clear?Did Jill really think that Ally wanted Kelly at her Seventeen shoot?  Kelly’s presence totally took the attention off Ally and inviting her was a self-serving move on Jill’s part.  I’m surprised Ally didn’t shove a sock in her Mom’s mouth. 

Brooklyn Fashion Weekend?  Please let’s not.  Of course Alex is the ambassador for Brooklyn Fashion Weekend, so fifth tier, but the event served a convenient pretext for getting Ramona, Alex, Bethenny, and Kelly together.Kelly and Ramona go once around over the tit offensive which segued nicely into a rehash of last year’s Bethenny-Kelly bar brawl.  Ramona, Spanx displayed, loudly interrupted the bickering with a self-important announcement about leaving her office in the middle of the day.  Fortuitously, Simon showed up and shifted the energy.During the parade of ugly clothes, Ramona and Alex slipped on comparably less heinous selections while Bethenny and Kelly pretended to bury the hatchet for the fourteenth time.

Ramona and Joni’s lunch at the Fig & Olive sent me into “renewal” overload.  Ramona clearly has some unresolved issues stemming from her relationship with her parents.  During her mid-lunch meltdown, her face reddened, yet somehow remained completely immobile.  Botox freaks me out ya’ll.

Back at Kelly’s, an email arrived from Jill which jettisoned us all back to middle school.  Jill informed Kelly that she better clique up or risk a beat down.  Nut-up Jill, fight your own battles, and stop trying to get everyone to gang up against Bethenny.The Countess, using the Zarin’s pied-à-terre as her NYC landing pad, snuggled into Jill’s couch just in time for Bethenny’s speakerphone confrontation.  This was Jill’s opportunity to squelch the beef, but she stoked the flames by making the conversation more of a performance than a meaningful exchange. The fight between these two has more to do with a palpable power shift rather than Bethenny’s failures toward Bobby.  To appear sympathetic, Jill strategically used Bobby’s illness as a platform from which to launch attacks on BethennyJill’s jealously and anger towards Bethenny could not be less about Bobby, and leveraging her husband’s cancer in this way is just gross and ultimately disingenuous.  Bobby is a better man than Jill deserves.Jill blew it.  Bethenny extended the olive branch and Jill swatted it away.  At this point, Jill deserves all the heat coming her way.  She should stop playing the victim and accept responsibility for her part of this conflict whether she wants to mend things with Bethenny or not.While Bethenny has never been more unlikable, Jill’s stubborn, grudge-holding behavior really showed her true colors – and in this case, that color is a lovely shade of envy green.