What do you think of the sentences handed down to Joe and Teresa Giudice? I’m not a fan of stupidity, so I’ve never much cared for those two tacky trolls, but to envision Teresa attempting to flip a bolted-down table in a federal penitentiary is almost unimaginable. As predicted, the judge set their sentences, 15 months for Teresa and 41 months for Joe, to run one after another so a parent is always home with girls. Their eldest daughter Gia is 14, she’ll be out of high school and off to college (or the stripper pole) before her parents are done with their tag-team incarceration. For the next 5 years, the girls will be living with one parent while the other parent is in prison. That’s fucked. At least Teresa’s well-prepared. Could any other show better train you for the clink than The Real Housewives of New Jersey? Even though her bitch-fighting skills may be well-honed, I still recommend she perfect her jailhouse Fabellini recipe before (to quote Apollo Nida) going “asunder.” As for that little meatball Joe, I’m concerned for him and his ability to stomach prison.Do you think these two will stay married through the dark days? I believe they will. When you are in the shit that deep with someone, how do you leave? Conversely, some gossips are saying Joe threw Teresa under the bus and that their marriage is destroyed. As for the future of the Real Housewives of New Jersey franchise, do you think the shamelessly desperate-for-ratings Andy Cohen will march Dina Manzo down to the prison for a little OITNB visitation moment? I’m simultaneously disgusted and interested in such a notion, and that makes me feel a little dirty. In preparation for her on-air visit, I visualize Teresa swarmed by a makeshift jailhouse glam squad attempting to thread her eyebrows with an unraveling sheet, affix her hair with Jolly Rancher hairspray, and lacquer her lips with Kool-Aid.Allegedly, Bravo has stalled filming the reunion until the sentences were handed down. This strategy has understandably created some hostility. In addition, there’s been talk of a contractually obligated first interview on Watch What Happens Live. It’s Shakespearean that the very network that created the stars will be the same one to exploit and profit from all the gory details of their undoing.
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