Tag Archives: Brad Goreski

It’s a Bad, Bad Show

We hate Brad Goreski’s new reality show It’s a Brad, Brad World, right?  I gave it 2 episodes just to make sure I wasn’t prematurely dismissing the unnecessary spin-off, but his grating Canadian expat valley-speak hasn’t gotten any less annoying. With his bow tie overkill and predictable match-clash style, I’m so bored with him already.  Don’t brag about styling Jessica AlbaJessica Alba almost never gets it right.  Brad obviously thinks he’s really cute and doesn’t hesitate to remind the audience how adorable we are supposed to find him.  We all well know there can only be one prettiest girl in the room.  The question is, does Brad want to be that girl or style her?

Finding Shawn’s D….

Shawn wrote asking about the “D” jackets Brad Goreski wore on The RZP this season.  Well Shawn, after some exhaustive research, I’ve got an answer for you.  I’m pretty damn sure Dsquared designed the jacket you desire.  As we all know, Brad hearts his Dsquared.  The white and black tuxedo bomber jacket he rocked in Milan looks like a variation on a theme Dean and Dan presented for S/S 2010.   I’m not sure who he had to blow to get it, because I couldn’t find a picture of that exact jacket anywhere else.

The version of the jacket Brad wears is sort of a combination of these two looks.

The Dream fancies it too.

There is even a version for the ladies.

Okay Shawn, I’m not sure if you are rolling in dough or what, but these puppies cost upwards of $1,000.  Also, since this is last season’s style, who knows if it is still available?  Honestly, I think you could create this look, DIY-style, for much less.  With such a trendy item, only you can decide if it is worth the investment. 

Varsity letter patches are widely available for under $20.  You can customize your letter (“S” for Shawn, holler), and they come in a wide variety of colors and sizes.  A vintage tux jacket shouldn’t be too hard to find.  You could turn this look out in no time, trust.

Keep the requests coming ya’ll.  Mama loves a challenge.

For Better or Worse: Early Fall Edition

For Better…

With Taylor gone, I feared The Rachel Zoe Project had lost its teeth.  With the addition of A-listers like Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway however, RZP fulfilled the behind-the-scene celebrity styling promise that in seasons past it had failed to keep.

Unlike the boring botoxed Beverly Hills bitches and the irrelevant social faux posers of D.C., the most recent season of the Real Housewives of New York City was a total game changer with Bethenny’s engagement, pregnancy, and friendship-ending feud with Jill, the aftermath of LuAnn’s divorce, and the endless entertaining mania provided by Kelly Bensimon

Mad Men somehow managed to improve upon perfection.  Season four was the best so far for the impeccably written, acted, and styled period drama.  The finale left a huge gaping hole in Sundays.

For Worse…

We’re seven episodes into a meandering kidnapping plot on Sons of Anarchy and it pales in comparison to last season’s tightly constructed story anchored by a brilliant Katey Sagal.  Get it together boys.  Though we all appreciated the stunt casting of Stephen King, you only have a few episodes left to salvage this season. Admit it, this once-brilliant show has been circling the drain for awhile.  At this point, it is beyond salvation.  Once the Botwin’s left the construct of suburbia, the show’s concept fell apart.  Where is Elizabeth PerkinsRomany Malco?  This show deserves double demerits for dropping some of its best cast — without explanation — along the way.   Schwartz and Savage are the poster children for squandered opportunity.  First with the O.C., and now with Gossip Girl, the overrated duo begin with a great concept and then proceed to completely mismanage its potential.  The first season of Gossip Girl sizzled; since then, it has gone from lukewarm to completely irrelevant.  At this point, Degrassi has more edge.

Au Revoir Brad

After succumbing to the crushing pressure of Style Director, word on the street is that Brad Goreski has resigned from Camp Zoe

The Rachel Zoe Project: Period. The End.

