demeter clarc » Bravo

It’s a Bad, Bad Show

DC — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 07:57:00 +0000

We hate Brad Goreski’s new reality show It’s a Brad, Brad World, right? I gave it 2 episodes just to make sure I wasn’t prematurely dismissing the unnecessary spin-off, but his grating Canadian expat valley-speak hasn’t gotten any less annoying. With his bow tie overkill and predictable match-clash style, I’m so bored with him already. Don’t brag about styling Jessica Alba. Jessica Alba almost never gets it right. Brad obviously thinks he’s really cute and doesn’t hesitate to remind the audience how adorable we are supposed to find him. We all well know there can only be one prettiest girl in the room. The question is, does Brad want to be that girl or style her?

Leaky Ass & Self-Head

DC — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 10:00:11 +0000

Last night E! closed out the holiday weekend with the premiere of Kim and Kourtney Take New York. Many tuned in to see the demise of Kris and Kim’s short-lived marriage predictably unfold. As expected, Kris behaved childishly, and narcissistic Kim remains completely self-involved. None of this matters though because the only thing worth discussing was the anal leakage Kourtney left behind on the duvet after her Basti (Ayurvedic herbal oil enema). Just to be clear, oil leaked out of Kourtney’s ass through her pants and onto Kris and Kim’s bed. Ass oil spill ya’ll. How do you compete with anal leakage? Bravo aired a new episode of The Real Housewives of Atlanta. First, we’re in agreement that Peter’s a bitch, right? He was a bitch last week to Apollo and he was a bitch this week to Cynthia’s sister Mal. Sheree was right, Peter’s serving bitchassnesss. Again, none of this matters because the only thing worth discussing was Phaedra’s 35th birthday gift to Kandi in the form of Ridiculous, the stripper who performs self-head. Like dude can straight suck his own dick. After the performance, some guests (including Kandi’s Ma) acted deeply appalled at the auto-fellatio, but during the show not a single one of those riveted bitches turned away.

2 Broke Girls

DC — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 07:17:57 +0000

Seen this show 2 Broke Girls? Probably not since it lives on CBS, but Bravo can’t be your everything folks. Lately, I’ve taken to waiting until a new show gets picked up for a second season before I start watching the first to save myself the sense of abandonment when a good show gets prematurely canceled, but the returning fall offerings have been so lackluster, I bent the rule for this show. Before you get all dismissive, consider the birth parents: Michael Patrick King (of SATC) and Whitney Cummings. Kat Dennings serves up sarcasm and Brooklyn (choke out this word) hipster attitude as waitress Max Black dishing diner food to Williamsburg’s most insufferable skinny jeans set. It has been said that Manhattan was the fifth character in Sex and the City; the same can be said of Dennings’ ample rack in 2 Broke Girls. They practically have dialogue. Beth Behrs does her best Legally Blond impression as Caroline Channing, a Wharton graduate ex-socialite now broke after her father was indicted in a Ponzi scheme. She’s present, but has slightly less dimension than their backyard co-star Chestnut the horse.2 Broke Girls isn’t perfect. For instance, any Brooklyn hipster worth his pretension would know that cupcakes are so five years ago. But really, there isn’t much else on, and it harbors seeds of potential. It’s a fuckload better than Gossip Girl. Tell me you aren’t wasting precious moments of your life on that irrelevant mess. Let us declare today that Gossip Girl and cupcakes are banned. Fatwa. Over. Enough.