While Team Zoe prepared for a shoot for Love magazine, Brad and Jordan kvetched about the tireless devotion Rachel requires.  Apparently, Tayloritis is contagious.The shoot featured a Bardot-inspired Ginta Lapina, a breath of fashion fresh air and one of the baddest bitches on the scene.  Between Ginta Lapina and Jessica Stam (featured last season on the RZP at the V shoot), it is Team Ginta all the way.  For the record editors, we are all nauseous with Stam oversaturation.Brad and Jordan talked shit in the makeshift wardrobe room.  While Rachel lugged furs around the shoot, complaining about her ineffectual staff.After the shoot, it was all about prepping for the Met Ball, perhaps the single most mayjah night for fashion folks.  Typically, designers select a few starlets to wear their gowns and accompany them as part of their entourage.  For some inexplicable reason, Marc Jacobs invited Rachel to join his group.  Rachel also took credit for dressing Demi, Eva, Kate, and Anne.  More likely, designers sent a few choices to each of these actresses, and Zoe may have edited those options and accessorized the final look.At her fitting, Anne thanked Rachel and Brad for influencing her to embrace her inner fashion icon.  I’ll (begrudgingly) give credit where credit is due, and Zoe has been responsible for some of Hathaway’s most memorable moments on the red carpet.Zoe on Hathaway, “She’s like über-intellectual, and I’m über-not.”Later, the time came for Rachel to craft her own look for the Ball.  First, Rachel drowned in a gigantic Marc Jacobs.  After determining the dress failed to flatter her “70′s disco titty,” it was eliminated.  Next Rachel donned a strange, velvet, mustard, drapey, vintage gown that highlighted her bony sternum.Too bad she traded in the sliver geometric clutch for a tan day bag that downgraded the entire look.  While I appreciate Rachel’s yin for unexpected whimsy, this frock was Met Gala unworthy.  At an event of this magnitude, timeless glamour must trump quirk when finalizing a gown choice.  Admit it; this aberration treads uncomfortably close to shmatta territory.

Back in L.A., Rodger decided to attend Rachel’s lady doc appointment to discuss the possibility of having a child.  The very awkward and staged appointment ended with Rachel and Rodger fighting over Rachel getting a blood test that day.  Rachel refused, Rodger insisted, and the gyno nodded uncomfortably.Back at home, Rachel and Rodger continued to go round and round.  Rodger emphasized that biologically, time keeps ticking.  Career-obsessed Rachel informed him that nothing, including a baby, would curtail her megalomaniacal styling ambitions.Acknowledging that a refusal to spawn will cause “major marital problems,” Rachel swallowed her reproductive ambivalence and concluded, “We are meant to be parents and I wanna do it, not totally sure how yet, but we’re gonna be. Period. The end.”

The Rachel Zoe Project: Rosenzweig Family Passover

Sidelining fashion this week, Rachel focused on hosting her entire family for a Passover Seder dinner.  Having never cooked a meal before, Rachel informed Rodger he would be hitting Bristol Farms with her later.  Like all recent conversations between these two, this one spiraled into baby talk with Rachel promising to be in the delivery room by this time next year in her black vintage cashmere Chanel cape-robe.Team Zoe met up with comic Amy Phillips to film a “viral video” for The Rachel Zoe Report.  Rodger tried to run the meeting, but ended up chucking a pen across the table at Rachel when she failed to give him her full attention.Rachel and Rodger continued to criticize, degrade, and humiliate one another publicly, thereby breaking one of the cardinal rules of successful relationship preservation: only fight in private.  After the extremely tense and unfunny shoot concluded, Rachel and Rodger took their vitriol to the street where they got noticeably loud on the sidewalk.Next, Beau Garrett showed up with her dog to get looks for the international up-fronts and Kalamity premiere.  Leave your fucking dog at home!  The utter hubris of risking dog piss on Dior makes me hate this wooky-eyed bitch from the get.Team Zoe and Beau selected three looks: a cute Diane von Furstenberg, a boring blue Lela Rose, and a random long black Malandrino.  After searching far and wide, not a single photo of the Z-list Garrett in any of these looks could be found.  Doesn’t mean she didn’t wear them, just means she’s not worth photographing.Rachel delegated styling the Zico coconut water Molly Sims job to Brad and Jordan, so she could concentrate on Passover dinner.  Sidenote: enough with the disgusting fucking coconut water.Since Rachel wouldn’t be micro-managing, Brad decided he would like to keep the selection tight and not take every rack to the shoot.  This strategy totally blew up in his face when he arrived and was informed of an entirely different vision for the campaign.Rather than just rolling with the changes, Brad argued with the photographer over wardrobe.  He tried to hide his humiliation with defensiveness, but just ended up looking flustered and unprofessional.Molly Sims showed up looking like she’d been pulled out of a drain, and Brad looked slightly panicked.  Ultimately, an intern returned with some additional white exercise choices.  You would think as “Style Director” Brad would know that in the world of fashion, options are everything.Meanwhile, Rachel and Rodger met up with Marisa at Bristol Farms to shop for the Seder.  Rachel wandered from aisle to aisle, infuriating an irritated Rodger.Back in the kitchen, Joey and Rachel worried whether the turkey would have “hair” on it.  Marisa, sick of hearing Rachel’s idiotic ramblings, took over and materialized dinner.  Rachel barely managed to execute a salad before her family arrived.Rachel’s agent brought his baby to the Seder, and Rodger nearly melted at the sight of Rachel with child.During a break from kitchen duty, Rachel and Joey talked reproduction on the porch.  Rachel tried to explain that to her, clothing and bags are a reasonable substitute for a baby.Rachel confessed her anxiety over having waited so long to get pregnant and her doubts of carrying a baby to term.  She worried that she lacked the physical and emotional strength to endure pregnancy.  Her articulation of these deeply personal fears provided a glimpse into a more authentic, sincere, less-superficial Rachel.

The Rachel Zoe Project: Rodger’s Pussy Hurts

Rodger’s discontent has been simmering all season, but this week his epic case of pussy hurt was triggered by an unfinished plate of breakfast pasta.  Rachel rushed Rodger and Brad from the café to finish out Milan with the Armani, Gucci, and Pucci shows. Again, Rachel fixated on a totally inappropriate navy feathered Pucci gown for Demi Moore.  Short in the front long in the back is so wrong.  It is the fashion equivalent of a mullet.Back in L.A., figure skater Johnny Weir dropped by to collect a few looks for the Indie Spirits.  Brad tried to get his twirl on, but couldn’t quite compete, saying “I’m actually masculine next to him, and I don’t know if that really works for me.”Rachel concluded the visit by extending the ultimate invitation (and endorsement) to Mr. Weir, saying “Next time you come to L.A., I would like to invite you to my house to come play dress up in my closet, for real.”When the feathered Pucci gown arrived, Brad began to second guess whether it would work.  Rachel called Donatella who sent some sketches over.  Rachel decided to have two gowns whipped up for Demi, one in silver, one in blush.Later on, Rachel bitched about a migraine while Joey worked her weave.  While she was putting on Tom Ford’s last YSL, Rodger bitched and moaned to the uninterested help.  Joey bid adieu by yelling, “You guys look so beautiful, it’s a shame both of you have bitch attitudes.”  Unquestionably, this was the episode (if not season) highlight.Rodger woke up the next morning super bitchy and snipped at Joey and Rachel over the decibel of their morning activities.  A true masochist, Rodger decided to attend the fittings with Rachel.  He had no actual purpose in tagging along, so he just stewed in resentment and picked at Rachel until she grew a pair and shut his Bieberish ass down by reminding him, “This is a big day for me and my clients not you, so just calm down.”As a pouty Rodger sat in the car, Rachel dressed Cameron Diaz who barely made the red carpet.

No big surprise Sandra Bullock ended up in the Marchesa.  Too bad it was one of her worst looks of the awards season.  The finish down the front didn’t lie quite right making it look cheap, but at least someone had the good sense to remove that big ass bow from the shoulder. Demi wore the blush Versace and it fit beautifully.  Overall the look wasn’t hideous, but wasn’t that major either.  It was a little granny does bridesmaid. Cameron made more of an impact in the Oscar de la Renta dress, but as a former model, she wears clothes well.  It is pretty hard to fuck up styling DiazPost-Oscars, Mr. and Mrs. Zoe sat down to discuss their priorities.  Rodger complained of all the Rachel-centeredness and threw down a toothless ultimatum.  Obviously, Rodger’s clock is ticking.  Rachel, just give your wife a baby so his pussy can stop hurting.

The Rachel Zoe Project: MilaNo Gowns

Just days before the Oscars, Team Zoe multitasked trying to cover the collections in Europe and collecting gowns for the awards show in L.A.  Even though the best frocks seemed to be slipping through her fingers, Zoe dropped everything to rush to London at Kate Hudson’s beckoning.Aflutter with an A-list celebrity contact-high, Zoe was too concerned with wedging her head up Hudson’s ass to panic over her unmet professional obligations.  Even though Burberry surely sent over a narrow range of options for Kate to wear to the show, Rachel took credit for Hudson’s look.  A puffy-faced Kate rocked a military pea coat over a sequined mini dress in two different shades of green.

While imperfectly executed here, ladies take note, don’t run all over town, in the middle of the winter, in a minuscule dress, with no coat, freezing your ass off.  Consider a cocktail-military combination and challenge the traditional assumptions of femininity, masculinity, day, and evening.  Remember, shivering is not chic. Post-show, Kate and Rachel debated the merits of men in turtlenecks (Rachel pro, Kate con).  Then Kate broke out into a few lines of Fleetwood Mac’s Silver Springs a capella, which was simultaneously annoying and impressive.Rachel and Kate returned back to the hotel room where Rodger was curled up in his robe on the bed.  Kate and Rodger double-teamed Rachel on the baby issue, but it’s kind of obvious she doesn’t want one.  This would be Zoe’s wisest decision since the last thing the world needs is any more people.

Rachel raced back to Milan to join Brad for the shows.  They met at a vintage store, Rachel in a Yves St. Laurent leopard trench, and Brad channeling Halston in a controversial turtleneck.  Rachel justified her conspicuous consumption by rationalizing she would model her dreadful QVC line after her vintage finds.  Brad walked away the true winner, scoring a ferocious felt gray wool man cape.First Alberta Ferretti, a purveyor of modern, feminine, Italian elegance.   The collection lacked any really Oscar contenders, but watching Rachel kiss designer ass never really gets boring.

Next Team Zoe ventured to the Missoni showroom where we met up with the (overrated) Margherita Missoni and her (underrated) mother, AngelaMargherita showed the group a bag with a pocket made of chicken feet, and this was Rachel’s reaction.Can’t stop by Milano and not drop in on Versace. Brad even donned his D jacket for DonatellaDonatella and her gigantic lips greeted a gushing RachelBrad turned splotchy red, shifted his weight, and wore a tight nervous smile as he cradled Rachel’s coat like her little fur bitch.The show itself produced nil in the way of Oscar options, leaving Team Zoe in much the same position as when they commenced Milan Fashion Week.Later that night, Rachel and the rest of Team Zoe argued over whether she should wear thigh-high boots or patent leather platform wedges.  Even though the boots were better and more fashion forward, Rachel chose the same tired platforms we’ve seen her in 1,000 times.  Shoes aren’t the problem.  She’s so fucking skinny she looks like glamour granny in everything she wears anyway.

At the Bulgari event, Julianne Moore barely tolerated Rachel’s superficiality.  When Zoe inquired as to what Moore would don at the Oscars, Julianne answered Calvin Klein.  This revelation smacked Rachel back into the reality that neither of her clients have gowns for the Oscars taking place less than a week away.Back in L.A., a few dresses, including the Oscar de la Renta princess gown, began to trickle into the studio.  However, Rachel began to suffer the harsh consequences of her irresponsible decision to flee to London to lick Hudson buns when she lost three of her top Oscar choices to other stylists.Rodger tried to talk Rachel off the ledge by arguing that it isn’t a reality until the client knows about a dress and loses it.  Irate, Rachel countered, “But you know when you know it existed?  When it’s on another fucking actress, that’s when you know it existed!”

The Rachel Zoe Project: Raisin Womb

This week Rachel was on the hunt for the best gowns for the 2010 Oscars.  She proclaimed a white obsession and declared everyone should have a white moment on the red carpet.  According to her, everyone looks good in white.  The truth is most people look like shit in white.  A rare woman wears white head-to-toe well, and it ain’t exactly slimming.  Occasionally, white works and when it does it can be admittedly spectacular.  More often than not, it evokes the inevitable and dreaded bridal comparisons and should be avoided.First, Rachel sycophantically gushed over the brilliant Oscar de la Renta, but it was slightly less annoying than usual since he actual deserves it.  As expected, Oscar served gown after delicious gown, but really only one princess gown stood out as a possible Oscar option.  After the show, Rachel, Rodger, and Brad piled into an SUV to go ten blocks to the Michael Kors show.  Despite sitting in gridlock traffic less than a mile away, it didn’t occur to the West Coasters to get out and walk to make it on time.  The three self-important assholes rolled in late and rude, even though all the editors and other fashion folk seemed to make it on time under identical circumstances.  On the way out, Zoe complained loudly about people sweating them for their bad manners and tardiness.

Rodger and Rachel’s sister, Pam, went to Kiki de Montparnasse to find something sexy for Rachel.  The thought of emaciated, wrinkly, Rachel ensconced in lingerie is enough to conjure the heaves (Rachel Zoe presents the Refugee Collection).  The lubricious salesgirl wasted no time breaking out an “intimacy kit” complete with vibrator.  Mortified, Rodger moved on to the French Maid getup, before settling on a simple black camisole and lace thong that he could have bought anywhere.  Proving he’s at least forty percent queen, Rodger closed the sale by saying, “We should get this because it is sexy, and she can definitely wear this with a Chanel jacket and be happy.”

Next, Brad (sans Rachel and thus relegated to the 5th row) at Derek LamBrad fixated on the modern white drapey cowl-neck high collar gown for Cameron Diaz, which was amazing (and was coincidentally included in Demeter Clarc’s selections of the best Fall 2010 gowns).  Despite the gown’s dopeness, it obviously wasn’t right for Cameron or the OscarsBrad says Taylor made him look incompetent, but so far he’s done just fine proving his lack of artistic vision.  His picks are off, and that’s why you should never trust a gay man to do a woman’s job.  Brad excels at dressing men, and that’s where he should turn his focus.

Rachel rushed waaaaay down market to style her QVC fashion show.  The collection looked cheap, budget, and utterly home shopping.  This should prove once and for all that this woman’s style and certainly her design talent, are greatly exaggerated.  Admit it, the collection was not hot.For their anniversary, Marisa gave Rodger and Rachel a DVD of their 1998 St. Barts honeymoon.  Rachel was barely recognizable in the video describing herself as “a brunette with no wrinkles.”  After, Rachel and Rodger traded gifts.  Rachel bought Rodger a gift, and a gift for herself from Rodger – rose gold and diamond handcuffs.  When Rodger busted out the Kiki de Montparnasse box, Rachel recoiled in horror repeating the mantra “not wearing it.”  When Rodger pulled the relatively benign cami out of the box Rachel’s panic subsided, but she batted down his attempt to show the thong.  Can we agree that a sex tape staring these two would be the least erotic thing ever?Rachel seemed pretty disappointed with her gifts until Rodger busted out a custom Barbie doll fashioned in her image.  First Dylan McKay’s Porsche, then Rachel Barbie, gentlemen take note.That evening at Donna Karan, Rachel chirped, “Hey Beauty!” to the likes of Demi Moore, Susan Sarandon, and Brooke Shields reminding us that Zoe herself is more hired-help than style star.  Rodger and Rachel told anybody who would listen about their wedding anniversary, and then feigned surprised when congratulated, exclaiming how nice it was that everyone remembered.

Pam sat Rachel down and gave her a serious talking to regarding her reproductive future.  Rachel blames her hectic schedule on her childless womb, but she probably just doesn’t want to get fat or quit smoking.  Hermès, Chanel, Balenciaga, these are Rachel’s babies. Getting ready for Marc Jacobs, Rachel vacillated between hair-up or hair-down, with the majority of Team Zoe preferring the hair up so as not to compete with the ruffled shoulder.  Considering the jacket choice, her hair did look better up, and that’s how she walked out the door.  However, moments later in the car, the hair was down.  How can you trust a stylist that cannot style herself?

The next morning, Brad broke the news of a ban on white gowns at the OscarsRachel whined, “I hate no white.”  Fear not, she utilized the Lam in this Bazaar spread with Atwood.Wrapping things up at Jessica McClintock Marchesa, Rachel fixated on a busy silver beaded dress with a huge bow on the shoulder.  Didn’t we learn anything from Charlize’s bow shoulder disaster from a few years back?  Even though the bow looked like a big ass parrot sitting on the model’s shoulder, Brad proclaimed the gown “the most coveted dress of the entire season.”  He stressed, “If it’s not worn by one of Rachel’s clients, Lord help me.”